Taron
I was officially the happiest man alive. I watched my two women together and I still couldn't quite believe it. It felt like an out of the body experience and I wondered if it would ever feel real.
That kiss had taken me by surprise, even if I had been the one who kissed her. We had been caught up in the moment and after all these hours we had both been so relieved to hold our baby.
But I also knew I would fight for her. Because I needed her in my life, now more than ever, and I wanted us to be a real family.
They let me cut the cord and I felt like I was shaking, afraid to do something wrong. I wiped the tears out of my eyes before I did, focusing hard.
"She looks so much like you" Milly smiled at me.
It was as if we stepped into a whole new reality now.
I looked at her and our baby. Her tiny fingers, her little face. But I didn't see it. She much rather looked like her mom.
"She looks like you" I smiled.
We were so focused on our baby that when they asked Milly to push again, I was genuinely surprised. She delivered the placenta but we were more focused on the baby than anything else. Milly seemed to not be in a lot of pain and I was so happy. Because I had been scared shitless earlier and I had tried to keep it together for her.
Our girl headed for one of Milly's breasts and I watched in awe as Rachel helped Milly adjust and attached her.
That tiny human started sucking and Milly giggled
"It's tingling"
I smiled, still in awe. This was incredible.
"Have you chosen a name yet?" Rachel asked.
Milly and I looked at each other and I knew we were still on the same page.
"Louisa"
Milly
Time seemed to fly and I wasn't even tired. Not anymore. I wanted to spend as much time with my family as possible. I had a hard time when they took Louisa to weigh and clean her, before they dressed her.
Taron was with them while a doctor stitched me up.
"Can I get up?" I asked.
"Wait a bit until the local anaesthetic wears off. Should be around 15 minutes"
"Okay thanks" I smiled.
I couldn't wait to get up and walk.
Taron came back with our baby in his arms and I felt my ovaries exploding right there. Or maybe that was just the pain meds talking.
He oh so carefully lay her down on my chest again and sat down next to me.
I smiled at him.
We had to transfer to our private room as soon as I was ready and I had a hard time separating from my girl, even though she was in the bassinet next to my wheelchair.
I let out a sigh when we reached our room. Taron had insisted on paying for it and I thought 100 pounds per night were reasonable. If all was well, we could leave tomorrow.
I felt like Taron and I stared at Lou for hours, even though it was only minutes. He had his arm around my waist as I sat on the couch and I enjoyed that moment. I started to tear up as it all hit me really bad
"Hey" Taron whispered as he caressed my tear away "What's wrong?"
I sniffled and he handed me a tissue "I don't know. The feelings just hit me really bad after everything that happened"
"You did well" I glanced at Taron and he smiled "And we're a family now"
Did he really think that?
"Thank you" I smiled back and for a split-second I didn't focus on our baby.
I focused on Taron and how close we had grown after I had gotten through labour. I wanted to kiss him, it made me feel like I was right where I belonged.
My eyes dropped to his lips and his arms around my waist tightened ever so carefully before the door opened.
Rachel walked in and gave me a few more tips. I was all back to mom mode.
She asked me to drink a lot of water because I had lost blood and not have a look at my pee because it would be blood. But that was totally normal.
She helped me clean up and change into my PJ's. I was hyper-aware that Taron had to see all of this, but he didn't seem to mind in the slightest. The sanitary pads were pure heaven. They kept the area cool and absorbed everything.
Taron was still sitting on the couch, while he held our baby. She was so tiny in his arms and I felt my heart exploding.
I was so insanely happy, even given the circumstances of pain and blood loss.
Since it was almost midnight we tried to sleep and put Louisa in her bassinet which was right next to my bed and Taron's couch.
I slept a few hours before I felt incredibly awake. I couldn't even go back to sleep while Taron slept like a dead person. I rolled around and glanced at Lou. I just couldn't stop looking at my daughter.
Lou wasn't having sleep either. She woke up every two hours. I fumbled to hold her, but she wouldn't latch on. I called a nurse and she helped me but next time, I still couldn't do it.
I felt defeated. Was it me?
I ringed a nurse every few hours and with all their help, I managed to get a swing of it eventually.
Never in a million years would I have thought it was this hard.
Taron helped me hold her when she cried and he somehow soothed her. I watched him with our girl, still in yesterday's clothes, his hair dishevelled and the bags under his eyes darkening.
I couldn't believe how lucky I was.
I felt like a train had run over my body the next day. I looked at Taron who barely slept too. The only difference was, he was still handsome as hell. It was quite distracting, but my daughter was my top priority now.
I had ruined my PJ's with blood but I was too focused on caring for the baby. I wondered why nobody had told me to bring clothes nobody gave a shit about.
Taron still called a nurse because he was worried, but she said it was totally normal.
I got up slowly, while Taron wrapped his arms around my body. My muscles were aching from all the pushing the day before and I sighed.
He still had his arms around me even when I was standing and I smiled up at him.
"That's a journey, eh?"
"And we're in this together" he said quietly as he cupped my face in his hands.
"Always" his voice held so much meaning I shivered.
I couldn't handle the way he looked at me every time since birth. It gave me goose bumps. Something had changed now that Lou was here and we had kissed.
It had felt so natural and so good with everything being surreal around us. We still had each other and experienced this crazy journey together. And I wanted to kiss him again.
My body was a rollercoaster of emotions as I let go of him and glanced at Lou in the bassinet, peacefully sleeping.
The good thing was I was allowed to shower now and I felt better. It would just take some getting used to, seeing my body how it looked now. I had expected to look different, to lose more weight right away. I had lost Lou's body weight, but my belly was still huge.
I ran my hands over my body, trying to worship my body how it was now and what it had been capable of, but it was hard.
I got dressed and put my hair in a bun, feeling fresh as a daisy.
At least that was good.
We saw a doctor soon thereafter and he examined me and Lou. He was happy to release us and there we stood, ready to head home.
"I'm scared" I whispered once Taron and I were alone.
"We can do this together" he whispered back, caressing my cheek again.
How would I handle everything without having a call button to call a nurse?
"I know" I sighed "I'm just –"
It felt like so much responsibility to handle.
"We love her. And we will do our best. There is nothing more we can do" he said.
I glanced at him and his eyes were full of love, hope and determination.
I knew we would get through this together after we got through everything life had thrown our way before.
Because we were stronger together.