The Temper Trap – Soldier On
Omg listen to this song with the ending of this chapter.
(mistakes I apologise)
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Waking up the next morning, he hadn't imagined how... Great it would be finding Amy wrapped around him.
For the last five minutes, he watched the flitter of emotions cross her face as she so obviously dreamed. Her full sinfully shaped lips twitched into a frown and her eyebrows furrowed the slightest.
John was, in a way, horrified at himself for calling her so late last night because he had a nightmare. He'd had them many times but last night Amy had featured in them. He'd found her lying in her own pool of blood whilst his evil, sadistic, bastard of a maker cackled to himself about her being, 'a waste' instead of it being Arabella. He saw her face on the bodies of his sisters and mother.
He thought it'd been real. He thought he was too late again so he called her. Never in a million years would he think little Amy would invite him over.
He trailed a finger along her cheek and down her neck, parting his lips as she quietly released a breathy moan. His fingers continued its line along her bare arm and he gazed at the slow goose bumps rising on her skin. She was so oblivious to her beauty that it almost frustrated him. If only he could show her. He wanted her to see what he saw.
He leaned forward hesitantly and pressed a soft lingering kiss to her lips. He wrenched back to watch the way her eyelids fluttered open only for a second before closing again. Her palm was rested lazily above his heart; it twitched.
John tested her again this time teasing her, smiling triumphantly against her mouth when her hand above his heart lightly stroked toward his neck.
He gripped her waist loosely at first until he felt her hesitant but soon confident retaliation as her tongue slid over his in that leisurely pace she took whenever he initiated a kiss. Something he admired her on. Because although she was shy on the outside, whenever he kissed her it disappeared almost immediately.
She knew just how to touch him; knew how to drive him mad.
Her hands slid across his collarbones, along his neck and into his hair gripping him closer.
And suddenly he was on top of her but not on his own accord. She had spun and turned so mischievously that he ended up between her legs barely holding his weight off her as she dreamily sighed against his lips and mumbled, "I'm not dreaming am I?"
He chuckled. "Nope. And good morning to you too."
Before she could reply, he claimed her lips once more and stroked his hands along her sides. Lust was battling with his good nature to consume him and take her with him. Her body twitched beneath his and he moved his mouth along her jaw to the side of her neck. Her pulse was padding against his mouth and for a moment he kissed and licked along the prominent vein almost staring at him.
Amy's breathing hitched the slightest and he felt his body react immediately to the way she wriggled against him.
Lust, passion... Thirst.
For a moment he paused to regain his composure. It'd been more than a few days, he wasn't too bad. But with the way her heart was beating a mile a minute and the way she pressed against him all of his senses were clouding and his vision was blurring.
"You really need to shave," She joked completely oblivious to his control.
What wasn't helping was the fact she had moved from his kisses and started trailing the smallest of pecks along his jaw and neck.
He groaned quietly and held his breath as he opened and shut his eyes to expel the feeling.
Count to three...
He growled quietly when her hands slipped beneath his sweatshirt. He wore nothing underneath.
One...
His eyes snapped open and he inhaled through his clenched teeth when her fingers trailed along his chest and stomach. He shivered. He was losing it. His body was tensing, his pupils he was sure were expanding beyond the point of questioning. With Amy, thirst hadn't really been a problem. He found himself never, not once, having the urge to... Drink. But lately, especially now, he did. John had always wanted her. But right now he wanted all of her.
Just a taste, that voice he despised whenever he fed mumbled in his ear. Give her pleasure. Give her everything. Give yourself to her as she would to you. Make her writhe. Make her beg...
His teeth sharpened at the thought.
No, I can't.
At that moment he was glad she was busy sucking along his neck and not the other way around.
Two...
"A few love bites will do."
His chuckle made him release a breath and he began to relax. Not completely, but he was gathering the willpower to restrain himself. "You're giving me love bites?"
"Yes. For waking me up and for when you gave me hickeys." Her voice purred.
John grabbed her roaming hands and held them above her head. She leaned back, her brown eyes liquefied with desire.
Three. He was calm, almost. His vision returning to normal; glad he wasn't questioned about them when her eyes darted from his to his mouth. That small voice was pushed right into the back of his mind as he watched the woman in front of him glare at his mouth.
