HAPPY 4/4/2020
I probably will publish this on not 4/4/2020 but yeah
Happy 4/4/2020
U N E D I T E D
I can never tell the difference between the crying while laughing emoji and the actual crying emoji.
Sometimes I just wanna laugh and I end up crying and sometimes I laugh when I really want to cry.
Okayyyyy moving on to the chapter
THE NEXT DAY?
FRIDAY
"Shut up, you can't possibly think that's true" I say with a small laugh as I walk out the building with Stacy and to the parking lot
She decided to drop me home today cause she's "...feeling generous"
"It is, what the fuck are you saying? It actually goes that way" she insists
"No it doesn't, its not even..." I trail off soon, my legs also not walking like it should anymore as I am now stood in a spot, trying to figure out if I'm seeing right
Is that Dallas?
I watch her look up from her phone and our eyes meet instantly. The smile on my face is automatic, my legs suddenly moving again, picking up speed in an attempt to get me to her. It doesn't take long before I am running to her and she's running towards me, her arms open to receive me.
This is so stupid but its not what's on my mind as we meet in the middle of the parking lot, my arms wrapping around her and hers around me, the biggest grin on both our faces.
God, its been just a couple days without being with or hearing from her and I want to die in this moment, in her embrace. I missed her arms around me, her presence, her scent, her smile, her goofiness, her everything.
I even missed her teasing me.
"Hi" I breathe out, my heart beating fast against my chest
Excitement? Happiness?
"Hi love" she says back, none of us making an attempt to pull away from the hug.
"I missed you"
"I missed you more" she says
"Are you upset with me?" I ask quietly and I feel her shake her head
"No, of course not" she says and I nod
"Are...you upset with me?" she asks back "I'm sorry about ignoring you throughout the week" she says
"No, its fine. I'm not upset with you" I say honestly
I'm really just glad to see her again.
"Thank you" she says and I smile before pulling away from this very long hug that I don't mind extending but I really want to see her face
"How have you been? It feels like its been a year since I saw you" I say, my palm going to rest on the side of her face and I smile when she leans into my touch
"Hm, I'm better. I feel better" she says with a smile and I nod
"That's good" I say with a smile and I hear Stacy tsk behind me
"Y'all are so dramatic. What was all that cheesy shit? It was like 5 days and y'all are acting like it was 5 months" She says coming to us and dropping her phone in her pocket and I roll my eyes, although a smile remained on my lips
"Hey Stacy" Dallas greets with a smile
"You have graced me with your presence once again, can I please have a hug?" Stacy asks and Dallas chuckles
"And we're dramatic" she says "Of course, come here" she says before bringing Stacy into a brief hug
"You smell so goodddd" Stacy whines as the hug breaks and Dallas laughs
"Thanks"
"It's fine. I'm guessing you guys are going together so I'll see you later B" she says turning to me and I nod with a smile
"Bye Stacy"
"Bye girl" she says before turning to Dallas "Bye Dallas Zilkaya" she says
"You can just call me Dallas"
"Never" she says before walking away and Dallas laughs, turning from her and to me
"She's quite the character" she says and I nod with a small laugh
"Did you have something to do at school?" I ask
"Not really, I actually came to pick you up" she says and a grin frames my face
" I said to call me today but you came all the way instead" I say referring to the text I'd sent her yesterday telling her I'd be waiting for her call
"I missed you and um...I have something to say" she says
"Oh...you sound serious. Are you breaking up with me?" I intend for that to come out in a joking tone but I can't help but let it out with some nervousness
I mean she did stop talking to me for days.
"No, fuck no. Actually, I think that would be your decision" she says with a breath and I raise a brow
"Well, what did you want to say?"
"Can we talk at your place instead? Except you have other plans?"
"No, not at all. We can go to my place, I'm done with classes" I say and she nods
"Alright"
____________
"Are you hungry?" I ask as we get into the house and she shuts the door behind us
"I'm a little thirsty but I'd rather not have water right now in case you feel the need to douse me with it" she says and I chuckle
"Why would I want to douse you with water?"
"Well people deal with anger differently" she murmurs and I raise a brow
"Anger? Why would I be angry with you?" I ask dropping my bag on the couch and taking off my jacket
"Well that's what I want to talk about"
"What's wrong?" I ask now worried
"Can we sit first?" She asks and I nod, leading us to the couch and she sits beside me
"Tell me, what is it?"
