A/N: hello! I just felt the need to tell you where exactly this fic-idea came from before continuing the story. So, here goes nothing. Inspiration struck when I watched one of Alex's "reacting to TikToks" videos. He started the video off, claiming that he definitely wasn't anorexic, and then eats water from a spoon like it was soup! And this really messed up idea just formed in my head. So yeah. Enjoy chapter three!
November passed by quickly after that, and Alex's mood swings disappeared as he started eating more to appease his parents. But even though things looked like they were getting back to normal, he still couldn't help feeling antsy about the food he was consuming. It wasn't all about the diet anymore. It was also about his control and his fear of losing it. Eating how his parents wanted meant giving up on that control over his own life, and submitting to becoming someone he didn't want to be. While he had first thought that he could do anything to see his family happy, Alex soon found that voluntarily giving up control was a lot harder than he first expected. It wasn't long before he became withdrawn again. It was hard to eat like that. Each bite of chocolate tasted much too sweet for his stomach to handle, each bite of food like cardboard and each sip of soup like drinking oil. He dreaded mealtimes and hated smiling reassuringly for his parents before he gave up on that precious control over the limit that entered his mouth.
He gave up his methodological way of eating because the precision had freaked his brother out, and dutifully ate the seconds that his mother scooped on his plate. But it just didn't feel right to be eating like that. All of his control belonged to his parents, and Alex nearly despised them for that, even though it was he who gave up control in the first place. But he had to prove to them that he didn't have an eating problem. It was his pride on the line, and he could afford to give up his momentary control for his pride. Once he had proven to them that their fears were unfounded, then he could take up that control over his life again.
In the meanwhile, he would just have to continue feeling miserable.
As November passed into December, Alex became unable to run in the mornings anymore due to the cold temperature. He had tried to run the first few days but found that it was just too hard to move when his limbs were frozen all over.
So Alex was limited to stretching in the mornings, not even able to run up and down the stairs for fear of waking someone. And with every morning of his lessened activity, he could feel himself getting heavier. It was one thing when his mother fed him more, but it was quite another thing if he had to eat that much and not be able to run it off. He hated mirrors now because he hated having to see the pudgy reflection that would stare back at him with such panicked hazel eyes and those round cheeks and chubby arms. Alex's appearance was even more unkempt now that he was trying so hard not to look into a mirror.
It was the first Saturday of December when Alexis finally couldn't take it anymore. Hadn't his parents persisted on feeding him for long enough? Alex could feel the bile rising in his throat with each bite of food, and his stomach fighting pitifully as his mother piled ham onto his plate, smiling and talking with his father as she made sure that Alex was eating a healthy dose of all the food groups.
The dark-haired boy just couldn't bear it any longer. This was the first time that she had forced meat on his plate for a long while, especially something with so many calories because she had wanted Alex's eating habits to slowly go back to normal. And after having such a fresh vegetarian diet for so long, the sweet smell of the delicately cooked ham made him cover his nose and mouth with his hands, his eyes tearing over. His already upset stomach clenched suddenly and Alex stood up and raced away, hands still covering his nose and mouth, ignoring his family's cries of concern.
He barely made it to the restroom before letting loose the contents of his stomach into the sink, hands white-knuckled from gripping the cold porcelain sides so firmly. He heaved until there was nothing but his dry cough and spit. The smell was practically enough to send him hurling once more, and he turned on the faucet quickly, filling the palms of his hand with water and using that to rinse his mouth of the disgusting taste that accompanied his sickness. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and shut his eyes firmly, realising that he just couldn't take this any longer. His throat felt raw and sore... but his stomach was strangely calm now, no unpleasant nausea waiting to assail him.
Now that the contents of his stomach had washed down the drain and the smell was slowly fading, Alex felt better than he had for the entire past month. It was almost a relief to breathe without the constricting feeling in his stomach.
A hand touched his shoulder tentatively, and Alex tilted his head sideways with hooded eyes to see his brother standing over him, practically radiating concern. The smaller boy looked slightly out of breath. His worried eyes were starting to make Alex mad, reminding him that yes, he had experienced this on account of his family. He had forced himself into this as a result of their concern. The only reason he was suffering like this was that he felt the need to placate their concern. Still did.
"I'm fine." He said, trying to hide the shaking of his hands by clenching them into fists. He did feel much better, but he didn't want to tell his brother that throwing up made him feel good.
