A/N: Grammar said goodbye in this chapter
❝Don't Go Away, Go Away
On rainy days, come to me and give me a hug without
saying a single word.❞
Third Person's POV
Sehun happily drove back home; a new-found excitement filling his veins upon getting to see his wife after quite some time apart. But even in the back of his mind, an unspoken and hidden part in his head made him feel a little nervous. The wind suddenly picked up and he speeded down the road towards his house.
When he made it home was when he felt safe. These feelings were what he always felt towards her but it was a little difficult for him to comprehend. But he made it sure that with passing of time, he would be able to find out his real feelings. After all, they were spending the rest of their lives with each other.
Or so he thought...
The house was lit up with a warmth of golden light filling the area and he smiled when he saw the dinner table being set up, Amelia moving with the speed of light literally, bringing up a huge amount of dishes and he suddenly wondered if there was any special occasion.
When her eyes met his, her chest contracted to an agonizing painful emotion. She was so happy to see him smiling from ear to ear, but was devastated as to what she thought of telling him next. "Are you hungry?" She asked softly, afraid that her voice might betray her.
He nodded, "Yes... Is there any occasion though?" He asked, tilting his head a little and gazing right at her.
The feelings were so raw, she could feel the practicality of it, the warmth spreading in her system. She is in love with him. His stare at her made her feel different, a mix of joy and pain. She felt lucky to even have him as a part of her life but she had to let him go, for she thought she wasn't the one for him. She believed so.
Amelia quickly set the table for Sehun and her. He came back to the dining hall after he freshened up, sitting down in front of where she sat, not realizing the fact that he just wanted to look at her.
Dinner was quiet, a comfortable silence engulfing them but it was louder one for Amelia. The nervousness was clenching her chest and stomach, heart pulsating quickly. It was suffocating for her and it felt like she was falling apart with each passing time, her chest heavy with agony.
She closed her eyes, trying to calm her emotions before she broke down any further. This made Sehun look up at her when she stopped eating. He suddenly became worried, "Are you okay, love?" He asked, concern lacing his words.
Amelia gulped down at his words. No Sehun, don't call me that. Don't call me that when I'm almost ready to let to you go for your happiness.
She opened her eyes again, trying to look fine and nodded. But his frown deepened a little. They might not be all intimate with each but they have lived longer with each other to know that something wasn't right, and Sehun knew there was something bothering her. But he didn't want to push her so he kept quiet.
After dinner, she plucked the courage to have to make a decision. With the heavy voice in her head to stop what she was doing, she set aside everything and looked at Sehun who was busy with his laptop. He was seated on the couch comfortably and she went towards him. His phone chimed which indicated that he received a message and much to her dismay, she saw the contact name; Yuna.
Shaking her head to herself, she sat on the other side of the couch to grab his attention. He looked up at her for a moment before typing something on his phone. He was a little surprised when she sat near him because if there was even an inch of skinship between the two, it was mostly Sehun initiating it, which makes the two of them go red.
"I needed to talk to you about something, Sehun."
"Go on." He ushered, his eyes stuck to his laptop.
She bit her lip, eyes burning, "I need you to look at me."
She didn't have the courage to meet his eyes but she had to be honest with him about her confession. This caused Sehun to look up at her, his eyes pooling with concern as he gazed back at her only to see his wife fidgeting. Taking a deep breath, she finally looked up at him only for him to notice the slight redness in her eyes, resulting in her trying her best to stop the tears from falling. He went closer to her immediately and leaned down closer.
"What's wrong?" His voice soft, almost like silk, another reason which made her love him even more.
Her lips quivered slightly so she bit her lip in order to stop the waterworks.
"I think we should go our seperate ways."
Everything turned silent the moment those words spilled out of her mouth. Even the sound of the television playing in the background was tuned out, heavy breathing of the two filling the room. It was harder to concentrate on anything when all they could feel was the upcoming pain.
"What?"
Sehun heard Amelia loud and clear, he wasn't deaf. He just wanted to make sure what she said was true.
