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Rachel
Sadness.
It was evident in his voice.
It was evident in his eyes.
The kind of sadness that is unbelievably heartbreaking, it pierces your heart and feels as if it was turned into ashes. Leaving you with nothingness, and the feeling of your body being weighted down.
I couldn't help but stare into those dark eyes of his. His saddened eyes were quickly replaced with armor a few seconds after those words escaped his mouth, and it made me question if he was being serious or not.
Why on earth would Calum, the guy who trash talks Luke constantly, be asking about him?
Not just aski.ng about him, but asking if he talks about him.
Most likely getting annoyed with my silence, Calum raised his eyebrows towards me.
"Yes." I answered honestly.
His lips slightly parted and he slightly shook his head, "What has..he...said?" He questioned awkwardly.
I reached for my phone on the table and unlocked it, and opened up Luke and I's conversation.
I scrolled up a bit, getting to the part where Calum was mentioned, and handed my phone to him.
He quickly snatched it from my hands, and his eyes darted across the screen.
While Calum, was reading I watched his expressions and replayed out conversation in my head.
From: string bean
Who are ya with :-)
To: string bean
Calum
From: string bean
Oh cool
From: string bean
The one on his chest??
To: string bean
no, he has some type of bird on his arm
To: string bean
:-)
From: string bean
Oh yaaaaa that's coooooooooooool :-) bet it looks great stella x
Calum furrowed his eyebrows and looked back up to me, "Stella?"
"Stella would you take me home?" I smiled, knowing Calum would immediately get the reference.
Realization spread over his features. "Oh... He nicknamed you after an All Time Low song." He mumbled to himself, and looked back down at my phone and continuing to scroll through our texts.
I'm not quite sure why he was reading through them all, he was only mentioned for that little bit.
I'm honestly confused about this whole situation.
Calum had an emotionless look on his face, similar to the one he wears during ninety-percent of school hours. I noticed that instead of scrolling down he started to scroll up, but I didn't say anything yet again because by the way he's been acting tonight I don't think it'll be a good idea. Plus, I don't have anything on there to be kept secret.
I looked down to my hands and started to silently play with them in my lap.
"God, you guys fucking text like 12 year old girls."
I ignored his statement. Honestly, at this point I just want to go home. We've been out all day, and I wouldn't mind curling up in a ball, sobbing, and watching Criminal Minds for six hours straight. I usually enjoy my time with Calum but right now I'm just emotionally drained and confused.
"Why do you care about what Luke has to say? You just bully him." I mumbled, defending my friend.
Calum let out a breathless laugh, "Don't act like he's such a good guy."
I sighed and rubbed my temples with my hand.
In the few days I've known Calum, it's best not to just reply to him when he turns all prissy suddenly. Which happens him to him more than it does the average person.
It's as if his switch gets jammed sometimes. At times he'll be a total jerk and yell at anything that breathes, or he'll be friendly and actually himself, or at least what I hope he truly is like, and somewhat compliment people.
However, he's talking about Luke.
And if Luke was in my place right now, I would sure as hell want him to stand up for me.
"He's a better guy than you'll ever be." I blurted, and looked up to Calum with a straight face.
Way to dig yourself a grave, you idiot.
Instead of some sassy comment from Calum that would most likely end up hurting my feelingsthat I'd cry it out while watching Criminal Minds, he just sighed.
He kept scrolling up our text messages and I gave up on trying to read his facial expressions and stared out the window behind him.
Where the heck is Ashton?
Calum probably didn't even text him and plotted out a scheme to get me to go home with him and bang him.
I yawned and focused back on Calum.
His lips were parted, his eyebrows were furrowed and he was slowly reading across the screen.
"Why didn't you fucking tell me?" He said sincerely, looking me in the eyes.
I hesitated before answering his question and tried to think of what the heck he's talking about, but nothing specific popped into my head. "What?" I questioned.
"Don't play stupid Rach.." He mumbled, "You and Nicole." He frowned, and locked my phone.
I laughed, "Oh yeah. Even Ashton knows what happened. You were too busy shoving your dick up some girl. Or should I say girls."
The sadness that hit me when Calum asked so brokenly if Luke talked about him returned to me once more, as if it were a gunshot, and the numbness in my chest immediately spread throughout my whole body.
I looked away from him as he looked down towards the ground.
I've tried my hardest to keep Nicole out of my head- Luke has been a huge help, along with Netflix, but Calum bringing her up completely destroyed the wall that I was starting to build. I was too emotionally drained to go through this again. The first two nights after Nicole and I "broke up" I cried myself to sleep, and felt utterly drained. I'm so pathetic.
"Fúck!" Calum's voice boomed through the deserted Froyo.
My head shot up, and Calum was angrily standing up from his chair. He knocked it down, and without picking it up he just grabbed his backpack and stormed outside.
I put both of my hands on the side of the chair ready to stand up, but I hesitated.
Should I just let him go?
