January 17th.
Billie's POV:
Maddie and I are laying in her bed, she's scrolling on her phone trying to figure out the real reason Morgan left Criminal Minds. She's been doing this for hours, I'm not even joking.
She's read article after article, and watched interview after interview. She can't figure it out.
Billie: "Shorty, it's not that serious."
Maddie: "I am so close to figuring this out."
I rolled my eyes, even though she wasn't looking at me.
Maddie: "Oh, he left because he joined another show. But he makes guest appearances on later episodes, but that doesn't matter. He said that if he was invited to come back, he would if his career wasn't too busy."
Billie: "It took you three hours to do that."
Maddie: "What time is it?"
Billie: "4."
Maddie: "Oh my god, I have a meeting with Kenzie at 5."
She got up off the bed, and she's not ready to go at all, I don't know how she's going to make it to this meeting, but Kenzie's understanding.
She came out of the bathroom once she was ready, and she asked me to take her picture. Of course I said yes.
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She gave me a kiss and she looked up at me, I cupped her face in my hands and I kissed her forehead.
Billie: "Drive safe, I love you."
Maddie: "I love you too." She stood on her tippy toes so she could kiss me. I smiled as she walked towards the door.
Incoming Call From Finneas🙃:
Billie: "Yo."
Finneas: "You have a fitting for the Grammy's today."
Billie: "Where?"
Finneas: "You wanna come here?"
Billie: "I could."
Finneas: "Maddie there?"
Billie: "She just left for her meeting with Kenzie."
Finneas: "Okay, the meeting starts in an hour."
Billie: "Alright."
Call Ended.
I haven't gotten ready today either, but I finally had a reason to get ready. It didn't take me long to get ready, I walked down stairs and Milo followed. I let her out along with filling up her food and water bowl, I stood at the island while I waited for her to be let in.
I picked her up and I placed her on the couch, I held her head in my hands and I kissed the top of her head.
Billie: "I love you, I'll be back soon." I sung as I made my way to the door.
I started driving to my house, and I while I was driving, I realized that the Grammy's are in like 10 days. I am not fucking ready for that.
I got to my house in no time, it's so nice having Maddie's so close to mine. I walked in through the door, and Finneas and Claudia were sitting on the couch. I gave each of them a hug.
I walked into the kitchen, and my mom and dad were sitting at the table. I also gave each of them a hug too.
Maggie: "Hi Billie, I missed you."
Billie: "I missed you too, are you coming to the fitting?"
Maggie: "We're going to the fitting tomorrow."
Billie: "The fitting's tomorrow too?"
Maggie: "Do you not look at your schedule?" She laughed.
Billie: "I do... sometimes."
Maggie: "Yes, the fitting ends at 7 today, and then it's tomorrow too."
Billie: "Okay."
I walked to the living room and Finneas was hugging Claudia, and now we're going to the fitting.
We got into his car, because I have no clue where we're going.
Finneas: "How's it going with Maddie?"
Billie: "It's going good, she can go on tour as of now. I want her to go, but like I don't wanna fuck up her career either."
Finneas: "Wait, she can go?"
Billie: "Yeah, I talked to her a couple days ago. She ended her friendship with Dani, she says she's good, and I want to believe her. She might be good now, but I know that if Dani says something it will get to Maddie."
Finneas: "What do you mean?"
Billie: "My biggest fear is Dani saying something about her past, what if that happens? What the fuck am I supposed to do?"
Finneas: "It hasn't happened yet, so I don't know why you're worrying."
Billie: "She doesn't even care about her past, she just doesn't want people to feel sorry for her. She hates being pitied."
Finneas: "I know that, do you really think that Dani's going to say something about her past?"
Billie: "Probably, but the thing of it is. Dani doesn't even know the full story. I do."
Finneas: "Wait what?"
Billie: "The day she told me, she said that Dani didn't know one part that I will not say. And she said that the twins didn't know about her family."
Finneas: "So she fully opened up to you?"
Billie: "It took awhile, and I'm still learning things about it. But yeah she did."
Finneas: "Have you told her?"
Billie: "Bits and pieces, I have no clue how she told me all at once, I really have no fucking clue. I couldn't do that at all, I can't believe I'm saying this, but she's so much stronger than I am. She sat there, and told me everything, honestly with the thought that she was going to lose me swirling in her brain."
