Present day...
"What do you mean you don't want a baby?" Chase gasps, a stunned look on his face as he tries to process it.
"Exactly that." I clarify, speaking calmly. "Thinking I was pregnant has made me realise how much I don't want to be."
"B-but there's no rush." He stammers, stumbling over his words. "I'm not pressurising you or anything."
"I know you're not but I still need to be honest with you." I tell him, pausing a few moments. "I don't think I'll ever want a baby, Chase."
He doesn't say anything for a while; his silence somehow louder than any argument we've ever had.
"Wow." He murmurs eventually, standing up from his crouching position.
He leans back against the wall, raking his fingers though his hair as he tries to process my admission. He's lost for words and remains quiet, allowing me to walk out of the bathroom without a fight.
My plan worked.
He's completely shell-shocked and that's the exact response I was hoping for.
We spend the rest of the night avoiding each other and the tension is palpable. Neither one of us knows what to say to each other and we even go to bed separately and spend the entire night with our backs facing each other.
Which is fine by me.
Chase is still really quiet the following morning and heads off for his usual run without saying goodbye to me. There's a growing distance between us and although that's precisely what I wanted... a part of me still feels really upset about it. The fact that it's the beginning of the end still hurts.
I'm gazing out of the kitchen window, lost in my own thoughts when my phone rings. I glance down at the screen and see it's my mum calling me.
"Hey!" I answer enthusiastically.
"April! It's so good to hear your voice." She replies warmly.
"Are you home yet?" I ask her eagerly. "Your flight wasn't delayed or anything?"
"I just walked through the front door." She laughs exuberantly.
"When can I see you?"
"I thought you and Chase could come over tonight? I've not started unpacking yet but I can't wait to see you."
"I think Chase is busy tonight but I'll be there." I tell her, clutching my phone tightly.
I have to keep Chase away from mum for a while as he's still under the impression that she came home yesterday. He thinks I was visiting her when I met up with Louise last night and I can't risk him finding out that I lied to him about that.
He's still being moody with me by the time he gets back and he can hardly bring himself to look at me.
"How long are you going to keep on sulking for?" I demand harshly, folding my arms across my chest.
"I'm not sulking." He replies dolefully.
"That's exactly what you're doing, Chase."
"Aren't I allowed to be a little pissed off?" He snaps, throwing his keys across the room in frustration. "I've just been told the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with doesn't want kids with me. Ever!"
"I had to be honest with you." I respond meekly, lowering my gaze from his.
"I know that." He murmurs softly, taking a step closer towards me.
"So, what do we do now?"
"I don't know, April." He sighs deeply, refusing to look at me.
"Do you want to break up?" I ask him, my voice breaking slightly.
"Fuck, no." He assures me, cradling my face in his hands. "That's the last thing I want."
"I don't understand what you want us to do then."
"Look, if I had to make a choice between having kids and being with you then it would always be you. It's no fucking contest and that's why I've been acting the way I have since you told me last night. I'm trying to let go of the idea of being a dad."
His revelation stuns me and I'm completely speechless. The whole purpose of my deceit is backfiring and I don't know what to say next or how I should handle it.
"You would really do that? For me?"
"April, I would do anything for you." He whispers, staring down at me intently.
"Do... do you want to be a dad so badly because yours wasn't around?" I inquire hesitantly, knowing it's a sensitive subject matter for him.
"I just know I'd make a pretty decent dad." He admits, smiling faintly as though he's somewhat embarrassed by his confession.
God, this was not supposed to happen. I am not supposed to be feeling sorry for him right now.
"My mum invited me over tonight." I blurt out quickly, eager to change the subject and cut off my emotional response to what he just said.
"What time are we going?" He asks, tucking my hair back behind my ear.
"Do you mind if I go by myself? I want to spend some time with her on my own."
"You only saw her last night." He reminds me. "Is something wrong?"
"Of course not." I reply casually, trying to act like everything is fine. "I just thought you might get bored if we spend the whole evening there."
"Don't be silly." He chuckles. "She's your mum and I don't mind making the effort."