"Isn't this enough?" He asked her, adjusting his hips, smirking when her eyes widened and her cheeks tinged pink at the movement. She was almost too inviting. "Do I really need love bites when we're both enjoying this?"
"Y-yes." Her stutter made him smirk wider. "You still gave me--"
"No one remembers. You enjoyed it as much as I did. Just like how you're enjoying me on top of you."
She scowled. "You're being an idiot now."
"I'm telling the truth."
"You're making me-"
"Hot? Turned on?" He slid his hand along her thigh and curved it around his waist. "Shall I continue?"
Although she was scowling, the sound of her intake of breath had him wanting nothing more than to remove all of the confines of their clothes and taking her in ways that could only ever be described as, 'impossible.'
"Angry, in fact." She finally spoke. "We should really be quiet; I don't want my cousin to hear..."
He pressed a soft kiss to her lips and slid his hand beneath her shirt and along the waistband of her cute pyjama bottoms. "You said that a bit too late, really."
Her throat bobbed up and down. "You can't-"
"No, I can't." Honestly he couldn't. He could hear her cousin's girlfriend was coming but, God, he wanted to. "Soon though, hm?"
"I- um-"
There was a quiet knock on the door. Amy froze beneath him and didn't utter a sound.
The door handle jiggled; her breathing became so erratic he had to grab her chin and mouth the word, 'relax.'
"Amy? Sweetie, Matty has gone off to a board meeting or what not about last night's game. I just got home so I'm going to bed. So John can roam around as much as he wants." The woman giggled and Amy pressed her palms to her eyes. "Have fun you two."
And with those departing words he listened as she waddled off to her own bedroom.
John rolled onto his back with a grin. "Well, I know what I want to do today."
"You can go home, I have work to do."
"Kicking me out already? Am I just another notch on your flowery bedpost?"
"There is no notch for my bedpost as we have not yet created said notch." She grumbled jumping up from the bed with a light flush to her cheeks both from their kiss and probably the embarrassment.
For a moment a spark of disappointment started in the middle of his chest at the idea of not getting to spend the day with her but she needed to work and he needed to... Eat.
"Fine. But I'll be back later."
She walked into the bathroom and mumbled, "No you won't."
"Why not?"
"You distract me and I have too much to do."
He grabbed his phone off the side and text Michael to meet him at their meeting point near Barnet. They only ever went there for emergencies; usually it'd be further up north, so he wasn't surprised to see Michael texting back immediately saying he'd be there in half an hour.
"I apologise." He smirked to himself as he stood up. "And I promise I won't be back. Maybe you can come over instead. That way you're finished and I won't be a distraction."
Amy's head popped out of the bathroom with a toothbrush hanging out of her mouth. "Maybe."
"That's good enough for me. Are you done primping so I can kiss you goodbye?"
"You're going now?"
In a way, the disappointment in her voice made him happy. She didn't want him to leave. "Yes, I'm meeting Michael soon. I won't be home until later so if you do decide to come over, make sure it's around seven."
He heard the water run for a moment before she reappeared in front of the doorway. "Okay, okay."
John drew her into his chest, his earlier excitement flaring within him again as his body reacted to hers like any male would to a female.
Her slight blush told him she'd noticed. "So, I'll maybe see you later?"
He wasn't the least bit embarrassed. She knew how much he lusted for her. "Sure."
With a long, lingering feverish kiss that left her dazed and shaking, he left her house. In his haste last night, he hadn't bothered to drive to her house. No, he ran. He was so worried he barely had time to throw on a sweatshirt.
In mere minutes, he stopped outside the lining of trees leading into Barnet not far from Burnaby. There wasn't a point in changing; he would only dirty himself if he did.
Michael met him a few minutes later wearing a worried expression. "What have you done?"
"Nothing," John reassured holding his hands up.
"Don't act coy. Whenever I say to meet in Barnet, it's because I'm resisting Evie or she's pissed because I'm too, 'moody' as she puts it. Explain. And I see that hickey on your neck."
He hadn't realised she had managaed to actually give him one. Either way it didn't matter because he may have left a small one as well.
They treaded the forest floors quietly observing their surroundings. "Firstly, I had a nightmare last night."
"What happened?"
"Amy was Arabella. And her face was on my sisters and mother."