Finneas: "I think she knew that you weren't going to leave her, no matter what she told you."
Billie: "She definitely thought I was going to leave, the biggest part of the whole story. She moved away from me and said 'if you leave after this I understand.' I didn't leave, and I'm still here. I never even thought that I would leave her, no matter what she told me."
Finneas: "Do you think she's going to leave you if you tell her?"
Billie: "No, I don't know what I think, I don't know why I'm scared to tell her. I know she loves me, and I know that she cares for me, and I definitely trust her. I don't know what I think."
Finneas: "I'm not pressuring you into telling her or anything, I just want to help you."
Billie: "You know I cut him off right?"
Finneas: "I heard."
Billie: "I was hurting her."
Finneas: "You did the right thing."
Billie: "I know, and I don't feel pressured into telling her either. Because she said that I was so patient with her and she said that she'll be patient with me."
Finneas gave me a smile, and I meant what I said. I don't know why I'm scared to tell her, I guess I just don't want to relive it. I have no clue how she did that all at once, but like I want to get it over with.
We pulled up to the fitting, Gucci was styling us all for the event. I was trying to find my outfits today, so I don't have to come back tomorrow.
I was here for about an hour, I picked out my main outfit and then tomorrow I'll pick out the outfit I'm going to perform in.
It was now 6:30, meaning that Maddie should be at her meeting by now. I have no clue what the meeting's about.
I was sitting on a couch, waiting for Finneas to be done. Maddie goes to London next week, meaning that I'm going to be alone for a week. The longest I've been away from her since tour, was like for 8 hours. How am I going to do seven days?
I practically live with her, and I lived with her on tour too. I never thought that I would enjoy being with someone all the time like I am with her. I am with her constantly and I love it.
Finneas came out of the room, meaning that he was ready to go. We walked to his car, and we started driving back to my house.
Finneas: "Did you tell Maddie about the dream?"
Billie: "Yeah, but I didn't want to."
Finneas: "Why did you tell her?"
Billie: "Because I had it on the plane back from Paris, I was literally asleep on her shoulder."
Finneas: "How did she react?"
Billie: "She just reassured me that she wasn't going to leave, and I assured her of the same thing."
Finneas: "If you didn't have that dream on her shoulder, would you have told her?"
Billie: "I feel like she would've found out."
My phone started dinging like crazy, and I pulled it out of my pocket. All the notifications are coming from Instagram, I looked at my tagged photos. When will I learn not do to do that?
It's pictures after pictures, of Maddie at a coffee shop. Who's with her? Nicole. Why can't I win? There's always something going on.
I didn't say anything, I'm not going to say anything. I'm progressively getting angry. Why am I getting angry? I don't get angry when it comes to Maddie, but I can literally feel my blood boiling right now.
We pull up my house after what felt like forever, I got out of the car and I got into my car. I drove away without saying bye to anyone, I wanted to see if Maddie was at her house. She hasn't texted me saying that she's on her way back, so I assume that she's not there.
Let's put the pieces together, Maddie never gets coffee before her meetings. And she's never late, well she was side-tracked trying to put the pieces together on why Morgan really left.
Does this have anything to do with my dream? This could be the start, the internet will start hating her because of this and then it's all going to go downhill.
I can't have that happen, but there's nothing I can do. If she shuts me out, I'm not going to push her to talk to me, she should want to talk to me. I shouldn't have to sit her down and tell her to talk to me, she should feel that she can talk to me about anything.
Does she feel that way? She hasn't talked to me about anything that important in a minute, but she's been fine. She always used to say that she was really good at hiding her feelings, is she hiding her feelings from me?
Why am I insecure all of a sudden? I have never doubted our relationship, why am I doubting it now?
I'm looking around her house, I'm surrounded by her. Why am I thinking like this? Why am I angry? I walk out of the door, and I get into my car, I don't know where I'm going.
I'm really fucking heated, I'm about to leave too. But not like that, I start push on the gas so I can leave. But she pulls up right behind me, I roll my eyes. This would be easier if I could just leave.
She got out of her car, and she walked over to mine. She pointed down, telling me to roll down my window. I give in.
Billie: "Move your car so I can go."