"I...um, okay before I tell you I just want you to know I admit to being stupid and I'm totally at fault and I would give no excuses to make this better and you can be upset for however long, although I'd prefer you don't get mad at me but yeah , however long you want but please don't bring up something like a break up or worse, a statement like 'I think we should take a break' cause really that's just the same thing as breaking up to me cause as I said people deal with anger differently and are more sensitive to some things than others and this might be a really big deal to you and I just want you to know I am sincerely sorry and I promise to be good forever"
"Dallas, calm down. You're talking really fast, I can barely hear you. What's going on, did you do something wrong?" I ask
"Sorry" she says with a breath
"It's fine. It's okay if you can't tell me what you did, take your time with it. I'm in no rush" I assure and she nods
"Can I like text it to you? It's better than saying it. I don't want to see your facial expression when I say it cause I imagine only disappointment" she mumbles and I chuckle
"You don't have to tell me if you're not confident to. I forgive you since you're remorse so it's okay" I say
"But if I don't tell you, then you'll find out somehow and you'll be really hurt and it'll be really sad" she says
"Is it something really bad? Did you like...sleep with someone?" I ask looking down at my fingers
Pleaseeeee say no
Please
Please
Please
Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
"No, no, not at all, oh God, not at all, no I didn't" she says quickly and I look up at her
"Oh thank God" I breathe out in relief
"I kissed someone actually" she says quickly
"What?"
"I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry" she says "I'm sincerely so sorry"
"Like...you initiated the kiss?" I ask slowly and she nods
"I'm sorry"
"Um....why? Do...do you like the person? Um...you have feelings for this person?" I ask
I'm really glad that I am currently unable to really think and I'm just floating on the surface cause I really don't know how to react
"Oh God, that's it. That's the look of disappointment I wanted to avoid" she mutters burying her face in her palms for a second before looking at me again
"You didn't answer my question..." I say quietly
"Oh...um...no, no I don't like her like that, I promise"
"Is this a stranger or like someone you know, someone you've had something with?" I ask yet another question and she takes a breath
"Um... she's a friend...a sort of close friend" she says
Worse.
I wish it was just some random stranger who I'll never see and she'll most likely never see.
"Do I know her?"
"Um...you never met. Her name's Azia"
Azia? Azia Gomez?
"The one everyone thinks you're with? The one everyone thinks you look great with? That Azia? The one you tell the whole world that you have nothing but a platonic relationship with but everyone still think you would make a great couple? That Azia? That's who you kissed?" I ask with a glare
"Okay, now you look angry, not disappointed" she says quietly
"Of course I look angry. People look angry when they are angry!" I say getting up from the couch and she does so too
"I realise. Look um...I know it sounds bad..."
"No, it sounds terrible. Why would you kiss her?"
"I don't know, I wasn't thinking. I'm really sorry" she says
"This is so upsetting but I'm unable to harness my anger and throw it at you to show you how upset this makes me" I say with a frown "You ignore me for a week and then you go to meet someone else, its really so upsetting but I don't know why I can't get mad at you" I murmur, sitting back on the chair as tears fill my eyes
I don't know if I'm upset about the kiss or if I'm upset she didn't come to me when she was going through what she was going through.
Of course I know she didn't just meet her with the intention to start anything but rather to have someone to talk to and seek comfort from.
Its just upsetting that she didn't choose me.
"Please don't cry" she says coming to sit next to me "I'm really sorry about this. I promise I would never do this again, ever. I can't explain why or what made me do this cause I'd just sound crazy and like I am just trying to make excuses but I swear, that isn't me. I'm so so sorry about this Monroe" she says and I say nothing, wiping the tears that fell down my cheeks and making way for others
This would be so much easier if I could just get mad and yell at her or something but I can't even do that.
Instead I feel bad that I made her feel like she had to be strong in front of me. Made her feel like she couldn't come to me when she felt vulnerable but in what way could I possibly show that I have my arms wide open to receive her?
In what way other than I have already done can I show her that I want to be there for her in tears and in joy and laughter?
I don't understand and I don't know what to do.
