The Nigerian way of organizing funerals usually consisted of two things, too much food than required - even though the guests would go on to complain after the event that there wasn't enough to go around - and the second ingredient was extravagance, Alisha was sure those two would come much later during the reception but she found it sad and amusing that no genuine tears were being shed for the dead man who lay in the open coffin. Of course, some of the few people from the church who had been invited for the private funeral were bawling their eyes out a manner that was too loud to be genuine.
Festus's older brother stood somberly by the coffin, shaking his head pitifully as he spoke to the pastor who was named the successor to the church. They were probably discussing how Festus was a good man and how he didn't deserve to die so young from a heart attack, but deep in their hearts the brother was thinking of when he would get his own share of the money and the pastor was probably thinking of how he'd drive the church into further sin. Although Alisha might be judging too hard because she had spoken to him some minutes ago and he seemed like a nice man - then again, every member who had spoken personally to Festus when he had been alive had probably thought he too was a nice man.
Another pastor stood by the pulpit doing the soundcheck as invited guests streamed into the church and took their seats, as she paced the hall, Alisha noticed her siblings and mother sitting at the front and when Victory spotted her, he waved and she smiled, doing the same.
She blew out a nervous breath, if she was doing this then she had to do it right, it was her chance of letting go, her chance of closure and she didn't want to mess it up. A single tap on her shoulder made her spin on her heels and almost collide her head with Rhoda's.
"Hey, you okay?" Rhoda asked, concern etched on her face. Yesterday, before the funeral, she had called all her friends, and connected them on a single group call on WhatsApp and told them the whole truth about Festus and that he had been one of the factors why she had left. She hadn't spoken of August, because it was hard and it wouldn't miraculously get easier, she decided to take it one step at a time.
Surprisingly, they had been supportive, Nehemiah had spoken extensively about how he wanted to knock Festus's teeth down to his throat and Godwin had reminded him with a cackle that the man was dead. Elisabeth had told her that she was brave and even though she hadn't wholeheartedly believed it, it had made her smile. Rhoda had shocked them all and announced that a relative had once tried to abuse her and would have, if her eldest brother hadn't walked in that moment. It made Alisha realize that sexual abuse was more rampant than they knew because its victims never spoke up.
"I'm good. Well, as good as I can be right now." She said, forcing a smile, jolting from her reverie.
Rhoda cracked a tiny smile at that. Godwin and Elisabeth were behind them and the former was literally vibrating with excitement.
"You can't blame the girl, she's about to out the saint in front of all his worshippers." Godwin winked, Elisabeth jabbed in the stomach and he doubled over, pretending it hurt.
"No one's outing anyone, Godwin." Alisha huffed a laugh.
"Look at you, acting like you weren't one of his worshippers." Elisabeth said, rolling in her eyes in a very 'un-Elisabeth' manner.
"I've always hated him." Godwin sneered, then winced at the look on Alisha's face as if he was afraid of offending her. She didn't even care. "I mean, he made us volunteer when I didn't want to."
"I'll be fine, y'all." Alisha affirmed. "And if any one hears you talking trash about the dead pastor, you'll be thrown out before your eyes can bulge in shock."
Godwin gaped at her in wonder as if unbelieving that she had just insulted him, he parted his lips to fire a comeback when the pastor behind the pulpit announced that everyone be seated and Alisha cast one last glance at the wide open doors of the sanctuary, waiting for someone.
"He'll be here, don't sweat it." Godwin told her, she sent him a grateful smile and all four of them escorted her up to front seats where the family were seated before they returned to their own seats, oddly Alisha felt like a fraud, she wondered if they were thinking it too.
The funeral service began, the pastors taking turns to begin in worship and praise songs, the choir echoed it, sounding like angels. The congregation sang along cheerfully as if it was any normal Saturday service, as if there wasn't a dead man lying just a few distance from them. Alisha blinked, wondering why she felt bad for him but she had never hated him, not when he changed and not now when he was dead.
Other pastors climbed the dias to give sermons about forgiveness, death and the afterlife. More than once she thought about what afterlife Festus was in.
The service dragged on and on, Victory fussed in his suit, and snuck out with his eight year old cousin and each time they would return, giggling. If it wasn't for the cold body - surrounded by roses and other pretty flowers - that Alisha could see from where she sat, it was easy to close one's eyes and pretend it was a wedding ceremony instead, that the songs sang were praising God for a new union, that the bride and groom were standing where the coffin stood and the crocodile tears people shed were because the ceremony was beautiful and because the bride was stunning.
She sighed and wished it were a wedding instead, the pressure in her chest increased making her heart thud fast. She glanced down at the bulletin printed in her hands, the next thing under the order of service was the eulogy - she was next.
She took in deep breaths and stood when her name was called next, the congregation erupted in thunderous applause that made her feel even more of a fraud. She noticed the stares and knew that most of them were wondering why she of all people was in charge of giving an eulogy when she wasn't even family and Alisha knew very well that others thought that it was fitting - the daughter he had raised out of the pure kindness of his heart even though she was never his.
She climbed up the dias, forcing herself to look anywhere but at the dead body of Festus. The pastor at the pulpit handed her the microphone with a nod and then he was gone, leaving her to the mercy of almost two hundred people.
"Hi -" Her voice cracked as she spoke and her hands visibly shook as she gripped the mic like it was an anchor. The congregation quietened.
"Good afternoon, everyone." She tried again. Her voice was not quite as firm as she wanted it to be, but it would have to do. She wondered if they wondered why she wasn't shedding tears.
"I want to start this out and say, Festus Boye was not a saint." She finally said, wincing when murmurs arose. She stretched her hand out. "Please, I am not saying this to be wicked or unnecessary mean to a dead man. I'm saying this because it is the truth."
