Tears....
Are The most expensive water of this world, still no one wants it for ownself but others. People give it to one's eyes and found themselves happy...
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SHIFA'S POV :
"Shifa babu what are you wearing? Change your clothes beta"
"Hmm?" I lifted my gaze on mummy's voice and again focus on reading a novel
"Shifa where are you lost babu?" mumma asked and I shook my head.
"Shifa look at your clothes what are you wearing? Look at your hair at least comb your hair" I listened mummy's voice and went to my room after nodding
"I'm not going in any fashion show, it's fine" I looked at myself, I was wearing a blue and black colored cotton kurta with brown colored salwaar. My clothes were un-ironed so full of creases and my hair were looking like a nest for crow.
Its been 10 days of Faraz's engagement. I saw his engagement pic on Ifra aapi's DP and my heart was unwell after that day. He was looking so handsome and dashing in black denim pants with white shirt and black blazer, He was smiling and I was crying. On the other hand his fiancé was a below everage face owner. She had small round shaped eyes, with very big lips and a round nose.
"Congratulations Mr. Faraz your would be wife is very lucky to have you. You know very well how to gain someone's heart" I mumbled under breath before laying down in the bed. I was again awaken whole night so didn't realised when sleep gulp me, but my heart wasn't on peace. How could Faraz do so. I was thinking about him and he did engagement with another girl.
"Shifa... Shifaaa..." I listened a mumma's voice and tried to open my eyes.
"Shifa see who comes to meet you" I opened my eyes properly and lala was standing there.
"Lala" I smiled looking at her and she returned the same smile.
"Why my Lalu is sleeping at this time?" she asked and I shook my head.
"Just a nap" I muttered while yawning and she smiled, mummy left us in the room and I made myself stand.
"Lalu why these dark circles? And happened to my lal tamatar (as red as tomato)" lala asked while sitting beside me and pinching my cheeks.
No one could imagine what I became in those twelve days (from the day I listened his engagement news.) Before that day my face was glowing like a moon light, my cheeks were so much pink but that news dried the blood of my body. My cheeks were no more pink, lips were chappie, eyes became small due to over crying and unwell sleep and my eyes were covered by dark circles. In short I'm no more beautiful only in beautiful only with in those twelve days.
"lalu hua kya hai? Why are you in this condition? Bhai sahab ne dubara kuch kaha?" Lala asked about papa's scold but I felt my tears would came out from my eyes, but I controlled myself and my emotions.
(Lalu what happened? Why are you in this condition? Have bhai sahab said something?)
{Bhai sahab: Elder bro/ Brother-in-law}
"Papa mujhe kabhi kuch nahi Kehte aap ko pta to hai. Pehle main hi unse bolne ki koshish karti thi isliye jawab me kuch bol diya karte the. Ab main sawal hi nahi karti to wo bhi kuch nahi Kehte." Lala asked and I shook my head with a smile. In these days I learned to mask a big smile on my face in front of people but from inside I'm totally broken.
(You know very well papa never says anything to me. Earlier I use to try to talk to him and in return I use to got a harsh reply. Now I don't try to talk to him so he don't give any harsh response)
"Bura lag raha hai?" Lala smiled looking at me but that was a sad smile and caressed my cheek, before asking the question. But I shook my head in response
(Feeling bad?)
"Esi baaton se kya fayda jisse ghar me hungama ho, isse achha to yeh hi hai ki hum baat hi nahi karen" I state the truth, I never like commotion either in joyful environments or in tensed. Even in the gatherings I don't like to talk much, I use to stay away from people because I don't like to talk much about every next thing of the earth like aunties
(It's better not to communicate than arguments in home.)
"Okay my intelligent girl, now listen" Lala said and I nodded
"Your khalu jaan is planning to go to Jaipur tour and he was saying to take you with us." Lala said happily and I think for a while
{khalu jaan: maternal uncle}
I never went out of Delhi. Even I never went anywhere from school outings. And I wanted to roam around but what I most wanted on my life was peace.
"Lala I don't want to go" I lied
"But you khalu jaan was saying bachchi ek hi jagah rehti hai thoda fresh ho jayegi outing pr jayegi to"
(Shifa stay in home, its better if she go for outing) Lala said and I again kill my wish. My Khalu Jaan and Musa uncle both treated me like their own daughter, even Lala don't have any daughter he only have two sons so khalu jaan says that I'm like his daughter, but my own father never said glanced at me with love filled gaze.
How unlucky I'm. I never got what I wanted. Once papa called me Manhoos (jinx) and I think he was right. I gave many problems to my mummy after my birth, she was with papa just because of me, otherwise she could start her new life, but I created problems for her. I never got Father's love, neither I got Faraz, he also betrayed me. I wish I wouldn't exist in this world, no one will crave for me but maybe my mummy would live a better life
"Lala it would be a new drama in home if your or me ask for permission. You know very well papa won't allow me to go, so it's better to stay in home without asking for permission" Lala nodded with a sad smile at the same time mummy entered the room holding a tray with snacks and tea for three of us.
"What is going on between aunty and niece?" Mummy asked with a happy smile and Lala informed full matter to mummy and mummy caressed my head after listening my answer.
"She is my doll, with full of patience and intelligence" I stay silent on her words.
"No worries I'll find out I guy for her who love to roam around, he will make her roam everywhere" Lala said with a genuine smile and I felt someone hittted my heart with hammer. I felt wetness in my eyes and I had to hide that so I jumped off the bed and went to the bathroom.
Locking the door I felt hot tears rolling down from my cheeks. Faraz was a guy who couldn't stay in home more than one month. He went out of Delhi with his friends every month for two or three days. He loves to roam around.
