It was past noon and she still wasn't home.
"Don't check for direct references. What if they were talking in code?" He texted Ju Mok back.
Ju Mok and Eun Dong had confirmed that there had been no tails on her. Nor on him. And yet his mind was far from ease.
He'd rounded the area three times too. Going back to Bern didn't seem like a good idea when she wasn't picking his calls.
A police vehicle drifted past him and he resisted the urge to follow it. Sitting inside a car parked on the side of the highway felt like doing nothing. But he didn't know what else he could do.
Taking out the crushed post-it note from his pocket, he read it again.
"Going to Bern to get my stuff. I will be back in 2-3 hrs. Now, if I had your number, I might have texted you. Too bad you don't get to stop me."
With his hands folded on the steering, he rested his forehead over them.
The torment was familiar. Standing outside her ICU, willing her to live from one second to the next had been one kind of hell. Not having her in front of his eyes incited the anguish in his chest several times over. Raising his head, he conked it side to side, stretching to relieve the stiffness in his neck.
Logic over emotion. Surely he was missing something. Or ignoring to see what was in front of his eyes.
Rubbing his forehead, he sighed. Black Porche. He had seen two of them at pullouts during the times he'd circled the vicinity of his house. Nothing on the roads or at the store parking lots nearby.
Wait. It wasn't two different pullouts, but the same one. Between the two instances, the car must have been parked there for over an hour.
Powering the jeep again, he took a U-turn to drive back. He zipped through the distance in minutes and pulled in to find the Porche still there. Jumping out, he raced to the car and lowered to peer through the glass. There were no belongings to hint if the car belonged to her.
"Argh!" He kicked the ground. Though nothing had been easy about their relationship, he wanted this search to end.
What next? With his hands fisted by his waisted, he took a few steps towards the trail opening. A board in german, read, 'Keep out. Black ice.' His feet pivoted to return to the car. An odd glint of pink metal caught his eye. His head flipped to the path again. A phone? He dashed down the incline and soon, his feet hit the smooth ice. Skidding to a sudden halt, he noticed the striations on the ice of something being dragged down. His gaze followed the pattern to the edge after which the path turned and the downward incline appeared undisturbed. Don't overthink. Just get to the phone first.
His fingers grabbed the back of his neck and he looked around. Closing his eyes for a beat, he took in a deep breath. Did he still have the snow grips in the trunk? He bolted to the jeep. Luck on was his side then. Grabbing the snow grips, he mounted them over his shoes and dashed down the trail. Once on the ice, he slowed. His feet wobbled but managed to find grip. Bending down he reached for the phone, his breath shaking. Please let it not be her.
But the home screen image was indeed a picture of her smiling back at him. "Yoon Se Ri." He cried. "Yoon Se Ri, are you here? Answer me!"
His feet buckled. "Yoon Se Ri?" The shivers grew stronger. Bending down, he braced himself against his knees. There was little confidence in him to take another step. With his fingers still shaking, he called on emergency services and Gu Seung Jun too.
It would be another ten minutes until help would get there. Without a doubt that would still be an eternity in the ninth circle of hell. While the denial cut through his being, he surrendered to the disquiet of his mind. Love and despair too came in turns.
*****
Parts of her were numb and the rest of her body throbbed. She groaned.
"Gu Seung Jun Dongmu," she heard a female voice in her vicinity. Her eyes wouldn't open.
The sound of footsteps. "Yoon Se Ri." She felt a hand on her shoulder. "How are you feeling?"
Gradually the faces hovering over her came into focus. Seo Dan's forehead furrowed in contrast to the usual indifference towards her, while Gu Seung Jun nodded encouraging her to speak.
The dryness stung her throat, her voice hoarse. A mountain of heated blankets weighed her down, arresting movement.
"Like —" she coughed. "I was run over by a truck."
"You can't be more accurate." Gu Seung Jun breathed out loud. "And you bought yourself an ankle fracture for a gift," he smirked and animatedly threw his brows up a couple of times.
Seo Dan slapped Gu Seung Jun's back. The irony made her lips quirk, but a bolt of pain shot up from her leg and the smile faded quickly.
"Please..." she wheezed, "tell me he isn't raging mad."
"Well," Gu Seung Jun looked around, "I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise for you, Yoon Se Ri."
"Where is he?" Raising herself on the elbow, she attempted to sit up. However, pulling her weight up felt nothing short of doing a one-hand headstand and she gave up.