Maddie: "No, please." She begged.
Billie: "Please move your car so I can go."I said more sternly.
Tears started streaming down her face, I opened my door lightly, I didn't wanna hit her with my car door. She moved so I could get out, I walked to her car. I backed up so I could get it to her side of the garage. I parked it, stopped it, and plugged it in for her. I got back into my car, and shut my door. I looked back at Maddie, she was sobbing.
I looked at her, "I'm sorry."
I stepped on the gas so I could leave, and all of a sudden time's frozen. I can't move, I can't think, I can't breathe and I can't blink. My hand tightens around the steering wheel as I remembered something.
Billie: "I'm not supposed to dedicate my time into trying to relearn everything about a person. You changed right in front of me and there was nothing I could've done. I relied on you and you left like it meant nothing to you. Your actions hurt, but your words hurt more. You don't leave someone you love, you said that you didn't realize how good I was until it was too late. I met Maddie two months after you left. She pulled me out of my depression and showed me what being loved actually felt like."
Billie: "You don't leave someone you love." I blinked, for the first time in what felt like hours. I exhaled sharply. I keep repeating those words, because my anger could overpower everything else.
I pulled into her garage and stopped my car, I walked out and I grabbed her hand.
Billie: "You don't leave someone you love, you don't leave someone you love, you don't leave someone you love." I mumbled under my breath so she couldn't make it out.
I set my keys down on the table while we walked, I don't know where we're walking but we ended up in her back yard. I let go of her hand and sat down near her on one of the pool chairs.
Billie: "Talk."
Maddie's leg was shaking, and so were her hands. I'm not going to give her what she wants, she wants me to hold her and tell her everything's going to be okay. It is going to be okay, no matter the outcome of this. If I'm still here, she'll be okay. Even if I'm not, she will be okay.
She started fiddling with the promise ring that I got her on her finger, that came back to me too.
Billie: "I'm not proposing shorty, at least not yet." I smiled at the thought of marrying her. "This is a promise ring, and you don't have to wear it. You can put it on the necklace, but I was talking to Finneas while I was in San Fran. I told him how stressed I was about you, I was stressed that you weren't gonna think I felt the same way I did as when I left. At this time, I didn't know that I was gonna come out here. But I wanted to get you something to show you that I'm committed or whatever, you already know that I'm committed and you literally have me wrapped around your finger like a ring. But enough with the back story, this ring means that I love you, I want you to be able to look at it and remember that I love you. But the promise that's attached to it, is I promise I'm never gonna leave you when you need me most, I'm not going leave you wondering when you need an explanation. Most importantly, I promise, that I will listen to you no matter what and no matter how long it takes. Even though you already knew all of this, I just... yeah, I hope you get the point." I said giddily.
I don't know if she's tried to say anything, she didn't do anything. I'm in the wrong, I'm angry for no reason. I know she didn't plan that, the paparazzi's a bitch and will do anything to fuck up a perfectly good relationship.
I scooted closer to her and held her finger that had the ring on it.
Billie: "I promised that I was never going to leave you when you need me most, I'm not going to leave you wondering when you deserve an explanation. Most importantly, I promised that I will listen, no matter how long it takes."
She smiled and let out a light laugh.
Maddie: "Babygirl, I didn't plan that. The paparazzi-"
Billie: "Shh, I know. I know everything." I pulled her closer to me and hugged her. She wrapped both arms around me and held me tightly.
Maddie: "You were going to leave me."
Billie: "No I wasn't, you don't leave someone you love." I held her tighter.
Maddie: "You got into your car. You were going to leave."
Billie: "I didn't. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. I let me emotions get the best of me, I was angry. I'm fine now, I wanna move on, I wanna forget this happened."
Maddie: "What made you stay?"
Billie: "My love for you. You don't leave someone you love." I repeated myself.
Maddie: "So you would've left if you didn't love me?" She asked playfully.
Billie: "I have never not loved you."
She smiled against my neck, and placed light kiss.
Maddie: "What are you doing on Sunday?"
Billie: "Nothing."
Maddie: "Good, because I'm taking you out."
I wrapped my arms around her tighter, I don't why I doubted everything.
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so when am i dropping this new book? let me know.
half of this chapter has been written for weeks.
thanks ily
words: 2876.