January 10th.
Maddie's POV:
We're shooting something today, this is the first time that I have ever planned a big ass photoshoot by myself. I love what I have done here, and this is something that I wouldn't normally do and its with colors I wouldn't normally wear.
Billie didn't come with me, to this photoshoot and I didn't expect her to. She has the meeting and I know she wants to be at the awards show tonight with me. Don't get me wrong I want her there more than anything, but her career always comes first and I know she feels the same way about me.
I have a meeting with Kenzie today after this shoot, even though there is literally no time to do anything today. This ends an hour before the awards show, and then I have to get ready. The meeting's going to be while she's going my hair and makeup.
This photoshoot has a pink theme, like everything is pink. It's fire as fuck, but like I don't hate the color pink but it's not my favorite.
We've done two looks and we've been here for about three hours, but like we just can't get shit done. I can't focus for shit, because I want to go on tour more than anything again. I love traveling with Billie, and I love her family. But I don't know if I can go.
It wasn't hard when she left the first time because I knew that I would see her soon, but this time if she left I wouldn't know the next time I would see her. I could pull some spectacular surprise, but I couldn't at the same time.
We're half way done with this, and I'm nervous as fuck for this meeting. Not because Kenzie is going to say no because she doesn't want me to go, if she does say no that means no. There's no convincing, and when she does say no- which is rare. It's for the better.
Via Instagram:
Liked by madisonvoyage, finneas, and 13,014,095 others.
billieeilish: they gave me a fart gun
madisonvoyage: that will not be allowed in my house.
billieeilish: @madisonvoyage im just going to say sorry in advance haha
I playfully rolled my eyes, and turned off my phone. I was sitting on the stairs of this mansion that I rented out for this fucking photoshoot. The pictures are going to be fire, I have to look at the bright side.
Holden shot the final picture and I stood up so I could go change, I walked out. I was wearing Billie's hoodie and biker shorts, what I usually wear if I'm not doing something.
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nailsbyelle: @madisonvoyage nails I did earlier today😊
madisonvoyage: popped off!
mvupdates: she must really like purple recently.
Kenzie: "You ready to go?"
Maddie: "When we get back, I need to talk to you."
Kenzie: "You good?"
Maddie: "Yeah."
We walked to the car, Holden drove here and I drove here with Kenzie. We walked to the car, and I got in. I was quieter than normal. But then I realized the sooner I talk to her, the sooner I can get it over with again.
Maddie: "So say, Billie went on another tour. Could I go?"
Kenzie: "Depends when it is."
Maddie: "When do I finish everything?"
Kenzie opened her phone, and looked at my schedule.
Kenzie: "Probably late February, early March. But that's no promise."
Maddie: "I don't wanna do anything else outside of the list, I mean like okay. I'm okay with doing things outside of the list now, but when it gets closer to tour, I don't wanna risk it."
Kenzie: "This is something that you really want?"
Maddie: "Yes."
Kenzie: "Let me know when tour is, and I'll make it happen."
Maddie: "I'm sorry, I need a yes or no. This has been eating me alive since I knew about the meeting that Billie's attending right now."
Kenzie: "Is she not going to the Shorty Awards?"
Maddie: "She said that she'll try to be there, but her career comes first and I know that. I want her to choose her career over me."
Kenzie: "Everything's going to be fine Maddie."
Maddie: "What if she leaves and I can't go? It didn't hurt that bad when she left the first time because I knew I would see her soon, I thought about the day I would see her more times than I'm willing to admit. But if she leaves this time and I can't go, I'll be broken."
Kenzie: "I will do everything in my power, to make sure that you can go. You know I always want the best for you. I love you, and you always deserve a break. Tour is good for you and Billie both mentally. I need you to be good for when you come back."
Maddie: "You deserve the break too, because you're an amazing manager."
Kenzie: "What are you going to do with Milo?"
Maddie: "Um, I don't know. I'll figure it out."
Kenzie: "I would gladly take care of her for you, and take care of your house."
Maddie: "You would do that?"
Kenzie: "I took care of your house while you were on tour the first time, I could do it again."
Maddie: "I don't deserve you."
Kenzie: "You do though."
I pull up to my house, I did end up finding a dress last night even though it took everything in me to finish that fucking fitting.
I unlock the door and Milo rushes over to me, we've been testing leaving her alone. And it's going okay. She hasn't eaten anything and that's what matters.
We walked up the glam room and my phone went off, it was Holden and he sent the picture I could post.
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madisonvoyage: this photoshoot was totally worth it @photosbyholden
itskenziebitch: a bad bitch
claudiasulewski: tf are you doing, you hate pink.
Billie didn't like my Instagram post, meaning that she's in the meeting and my heart started beating so fucking fast. I have no reason to be nervous, because whatever happens is meant to happen.