Michael stopped and grabbed John's arm to halt him too. "John..."
"I'm fine."
"You-"
"I don't want to talk about it." He snapped ripping his arm from Mike's hold. "I called her last night and she invited me over."
"And?"
"I told her I had nightmares and nothing else. This morning we were together and I had an urge to... Well, you know. But I didn't. Which explains why we're here."
Michael pursed his lips. "You care for her."
"Of course I do."
"But you care for her."
"You just said that."
"Jonathan stop it."
"You repeated yourself, Michael. Of course I care about Amy. I care too much which is why I'm dreaming. Which is why this morning I woke up and watched her sleep. Which is why I realised I can only sleep peacefully when I'm with her." His voice rose with each sentence.
Michael, his best friend for many years, the man he taught to open himself up, to love and trust sent him the same look he used to give him when he didn't listen.
A pitying look that had John rolling his eyes.
"Since I've known you, never have you been so torn up over a woman." Michael stated starting to walk again. "What does this tell you?"
"That I'm as whipped as ever." John grumbled and chuckled at Michael's scolding glare.
"You're not, 'whipped' you fool. As always you're protective. You were protective of Evie when you didn't need to be."
"That's because I love the squirt. She's like that annoying..."
Michael's triumphant smile said loads. "Annoying sister? You accepted her."
John paused at the sound of a twig breaking a fair distance away. The beating of a heart, an animal heart, filled his ears. He began to crouch and Mike followed. "What are you saying?" He breathed barely above a whisper.
"I'm saying, in time, you will accept the feelings you have for Amy."
"There is no time." He mumbled remembering the dreaded month she had to leave. February; not his favourite month anyway.
"Trust her."
"I do."
"Then take everything step by step. Start with your family and Arabella. Start with what you are. Start with how you feel. Just start with something because the longer you hold in the truth the more it will hurt her. You're my brother, but that girl, she isn't like Evangeline. She won't take initiative and stumble onto our lifestyle like Evie so luckily did." Michael's green eyes turned to black almost immediately. "Evie was lucky to have the killings to fuel her curiosity but Amy has nothing of the sort. Only you can tell her."
John absorbed everything Michael said as he spotted the elk nearby.
"Now the real question is," His annoying always had to be right friend said as John prepared his body to lunge. "Can you tell her?"
His eyes darkened to its unmistakeable black; his vision although clouding over for a second, sharpening concentrating on the animal's throat. A soft growl ripped through his chest. The elk's head darted up.
"Not yet." And he leaped.
**
"Where did they go?" Amy asked Evie as they both settled onto the couch in Matty's living room.
"For a bite to eat." Amy raised a brow at Evie's odd smile but shook it off. "I thought you had work to do anyhow."
"Oh, I do. I just... Needed to talk to you first." It was barely one o'clock and she hadn't even attempted to start her work. Even though he wasn't here, he plagued her thoughts. A distraction even when he wasn't here, she thought.
"About?"
She watched the top lip of her best friend's mouth twitch, the dimple in her left cheek winking at her.
"You know exactly what I want to talk about. I'm just surprised you haven't prodded me for information yet."
"It's your business."
"Oh, yes I've forgotten how private you are." She replied sarcastically.
"Alright, alright. You know me too well; tell me about how you and John so miraculously became an item."
Amy explained from the beginning, starting from when he came into her office those many weeks ago stating he would wait until she asked him to kiss her. Of course, Amy left out the private details, sighing as she remembered the storm and the kiss in her kitchen.
"And you agreed to keep it a secret?" Evie asked with a small smirk.
"Actually, I um, asked him to keep it a secret."
Amy cringed when the smile wiped from her face. "You didn't want to tell me?"
"I didn't want to tell anyone. I wanted to sort myself out first, understand him before I told... Evie, come on. Don't look at me like that."
"I can't believe you asked him to keep it a secret! So that day at the market when he, 'picked you up' you were keeping it from me?"
"I didn't want anyone to know. Red, come on-"
"Don't use my nickname to try and soften me up, Butler. Tell me everything and don't miss out on the saucy details or I'll ask John."
Amy went ahead to tell Evie everything as she requested. Well, she did manage to leave out the intimate details despite Evie's prying glares. She told her about last night, about their date a few weeks ago and how she didn't go home the night of her birthday.
