Somehow, through the lust-induced fog, we make it back to my apartment. Irrationally, I take the elevator. I think it's the only time I'm able to ignore my reptilian brain screaming at me about limited escape if a fight pops off.
Probably because it's occupied with other things: the brutality of this kiss, the searing of his body, the feel of his dark hair.
The doors slide closed. I slam Alex's back so hard against the control panel we stop on every floor between ground and the 9th. Nobody dares get on the elevator with the way we're going at it like starving animals.
"I love it when you're rough with me," he moans.
"Really?"
A panted laugh. "Fuck yeah."
Glad he's not delicate. I have zero control right now. After everything this afternoon, I don't want it.
We fall and crash down the hallway. Neighbors curse, pound their doors. It's a miracle we make it into the apartment at all.
I close and bolt the door in time for Alex to smash me back against it. I let out a low wheeze, "Goddamn."
Fingers under my shirt, splaying against my bare skin. "Your ribs?"
"Fine."
"You're sure?" With alarming dexterity, he undoes my belt, wrenches leather from denim.
"Yeah." Warning bells and sirens shatter my reverie. The throbbing begs for me to silence them, snooze the alarm just this once. "Alex – "
"You tell me if I hurt you?"
"Alex." It ain't my voice that comes out. This sounds jagged and dangerous. "You – " I can't think with his hard body goading my erection. "Surprise. What was your surprise?"
He withdraws a white bottle from his back pocket. No sooner does he shove it into my chest than he's down on his knees. I barely register "Norvir" before my jeans and boxers are down, Alex's mouth around my cock.
"Jesus fucking Christ!" I all but collapse against the door at my back. The bottle of pre-exposure prophylaxis clatters to the ground.
I swear I choke on air. He's hot, wet, and oh my god his tongue. If this is what being bilingual does to a person, they need to preach that shit in schools. He's fearless and probing while he pumps my shaft and rolls me between his fingers.
It's all I can do to stay standing.
That pull behind my bellybutton becomes harder, more ardent while I watch. He takes my hand places it on the back of his head to set a pace. When I fist his hair, he groans around a full mouth. When I whimper, he looks at me with wicked green eyes.
"Shit – I – mm – God." I'm all grunted profanities and moaned declarations. The closer he drags me to orgasm, the deeper he's going.
I meet slight resistance. He pushes further, and I'm through. Tension, pressure, heat, and wetness. Holding me there, he laps and swallows.
The pull is gone. The dam is a finger's breadth from bursting. "Alex," I pant. "You – I'm about to – "
He blinks. It's all the permission I need. So I anchor him, start thrusting down his throat.
"Fuck!" I rupture, emptying. Kid takes all of me, never breaking our held gazes.
Spent, I flop against the door. I'm a mess, shaking, speechless, and sweating.
When I manage to rub two brain cells together, I drag him to his feet. Then I tilt his chin, capture his mouth. Alex parts without hesitation, meeting my tongue. I taste my own arousal, bitter and sweet on his lips.
"Goddamn," I heave, leaning my head against his shoulder.
I hear the smile in that husky voice. "Was it good for you?"
It was better than good. It was terrifying.
What the hell did I just do?
Letting him drop down like that, face-fucking him, making him swallow. It was like some sex-crazed demon took over. A bull in a china shop. All my carefully placed wards and lines smashed.
I'm despicable.
I was too caught up with being conflicted that I forgot about the HIV. In that moment, I didn't care about keeping him safe. I was too focused on feeling wanted, pleasured.
I should have stopped him, made sure he understood the implications. I should have –
"Earth to Colt." Alex taps my chest. "I see what you're doing. Stop it."
Framing his face, I search his gaze. "We can't – "
"We can." He insists, green burning almost neon with their intensity. "I want us. Together." He gestures at the bottle. "I've been taking them for a week. Same time. Every day. Just like you."
"You..."
"Why are you still fighting me?" He takes my hand from one side of his face, drags his teeth gently over the pad of my thumb. "Do you not want this anymore?"
I thread my fingers in his hair, run my knuckle over the scar splitting his lip. The one he got getting sucker-punched. Just because he was involved with me.
"I want this," I confess on a low breath. "So badly. But – "
"Then let me." He presses a gossamer kiss on my palm, the inside of my wrist. "Is hurting all you know how to do after seven years? So used to pain you're scared of anything else?"
I shudder against his teeth on my earlobe. He's right. I know he's right. I'm scared to feel again, scared of what it might do. There ain't many pieces of me left to put back together.
He leads me toward my mattress and threadbare sheets. "Let me make you feel good."
Our kisses this time are slow and exploratory. Fingers caressing, pressure soft. Alex's shirt joins mine on the floor, the gold cross like a brand against my skin.
I've seen him bare chested plenty. Now I take the time to admire the lean muscle and dark hair. Physically flawless, even outside the steel and cement of prison.
He gives me the same long, appreciative look. From the tears in my jeans to the rising sun tattoo. I've never felt more desired.
We lower together onto the material, mouths fused, starting to grow hungrier. How could he think I didn't want this?