Maddie: "What even am I nominated for?"
Kenzie: "Instagrammer of the year."
Maddie: "Say fucking less."
She was doing my hair and makeup, I was scrolling on my phone and I was bored as fuck.
Kenzie: "You know that you get your wisdom teeth out tomorrow."
Maddie: "Bitch, I just got used to my Invisalign."
Kenzie: "You'll be okay in like a week."
Maddie: "But I don't have shit to do?"
Kenzie: "There's not really shit to do until next Wednesday, like you have to post certain things but besides that you're good to go."
Maddie: "I can't wait to be missing four teeth." I said sarcastically.
Kenzie finished my hair and makeup and I really was a bad bitch and no one can tell me otherwise.
Kenzie: "Do you wanna go downtown and take pictures?"
Maddie: "We have time?"
Kenzie: "Yeah."
I got up and walked downstairs, I looked up at the mirror that was at the bottom of my stairs. I don't feel like I'm overly cocky about my looks, but like, I know I'm pretty. I guess I just have a lot of confidence.
I decided that I was going to Uber in case that Billie does show up, I'm not going to lie. If she doesn't show, I'll be hurt just because that's me. I want her to choose her career, I've said that so many times and I mean that.
But I care so much about this dumbass award because of her, she calls me shorty I think it's funny. If I was nominated for this award and I never met her, it would just be some other award. She gave that word meaning to me I guess. I don't know, it's weird.
We end up downtown and this weird thing going on, but it made a really good background for my picture.
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madisonvoyage: shorty awards 🤪
billieeilish: when i tell you that my jaw physically dropped.
mvupdates: god damn.
Incoming call from: Babygirl❤️
Maddie: ""Helllooo."
Billie: "You're so fucking fire, anyways the meeting just ended. I'm going to try to get there. With traffic, I should make it just before your award."
Maddie: "It's fine if you can't make it and you know that."
She exhaled, "I know, but I want to be there and if I miss it I'm going to feel like shit."
Maddie: "You'll make up for it."
Billie: "Yeah I guess, I love you. I'll see you later."
Maddie: "I love you too."
Call Ended.
Kenzie waited for the Uber to come get me before she left, and she drove off. I assume to go be with Holden. I haven't talked to either of them about it because, I don't want to talk when they're both there. It's easier to talk to Holden, just because he doesn't dodge my questions.
Downtown was probably about thirty minutes away from the location, I'm about to be bored as fuck this entire time.
I got out of the Uber once we got there, and I walked the carpet of course. Every award show has been the same before, the crazy thing is, is that I'm not nervous for this award even though this award means the most to me.
I was sitting by myself, but I don't mind being alone, and now that I think about it. I haven't been alone in forever. There's always someone there, whether it be Kenzie or Billie or Holden or Claudia. You get my point, I have not been alone in months, I don't if that's a good or bad thing.
The awards started, and I progressively got more bored. I couldn't be on my phone in case the camera was on me, of course I was on my phone during the commercial breaks.
As it got closer to my award nomination I got nervous, and Billie wasn't here to fix it. It's not her job to fix it, it's okay that she's not here. I don't need her for everything.
There's still a decent amount of time before my award, and then all of a sudden I was thinking about how her meeting went. She sounded okay on the phone, everything must've went okay. But it all comes down to when the tour starts.
I felt my phone vibrate in my bag, and I was so tempted to check it but I just can't risk it, I'll look ungrateful.
They're in the section of YouTube awards, then it's mine. I wouldn't lie to you, I barely watch YouTube so I don't even know who half of these people are. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.
"Here are your nominees for Instagrammer of the year!"
They said saying everyones name, and showing their feed. I wouldn't lie. I have some competition, but it is fan voted so I don't know.
"Your winner is... Madison Voyage!"
I stood up before the camera could come to me, it's really fucking weird that I came alone. I walked up the stairs to the stage, I became so nervous.
As I was giving my speech- I had no clue what I was saying, but I was avoiding looking at where I was sitting because it was reminder that Billie wasn't here. But that's fine.
It felt like I was up there for so fucking long, but I looked at the main door and I see Billie standing there with the biggest smile on her face. She made it.
I quickly wrapped up my speech or whatever and made my way to her, I could leave right now if I wanted to. I might.
She gave me a tight hug, her head was rested on top of mine.
Billie: "I told you I would be here."
Maddie: "I knew you would be."
Billie: "I'm proud of you, like really proud of you."
I smiled and kissed her neck, man she really made it.
---------------
you're so lucky i changed the outcome of this whole chapter.
lmaoo i feel like i really put you through it last chapter. i'm going to tell you now, when it comes to billie and maddie, they're good for a decent amount of time. nothing bad is going to happen😂
thanks ily
words: 2087.