She looked up at him when he asked her, and his words got caught up in his throat when he met her eyes. Her eyes were tired, bloodstruck red as if she hasn't slept well for days which was true but he didn't know and he didn't need to know.
She blinked away her building tears and looked down at her hands, "We should leave to our separate ways, stop this marriage. Because the both of us know that this isn't working, right?" Her voice held a different sense of confidence because what she was stating her true and that realization made her wince.
Sehun was at loss for words. He suddenly felt a heavy weight on his chest and a weird clench, sadness dawned upon him. It was foreign for him to feel this way towards his wife when they barely even fought. He was so used to her presence that he didn't realize that he actually enjoyed the presence of someone else. But he had to know that.
"But... Why? We vowed each other..." He didn't know what else reason to submit other than the obvious.
Amelia stared at him and shook her head, "Yes. Marriage is not a trial, Sehun. We are not meant for each other and you know that. We vowed, yes, but that works for people who are willing to be with their life partner not because they have to but because they want to. I don't know if you realize this, but we aren't moving forward with this marriage. We aren't progressing. We are stuck."
Perhaps she wasn't aware of how her words were affecting him but he knew she was hurt, so hurt and in pain by the way her eyes welled up and a tear escaped her beautiful eyes. He had never seen her that way and now he could understand what she meant. A married couple was supposed to explore the depths of eavh other, physically, mentally and emotionally but they were completely different.
She looked so beautiful, the way she expressed her disappointment about their marriage but it physically hurt him when she saw the way she cried. He knew there was something more than just their lack of communication and feelings.
Amelia cleared her throat, "I could have kept on with my life but it hurts... I don't want to live my life involved in a marriage where there's no love between the two people and is one sided."
That sentence made Sehun widen his eyes. A new-found rush feelings filled his veins, not believing what she was saying. One sided?
"Yes, I fell for you, Sehun." She finally admitted, her warm tears cascading down her cheeks.
He whimpered at the way she cried. The guilt was seeping through his system, eating him up and it made him to punch himself. How could he not realize that he was making her feel that way? How could he be so blinded by himself to look through her and understand her feelings? She was right, they were missing the biggest part in their lives; understanding each other.
He could not bring himself to look at her directly for her eyes were so full of agony and sadness, he felt a dull clenching of his heart.
She sniffed, "If we were in the right places this would have been right and an absolute best. But then, I feel like I'm doing myself and you as well so wrong by loving you."
He leaned towards her, his hand moving up to hold her head and gently caress her hair, something which he had always wanted and should have done sooner, "Why would you think that?" His voice was soothing and calm. He only looked that way from the outside but inside he felt himself breaking.
That action made Amelia hold her breath. Such a simple and minor move, but something which felt so loving. It almost made her sob because of the skinship. She wanted nothing than to lean against his touch but she had to refrain herself from doing so.
"Because you love someone else." Amelia's voice was barely above a whisper.
That caused the entire room to become silent. The silence was defeaning to his ears and she felt herself break even more at his absence of words. She was right.
"Why... Why would you think that?" He asked, his hand still unconsciously caressing her soft hair.
She scoff, pulling his hands down from her hair, totally unaware of how her actions made his heart drop to his stomach.
"You like Yuna. I'm not that of a idiot to not know. And she likes you too. Why don't you just admit it?" The last sentence sounded like she was so exhausted and if truly spoken, she was. She was tired of seeing the two lovers acting like that they didn't like each other.
Sehun was rendered speechless. He had no argument because the sudden mention of Yuna made him think back to the times when he would be so 'smitten' with her.
"But it doesn't matter, right? We are the ones who are married after all, right?"
"How could you say that it doesn't matter when it's hurting all of us by being like this? This marriage is something which we had to commit to, remember?" She frowned at his sentence, upset that he wasn't trying to think about what can happen later in the future, "This isn't going to work... when my husband is in love with someone else."
Those words itself felt like poison when it escaped her mouth. Clenching her palms, she so wished that it wasn't true but her tears were the taste of reality, a snap to the truth.