I shook my head and pushed my body off of the chair and ran towards the doors. As I reached them I held my hands out which resulted in them flying open.
I stopped on the cracked sidewalk just in front of Froyo, and looked in all directions for Calum.
The sky was dark, and the only things the lights from neighboring buildings and street lights illuminated parts of the road.
Like those scenes in the beginning of an episode of a Criminal Minds episode, when a creepy looking man comes up from behind a girl, puts a bag over her head, and kidnaps her.
How lovely.
I really want to go home and have a marathon.
I shook my head, Jesus Rachel. Focus.
I did another three-sixty in hopes for him, but he wasn't anywhere to be seen.
I started to walk up the sidewalk that was on the left side of Froyo. Where the hell could he have gone?
An idea sparked into my head, and I reached for my phone in my pocket. I automatically stopped walking when I felt no phone in my pocket, and patted my other pant pockets in hopes of it being in one.
Of course it wasn't, because I'm a complete an utter idiot who leaves their phone in a frozen yogurt shop whilst I'm in search for someone.
Realization hit me and I turned around.
The Froyo was at a distance now that it would be just a waste of time to walk back to in hopes of my phone and backpack being there still.
I shook my head, turned around, and continued walking.
If my phone and or backpack gets stolen, I'm completely blaming Calum and forcing him to buy me a new phone. I could care less about my school work.
More and more street lights that I have become familiar with passed through my peripheral vision.
"He's probably back home by now." I mumbled to myself.
Involuntarily, my head darted down towards my dirty white converse as a stranger made their way past me.
With everything that has happened today I'm thinking about just curling up in a ball on the sidewalk instead of waiting until I get home, whenever the hell that will be.
I don't quite understand why Calum ran off in the first place. Yeah what I said was rude, but he doesn't even know Nicole. I'm positive Calum wouldn't run off because of a rude comment someone made to him, he's...strong.
Honestly how strong he is makes me jealous. I thrive to be as strong as him someday, life would be a lot less shìtty.
Although I'd prefer it without the vi-
"Fúck!" An all too familiar voice yelled.
My head immediately shot up, and my legs started to run in the direction of his voice.
My eyes analyzed every store and alleyway I passed, in hopes of finding him. An ache started to spread up my legs, but I payed no attention to it.
I ran past three deserted stores and at the end of them was an alleyway.
The small alley was just a blur to my eyes.
I kept running, but abruptly stopped when I heard noises from the alley way I was only a few feet from.
It sounded as if someone was... crying?
Before I had time to think about the fact a serial killer could be lurking down there, my body involuntarily turned back and my legs broke into a sprint.
As I passed the corner of the building that lay next to the alley, my sprint stopped.
The scene that was occurring in the small alley way caused my eyes to greatly widen in surprise and my jaw to drop.
"Fuck!" Calum screamed wearily, punching the brick wall of the beat down shop that created half of the alleyway, "You!"
I could feel my heart beat faster as I slowly walked closer to him, keeping a safe distance between us.
Calum was close to one of the alley walls, and had both of his hands pressed up against it with his head hung down long.
Through the dim light I could make out a trails of blood streaming down his knuckles to his wrists.
His back pack was left ignored deeper into the alley, which I'm assuming he threw out of anger.
I gulped.
"Ca-Calum?" I stuttered in an attempt to get his attention.
He slowly tilted his head up towards me.
His eyebrows were furrowed, his face was puffy and red, and tears stained his cheeks and were threatening to overflow out of his eyes.
His red eyes stared into mine. I opened my mouth to speak, but it was if my voice was muted.
I gulped once more, and slowly approached him.
"Cal.." I whispered, tugging on his shirt, "What's up?"
"It'll always be him!" He yelled, slamming both his fists on the wall repeatedly, "Why the fúck do I even try?"
"Calum!" I yelled with a shaky voice, trying to over power his.
Instead of paying attention to me, he kicked the wall and mumbled incoherent words.
I tugged on his shirt once more, "Calm down Calum!" I yelled.
He sharply turned his head towards me, "I can't fúcking calm down Rachel!" His loud voice overpowered the small alley way we were in, "Because it'll always be him! Fúcking him! That no good piece of shít!" He screamed, causing veins to appear on his neck.
Calum yelling at me in my face caused me to instinctively take a few steps back.
To say I was terrified wouldn't come close to what I was feeling right now.
What is he screaming about?
"Ca-calum..." I choked out, "What are you talking about?"
He leaned his back against the wall he was just tormenting and slid down it. He rested his elbows on his knees and he hid his face in his hands.
"Hem-mings... it'll always be Hemm-ings." He sobbed.
+++++++++++++++
GUYS.
THIS FANFICTION.
IS RANKED #111 IN FANFICTION.
I CAN'T EXPRESS HOW UNBELIEVABLY SUPRISED I AM, I DIDN'T THINK THIS WAS ALL TOO GOOD. WOW. YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST. :-)
as a thanks here's a quick (and long) update :-)
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