"Um...if you need some time to think about it or um...be alone then I'll give you time. I just...I'm really sorry and I know this might cause some distrust but I'm giving my word, never again will this happen. I really didn't mean to hurt you or anything like that but I never really have to mean it cause I end up doing it anyways but um...I'm just really sorry" she says and I look up at her
"I don't know what to do" I say quietly "Is it me? Am I pushing you away? Do you feel like that?"
"No, of course not. I think I'm the one pushing you away unintentionally"
"Why? Why won't you let me be there for you? I mean I understand you're going through a lot and are undergoing some emotional distress but shouldn't I be the one whose shoulder you lay your head on? Shouldn't I be the one giving you comfort?" I ask as tears slide down my cheek "Its so upsetting that you don't feel the need to come to me when something is wrong and instead you go to other people, whether its Kofi or someone else"
"I'm sorry"
"Are you sorry? You tell me you're sorry every time but you still do it, you go to someone else. Am I the problem?"
"No, I'm the problem. I just...I don't know how to talk about what's wrong and I don't expect you to just know without me saying anything. I don't have to tell Kofi or her what's wrong, they just know so I feel better cause I'm not saying a word" she says "I'm never good at pouring out my problems to a listening ear and I really want to come to you, I swear I do, I just can't get myself to" she says and I sigh
"Don't say a word then. I don't have to know what's wrong to comfort you, God, even a hug or a pat on the back, I can do that. I just...its like I'm the only one left out" I say wiping my cheek "Its like I have you but you're not with me and it hurts a lot"
"I don't want to push you right into the waiting arms of another person just because I am unable to read you like everyone else. I don't want to lose you just because someone else knows you better than I do or has better words of comfort than I do"
"You won't" she says, taking my hand in hers and I shake my head in disagreement
"It feels like I already am. You kissed her, on your own will because she's the one who was there for you."
"No, please don't say that. I was wrong okay? I was so wrong and I really regret it, I swear it'll never happen ever again" she says quickly "Please just forgive me this once for being stupid. I was not in my right senses but I am now and I'll be for a really long time so just forgive me this once"
"You promise you don't like her like that?" I ask
"I promise"
"Not even a tiny bit?"
"Not even the tiniest bit"
"Does she have feelings for you?" I ask
"Um...well only her can answer that" she says
"So why did you kiss her? Did she seduce you with her beauty or something?" I ask
"Does it matter? Don't think about it" she says and I sigh
"I'll trust you. Even though you've done this, I'll trust you to not do this again" I say and she nods
"I promise I won't" she says and I nod
"Can I also trust that I'm enough? That I'm enough for you" I ask
"More than enough" she says
"I forgive you then"
"Really?"
"Yeah"
"Thank you so much, I promise you won't regret it" she says and I nod
I hope I don't
"I'm hungry, take me out?" I ask
"What?"
"I'm really hungry and I don't want to cook. Will you take me out to eat?" I ask again, wiping my face dry
"Of course, of course I will. Do you have somewhere you want to eat?" she asks and I shake my head no
"I'll think about it on our way" I say and she nods
"I'll just take a bath and change, want to come up with me?" I ask
"Sure" she says and I nod with a small smile, getting up from the chair
_____
In a better world, I'd be...
Never mind, there is no better world
OKAY, POINT OF VIEW TRANSITION CAUSE I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT EXCEPT BE HAPPY
"Yeah, just send me the contracts and arrange a meeting for Monday" Dallas says, her eyes on her nail polish
She'd spent 2 hours just the day before, debating between baby pink and mauve even though she knew she'd eventually choose baby pink. She wanted anything to take her mind off what she'd done.
She knew well how to put distractions to good use and that was why she was currently using the phone call to take her mind off the gushing sound of the shower. The more the sound filled her ears, the more she imagined the younger woman underneath the water, naked as she washed herself clean.
She imagined the water gliding down her body and she couldn't help but wish she was the water.
She couldn't help but think about how the lyrics of the song Jealous by Labrinth described her feelings.
I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain...
In this case, she was jealous of the shower or was it the water pouring down from it. It definitely had reached places she dreamt of reaching.
"Yeah, yeah of course" she said with the clearing of her throat as her mind started to wander again
Was this some sort of punishment? Was it on purpose that the other woman had asked her to come up to the room?
She really wished she stayed downstairs, she wouldn't have to undergo this torture then.