She stood up only to feel Sehun tug on her wrist, not letting her go.
A way of unknown pain surged through his body when she spoke the words. He knew but he didn't wish for the truth to be thrown at his face and he didn't expect for it to be sound so painful when she was the one confronting him about his so called stupid feelings.
She looked at him with pleading eyes, "Why aren't you saying anything about her, Sehun? You do realize the way you open up to her and spend so much happy time with her, right?" She whispered, staring at him, waiting for an answer.
For a split second she actually hoped that may be he liked her back but she knew, that wasn't happening.
He slowly nodded, looking down, "I... Do like her."
A bile started rise in her throat at his confession. She wanted to cry even if she was the one demanding the direct answer but it still pained her to hear the truth. Because in the back of her mind, an unspoken area of her brain made her believe otherwise. She gulped, eyes blinking rapidly but to no avail. But she didn't want to cry more in front of him. The last thing she wanted was a look of pity from him. Biting her cheek so hard to stop the upcoming waterworks, she felt the strong metallic taste of blood.
She nodded, pulling her hand away from his grip.
Sehun's lower lip came between his teeth, still not looking up to meet her eyes. He didn't expect this to happen, ever. When they got married, he really did believe that they would be together for life. But then Yuna came back again and so did his past lingering feelings which he thought he buried deep down somewhere in his heart, locking it away for he wanted to be committed to his wife only. But he was totally unaware of how insecure he made his wife feel, ignoring her in ways she didn't deserve to get treated. He didn't want to give up on her.
He shook his head, "We can still make this work together — "
Amelia shook her head, "We can't... We are far too gone, far too hurt to probably work this over again," She replied, "You love someone else!" Her voice wavered, raising a little and she immediately felt bad and apologized.
He knew she was angry and hurt, so he didn't want to stop her from yelling at him. She had the right to yell at him.
This time, he tried to gulp the bile down his throat, "I'm sure we can find the way. I will try to get over Yuna, okay? And if we separate, what will our parents think?" The second reasoning was really stupid, he thought. He just wanted to stop the both of them from making rash decisions but he didn't know what came in Amelia's mind when he said that. He wanted her to be afraid of their parents' reaction since this whole marriage was their arrangement.
She turned her head towards him, "See. That's the problem. You are worrying about their reaction than what's happening between us. " She remarked.
He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment in case this was all just a nightmare and he would wake up soon. But no, nothing faded away. They stayed the same and the dull thrumming of his heartbeat beating loudly in his ears. His anxiety was kicking in and he wanted this to stop; wanted to stop her from going away.
The anguish was filling her veins with each ticking time and so she decided to do what she thought.
She was exhausted and she needed to let him know what she felt.
"I love you but it hurts you know when you just shove it on my face that you don't need me; that you never needed me. I just feel so useless... So, I'm doing exactly what you want me to do," She started with a heavy sigh and a protesting self. She didn't know the pain of being in love until she had to actually let him go and she was only seconds away from pulling herself back.
"I'm setting you free, my love."
That caused him to stare at her wide eyes, his beautiful chocolate brown irises turning glassy for some unidentified reason residing deep in himself. He wanted to say something, anything, just in order to stop her from what she was doing but he had nothing in him to confront her about, confess about.
"You deserve to be in love and be loved. You deserve to be loved by someone who's brave enough to love you with a brave and open heart, someone who is capable of being your real and worthy 'wife', someone who is brave enough to claim her love for you directly to you and someone who is not a coward and is only watching you slip away from her fingers as you walk away. I mean, look at me! I lived with you for a year yet I still couldn't make you fall in love with me nor could I confess my love for you. How pathetic and cowardly is that?" She laughed bitterly, tears easily cascading down her rosy cheeks and he could only stare at her, guilt eating him up, "I'm sorry that I didn't make it conspicuous enough for you to understand..." He voice trailed off.
