Chapter 38: Drink You Away
Jonah's POV
I opened the front door and dragged myself in. I threw my keys on the kitchen table and threw my bag on the floor. I walked into the living room and found my dad passed out on the couch. I slowly walked up the stairs stumbling around a bit. It was a bit blurry and the stairs looked like they were moving. As I came to the top of the stairs, I tripped on the last one. I stumbled into the hallway and ran into the door to my moms bedroom.
I knocked on the door and slowly opened it. She was standing by her dresser holding the phone in both her hands. They were shaking. She slowly looked at me and then a tear rolled down her cheek. She leaped towards me and I held her in my arms.
"I was worried sick about you." She hugged me tightly. "Where have you been? Do you know what time it is?" She stopped and looked up at me. She stared at my eyes. "Are you drunk?" She pulled away from me, apalled.
I rolled my eyes. "Mom," I groaned. "I'm right here. I'm fine."
She crossed her arms in front of herslef. "It's almost one in the morning. Where have you been? I was just about to call the cops."
I leaned against the wall, afraid I would fall over at any minute. "I was at Ethan's house." I rubbed my head as a headache started to come on. "I went to his house after..." I stopped. I had completely forgotten, until now. My chest hurt so much. It was like my heart had been wripped out and stepped on then only half of it had been placed back inside of me. It was like Felicia ran off with the other half when she left the school.
I sunk down against the wall and held my head in my hands and I felt my mom start to rub my back. "Jonah," she said, confused. "What happened?"
I shook my head and rubbed the tears away. "Felicia left me. She's done. She doesn't want anything to do with me and that's it. She doesn't want to talk to me ever again and it's all my fault."
She hugged me and I cried into her shoulder like I used to when I was younger. It had just hit me how much this hurt. How much I needed Felicia, but now I couldn't have her.
"I'm sure it's not your fault Jonah. Just calm down and think about this. I'm sure there was just some sort of misundersta-"
I stopped her before she could finish. "I kissed Isabella and Felicia saw. We had been in a fight and I told her I loved her. She just walked away from me without saying anything. I was so upset and I was hanging out with Isabella. It just reminded me of when I was with her. I don't even know why I did it. I just did, but I love Felicia. Now she's gone," I sobbed. I just wanted this all to end.
I stood up and ran to my room. I slammed the door behind me and layed on my bed with my face pushed into my pillow.
When I woke up two hours later I had a huge headache. I pulled myself out of my bed and dragged myself downstairs. I stumbled as I came around the corner. I ran into the wall a little bit and that just made my head hurt even more.
I took a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. I then walked to the bathroom that was down the hall to look through the medicine cabinet. I took the Advil out of the cabinet and screwed the cap off. I shook the two little pills into my hand. I put them in my mouth and took a sip of water.
As I was about to put the cap back on the container when I saw that it was empty. I tossed them both in the trash can under the sink, but before I closed the door to the cabinet I noticed something.
I pulled the trash can out so it was in the light. I was shocked. I was confused. What did this mean? Whose was it? No one had been here other than my mom and dad, and it was definitely not my dad's.
I poured the water out of my glass and brought it to the kitchen. I placed it on the counter and took a seat at the kichen table. I had just found a positive pregnancy test in the trash. It had to have been my mom's. How is this possible? She wouldn't be so careless.
Just as I came to the end of that tought, I realized she wasn't careless. He was. He was drunk. He did this. He raped her.
I got up and walked up the stairs. I opened my parents bedroom door and found them both fast asleep. Together. How can she just lay there next to him, knowing he did this to her? It took all my power to not walk in there and pull him away from her. To not punch him in the face. To not kill him for what he's done.
I closed the door and walked back to my bedroom. I closed the door behind me and took my phone off the dresser beside my bed. I texted Felicia, saying that I was sorry and that I never meant for any of this to happen. She has every right to hate me. She should hate me. I hurt her so much. I felt so bad.