"Your MRI reports just came in," Seo Dan took her arm connected to the saline drip and nudged her to lean back. "They called Jyeong Hyuk Dongmu for a review."
"Does he want to confirm I have a brain?" Her lips eased into a small smile.
Gu Seung Jun laughed openly and sat by the edge of the bed. "That and the fact that you lost consciousness warranted one."
"I'm sorry that I got you all worried." Her half-lidded gaze darted from Gu Seung Jun to Seo Dan. "I ruined your stay —"
"Don't be ridiculous." Gu Seung Jun dismissed her with a wave of his hand. "You can make up by bankrolling our next vacation."
"Happy to." She paused to rest. "Anything I offer would still fall short of what you did for us."
*****
Outside the ER bay, he was leaning against the wall, listening in on their conversation. Humor was a good sign. Unless she was using it to hide her pain from others.
By the time, the patrol and emergency services had arrived at the scene, he was already mentally exhausted. The police removed him from the scene and kept him at a distance until they figured the location she could have slid down to. Two men went down first, lowering themselves with a rope. Turning about the ring on his finger, he took a seat in the back of the emergency van. Though the men reported back to the base in a relatively short period, he had already lost all sense of time. They confirmed she was breathing, but couldn't clear her from danger with the onset of hypothermia and the possibility of internal injuries. Despite hooks and the safety equipment that the rescue staff leveraged, observing the men hoist her up on a stretcher with a mechanical rope pulley constantly had his stomach in a churn. The first sight of her should have brought him relief and yet, the cut on her forehead robbed him of the momentary reprieve. The thermal blankets hid the rest of her, not revealing the extent of the damages and his chest tightened from the unknown. He rode with her in the ambulance to the nearest hospital. Her icy skin had lost color and the bluish hue on her lips brought tears to his eyes. Blowing his breath over their interlaced fingers, he closed his eyes resting his forehead against their clasped hands. If this was the beginning of the rest of their lives, he prayed that the worst was over. For the duration the doctors worked on her and carried out various tests, he couldn't bring himself to sit. All the while his fingers shaking at length.
"She rolled down nearly 85 feet from the top and was exposed to freezing temperatures for about an hour," the ER doctor informed him in a matter of fact tone. "We don't like to use the word miracle around here," the young male doctor crossed his arms, holding a smile. "But your wife is indeed a lucky woman. The MRI shows no concussions."
He didn't bother to correct the doctor and nodded, placing a hand over his chest, acknowledging the ease that spread through him.
"She is stable now. You can take her home once you get to the paperwork at the front desk." The doctor patted his shoulder and left him.
He tapped the file with her reports and bills. Save the broken left ankle, 4 stitches on the cut inside her hairline above the left temple and several bruises on her torso, back, and thigh, she was doing well. Exhaling out loud, he entered the room with the crutch she would need for the next few weeks.
With his presence, she went still. Tipping her head to one side, her face held an apology. Her clear eyes began to glaze.
"She has been cleared to go home," he announced and came around the bed to place the crutch and file on the table. Seo Dan stepped aside and he took a seat close to her.
"Ready?" Smiling, he placed a hand over hers, his thumb stroking to read the warmth of her skin.
"Not going to " —she shifted to lift her other hand with the needle, and winced— "give me an earful?"
"The last time around you called it nonsense." He sounded exasperated. "I've made peace with your daredevil ways."
"Have you really?" she paced her words to catch her breath. A tear rolled down her cheek. "Is that why you have bloodshot eyes?"
He was quiet for a long moment, holding her gaze. His insides turned into stone. "I haven't even" —his voice choked from the rise of emotion and his eyes closed— "had a day with you Yoon Se Ri."
"Mian-heyo (Sorry) Ri Jyeong Hyuk'sshi..." Wild sobs escaped her. She yanked at his jacket and raised both her arms to hold him. He yielded, resting his head lightly by her neck. "I scared you much, didn't I?"
Despite the urge to take her into a hug, his arms tentatively encircled her. Her feeble form diminutive against his chest and yet, his surrender in her was irrevocable.
"It never gets old," he heard Gu Seung Jun behind him. "Does it?"
Pulling away from her, he got to his feet. An elderly ER nurse stood next to Gu Seung Jun teary-eyed with her hand clasped over her mouth. "I like to think I have lived long enough to have seen it all and every time, it gets me." She let out a sigh. Shuffling towards him, the nurse briefly touched his arm. "Let me remove the IV. Then she's all yours."
