Andrew's perspective.
Til this day, it is so hard to decide where and what you want to do with the rest of your life making decisions such as staying or moving on it is hard to decide when you have lived such dramatic and beautiful memories.
Now another two weeks in nothing had changed. She was still asleep, still dreaming, thinking or quite possibly re-living her nightmare.
I couldn't leave now. I shouldn't. Why was this even an option to make?
She was still alive. Breathing. Sleeping. Dreaming.
I watched her lay in that bed, as her chest rise and fall slowly, the heart monitor beeped normally and the sound of the oxygen pumped through her body and from the end of her bed, I read through Tiana's health report with quite relife seeing some of the positive results for this week.
"Oh, my baby girl." As if there was some weight being lifted off my shoulders, I smiled sadly and walked over to Tiana's side, sitting on the grate uncomfortable chair and pulled it closer so that I was closer by her. I picked up her limp hand and put it to my lips kissing her softly as I held it there.
"It's like you are trying to make shit myself every time I come to see you." I snickered, trying to make myself laugh. I watched her hoping that she would react, or give me some type of sign that she was listening.
Sighing I played with her finger, "well you do and I don't appreciate it. But it's always great to see you are doing so much better." I studied her for a moment and then I felt my eye swell with sudden tears, but I sniffed chuckling I shooking my head and whipped them away but when I spoke my voice croaked.
"I have a decision I have to make and I need your advice because at this point I don't know what to do." Tiana suddenly twitched and squeezed onto her hand, as I felt my tears slip."I need you to wake up and tell me what to do."
"They are sending me back to the Military Tiana," I whispered a cry, Tiana's heart monitors increased just by a second but I paid no mind because to me it was like background noise. "They are giving me til the end of the week to decide, I don't know what to do because you are still in that beautiful dream of yours."
I let out a sob, "I don't want to leave knowing you are so close to waking up."
Staring at her through my tears I held in my sobs and held her arm close hugging it close next to my head, "I need you to tell me to stay, or give me a sign to stay."
I was stupid to expect a sign or hear an answer and my mind was completely elsewhere drained with sadness and loss of hope. I dropped my head and let out my cries.
In all my three years of being here in the force, never had I felt it was time to discharge in a manner like this. I and the whole squad have learnt to cope with our life most bluntly and realistically possible; never second-guessing, never giving up and always thinking of the most logical way possible.
My rage was released with training and pushing my body to its limits and kept my mind off reality that was in front of me by focusing on missions and projects in another world. But what was going to happen if Tiana never woke up, what was going to happen if she did and I still didn't know how to live with myself because of what I have put her through.
Life wouldn't be the same with or without her.
Right now I could cope with anything.
Couldn't decide what I wanted to do.
A sentimental decision needs to be made.
Authors Note
thought it should be a little longer.
what do you think Andrew should do, stay or leave?
published: 8.8.2020
re-write: 11.8.2020