"Love, I hate to pull you away from your happiness. You like her. Why would I make you stop from what you really want?" She grimaced. Deep down, somewhere in the back of her mind, probably an unknown or unexplored area of her brain, Amelia was hoping that when she was saying those hurtful things, he would stop her midway but as he stood speechless in front of her, her little sliver of hope started diminishing into thin air.
This caused her heart to almost feel like it dropped to her stomach. You really don't love me, do you?
"Why don't you say something?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, filled with pain and he winced at her tone. Please, say something. Stop me if you have to, I'll retreat my words if you tell me to. She tried shaking the thoughts away but her heart got the best of her.
More tears started to sting her eyes and she looked down, tired of letting Sehun see her tears anymore. She never cried in front of him and he saw her cry enough in just an evening.
He walked towards her, trying to hold her hand but she gently pried herself away from his touch and he felt the sensational burn in his chest. It was as if there was no stopping of the emotional pain surging through the both of them.
"You are very special to me..." And I don't want to lose you. He so badly wanted to say that because he really felt that. But the words couldn't just come out. He felt as if he was tongue tied at that moment and a little part of him didn't want to betray Yuna.
But he knew he committed a mistake when she looked at him straight into his eyes, her irises impassible all of a sudden and he felt that loud pounding in his ears, a flurry of emotions surging from the core to his veins at her sudden callous eyes. She looked so void of emotion and he knew that was because she was masking her emotions from him.
She nodded slowly, biting her lip and turning away slowly.
"I'll... Go to my room..." She whispered, her voice soft and slightly hoarse.
It was an inexplicable feeling for the both of them.
The moment Amelia turned away from him, her eyes gave away again. Tears started falling so hard as if there was no stopping. She wanted nothing than to head somewhere where no one could hear her and sob her emotions if that was going to do justice to what she was feeling.
As he watched her hunched over retreating figure slipping away from his fingers slowly, though he didn't have the right to even hold her considering the way he felt that he betrayed her, his eyes started stinging, thundering emotions numbing his senses.
If you wanna go then I'll be so lonely. If you're leaving baby, let me down slowly.
••••••
The emptiness and the sudden cold feeling in their house was pretty much felt by the both of them. There were barely any words exchanged between the both of them. Amelia was afraid of breaking down back again in front of him, avoiding as much eye contact as much as possible but she couldn't bring herself to pull herself away from him completely because a day without looking at him felt incomplete.
It was a sad story. They came only to be separated by thin air back again. They were so close yet so far away from each other.
It was soon a schedule where Amelia would wake up early and cook breakfast for the both of them quickly, and then immediately heading to work so that she would be able to avoid her husband. Sehun on the other hand would wake up to an empty house and slightly warm food waiting for him at the table. The bile in his throat rises the more he realizes the way she avoids him.
Amelia picked up her file and started looking at the documents which her workmate passes on to her. Rubbing her temples, she slowly closed her eyes only to see Sehun's innocent face. He would look at her with so much feelings that her eyes would glaze at his stare. He was so innocent, so loveable and she was starting to notice the way he would barely leave her side even if she tries to avoid him in the morning. He would fetch her from work, beaming at her with a soft smile as if everything was okay and they were just a couple who were so in love with each other. Upon seeing his heartwarming smile, her heart swells at the way he would wait for him.
"Are you okay?" Areum's voice invaded her thoughts, opening her eyes to see Areum eyeing her worriedly.
Amelia shook her head with a smile, yawning afterwards and staring at her phone's black screen.
Areum held her hand, making Amelia look at her best friend, "Am, you do know that you can tell me anything, right?" She assured and the latter nodded.
Areum was already aware of what was happening with Amelia's life, the whole separation and being in love.
However, when no words escaped Amelia's mouth, she decided to let take some time of her own. As soon as Areum walked away, Amelia stood up to walk outside for some fresh air.
When reaching the door, the air hit her face, waving her hair freely and she shivered lightly. It was windy and the clouds looked like it was soon about to rain. Staring up at the sky, she wondered if Sehun went home because it was already nearing for the time when they were done for the day.