"I don't think I can eat ham, though."
"Mamá is waiting outside." His brother informed him hesitantly. "she feels terrible for trying to make you eat. She didn't know..."
Alex washed his hands before turning off the water. "I didn't know either. Don't worry about it. I just don't think I'll be eating anymore today, though. I feel sick." He lied.
"I'll talk to Mamá then. We don't want this to happen again, do we?" His brother joked weakly.
"No," Alex replied. "We don't."
☾ *:·ﾟ✧
The next day Alex ate more at dinner without his mother's encouragement, then excused himself and went to the bathroom, and promptly threw up everything he ate.
It was nearing Christmas holidays when Alex felt too tired to stream at all. He had developed bags underneath his eyes, despite the plentiful sleep that he got each night, and had an unusual pale pallor even though he used to have a brilliant tan. But he still woke up every morning and plastered a smile on his face, his parents never suspecting anything. They suspected that Alex was staying up too late at night, which would constitute for why he was so tired during the day. He tried to improve his Youtube videos and playing the piano, and practice more editing in general. He wanted things to be as it was when he initially began with this control issue. He needed things to improve. He wanted things to be as it once was.
In any case, it shamed Alex to think that he was throwing up his dinners. He hadn't given much thought to it at first, as it served its duty to rid the contents of his stomach. But each day that he did it only increased his need for this... purging. He constantly remembered how his mother had accused him of being anorexic, yet now he ate to such an extent. He was unable to quit eating. Two weeks ago, his family stared as Alex piled food onto his plate, to fulfil the chewing hunger deep within. He had looked up and found himself under the gaze of the household, some sickened and others stunned. They had never seen Alex eat that much in one setting before.
Afterwards, he felt so ashamed he left immediately for the restroom, unable to bear the weight of those eyes any longer. He ate normally after that, sometimes going to the kitchen late at night for a snack that he could take with him to his room.
Not that he gained much weight from that. Alex made sure that almost all the food he consumed wouldn't be allowed to digest. It was a daily ritual, to eat and afterwards rid the food from his stomach. It wasn't as if he was getting alarmingly thin, and Alex was glad for getting rid of excess weight on his body. A social media icon shouldn't be... fat, all things considered. All he was doing would be worth it after a while, even if he was feeling too tired to go to do practically anything.
Yes, he was ashamed that he couldn't tell his friends about his situation, but they would worry again. And they wouldn't allow him to cleanse himself of all that harmful foods. And he couldn't allow himself to get any rounder. He had to act normally, or else Aksel and the others would worry.
And that was why Alex was sitting at his setup, playing Minecraft with some friends on a December day, cold and tired enough to fall asleep on the spot. He was wrapped up in many layers of clothing, but he could still see his fingers trembling in the chilly basement. He was so cold... and he just wanted to be in his warm bed, sleeping...
"C'mon, Alex..." Aksel said in the Discord call, "You need to stop playing Minecraft... you really shouldn't be playing if you feel that awful."
Indeed, he already knew that. His empty stomach was pestering him, but it wasn't as awful as the cold. He felt lightheaded out of nowhere, and all of a sudden really, really resented playing videogames.
"Hey, are you alright, Alex?" Ani asked, examining tired his face through the call. "You're pale... Maybe you should go get some rest."
"I'm fine." Alex brushed off the concern. "Just a bit cold, there's nothing more to it. Honest." He sniffled.
Ani gave him a doubting look, seeing the many layers he had on, but got the point that he wanted to be left alone.
She went back to playing Minecraft and cast one last glance at her other monitor and saw him close his eyes tiredly. He looked like death warmed over.
Alex closed his eyes involuntarily, his lids feeling too tired and his body barely able to sit straight in his chair. He felt as if he was being drained of energy as each second went by, and he just wanted to leave the call.
"Alex!"
His eyes snapped open to see a bewildered Aksel, booging it away from at least a dozen zombies. Alex's eyes widened as he saw the zombies now running after him. They were just a few blocks behind him, emitting that creepy signature growl. Alex leaned forward, jerked his mouse and repeatedly smashed the keyboard, with an end goal to kill the massive amount of zombies, his tiredness nearly forgotten, but replaced by a wave of queasiness.
He stilled for a moment before he fell backwards into his chair, his vision blurring.
The last thing he heard was the concerned shouts of his friends mixing in with the soothing hum of the Minecraft music as his hands fell slack and his eyes rested for just a moment...