I wake up in the morning to Morgan sound asleep right next to me. She looks so peaceful and so beautiful when she is sleeping. I spent the night in the hospital with her last night. I wasn't just going to leave her.
I get out of bed and I go to the window. I look at the city and I just think about everything. It's so hard to believe that this is happening right now. I thought she was fine. I thought she was healthy and okay.
She could die though and I'm not okay with that. I can't live without her. She is my rock. My literal best friend.
"Nick?"
I turn around to see her eyes open and she is stretching. She is so damn beautiful. I walk over to her and I sit on the bed.
"Hi, ma."
She smiles lightly, "Hi."
"Did I wake you?" I ask.
"No," she says.
"How are you doing?"
"I'm okay," she says. "I just want to get out of here and go home."
I smile, "Did they say when you can leave?"
"Today," she says. "But they did tell me that I have to start going through chemo since it's just getting worse."
I nod my head lightly and I hold onto her hand. She smiles at me and then the door opens up. It's her doctor. "Good morning, Morgan."
"Good morning," she says.
"How are you feeling today?" He asks.
"I'm okay. I just want to go home now."
He chuckles and starts to look at a clipboard full of papers. "Well I don't see why you need to stay. After you passed out yesterday everything came back to normal. You should be good to go."
I didn't even know that she passed out. I never really asked why she was in the hospital. I knew it was because of the cancer, but I didn't exactly know why. I wonder if part of it was because of me. I probably freaked her out.
"Thank you," she says lightly.
"I want you to take it very easy though," he says. "It's just getting worse and you are going to be in pain. You can still walk and do whatever you please, but don't do crazy things like skydiving."
She laughs, "I wasn't planning on it."
"Good," he says. "I'll get your discharge papers and you are free to go."
He walks out the door and closes it. "Nick?"
"Yes, ma?"
"Can I stay with you and the boys? I know it's crazy to ask but, my mom is going to want me to go back home with her. I want to stay here and I know she won't let me stay at my apartment alone."
I smile, "Of course, ma. You know that we don't care. You basically live there anyways."
"Thank you."
I kiss her forehead, "Of course."
***
"I think you should come back home with us."
We are currently back at the house and Morgan's parents are here. They want her to go back home, but she says no. Her parents are practically fighting with her and I can tell it's upsetting Morgan a lot. She is so tired and she just wants to relax, but now she has even more stress on her.
"I'm not leaving, mom."
"Why not?" She asks. "I would be able to watch after you and I can take you to appointments."
"I have Nick," she says. "I'm not leaving here. I love it here."
"But he is just a boy. I'm your mother. Please just come back. Don't risk your health for a boy."
Ouch. I guess I know how her mom thinks of me now. I'm just a "boy" to her and I don't matter to her. Eh. Who cares. Her opinion doesn't matter to me. Morgan is the only thing that matters.
"He's not just a boy," Morgan says. "I love him and I'm going to stay here with him."
Her mom laughs, "You don't love him."
Morgan rolls her eyes, "I do love him. You wouldn't know because you only worry about my health. I'm aloud to have a life outside of cancer, mom!"
"I understand that but, if you don't stop being stupid you are just going to die!" Her mom yells at her.
Morgan gasps very quietly and I can tell that her mother's words upset her. She doesn't deserve any of this.
"I think you should leave," I say.
"Excuse me?" Her mom yells.
"You both need to leave before you guys just make it worse."
"Whatever," her mom says. "Don't contact me for anything."
They walk out the door and she slams it. Morgan starts crying and I run over to her. I hold her tightly and she falls to the ground. I go down with her, "I'm I'm g-going t-to d-die aren't I?"
"No, ma. Don't ever think that. You are going to be just fine."
[2 weeks later]
Morgan hasn't been doing good at all. She is so sick. She is always puking and she is so weak that she can barely stand up to use the restroom. This whole chemo thing is kicking her ass, but it'll all be worth it in the end.
I feel so bad though. I wish I could take the pain away from her. Nobody wants to see the love of their life go through this shit. It breaks my heart every second of the day that she is in pain. The only thing I can do is be there for her and love her. And that's what I've been doing.
"Ma," I yell as I knock lightly on the door. She locked it which is weird because she never locks the bathroom door.
"Can you get Maggie please?"
"Why? Is everything okay?" I ask.
"Just get her please."
I leave my bedroom and I walk down to Brandon's room. I knock on the door and Brandon yells for me to come in. I walk in and Brandon is sitting at his desk while Maggie is on his bed.
"Hey, man. What's up?" Brandon asks.
"Maggie can I borrow you?"
"For what?"
I sigh, "If I being honest I don't really know. Morgan is in the bathroom right now and she told me to get you."
"Okay," she says.
(Maggie's POV)
I walk upstairs and Nick follows me up there. I knock on the bathroom door. "Hey, babes. What's up?"
"Is it just you?" She asks. It sounds like she has been crying for days.
"No," I say. "Nick is in here."
"Only Maggie come in here please."
"Okay. It'll just be me," I say.
She opens the bathroom door and I go inside. I close it and I lock it again. I turn around and I look at her. She has tears running down her face and there is hair everywhere.
Ugh my poor girl is now loosing her hair.
I don't say anything to her. I just grab onto her body and I hold her so tightly. This whole process obviously isn't easy on her at all. No girl wants to lose all of their hair.
"I-I have t-to s-shave it all off," she cries out.
"Shh. It's okay," I say rubbing her back. "It could be worse, just remember that."
She pulls away and wipes her face. "You are right. I just don't want to lose it all."
"I know," I say. "It's okay though. You will always be so beautiful. With or without hair."
She smiles very lightly. I haven't seen her smile in weeks. "Can you shave it all off for me?"
"Of course I can."
She sits down in front of the mirror and I grab the razor. I turn it on and she stares at it. I can tell she doesn't want me to, but I have to.
"Just do it," she says quietly.
I do what she says and I start to run it on her head. It swipes along her head and I see tears start to fall down her face again.
I keep cutting it until it's all off and she is completely bald. She still does look absolutely beautiful even without hair. She still looks just as amazing and she will always be loved by us all.
"I don't want to show Nick," she says.
"Why?"
"Because I don't have hair, Maggie." She starts crying again. "I don't have fucking hair! Why would he want to see me like this?"
"He loves you, Morgan. He doesn't care if you have hair or not. He is going to love you for you. He's not leaving."
"I can't show him. Not yet," she says. "I just need a bit. Just go tell him to go downstairs or something."
I nod my head lightly and I walk out of the bathroom. I hear her lock it again once I'm outside. Nick is standing right next to the door still. I'm sure he already knows what just happened.
"You should go downstairs," I say. "Or go for a walk. Get some food."
"Why?" He asks.
"This is really hard for her, Nick. Very hard."
"I know," he says. "I want to be there for her though."
"Just give her some time," I say. "Come back in a bit. She needs time to herself and time to calm down."
He nods his head and then walks closer to the bathroom door. He rests his head on it and I hear him say, "I love you, mamas."
Morgan doesn't say anything back though.