*****
He got her a fresh pair of clothes from her bags to change into. Once she handed back the hospital garb, she was wheeled out to the parking lot. Oddly she looked forward to using her crutch. It was her first time needing one. Instead, he scooped her into his arms and gingerly settled her in the Jeep's back seat. He went around the vehicle and got in on the other side. Scooting in, he offered to have her lean on his shoulder. Seo Dan opted to drive her Porche, and Gu Seung Jun took to the wheel of the Jeep.
"Drive slowly Dongmu," he instructed Gu Seung Jun and looked to her. "It will take about 20 minutes to get home," he said flashing an assuring smile.
His body was stiff against hers, his movements severely calculated and it bothered her more that it would be a while before he would relax around her.
The winding roads made her head heavy. However, the jeep soon came to a halt just as she was about to drift into sleep.
He didn't let her use the crutch to reach their living room either. In a way, he was only being careful to avoid further mishaps from a crutch, but she was beginning to feel self-conscious in his arms in the presence of another couple.
Carrying her, he turned in the direction of their bedroom hallway. "I want to sit with all of you," she said, gesturing towards the living room.
Lowering her on the couch, he helped to put her feet up. Sequestered inside a wall of pillows, she met his eyes. "The couch is cushy enough." She said with a pout and he stopped fussing to position the pillows around her.
He eyed the clock. Ten minutes to six. "I'll start dinner," he said removing his jacket and left her with Gu Seung Jun. Seo Dan joined him in the kitchen.
Gu Seung Jun kept her company, distracting her with inquiries about work, her recent acquisition of a fragrance line and her involvement with Queens group.
Stealing glances with the man who was kneading dough, she took her time responding to Gu Seung Jun.
The sight was familiar. He'd cooked noodles for her many a time during her stay in Pukan. Although, to watch him now set-up the noodle press, move about with practiced dedication, pull up his sweater exposing the sinews of his forearm to press down the lever and have the noodles fall to the bowl, felt like the symphony of life was at play.
She wanted these mundane moments day after day. For the nothingness of such days to add up to a cherished life.
Warmth flooded her chest and her eyes closed holding the tears in.
A decade ago, she'd come to this country not having a reason to live on. She'd recorded a message wishing that people miss her at times, at least after her passed.
Today, she had a home. Her namja had possibly died a hundred times looking for her, hoping she was well.
Finding belonging was scary too. Today for the first time in her life, she found fear.
Thump. Thump. The sound of her heartbeat filled her ears. She didn't want it to stop.
"I just need a minute." Throwing down some of the pillows, she sought the crutch.
Gu Seung Jun sprung to his feet "I can get it —"
"I will be back." She stumbled, supporting herself on the crutch.
Reaching the step to the entryway, she came to a halt.
"Can you take care of things from here?" She heard him at a distance. "Don't worry. I will call you once the food is ready." Seo Dan answered.
He was rushing to her side and she hurried to climb the step to get behind the hallway wall.
"Are you ok?" He grabbed her arm and steadied her.
She wouldn't meet his eyes and instead, the tears brimmed over. "I want to walk on my own."
"This won't do," he said shaking his head but refrained from aiding her further.
Folding his arms, he exhaled. Walking past her, he entered the bedroom. A whole minute later, she hobbled in. At the far end, his body was lax on the couch, his feet extended across its length.
With staggering steps, she reached him. Placing the crutch against the glass, she dragged her leg to stand facing him.
Tilting his head, he looked at her and she swiped at her tears. He reached for her wrist and skid forward still seated.
"I just never thought I'll be able to see you making noodles again," she said, her eyes downcast from overwhelm. Freeing her hand from his hold, she cupped his face.
His brows drew together, a curious look in his eye. "Now if the flattery is to get me to cook every day, I'm not falling for it."
Covering her fingers, he kissed the scrape to the outside of her palm. She smiled.
"I think you have little choice in the matter," she laughed, but the movement shot a bolt of pain down to her ankle. She breathed in, biting her lip. "I can't cook even if my life depended on it."
He got off the couch and assisted her to take a seat. Placing her hand above the cast, she raised her leg and rested it on the couch. Argh! The soreness in her muscles announced itself.