"John slept over, hm?"
Amy blushed. "Nothing happened."
"Are you sure?" Evie pointed to a spot on her neck.
Damned John gave her another love bite. "It's barely noticeable."
"Have you seen it properly? The blood is right to the surface."
"I am aware the blood stains the surface of the skin, Evie. I don't need it to be explained."
"Touchy." Evie teased. "John had his fun I see."
"Well, you should see his."
Evie laughed quietly. "Tell me, why did John come over last night?"
Amy wasn't sure whether Evie was aware of John's nightmares or his insomnia. She was afraid to mention it at all so all she said was, "He had trouble sleeping."
"So you invited him over?"
"Yes."
"You like John a lot don't you."
Amy found her fingers taping her knuckles urging her to pop the bones just once. "I like him, yes."
"But I know you well enough to know you don't just invite men over especially if you two didn't sleep together."
The urge to crack her knuckles was nagging at her itching palms. "And I know you well enough to know that you're implying something."
"I'm not implying anything. I've seen you two have lunch. The way he watches you."
"That's just the way he is."
"Not with me or Kate. He watches you like you're about to spontaneously combust."
Amy was more than glad she wasn't the only one that noticed. "I know."
"But what surprised me is you stare right back. Giving in to him, as you put it, seemed like the best thing to do."
"Elaborate."
"You're falling for him."
Crack.
Evie's eyes widened. "You are?"
"No."
"You are!"
"I'm not."
"Oh, my god you're falling for John!"
"I'm not."
"I can't believe this."
"Evie, I'm not falling for him. It's been a month, it's not anything-"
"You are and you can't deny it. Both of you are as stupid as each other."
"I beg your pardon?" Amy scowled.
"John talks about you twenty-four-seven."
"That means nothing."
"It means he's opening up to you. Plus the man was so jealous over Micah, Kate and I had to stop ourselves from laughing so hard."
"Kate?"
"John's high school crush on you wasn't exactly kept a secret."
Amy's ears started burning. "He talked about it?"
"Hell no, he denied, denied, denied which only confirmed our suspicions. Enough about that, I have a few questions of my own."
She was still trying to get over the fact John had had a, 'high school crush' on her. "What?"
"You talk a lot?"
"Yes."
"Every night?"
"Probably, yes."
"And you two haven't had sex yet?"
"That's not-"
"That's a no then. Why not, the tension is there."
Feeling completely uncomfortable with the turn in conversation, she shifted on the couch. "Evie, you're my best friend but I can't just... Talk about this."
"John is a handsome man. And he's yours."
"Not for long." Amy sighed.
"Look," Evie grabbed Amy's hands and squeezed. "Forgot about the time frame. Focus on the here and now. It's almost November, you have over three months. I remember when you used to be such a romantic. Asking me how Mike and I fell in love-"
"That was ages ago. I was nineteen for crying out loud. I'm no different to how I was back then, really. Maybe I have a tiny bit more confidence; maybe I don't think that much about book romances anymore. I mean sometimes I do, sometimes I think about that passion between two lovers in a story. What woman wouldn't want it? I wanted that raw, mind-numbing passion in books when I was slightly less mature. It was a pipe dream, honestly. I suppose now, with John I feel it isn't but that doesn't really... It..." She was losing the point completely.
"Sweetie you're babbling." Evie interjected with a loving smile which made Amy narrow her eyes. "At least that hasn't changed. But okay, I get it. I wanted the same. And I got it. And now you have it. So back to my original point, forget about the time frame. Unleash the passion; embrace the desire and lust you so obviously have for him."
And just like that the questions Amy had wanted from Evie were answered. Most things said today will be taken into consideration, honestly it would. This morning, honestly she thought her and John would end up intertwined in one and other if Jen didn't knock. She was nervous to say the least.
"Okay, Amy?"
In truth, Evie had been a real help. That's what a best friend is for really; putting everything into perspective. Despite trying to fight it, he was different to her than the others. He may be broken or he may have his demons but she wanted to help him. She wanted to be there for him. She will find out things about him but it might take a while before it would happen. Amy was willing to wait.
"Yes, okay."
"Good." She patted Amy's hands and leaned back. "I'm glad you're with John you know. It's good for the both of you."
I hope you're right Evie, Amy's thoughts whispered.