Looking to her right, she saw Jeno walking towards her with a huge smile on his face and her lips instantly lifted up at his sight. Without wasting any time, she crashed herself towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist causing him to grunt a little in shock when she pushed herself towards him a little more a little more quickly than usual.
Pulling away from her a little, he stared down at his adorned girl, her eyes meeting his in a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes and he knew the reason why. But he wasn't in any position to stop her from throwing away her happiness because he didn't want her upset.
"I'm hungry," She muttered sleepily and Jeno's hand inadvertently went towards her head to pat her, a little sign of affection he held for her.
He suddenly remembered the brown paper bag he bought with him, "I actually got some donuts for you, chocolate and vanilla with sprinkles." The moment he said that, she looked up at him happily, all the sleepiness drowned from her and for the first time in so many days he saw her grinning so wide. He felt warmth spread in his chest; such little things made her so happy. If only Sehun could make her half as happy as this.
The sight made Sehun feel a flurry of emotions, a tinge of jealousy filling him as he saw his younger friend talk with his wife happily. But he waited. He wanted to wait for her.
"How many did you bring?"
"Five. Take them. They're for you."
"Eyy no~ I'll take one. Eat the rest or give one to Jaemin, he'll love it so much," She laughed and seeing the frown on her friend's face she continued, "You brought them with your money! Why would I take all of them?"
"It's my treat." Jeno insisted but being her stubborn self, Amelia shook her head.
"I'll take one, okay?" She pouted just so that Jeno would accept it and Jeno being Jeno, he couldn't simply say no to people, especially when it was her.
"Fine," He grumbled, "But next time, I'm treating you, okay?" He insisted back again and looked back at her wide eyed. She pursed her lips in a thin line and patted his cheek gently before taking a bite of the donut.
"Thank you, Jen."
He smiled at the nickname and muttered a faint 'you're welcome'. They sat down on a bench as they even shared each others donut.
Looking around the area, Amelia suddenly noticed a familiar car parked just opposite the place. A small gasp escaped her lips when she realized who's car it was after reading the number plate.
"I'll be back..." She said but her eyes were stuck on the car. She crossed the road carefully and walked towards the car. She was dumbstruck at the sight of Sehun's car as she took steps towards it. She noticed his head leaning against the window, with his phone in his hand playing a video where she could faintly see puppies.
Chuckling a little, she tapped on the window gently so in order to not scare Sehun. But he slightly jumped on his seat nevertheless and stared up at her from the inside before taking off his seatbelt and opening the door to get out. When he stood in front of her, she was again taking her time to admire his simplicity and features. He was clad in a navy blue shirt with a black blazer on top, pairing it with a pair of black trousers and black shoes.
He turned towards her, his eyes wide as if he was deer caught in the headlights, looking visibly nervous to Amelia.
She cleared her throat abd looked up at him, "Are you waiting for someone?" Her voice soft and his breath hitched at hearing her so close to him than he did for days.
Amelia guessed it was Yuna and she looked around to spot the female only to see no one looking at them except Jeno, who innocently sat on the bench munching on his donut. She looked back at Sehun and he sheepishly scratched his neck, flashing a nervous smile towards her.
"I- uh..." He started slowly, "I was waiting for you..." He trailed off and gazed down at her, analyzing her reaction and possibly tried to read her mind but of course, it was a beautiful fail at the latter.
"Oh."
That was the only speaking word her mind could process at that moment. She almost dazed off at that moment at his confession and actually wanted to jump across the road and have a stupid dance off because of how her stomach fluttered so happily. But she gulped down all those feelings.
No, it's wrong of me to think of this the other way.
A part of her mind already wished for something which was impossible for her so she tried her best to shake off those impending thoughts nevertheless.
You can't control my heart this way, Oh Sehun. You can't just be the center of my life when I know you will walk away soon and I'll be left with nothing but only fleeting memories of us being together. She thought.