"I'll have a talk with them, just confirm that production is still ongoing" she says and she thought her heart stopped when she heard the water stop running
The bathroom door opened and Alexia stepped out, a small towel wrapped around her body. The towel barely reached her thighs and she had to hold on to the end of the towel to stop it from falling from around her.
Dallas looked up from her nails and at the younger woman stepping out the bathroom and her eyes glued to her body, still wet from the shower.
"What?" she asks, not catching what the man she was talking to on the phone had said
"Oh yeah, I understand" she says, her eyes watching the every movement of the other woman as she dried her hair with another towel absentmindedly with the free hand not keeping her towel in place.
Honestly she could barely think about her surroundings as her mind went over what Dallas had told her downstairs.
It was all she thought about in the shower and even now.
She took the hand holding the towel around her body in place away to touch her hair and it was barely a second before the towel came undone and fell to the floor.
As her towel dropped, Dallas also dropped her phone in shock, her trance only breaking when she heard the sound of her phone hitting the floor.
"Shit" she curses, dragging her eyes away from the woman's naked body and to the phone on the floor
Alexia seemed to snap out of her train of thoughts too at the sound and turned from the mirror and to her.
"Are you okay?" she asks and Dallas looks back at the her, her eyes instantly dropping to her uncovered breasts
"What?" she asks, dragging her eyes up to meet Alexia's
"Are you okay? I think your phone fell"
"It fell, didn't it?" Dallas asks absentmindedly, unable to stop her eyes from roaming the woman's body
Oh God, what she would give to make good use of the bed.
This was definitely punishment and nothing else.
"Yeah" Alexia says with a sigh, bending down and picking up her towel before wrapping it around her body again
She really was out of it.
"Do you want me to help pick it up ?" Alexia asks already walking towards her and all Dallas could think about was how she would just love to take away that towel.
Is this really the time to think about this? Have some shame she scolded herself as she watched the woman walk towards her
"The lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me to lie in green pastures, he leads me beside the still waters..." she says quickly under her breath as she watched the woman bend to pick the phone, her ass in her clear view "Oh God, save me from dirty thoughts, cleanse me please" she murmurs as she tried without success to take her eyes away
It felt like everything was in slow motion as Alexia picked the phone up and brought the phone to her
"Here" she says with a small smile and Dallas just stares at her, scared if she stretched her hand to collect the phone, her hands would act against her better decisions cause Lord knows she wanted so dearly to touch the woman.
She didn't feel like she was in the position to do so though.
"You won't take it?" Alexia asks
"No...no I will, thanks" she says quickly collecting the phone and moving away from her and towards the bed, going to sit down
"You were on the phone earlier right? Don't you have to call back?" Alexia asks walking over to her underwear drawer
"No, no its fine. Its just work" Dallas says, her eyes kept strictly on the screen of her phone
"I hope I'm not keeping you from work? Do you have to go?"
"No, we should go eat" she says quietly and Alexia nods, getting out a black set of bra and panties.
She drops her towel on the top of the drawer before putting on her panties and the bra, her hands reaching back to hook the bra up
"Can you help me with my bra?" she asks after a few seconds of trying and Dallas looks up at her
"What?"
"Since you're here, help me?" she says before turning her back to her and moving her hair away
"Um...of course, sure, absolutely" Dallas says with a nervous laugh, dropping her phone on the bed and wiping her hands on her pants before getting up and walking over to her
Her eyes run down the woman's back, stopping at her panty clad bottom
"Are you there?" Alexia asks and she clears her throat, bringing her eyes back up
"Um..yeah, yeah I am" she says, quickly helping the woman clip the bra ends together
"Thanks" Alexia says with a smile, turning to her
"Um...I should go...um...I need water so I'm just going to go downstairs" she says already going to pick her phone
"Alright" Alexia says just as she opens the door and rushes out the room and downstairs, Alexia going to her closet to get out what to wear.
_______
POV TRANSITION
"Thanks for feeding me today" I say and she nods
"If you want, I'll buy you food everyday" she says and I give her a small smile as we walk down the park
The sun had already set and the sky was darkening bit by bit, showing signs of the early evening.