"I don't know what happened to her?" I listened mummy's voice who was talking to lala
"Aapi did you told her about..." Lala asked to mummy
"No, I didn't tell anything to her, I thought it would affect her studies, but now I'm thinking I did correct. If she would know anything that must be hurt her. Now at least she don't know anything" Mummy said to Lala but I was crying inside the bathroom, because I not only know about that but I was waiting for Faraz.
"Aapi don't worry about her marriage she is very young now"
"Maham Faraz jese ladke milte kahan hai?"
(But its not easy to find out boys like Faraz)
"Don't worry aapi, girls like our Shifa also not easy to find." Lala said and I washed my face and change clothes before stepping out from the bathroom holding a big smile on my face as If I was the most happy person of this world.
"Maham do something with this girl, she is not talking and eating since many days." mumma complaint and Lala smiled.
"Aapi she is not going school from long time, either she use to go to Affi's home. That's why she is become bored in home" Lala was talking continuesly and I was smiling happily but my mind was not ready to leave the thoughts of him. After sometime I saw my mobile and his DP made me laugh
'wow Mr. Faraz this is your habit to play with Hearts, first you have to only think about me and now you are not ready to think about me. Good luck for your life' I said to myself and wiped the tears.
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After Five Days:
"Shifa, Faraz bhai was not happy he was sitting like a statue, everyone was feeding him sweet and he was eating as if he was robot who was commanded to do so" Affo said when she came to my home. Its been fifteen days of his engagement.
"Affo I don't want to talk about him." I said while gulping my tears and she hugged me. I cried out after hugging her back and she cried with me.
"Okay now stop crying and talk to him for once." Afifa said after breaking the hug and I shook my head still crying
"And what would I ask to him? Why you use to change your DP every now and then and why you did engagement to some other girl. Affo he will say that he never proposed me, he never said anything to and I assumed everything by myself." I cried and she also cried with me.
"Now you understand why I never pay attention to any boy!! Faraz was the best boy in your eyes, see what he have done, I don't know what can the worst boy do?" I asked to her after wiping my tears.
"I'll never do Marriage, all boys are just like this. I hate boys, I hate men, I hate my father, I hate Faraz... And moreover I hate myself" I said angrily and stopped myself to flow out my tears.
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After Three months:
I was helping mumma in kitchen because Rani Phuppo and Musa uncle was coming on lunch.
"Mummy I'll make sheer" I said and mummy nodded, Its been almost four months and I was trying to forget that betrayer and luckily I got the success too
Not totally but to some extent
In some time I arranged dining table and Musa uncle arrived with his family. Mummy and I was busy in serving food when Rani Phuppo started rubbing salt on my Wounds.
"Bhabhi from where you buy these Casseroles?" Mummy told the name of market in reply
"Its looking good on dining table" Rani phoppo said but that was undigestable for us how could she praise mummy's anything
"Maryam like to make household things" Papa said and phuppo smiled but a taunting one.
"You know bhabhi, I went to Faraz's in-laws home, what a home they have. Lavish house, expensive furniture and then their servants surved food, I was Amazed, bhai that tableware were looking like made up of cristal. That was so much expensive. And the gifts which they sent for Faraz... Faraz couldn't get better in-laws then those people" I looked at phuppo and she was actually saying all those things to me and mummy. She was trying to made us jealousI didn't felt jealousy but that hurtled me, and maybe mummy too, but we both showed as if we don't have any problem.
"Pesa hi sab kuch thodi hota hai, mujhe to ladki bilkul achhi nhi lagi Faraz ke liye." Musa uncle said with disappointment and he looked at me. He was looking at me with sad gaze but I was smiling. In those three months I became a perfect actor who can mask a big grin on her face in any situation, who can stop herself to cry even in worst conditions.
(Money is not everything, I don't like that girl For Faraz)
"You take rice" Rani phuppo passed the dish to Musa uncle and he held that with a nod.
"Bhai sahab, Bhabhi main to Faraz aur Shifa ke rishte ke liye keh raha tha, app logo ne hi mana kar diya. Kami hi kya thi Faraz main? Ghar ka kaam to har ladki ko karna padta hai. Unki family main hain hi kitne log! Nida baji aur Aazam bhai hi to hain, Ifra ki shadi ho chuki hai, woh to kabhi kabhi hi aati hai"
(Bhai sahab, Bhabhi I wanted to fix Shifa and Faraz's Match but you refused. There isn't any demerits in Faraz. And if it was about domestic chores, then every girl have to do some work in home. There are only Nida baji and Aazam bhai in their family, Ifra is married she visits rarely. They would never make Shifa to do any work)
Musa uncle said with disappointment and papa mummy exchanged their lookes with disbelieving sight. At the same time mummy gestured me to go to my room, I left my meal in between and went out from dining area. But I didn't went to my room I went to kitchen because I wanted to listened the whole conversation which was only audible there not in my room.
"Musa bhai when did we..." Mummy was saying something but
"What can we do now Faraz is engaged" Rani Phuppo said while cutting mummy's sentence.
"But Rani, Musa we didn't denied for proposal, even we were waiting for Nida when will she come with proposal" That was the first time when papa said something in my favour but I was surprised what was going on in my life.
"Rani" I listened Musa uncle's loud and angry voice
"Rani but you said that Maryam bhabhi is not agree for Faraz's proposal" Musa uncle said with angry voice and was crying by then.
"Rabi baji when I said that?" Mummy asked and I went to my room.
"Ya Allah what are all these things? What is going on?"
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Kabhi andhera hai har jagah
Kabhi ujala hai har jagah
Woh aakhen kahan se laiye
Jo haqeeqat dekh sake!?
_Naaz Jamal
(30. 8. 2017)
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Next episode will be
Faraz's POV....
Then the secret of
Mom's Personal Diary
How is this?
_Naaz Jamal