The murmurs died down and she almost laughed when she spotted Nehemiah in the crowd, most of them wearing black, he caught her eye and gave her a thumbs up. She steeled her spine, feeling buoyed by his presence.
"To you, Festus Boye was your pastor, your spiritual father and what not. To me, Festus Boye was a father to me for the first years of my life, he was a confidant, and for a while, my mentor. But he was also far from perfect, he made mistakes, he hurt people and he broke hearts."
Her voice grew stronger as she spoke, feeling empowered, even when she caught the gazes of her old friends staring at her like they didn't recognize her.
"You celebrate a man you think as perfect, I celebrate the man I thought I knew, a mere shadow of the man he was, an illusion and when he was that illusion, he was the most perfect man. I don't celebrate the ugly colours he showed when he was in comfort of his home, I don't celebrate the man who once beat his wife to a pulp or the man who failed his children when they needed him the most."
The outrageous looks grew, some believing, some disbelieving and their disbelief did not hurt her, she wasn't looking for sympathy from anyone, she was saving herself by telling the truth.
"I don't idolize him but I do not hate him, he does not deserve my hate or love or anything from me. I'm getting this off my chest because wherever he is, I want him to know that he didn't succeed, he didn't break me, or my siblings and he has no power over my family in death." She shouted, microphone forgotten, she said the words like she was speaking directing to the man.
"Festus Boye is a part of my life that is no longer a part of it, crossed out and I refuse to let the scars shame me anymore."
She didn't wait for the applause or their shouts, she stepped back and left the dais, ignoring the deafening silence that turned to outrageous shouts the moment she stepped out of the church, not lighter or healed or anything.
Alisha was simply herself and she was fine with it.
*****
"You need to hear what the press are saying about you." Godwin announced as Alisha shoved a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.
"I don't really care." Alisha announced through a mouthful of ice cream, although it came out like baby babble. She looked around the interior of Coffee & Chill and thought that she had missed coming there with friends and smiling when Elisabeth teased Rhoda about the cute boy by the counter who also shooting less than subtle glances at their table. She had all the friends she needed with her, They had followed her out the moment things went to hell at the funeral, she doubted the reception to the funeral would still hold after all the things she had said and if it did, she was fine it.
"People are coming out to say all the scandalous things they've supposedly heard about your - I mean, Festus." Godwin said, he had his phone in one hand, scrolling through it. "Although they all sound too fishy to be true."
Alisha laughed, she leaned forward to steal a scoop of Nehemiah's untouched cup, he had gone outside to answer a call.
"The church's WhatsApp group is full of people talking about it, some of them are taking your side and others are still being stupid." Godwin said, adding an eye roll for effect.
"It's called trust, I don't really blame them. If someone had told me Festus would become a monster when I was six years old, I would have called them liars." Alisha said. "I didn't say all that to ruin his reputation, or hurt him. I just wanted people to know the truth, my truth."
"You shouldn't have to explain yourself." Elisabeth reassured her.
"I wished I didn't have to, I wish a day comes that the victim isn't shunned or called a liar."
"We are working on it, Lisha." Nehemiah's voice came behind her, he came around to sit besides her, he had discarded his suit jacket and it was now hanging on the chair.
She gave him a smile, he gave her a suspicious look as he glanced down at his half eaten cup and back at her face.
"You ate it." He accused, although he didn't sound the least bit like he cared.
"You weren't eating it, so." She stressed, bumping shoulders with his.
"You guys should have seen the look on your old friends' faces when we walked out, like sorry bitches, you're on the wrong side of history." Godwin sassed. He hadn't stopped raving about how they left the church like badasses. "And your mother, I've never seen her so shocked, she looked so proud, like, yasss - that's my baby."
They all laughed at Godwin's exaggerated spiel but all she thought was that she had all the family she could ever want. She glanced down at the screen, at the message her father had sent just minutes ago.
I'm so proud of you, we're proud of you.
She looked up to see that Nehemiah was staring at her, he turned away when she caught him, but later reaching to squeeze her hand and she let him, ignoring the twinkling mischief in Rhoda's eyes.
"Abeg, guy, you too dey exaggerate." Nehemiah scoffed in response to Godwin's statement, he got a stank eye look in return.
"We should toast to this," Elisabeth suggested.
"Toast to what?" Godwin asked, he had dropped his phone, watching Elisabeth intently. Alisha noticed the tall girl was the only person that command his whole attention, she wasn't even sure if it was romantic because Godwin had once told her that Elisabeth was usually a quiet person who usually fought to be heard so when she did speak, he quieted down to listen.
"To being on the right side of history." Elisabeth urged, raising her cup first.
The others followed, grins on their faces.
"To being on the right side of history." They chorused.
*****
In the dim of her childhood room, Alisha picked up all the last of her things, it would be the last time she ever set foot in it. Her phone lit up but she ignored it, knowing that it was Nehemiah bothering her to hurry up so he could drive her back home, before they were caught up in the evening traffic.
She packed the last notebook into a box, staring at the cover and noting that it had been a book she had once written lyrics in while she was in her last year of her junior secondary school - judging by the scrawled date on it. She flipped the pages of the book, reading cheesy lyrics and the written dreams of a thirteen year old.
Alisha rose up when a photograph fluttered to the ground from the pages, she bent to pick it up, and looked at the photograph.
A thirteen year old her was grinning toothily into the camera, hair bald from her rebellious phase and an arm was slung over her shoulder, the owner grinning too, unguarded and green eyes shinning. August.
Alisha stared for a long while, memorizing that face.
Then she smiled.
The end.