"Can I hold your hand?" she asks
"Why do you have to ask?" I ask
"I don't know, I just feel like I need to" she says and I chuckle
"Yes you can hold my hand" I say and she smiles, taking my hand in hers
"Its a bit awkward between us now right?" she asks and I turn to her
"Yeah, a bit" I say with a sigh
Anyone would know the air is not as light as it usually is between us. I already don't like it
"Are you still upset?" she asks glancing briefly at me
"A bit"
"I'm sorry"
"Its okay"
"Tell me how to make it up to you. How should I make this better, for real" she asks stopping me from walking and turning me to face her
"You don't have to do anything. I'll get past it" I assure
"No, let me make it better. Whatever you want, I'll give it. Anything at all"
"I just want your time, that's all. I want you to let me be there, I want to be important to you, I want to be the first person you think about when something good happens, I want to be the first person you want to come to when something happens and you need a hug or some comfort, I want to be the only one you kiss, the only one you hold in your arms in that really, really cute loving manner that makes hearts flutter. I really wish everyone wouldn't like you so much and want to be with you so I don't have to worry about losing you." I say
"I wish I don't have to compete for who loves you better or who knows you better. I wish it was just us cause the world is perfect then. Its perfect when its just me being in love with you and you being in love with me. I hate that there are other people that love you as much as I do and would do anything to be with you, anything to have you"
"I wish love was simple" I finish
"I'm sorry you have to go through this just to be with me. I'm sorry being with me is sad" she says with an apologetic frown and I shake my head
"Its not sad, just a bit difficult. But its okay as long as we keep loving" I say and she smiles
"Its okay as long as we keep loving" she repeats and I nod
"Say it in Spanish"
"Hmm?"
"Its okay as long as we keep loving, say it in Spanish" I say
"Está bien mientras sigamos amando" she says and I smile
"You sound so good when you speak other languages. It doesn't matter that I don't understand, I could listen forever" I say honestly, stepping closer to her and wrapping my arms around her
"Well I'll speak any language you want" she says leaning her forehead against mine "As long as I know it of course" she adds and I laugh
"Hm, Italian?"
"Ti amo moltissimo, Monroe (I love you very much, Monroe)"
"Russian?"
"Ya tebya ochen' lyublyu, Monroe" she says with a Russian accent and I let out a small laugh
"Do you know Latin? Tell me something in Latin"
"Ego vere, realiter diligunt te. Ex totis praecordiis meis" she says and I smile
"I love you Dallas"
"I love you Monroe"
"Don't kiss anymore people okay? No matter what, have your lips against mine only" I say and she nods
"Promise"
"Maybe you should kiss me now? Just to practice what I'm saying and make sure you understand" I say and she chuckles
"Great idea" she says, laughing a bit before pressing her lips to mine, her palm resting just on the side of my neck
My eyes shut and I let my lips move slowly against hers, her body pressed against mine as her other hand goes to rest on my waist, holding me to her.
She pulls away slowly, her forehead resting against mine again and I open my eyes to meet hers.
"Will you stay over today? I haven't seen you for so long, stay with me for the weekend?" I ask quietly
"Anything you want" she says and I smile
"I'll write a list" I say and she laughs
"I'll be expecting it" she says and I nod
"Lets stroll a bit before going home, I want to walk hand in hand down by the lake for a bit" I say
"Romantic" she teases and I nudge her
"Shut up" I say before taking her and in mine and starting a walk
"Its really pretty tonight" I say as we walk down
"You're really pretty tonight" she says
"You're so cheesy"
"More like honest"
"Tell me how beautiful you think I am then"
"That and how sexy I think you are. You almost gave me a heart attack today" she says and I nudge her with my shoulder
"Stop"
"I'm serious. You act so shy all the time but suddenly you're dropping your towel. Where did all the shyness go?" she asks and I push her
"Stopppp, I was upset that's why. I wasn't really thinking about whatever was happening" I say honestly
"So if I make you upset, I get to see you naked?" she asks "How upset can I get you to make you have sex with me?"
"Oh God, please go away" I say dropping her hand and walking in front of her
"I'm serious, I really want to know" she says picking up speed so she's walking alongside me
"Dallas, leave me alone"
"Why? Lets talk about this"
"No" I whine
"Yes"
"Noooo"
"Yesssss"
"I'm leaving you" I say before jogging away from her
"Come back!" she calls, pursuing after me
"No!"
_______________
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BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE