Taron
She let out a breath and I felt like I already had my answer.
"I need to do this on my own" she said quietly, not meeting my eyes.
We reached home, thank God and I parked the car as fast as I could.
"Milly" I sighed "Look at me"
She wouldn't meet my eyes though. I turned the car and opened the door for her so she had no choice but to look at me.
Her eyes met mine and I could tell she was sad.
She got out of the car and I held on to her arms before she could stop me. There was only her belly between us.
"I know it's your decision to make, but let me be a part of this"
She sighed "Taron, please"
Her voice was a plea.
Was I pushing too far?
I dropped my hands from her arms.
"I just want to be there for you" I whispered "Let me be there for you"
"I can't" she sounded pained.
Neither of us spoke as I unlocked the front and flat door and she walked off into the bedroom.
What was even wrong with her? What was wrong with us?
But then again, I had to remind myself that there would never be an us.
I ran my hand through my hair as I sat down on the couch and waited for her. Waited for her to come to me, talk to me.
But it didn't happen.
Instead I got a text from Richard
<<You looked like quite the couple tonight. Hope everything is good>>
I buried my face in my hands. Was this true? The only thing I knew was that I wanted to kiss the fuck out of her on stage after she chose that song.
I felt drawn to her like a magnet. I had felt this way ever since she saved me.
I wonder if she felt the same way.
<<Things are weird. I'll keep you posted>>
I had been too persistent. I knew I didn't have a right to be there, I just wanted to support her, hold her hand, tell her everything would be okay.
When I walked into the bedroom she was asleep, her face facing the drawers instead of my side of the bed.
I let out a breath as I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth.
The next few weeks would be long if she didn't talk.
Hell, the next years would be tough on us and the baby if she didn't.
I got up quietly the next day, trying not to wake Milly and got ready for work. I arrived there and was through hair and makeup earlier than expected and that was when I had an idea.
I got my phone from my jeans pocket and dialled.
"Hi darling, how are you?" she answered immediately
"Mom? I need your help"
"What's wrong? Is there something wrong with the baby?" she sounded worried.
My mom knew the whole story. I had kept her posted, nearly on a daily.
"No, it's not that. There is something wrong with Milly" I let out a breath "She doesn't want me there when she... when she has the baby"
"Oh Taron" my mom sighed "That is her decision to make"
"I know that" I said quietly "But she doesn't let me help her. She doesn't –"
Why was she fighting our connection so hard?
"She's probably scared" my mom said "After everything she has been through, and you too"
I frowned.
"What do you mean?"
"She blamed herself for getting you in that accident in the first place. Even though it wasn't her fault. You're expecting a child together but you're no couple. How do you think she feels?"
"How do you think I feel?" I called "Sorry"
"Darling" my mom said knowingly "Tell her how you feel about her"
How did my mom know everything even if I didn't say the words?
I let out a breath "It's not that easy"
"I know it isn't. By the way, did you think about my suggestion that you spend Christmas with us? I would love to meet her"
"I'll have to ask her" I said "But I don't have much hope"
Milly
I knew I acted childish yesterday. But I had to protect myself. Because after last night, I knew I loved Taron. Hell, I had probably loved him for longer than that. But he didn't love me back. We would never have what Richard and Sofie had.
And that fact broke my heart.
Because I knew Taron was perfect no matter what.
But I had to protect myself from falling for Taron even harder.
All I wanted was to tell him that I loved him. That I wanted him to be more than just the daddy of my girl.
I woke up to find Taron already gone. He had probably left for work without waking me.
How was this man so perfect?
He hadn't even argued with my decision.
I spent the day inside, wallowing in self-pity. I knew it was probably the wrong decision, but I tried to not judge myself too much.
My body was craving this. Spending the day on the couch, watching TV, eating junk food.
Christmas was right around the corner and I was all on my own with nobody but Taron. I knew Amanda would be on a ski trip so I couldn't spend Christmas with her. And I didn't know if I could spend Christmas with Taron.
Just him and I.
Like a family.
Like a family we never would be. Not in that way at least.
Eventually, I got up and decided to shower and dress. I walked into the kitchen and decided to cook for Taron.
I opted for veggies after eating unhealthy stuff all day.
I heard the door open and close and my heart jumped. Taron used to call "hi" or something but he didn't now, probably because of after what had happened yesterday.
I walked into the hallway and saw him getting out of his trench coat.
"Hi" I said quietly.
"Hi" Taron answered and looked at me.
He walked towards me and it was as if we were both unsure, but I held out my arms and he pulled me into a hug.
I had missed this.
I had missed him.
"I'm cooking dinner" I said once we had broken apart, my voice sounding strange.
"Great, let me just change into comfy clothes" he said.
I gulped as I walked back into the kitchen, trying to focus on the food.
I heard his footsteps approaching and turned around to find him in his sweatpants in tee, just the usual for him, but my heart skipped a beat every time I saw him like that.
"I wanted to apologise for yesterday" I said once he reached me.
He blinked "You don't have to apologise. I get that things are –" he paused "complicated right now"
"Still" I said "I shouldn't have acted the way I did"
"Don't worry about it" his voice was soft, understanding "It's your decision to make. And if you decide –" he let out a breath "to not have me there then that's fine with me"
It was as if he was struggling to say the words but he still did.
How was he even real?
I wanted to tell him that it wasn't about him, that it was just my insecurities and anxiety talking. But I knew it was about him. Because I loved him.
"Thank you for understanding" was what I said instead.
"No worries" Taron smiled.
How would I ever get over him? No man was even close to as perfect as he was.
"Oh, there is something I wanted to ask you" he said then "We don't need to go, my mom just called and asked"
We?
His mom?
I blinked "What is it?"
"My mom invited us to spend Christmas in Aber"