He sat down. Taking his arm around her back, he gathered her against his torso. "I didn't know how much I missed you..." She said. Quiet for a blink she placed a hand on his chest. "Or how I had been living without hope until this moment."
Her face nestled in the crook of his shoulder and he smoothed her hair. "I suppose I'm going to fall apart at random like this." Her breath caught in a sigh. "I can't help it Ri Jyeong Hyuk'sshi.
"You don't have to explain yourself." He gently rubbed her arm. "It takes time to process change."
"And about today..." Angling her head, she met his eyes. "I think I needed to experience what it is like to have you worry for me. You possibly knew I was in danger and was desperate to find me."
She shook her head. "Else I wouldn't have been able to grasp why you kept me in the dark about your troubled times."
He placed a hand over her cheek and his eyes showed understanding.
"I was unaware of what you went through those two years." She felt the need to confess and a tone of defeat surfaced in her voice. "The wait was painful. True that without realizing I had put my life on hold. But had I known your struggles, and in the event, I wasn't able to get you out of it, the anguish would have driven me to the ends of insanity."
He kissed her forehead. "Someone once reminded me that we are not the Avengers."
"I get why you did things the way you did," her eyes narrowed, her tone decisive. "But that's no reason to keep doing so in the future."
Her gaze softened. "You don't have to walk ahead and I don't have to fall behind."
"Promise me Ri Jyeong Hyuk'sshi that we'll find a way" —she tugged at his sweater— "to walk together." Her voice held a plea. He nodded at her, his lips pursed as if he was cornered.
"And that you'll not run out on me wearing heels on black ice and fall into a ditch." He raised a brow at her.
She let go of his sweater, the sides of her ears heating up. "I just wanted to get a good picture of the lake for Omma." She made a face at him.
"I wish you hadn't told me that." Throwing his head back with a flourish, he rolled his eyes. "How is a photo worth getting bruised all over? Or having a broken leg?"
Omo, the soreness didn't mean her body was black and blue.
"Not bruised all over..." Still leaning on him, she scurried to hike up the side of her top. "Am I?"
Pale all over. No scrapes or discoloration, save the old scar, but the tenderness in some areas were signs of internal bruising. She breathed out. Lowering her top, she raised her dipped head. That instant, she felt his arm drop from around her shoulder and slip inside, his fingers slack over the scar left by the gunshot. She went still.
With his head against the couch, his eyes closed and his thumb traced the ridges of the scar.
Didn't you already live through hell over today's happenings?
She puffed out a breath. "It's my birthday. You don't get to be mad at me."
"I don't need the reminder." He sounded distant and still wouldn't look at her.
She turned his chin in her direction. "So what are we doing today?" She hoped to sound cheerful.
His eyes flickered open. "After all that you went through?" A smile rose to his lips. "Besides there is not much of today left."
He appeared to come out of his dark thoughts. Good enough for her.
His hand continued to rest by the curve of her waist, his thumb gliding over her skin at random. The sensations multiplied there. The heat emanating from his forearm in contrast with her cool skin.
"You know that endorphins reduce the perception of pain, right?" She blinked, failing to keep the affectation from surfacing in her voice.
"You want a cake?" He leaned forward.
"Well," her breath hitched. "There are a lot of other things that release endorphins too." Her gaze wavered. "Like exercise..."
He pointed at her feet. "Which is not an option now." The taunt in his voice rang clear.
"And," she took a deep breath and caught the mischief in his eyes. "Then there is —"
Cuddling.
He placed a quick kiss on her lips.
And kissing.
She held a coy smile. The man knew his biology.
His other arm went around her waist too, circling over the skin exposed between her top and skirt. A jolt shook her in his hold and he drew her close. His lips moved over hers, slowly at first. A slew of kisses against her nape and he returned with an urgency to kiss her mouth again.
Mindless, she tugged at his sweater. Somewhere between its tow and release, her hand slid under tracing the long muscle of his back.
The feel of skin over skin ignited a spark of warmth in her being. The light stubble over his chin kindled a burn around her lips. Delighted by the strange mix of pain and pleasure, she smiled with her lips still caught in his.
His clutch over her waist escalated to an eager grip and she yelped.
Releasing her at once, he, stayed close. His forehead touched hers and he held her cheek with a tender touch. Another peck on the tip of her nose.
"Don't disappear on me like that again..." He whispered and his voice shook with emotion.
Her distractions went only so far. She caught her breath. "I promise." Hopefully, they were done with the hard conversations.