I layed back on my bed with my eyes closed and my hands on my foreheead. I can't believe I did this to her. It wasn't right. I messed up so badly. She'll never want to see me ever again. I'm turning into my father. I mess things up then I go drink it away. I'm starting to drink to forget things. That's exactly what he does. But for me I can't get away from it. I can't drink this away. I can't drink her away. I'll never be able to. All I want is for her to be happy again. She'll never be happy unless I'm gone though.
She'll never be happy unless I'm gone. If I'm gone she'll be happy. All I want is for her to be happy again. I will leave if it will make her better. I only have one more year of school. She has two. I want those to be the best years of her life. I will leave. I want her to be happy and she will be if I'm gone.
I took off my pants and pulled on some sweatpants. I took off my shirt and climbed in bed. It felt like half of me was missing. I wasn't complete anymore. I curled up on my bed and cried into my pillow.
When I woke up the next morning I walked downstairs to the kitchen. My mom was standing by the stove cooking. When I saw her I remembered that we needed to talk about something. More like two things.
I took a seat at the table and she turned around to greet me. "Morning Jonah. How'd you sleep?"
I stared at her blankly. "Good. Where's dad?"
"I think he left for work already." That's right. He's "working" on Saturday's now. Perfect.
She put bacon and eggs on a plate for me and put in on the table. She continued to cook while I was trying to figure out how to start this conversation. "Uh mom? Can we talk?"
She turned around and looked at me. "Of course sweety. Is everything alright?"
I held my hands together in front of me. "Um, I saw something and I'm just really confused." She nodded like she wanted me to keep going. I closed my eyes. "Mom, I, um, I saw the pregnancy test."
She stopped cooking and slowly turned to me. She stepped towards the table and took a seat across from me. She held my hands in hers and looked at me apologeticly. "Okay, Jonah. We need to discuss something. I am pregnant," she said admittedly, "but you will not tell your father. Do you understand me?"
I nodded. "Good." It was silent. She didn't know what to say to me.
"Did he rape you?" I blurted out.
She started to shake her head. "Jonah ple-"
"Did he rape you?" I asked again.
She stopped and took a deep breath. She let her head fall down and she slowly nodded. I held her hands tighter in mine. I was going to kill this douche bag. I stood up. I was ready to go find him and kick the shit out of him and then bring him to the cops, but before any of that happened I was pulled from my thoughts.
"Jonah, please. I need you here with me." I hadn't realized that I had gotten up and was putting on my jacket. I didn't even have a shirt on. Talk about kitchen rage. I sat back down and held her hands again. "Jonah, you will not say anything about this."
"But mom, we can report this and get him arrested." I looked at her confused.
"No Jonah. We are not doing that." This was my chance. Propose leaving again.
"Then let's leave. We can leave him. He can't support a family. He can't support a baby. We can take all the money in the house. Just pack everything we might need. We can take my truck and we can just go." I was so ready. I had been waiting for this day for as long as I can remember.
"Jonah, where would we go?" That was a very good question. Where would we go?
"I don't know but we have to leave, Mom. You know that. I know you do." She nodded. Just then I had a great idea. "We can live with Andrew."
She shook her head. "I'm not going to do that to your brother. I'm not going to come with all of my problems and mess everything up for him."
"Mom, he hasn't seen you in five years and he would want to help you. Especially if he knew what Dad did." I hated to have to say that, but it was most likely the only thing that would get her to agree.
"Fine. I know we have to leave. There is money upstairs in a shoe bok in the back of my closet. Start packing. We'll leave in two days. Do you know Andrew's number?"
I nodded. I had gotten it when I had visited him. I ran upstairs and pulled the big duffel bag out of my closet. I started to pack. I grabbed clothes that I would need and I took all of the money that was in my sock drawer out. It was $350. I had been saving up for this day.
I ran across the hall to my mom's room and dug through her closet. I pulled out the shoe box from underneath a bunch of other boxes and opened it. It had probably a thousand dollars or more in it. That really made my stock pile look like crap.
I put the money in my bag and zipped it up. I pushed it under my bed and pulled the sheets down around the edges of the bed so you couldn't see the bag.
I went back downstairs and ran up to my mom. I hugged her tightly. This meant so much to me, she needed to know. "Thank you so much."