I end up convincing Chase that I should visit mum on my own and head over to her house later on that evening. She only lives around the corner so it's not too far for me to walk.
It's a warm summer night and I can't help noticing how peaceful it is outside. I hear the distant sound of children playing outside and the birds singing as they fly far above me. The sky is beautiful and a clear blue which reminds me to savour every moment, reminding myself that it won't last forever and Autumn will be here before we know it.
"April, it's so good to see you!" My mum greets me, throwing her arms around me as she ushers me inside. "How are you?"
"I'm great." I lie, forcing myself to sound cheerful. "Did you have a good holiday?"
"I had the best time." She tells me, grinning happily. "I missed you though."
"I missed you too."
"Do you want some coffee?"
"I'll have a hot chocolate."
"You and your hot chocolate." She teases me. "It's boiling outside and you still want one."
She puts the kettle on and tells me all about her holiday. It's a welcome distraction and I allow myself to get lost in all her adventures as she tells me everything about her vacation.
"Do you think you'll go back there?" I ask, placing my empty cup on the table.
"Try and stop me." She laughs merrily. "I can't wait to go back."
She takes our empty cups into the kitchen and returns a few moments later. Her expression has completely changed as she sits down beside me.
"What's wrong?" I enquire, sensing the abrupt change in her.
"There is something I want to tell you."
"What is it?" I ask her, my mind racing with so many possibilities.
"I heard from Eric's mum before I went away." She reveals, observing my reaction closely.
"You did?"
"She... she had some news about Eric."
"Is he ok? Has something happened to him?" I demand brusquely, firing questions at her.
"He's fine, he's fine." She assures me, pausing briefly. "But he is getting married."
"Married?" I whisper struggling to get my head around it. "To who?"
"His fiancé."
"I guessed that much." I retort sharply, rolling my eyes at her.
"I don't know who she is specifically. Someone he's been dating for a while apparently."
"I don't even know her." I whisper incredulously, shaking my head in disbelief. "My best friend is getting married and I don't even know her."
"You two haven't been best friends for a while." My mum reminds me gently, resting her hand on top of mine.
"And we all know who we should blame for that." I snap bitterly, narrowing my eyes as my fists clenc in anger.
"You mean Chase?" She enquires carefully, knowing it's a touchy subject that's usually off limits.
"Exactly. He ruined everything."
"I know Chase and Eric don't get on for some reason but you can't blame Chase for Eric not speaking to you all these years." She adds flippantly, still completely clueless about what really happened.
I never told her the real reason that Eric still refuses to speak to me. She wouldn't understand and if I told her the truth about Chase then she'd insist I tell her absolutely everything.
And that's something I can never tell.
"How was your mum?" Chase asks me later on, climbing into bed beside me.
"She's great. The holiday did her the world of good."
"And how are you?" He quizzes me, taking my hand in his. "I'm sorry I've been such a jerk lately."
"It's fine. You don't have to apologise."
"It's not fine though, is it? I mean... are you sure we're ok?"
The fear in his eyes causes me to feel a pang of guilt. Part of me is longing to confess everything to him and find out the actual truth but another part of me is still furious and heartbroken, consumed with hatred and a desperate need for revenge.
"Of course we are." I smile warmly, hoping it's enough to convince him. "Why wouldn't we be?"
"There's something different." He says quietly. "You're different."
I can't think of any excuse to give him and my mind races for a reason to explain my change in behavior.
"Well, I found out some news about Eric recently." I cautiously admit, preparing for his reaction.
"What about him?" He retorts sharply, pulling away from me slightly.
"He's engaged." I reveal reluctantly, awaiting his response.
"Seriously? Someone actually wants to marry him?" He scoffs disdainfully.
"Stop it." I warn him.
"I just never thought he'd actually beat us to it." He says solemnly. "It should be us."
"Maybe you're right." I murmur, turning over so I can face him directly.
"What do you mean?"
"Maybe it's the right time for us." I explain slowly, linking our fingers together.
"April, please don't play around." He begs me, a serious tone underlying his voice. "Are you seriously telling me that we can get engaged?"