"This okay?" He murmurs, shifting us so that he straddles my hips.
I palm his ass, grind him against my reforming erection. When he gasps, I do it again. When he groans, I grin.
I know he's worried about my ribs. It's sweet. I just need the spice to balance it.
We both shuck our pants and boxers. Alex descends on me once more, teeth marking trails down my chest. He comes to my nipple, laps, circles, and blows. The icy sensation makes me moan.
Sliding my hand between us, I palm his cock. It earns me a choked gasp, a sudden collapse. "Mierda." Another jagged groan before, "Do you have lube?"
I gesture at the milk crate. "Left side. With the condoms."
He disengages me to retrieve it, emits a deep chuckle. "If we're doing this, we're doing this right. Nothing held back."
"Alex," I plead, too turned on and wanton to do much else. "...safe. I need – "
"I did my research," he reminds me. He dollops, fingers ease in, arch up. That delirious pull begins anew. When I start to protest again, his teeth sink into my lip. "Callate. Déjame amarte."
He wastes no time loosening me. The way he curls and presses, it's like we've been at this for years. They mirror his tongue, circling, inciting. He takes my cues well, tailors his technique to my reactions.
I fist the sheets, his hair. Not to stop or control, but to hold on for dear life. "You're entirely too good at that."
"No such thing." Alex hums, slides up my chest for a penetrating, tongue-heavy kiss. I pull him deeper and he positions at my entrance.
Visceral memory grips my mind. I tense and guard. The rancid breath against my ear, the agony and indignity of this act.
Alex feels the change, shifts to find my gaze. "Colt. Look at me."
Breathe.
The hands holding me ain't cruel. They're infinitely tender as they thread through my hair, thumb along my beard, coax the darkness back. A quiet, indominable reminder that now ain't then
I release my captive breath, do as he says. The burning ardor in his eyes exorcises the shadows in mine. This ain't the same. Won't ever be the same.
"Alex..."
"I can stop," a soft kiss on my brow, a gradual retreat. "I don't – "
The phantom pain is already forgotten. I need him, pull him back. "You're not going to," I promise the half-spoken specter. I ain't about to let that monster own me here. "Just go slow."
Alex positions again, murmuring awed declarations against my heated skin. Soft, subtle, he builds me anew. This time I don't fight it. He slides in and I gasp.
He seems to know the meaning of this without speaking. Inch by inch, impressively measured and controlled for someone so passionate. When he's fully in, I need to work to take a few deep breaths, will muscles to relax and accept.
After a series of tender touches and adoring whispers, he begins a sequence of slow thrusts. My breathing becomes ragged, hands groping his thighs. I ain't ever experienced this much pleasure.
I throw my head back. "God – !"
"Tell me what you want," Alex respires, sweat starting to sheen his chest.
He ribs that sweet spot again and moan. "This. You. Harder."
Bracing his hands on the wall over my head, he arches his back. The pressure and view are glorious. The gold chain dangling, swinging against his olive skin. Combined with his heat, his eyes; Christ, he's incredible.
Alex complies with my demand, thrusts coming harder and deeper. He's hitting that thing inside me. I ain't certain if it's his size, girth, or technique. I don't fucking care. These raw, intense sensations that make me yelp and moan his name.
"Oh – you – shit – Alex – !"
He grips me and I almost lose it. That first orgasm helped maintain my stamina, but it won't be long. He's too damn good.
"I want you every way I can have you," he grunts through thrusts.
I can only manage a delirious moan. Ecstasy is seconds away and I'm fighting it. I need him to know what I feel, understand how incredible all of this.
Fingers claw into his hair, drag him down. It slows his pace, provides a reprieve from the subliminal movements. "You are so goddamn gorgeous," I hiss, tongue on his ear. "Your eyes, your skin. I want them on mine forever."
"Colt – " The green has a dreamy, focused haze. I know he's close.
Fantastic.
"Me too." Another round of firm, coiled thrusts have me shrieking. "Fuck! Alex!"
It slams me over the edge harder and faster than I was expecting. My body heaves and convulses around him. Fingers dig into his skin, hard and tight while I shout gibberish and curses.
When I'm done, he's against my chest, shuddering and groaning. He must have lost it right along with me. I hold him tightly, press a drunken kiss to his temple an offer a stupid smile.
Alex meets it, returning that tender kiss to my lips. Then he pushes a sweaty mass of hair out of my face, searches my gaze.
"What?" I stifle a yawn.
"Caramel," he states.
"Huh?"
"Your eye color, after an orgasm." Alex withdraws, tucks into the crook between my chest and arm. I draw up the blanket and he sighs. "Es mi favorito."
AN://
Thank you so much for reading! :D. I appreciate all of your support!
A sex scene! FINALLY!
Thoughts on how that went? How Colt and/or Alex handled this situation?
Shout-out to @missdreamx and @bigfivedonaldduckfan for proofing this. Poor things have to deal with my histrionics xD. They're awesome, though.
Stay safe out there!
~ T