'Where are you going?' Maaz asked me during the party when he noticed me leaving his side to return to the room. His presence, his family, his people were all the same. They were all dangerous, selfish and with bad intentions. Maaz placed his hand on my back to stop me from leaving.
'I am not feeling well' I sharply said and stepped away from him as I made my way to my room. I didn't care that people were watching me and talking about me behind my back. This wasn't my home, there was no one here I could trust, even though there was a part of me that wanted to trust him, but after today, even the slightest chance of me trusting him disappeared. He was just like everyone else. He wasn't scared of guns, but he feared to trust. He didn't know how to behave like a human.
'What happened? Why did you leave the party like that?' Amma came after me to the room and questioned me worryingly.
'What am I doing, Amma? Do you think I am a pet? When he asked me to sit I sit, he tells me to eat I eat...he tells me to walk I walk...I am a human, listen to my heart... I am alive then why do I feel like I am dead. I am locked up in this gold castle, but I am the poorest. I don't have anyone; I am completely alone... what do you expect from me? I can't fake a smile and pretend like everything is fine' I removed my jewelry and threw it on the ground. I was tired of this game because I knew I had no chance of winning. I always lost.
'Eman' She tried to reach out to me, but I stopped her.
'Please Amma...I can't do this anymore, why is this happening to me? Does God not love me? I always tried to not hurt anyone then why is everyone hurting me...why?' I cried.
'It's not like that Eman, who told you God doesn't love you?' She watched me with concerned in her eyes for me.
'Because love isn't real Amma...there is only pain in this world' I replied. She remained quiet, at least there was one person here who cared to listen to what I had to say.
'First I lost my mother...I was very young, I didn't' even know what death was at that time...but I knew I was going to be okay because my father was there...but then he also died...I didn't even get a chance to process his death because just in a matter of hours after his death, I had to wipe my tears and start looking after my brother...so I started working...I thought when he gets a bit older and finds a good job...we'll be okay...even after losing my parents I trusted that God loved me...then one day I got a news that the house that my brother was working at as a contractor caught on fire. He was inside that house...one after another...I lost everyone that I ever loved...if there is only pain that is planned for me then how can you say that God loves me?' I stared at her. I wanted answers to my questions. I wanted someone to explain to me why I was suffering so badly?
'The greatest trials in life brings greatest rewards Eman...I know you are hurting and so is he. Do you know something? Those who were and aare nearest to God, often are the ones who had difficult lives.' She simply replied as if it was that easy.
'You make it sound so easy' I took a deep breath and sat on my bed and closed my eyes since they were hurting from crying so heavily.
'Perhaps you are right Amma...I don't know why I got so disheartened like that, I told myself that I am going to stay strong but I don't know why when I...Maaz just say the most cruelest things to me and before it didn't use to bother me but now I don't know...I think I am going insane...I mean why should I care about him...I shouldn't but...do you understand what I am trying to say?...' I sought nervously as my pulse rate grew high.
'Amma' I opened my eyes and turned around but instead of Amma I saw Maaz standing in her spot, his eyes glued on me. I got up immediately. I opened my mouth to say something but couldn't utter a single word to him. This was the second time I did that. Why didn't Amma tell me she was leaving? There were so many questions in his eyes and I was afraid that if he asks me anything what I would say so I glanced away from him, breaking our eye contact.
'We'll be leaving soon, get your stuff' He walked closer to me and stopped right in front of me.
'Right now?' I looked around, anywhere but him. Unexpectedly, he softly placed his hand under my chin and pulled my head up to make me confront him.
'Right now,' He confirmed but didn't remove his hand.
'I didn't know my words and actions were going to affect you this much' He said to me while meeting my gaze.
'They don't' I brushed his hand away and tried to leave the room to go look for Amma to demand why she left the room without telling me.
'Oh, I must have misheard you then' He said in a sarcastic manner which made me stop.
'What?' I asked.
'I thought I heard you saying that you care about me' He repeated my words.
'I didn't say that' I denied.
'Okay' He said.
'Okay' I agreed.
'Good' He added.
'Excellent' I included and left the room before he could ruin my mood any further. The party was a failure because no one saw Usman or any of his men anywhere. When I heard Maaz talking about this with his uncle, he looked as if he was expecting a no show. There was something about his uncle that was very doubtful to me.
'Are you okay dear?' Amma asked me just as I walked out of the door with some of my stuff to put it in Maaz's car. He was waiting by the car and took the stuff from my hands to put it in the car.
'Why aren't you coming with us?' I asked her. I didn't want to go alone with Maaz.
'I am tired from all the traveling my dear, I will come soon...I will send Zeenat over tomorrow' She promised me, and I got in the car.
'Okay, you know you are the only one who I can talk to...please try to come as soon as possible' I let got of her hand and closed the door. Maaz pulled up the windows and started driving.
'You didn't even let me say goodbye properly' I gawked at him.
'You'll see her soon' He commented.
'Never mind you won't understand' I told him.
'What don't I understand?' He asked which I wasn't expecting.
'Nothing' I shook my head.
'Are you afraid of being alone with me?' I heard him say after a while and I stared at him as I wasn't sure if I heard his correctly.
'Should I be?' I studied him.
'Never mind' He half-smiled. I hated that because I didn't know what it meant.
'What?' I pushed.
'Nothing' He shook his head and continued to smile which I found extremely annoying but then I also realized that this was the first time I saw him smile.
'What?' He caught me watching him.
'Huh?' I glanced away.
'You were watching me, why did you look away when I looked at you?' He spoke straightforwardly. I wasn't sure how to answer that, so I decided to remain quiet.
'Should we go to my house?' He asked me again. He was asking me a lot of strange questions.
'I thought that's where we are going' I commented.
'I mean my parents house, should we go there?' He questioned as if my opinions mattered.
'You never asked me for opinion before' I told him and this time he decided to not respond to me. He was so stubborn.
'Your parents house is reasonable' I acknowledged his question and he continued driving.
'Wait here' He told me to stay in the front yard since there was light there and he walked inside to turn on the lights around the house after we reached there. I followed him after he turned on the lights.
'I need to use the washroom' I told him and grabbed clean set of clothes to change into. I took a quick shower and changed my clothes. Just as I opened the door to exit, I saw a big rat just outside the door and I screamed. In a blink of an eye, Maaz appeared into the room with a gun in his hand. Despite the serious situation, I couldn't help but laugh. Him holding a gun and the rat running around the room was one hell of a sight.
'Stop laughing' He noticed why I was laughing and put his gun away. I tried to stop but couldn't keep myself from laughing.
'You looked so funny...I...' I started but before I could complete my sentence, he reached toward me and pulled me towards me so fast that the towel wrapped around my head dropped on the floor. All the laughing stopped, instead my heart started beating too hard. I attempted to calm my nerves because I feared that he might hear the pounding beat of my heart and might hear what it's saying before I get a chance to listen. I wasn't sure if even I was ready to hear what it was trying to say.
'I am not laughing now' I told him as I tried to free myself from his hold.
'I can see that' He stared me intensely.
'Then leave me' My eyes met his.
'I am not sure if I can anymore' He expressed, and that's when it suddenly became difficult to breathe.
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Hi guys,
I hope you enjoyed the double update this week. If you did, please don't forget to vote, comment and share this story. I'd really truly appreciate it <3
Thanks for reading, catch you next week.
Stay safe xx