"I might not be entirely opposed to the idea." I chuckle lightly.
"You really mean it?"
He looks so excited and euphoric, his eyes wide with surprise and sparkling with happiness. I wish things could always be like this and it hurts to know that it won't last. There will always be a darkness inside Chase and there's nothing I can do about it.
"I mean it." I tell him, placing a kiss on his cheek. "But first you need to get me a ring."
He whoops with exhilaration and jumps out of bed, scooping me up into his arms and spinning me around.
"I can't believe it!" He exclaims breathlessly, placing me back down on the bed. "You're really going to be my wife."
"I can't believe I was mad enough to agree." I tease him, poking him in the chest.
"I swear to God I'll make you happy, April. That's all I've ever wanted."
"I know that and I trust you."
I wait until Chase falls asleep before sneaking out of bed, creeping downstairs so I don't wake him up. Trying to manoeuvre the creaky floorboards as I take each step is difficult, avoiding the ones which might alert him I'm not in bed beside him.
I close the sitting room door quietly and reach for my phone, wanting the call I'm about to make to remain completely private.
Can we talk?
I press send and check my phone is on silent, tugging my fingers through my hair as I wait for my phone screen to light up.
Why are you texting me? What do you want?
I sigh deeply, disappointed but not at all surprised by Eric's response.
You were right about Chase. You were right about everything.
He's calling me within a matter of seconds and I answer it immediately. My heart is racing and my palms are sweaty. A thousand different thoughts swirling through my mind all at once.
"April? Are you ok?" Eric demands brusquely, straight to the point and no messing around.
"
Yes, I'm ok." I answer sombrely, keeping my voice low. "Eric, I'm so sorry. You were right about Chase, you always were and I should have listened to you."
"And what's suddenly changed your mind?" He quips sharply, his voice full of scepticism.
"He... he slept with Louise." I whisper faintly.
There's a prolonged period of silence between us and the only noise I can hear is the sound of his breathing on the other end of the line.
"He what?"
"He slept with her last week and she showed me the evidence herself."
"April, I'm so sorry." Eric apologises, his voice now sincere and full of concern.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I should have listened to you in the first place and none of this would ever have happened." I acknowledge woefully, keeping my eye on the door in case it suddenly bursts open.
"You thought you saw something in him." Eric rationalises kindly. "You thought he was good."
"But he isn't and I see that now." I conclude darkly.
"So, what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to leave him."
"April... we both know he will never let you go." He reminds me dismally, sighing deeply.
"I know he won't but there's not much he can do about it if he doesn't know where I am." I tremble fearfully, contemplating my uncertain future.
"What do you need? A place to stay? Somewhere to hide out?" He offers generously.
"I'll need all the help I can get if I'm going to do this." I admit faintly, pausing for a moment. "I also want my best friend back."
"Me too." Eric concedes, finally letting go of his defensiveness.
"I guess I should also say congratulations to you." I add, taking him by surprise.
"You know about the engagement?"
"Yes, my mum told me about it earlier."
"April, I'm sorry I didn't tell you myself but we haven't spoken in so long. I just couldn't be in your life with him around."
"Chase won't be a part of my life anymore, Eric. I swear I'm going to leave him this time."
"You know I'm here for you." He reminds me. "So just tell me what you need."
We end up talking for half an hour before I finally say goodnight to him. I've got a big smile on my face as I hang up the phone, realising how much I've missed Eric over the years and how much we still need to catch up on.
Eric didn't want to know me as soon as he found out I was in a relationship with Chase and I can't say that I blame him. He didn't understand how I could be with someone who treated us both so badly and I didn't know how to explain it to him. I was head over heels in love with Chase by then and was willing to sacrifice anyone in my life who got in the way of that.
Chase is the only reason I lost my best friend in the first place and why we've had nothing to do with each other for the last six years. I finally see how he's systematically removed everyone from my life and how he's continued to isolate me over the years.
I won't allow him to do it anymore.
I'm going to make sure that Chase has nothing left by the time I'm finished with him and even though I know Chase can be ruthless... nothing will be as ruthless as my own revenge.