But she found herself smiling at him and he smiled back in relief, an unshakeable of happy flutters filling his existence.
"Really?" She whispered, not being able to believe his words.
Sehun nodded enthusiastically. The world suddenly seemed to disappear for the two; Amelia was head over heels for the man and Sehun was still perplexed about what he felt but he surely wasn't ready to let her go yet.
"Yes. I — "
"Sehun!"
They were suddenly snapped back to the real world when they heard a loud voice calling his name, turning the other way only to spot Yuna. Amelia was suddenly angered by her presence and she huffed which didn't go unnoticed by Sehun.
Sehun immediately felt a sense of distaste and he couldn't help but feel a little dissapointed at Yuna's unexpected appearance. He was only trying to make it up to his wife for some reason and someone else had to show up.
"Hi, Sehun! And Amelia. What are you guys doing here?" Yuna chirped, standing between the two as if she were a barrier. Which she is. Amelia thought and she mentally rolled her eyes.
The way her eyes light up with such elation made Amelia wonder why. She frowned and turned my gaze to Sehun who looked like he was in a complicated position as he looked towards Yuna with a exasperated sigh. But before he could even say anything, Amelia spoke up.
"Does she know?" Amelia referred to their upcoming separation and her heart clenched in her chest, the pain coming back to her back again. She tried to sound monotonous but Sehun knew it was harder for her to refer to that as much as, unknown to her, it was for him.
"Yes."
Yuna raised an eyebrow at the two and acted as if nothing was wrong. She finally opened her mouth back again, "What, about your separation?"
Amelia's eyes travelled to hers in a cold stance which sent shivers down Sehun's spine. Whether others could see or not, it was pretty obvious to Sehun that Amelia was trying hard not sound or act harsh towards her but her eyes couldn't hide that disdain towards Yuna's tone.
Yuna smiled, something which looked so fake to Amelia, and patted her shoulder which made Amelia internally gag at her action but she held onto herself. "It's okay! Shit happens. And besides, it was an arranged marriage, remember? There wasn't any guarantee as well... Not like there's any guarantee in anything," She laughed awkwardly, blabbering nonsense which made it obvious that she knew the reason behind their separation.
"Do you know the reason?"
Yuna bit her lip and looked down, looking ashamed, "I don't want to be the reason behind your separation," She felt little under Amelia's gaze and continued, "Why would I even want you guys to separate when you vowed in front of the Gods above for eternity?"
Amelia raised an eyebrow at her, not expecting for the sudden turn of conversation. However it was not what she thought would happen later anyway.
She didn't feel the need to say much so she quickly bid a goodbye to Jeno and walked to Sehun's car after gathering her things from the office.
••••••
Sehun walked towards the front door which didn't obviously go unnoticed by Amelia as she was setting up the dinner table. He got a call and rushed out of the door, grabbing his jacket in the process and didn't even give her a chance to ask where he was heading.
Curiosity got the best of her and so she slowly headed towards the window to look outside only to purse her lips into a thin line, as a wave of disappointment surrounded her. She was no lip reader but she could see what they seem to have been in an argument. Sehun huffed out and ran his hands through his face, ruffling his hair in the process.
She frowned. What were they even talking about?
But before she could even take a second look at the two, Yuna pushed herself towards Sehun, placing her lips on his.
Amelia bit her lip, staring wide eyed at them. She was so shocked at that action that she felt like her feet froze. She felt like she was invading someone else's privacy and she felt herself do something so wrong. Not even noticing a tear slipping from her eyes, she quickly drew the curtains close, rushing towards her room with muffled cries.
Sehun was shocked and he immediately pushed Yuna away.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He glared, his voice deep.
Yuna shook her head, "I'm sorry... Though I said I don't want to be the reason behind your separation, I couldn't help my feelings..." She teared up and looked away.
"That was wrong..."
"But you've felt it, right?" Yuna asked with pleading eyes but she snapped out of her daze when she realized that what he said was right, "I'm sorry."
••••••••••••••••••••••••
A/N: Unedited.