**
For the second time in a day John watched Amy sleep. But this time, they were relaxing in his living room watching a show called Revenge that she usually watched on her Mondays but missed.
He knew she wouldn't make it, as soon as she came into his house he could see the fatigue in her eyes. He didn't understand why she came over in the first place it was almost half nine and he assumed she wasn't coming over. Amy said she had been doing work since Evie left her house around three. He couldn't blame her for falling asleep.
'Only you can tell her.'
Michael's words echoed in his mind. Obviously only he could tell her. It was his responsibility. He could try. He could do it slowly.
He tightened his arm around her shoulders and moved her head so he was cupping her jaw.
"Amy?" He whispered quietly.
She shifted, her hands resting on his knee. "Hmm?"
"Can you do me a favour?"
Her eyes opened and she nodded slowly.
"Will you ask me something personal about myself?"
Silence. But the soft look on her face said it all. "Okay." She swung her legs onto his and lay back onto the arm of the couch, yawning. "Tell me a good memory about yourself."
In the mind of a vampire there were memories they shut off, locked away and never touched again. He hated that box. He never opened, never even tried to look at it. Which was probably the cause of his dreams. So when he did creak open the box he felt his body tense at the riot of emotions and the familiar faces that bubbled to the surface.
"When my father taught me how to learn piano I was so reluctant at first. I was a stubborn kid. Being the only boy out of five sisters and all..."
She waited patiently.
"My mother had walked in and said something like, 'you will learn to play for a reason. Not because you will have to but because you will want to.' I didn't have a clue what she was talking about then. But as I grew older I started to understand. I wanted to play and when I did it reflected how I was feeling. My father taught me everything not once sending me to a teacher. He was such a proud man. And my sisters, they took to an instrument like it was their second nature. Clever girls they were."
He didn't know what to make of the look on her face as he floated back to reality. It wasn't a look of pity which he despised neither was it understanding because no one understood. But it was a sort of realisation.
"One day, will you tell me about your family? They sounded wonderful."
Inside he relaxed at the prospect of her, not understanding, but comprehending why he didn't talk about his family. "I promise I will."
What truly surprised him next was the way she took his hand and led him upstairs through his study and to his bedroom. Nothing in the way she watched him suggested anything. Nothing sexual; nothing she intended to start and finish. She let his hand go and threw his covers back. A smile stretched across her face as she patted his usual side of the bed. At first, he wondered what she was doing when she kicked off her shoes and threw off her sweatshirt leaving her in her track pants and a t-shirt. But he got the general idea.
"Get in then." She said after a moment with a smile. "Before I change my mind and leave."
John watched as she settled onto the other side of the bed and took her glasses off. He did exactly as she said, his heart softening and his body relaxing beside her as she laid her head on his shoulder. "I'll stay for you tonight. You might as well get two nights worth of sleep."
"What about your cousin?"
He felt her shoulder shrug. "I'm twenty-one, I'm not a child."
"And your work?"
"Do you want me to leave?"
"Never." He tilted her chin up. "Thank you."
That smile, the one she rarely showed him; the crooked one that always had him feeling warmer, crossed her face. "You're welcome."
As she fell asleep within his arms for the second time in two nights, he realised then and there he would protect Amy with his life, listen to her good days and bad days like she's listened to his, hold her and cheer her up whenever she needed it or wanted it. Amy knew next to nothing about the rest of his life and yet he knew everything about hers and here she was, willing to stay with him through nightmares she didn't have a clue about, willing to sleep next to a monster.
Michael was damn right. He did need to tell her everything before he hurt her. But he was scared. Michel was, once again, right. She wasn't like Evie. He didn't know if she would accept him. And the thought of losing her?
He moved her hair from her face.
It hurt him.
So he would have to wait just a bit longer. It was a must. He'll tell her about his past and then he'll tell her everything else. But first, he thought as he closed his eye. I want to savour this. Because if everything does go wrong, I want to be able to remember the things like this: the little things that meant everything.
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This chapter was fun to write. Evie and Michael even helped me to understand what the hell was going on!
So, their feelings for each other and John's Secret. Everything is slowly but surely revealing itself and soon enough and I mean soon enough he will tell her. And then just like a raindrop to a pond, it will cause a ripple effect... But that's enough about the future chapters ;)