Harry Styles
It's been a month since we moved into the cabin. We've been adjusting pretty nicely considering the circumstances.
The guys all know about the pregnancy, and Eliza found out shortly after they did. She was ecstatic. She keeps saying that our kids will be best friends.
It hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows, however. Recently, there's been something happening with me. With my mind.
My visit with my mother made me question a lot.
She and my father were both bad people. I was raised by two of the most hateful human beings on the planet.
So what makes me any different?
I have both my father's and mother's dna inside of me. I'm their blood.
I used to think that having people scared of me was a good thing. I thought it meant that I had power. Then Lydia came along and made me realize that I want to protect her. I want to be a good person.
But how can a gangster...a gang leader...like me possibly be a good person?
I've been lying to Lydia, too. I've told her all this time that I'm ready to be a father.
Truth is, I'm not.
I'm not capable of fathering a child, especially when the only form of parenting and discipline that I know is abuse.
I'm not saying that'll be the way I parent. But I can't help but fear that I'll be a terrible father just like mine was.
Lydia's baby deserves more.
It's been taking a toll on my mental health, which wasn't too great to begin with.
I want to get high so bad.
I want to take a handful of pills and swallow them. I want to dump cocaine on the bathroom counter and snort the white powder up my nose until I feel nothing.
But I'm holding back. For her.
If she weren't here, nothin would stop me. It's always her that keeps me grounded.
I know that if I start getting high, Lydia's going to hate me. Rightfully so.
To replace the need to use hard drugs...I've been smoking weed with the guys regularly. Lydia doesn't mind when I do it. She just doesn't want me to do it around her. The guys and I will go out in the backyard, sit on the deck, contemplate our lives up to this point and pass around joints and drink beers.
It relaxed me for the time being, but I want more.
I want to escape to some euphoric state, even just for a minute. I've been finding more alternative ways to do so instead of drugs.
Sex.
Lydia and I have so much sex.
Shower.
Bed.
Couch.
We even did it on the kitchen counter one time when everyone was sleeping.
It's safe to say that the feeling never gets old. It might only last for less than a minute, but it's less than a minute of pure bliss.
Lydia loves it. Her hormones are up and down, and most of the time she's super horny. She practically throws herself at me. Not that I'm complaining.
She woke me up one time with a blowjob.
Then we had morning sex.
So, I guess you could say that sex is my new drug. And I'm addicted.
Lydia was in the laundry room, folding clothes. I wanted to see her so I went in there too.
When she saw me, she looked up and smiled.
"Hi, baby." she says.
I smile back and pick up some clothes, assisting her with the folding.
"You don't have to help me." Lydia chuckles.
I shrug. "You'll be done faster."
"What's the rush?"
I look at her with intent filled eyes, and then she knew immediately what the 'rush' was.
She shakes her head with a small laugh under her breath. "You're insane." she then turns around toward the dryer and takes out more clothes.
I press myself up against her.
"It's cause you make me that way, baby." I whisper in her ear.
Her breath hitches and her hands drop the laundry, then grip onto my arms that were around her belly.
"Fine." she says through a pant. "I'll meet you in the bedroom in five-"
"No. Now. Can't wait." I say between laying kisses on her neck.
"Harry." she moans, laying her head back against my shoulder. I wrap my hand around her throat, keeping her in place.
I reach behind me quickly to close the laundry room door.
"We gotta be quiet, honey." I whisper.
She hums in agreement.
I place my hand by the waistband of her leggings, then slowly move my hand down under her pants.
I feel her over her underwear.
They were soaked.
"Seems like you can't wait either." I smirk and then nibble on her ear.
Her mouth was slightly open, small breathy pants were leaving her lips.
In the next moment, we were both pulling our pants down. We didn't need a condom, that was one of the beauties of her being pregnant.
Raw, rough, unprotected sex.
The best part was that she loved it. She loved when I had control. It turned her on.
I line myself up with her entrance. She was already dripping all over me.
After I bundle a fistful of her long, blonde locks, I thrust into her.
She covers her mouth, muffled moans leaving her lips and into her hand.
She grips the edge of the dryer with her other hand.
I wish I could see her face right now. I love seeing her fall apart for me.
Like I said, this is how I get high.
I pull her by her hair, bringing her body right up against mine. I grab her by the neck. She moans again.
"Shh." I whisper, yet give a forceful thrust among my rhythmic ones.
"H-Harry." she pants through staggered breaths.
"Say my name, Lydia." I grunt.
"Harry." she says it again.
"Louder." I push. The door was locked. I didn't care if the guys heard anymore. I need to hear her scream.
"Harry!" she raises her voice slightly.
I grip her neck a little tighter, but not enough to hurt her. I rock my hips fast and hard.
"Louder, Lydia. Or I won't let you finish."
Between breathy moans, she yells. "Harry!"
I felt her tighten and clench around me. Her legs began to wobble and her head was thrown back against my shoulder. She grips my hand tightly, white knuckling it. She gasps in pleasure as she finishes.
Her grip on my hand loosens as she comes down.
"You're such a good girl." I mutter. She kisses my hand as I continue to thrust, quickly approaching my orgasm.
I stick my pointer and middle finger in her mouth.
She sucks on them.
Then she bites on them.
And that sent me over the edge.
I swear I saw stars. I felt nothing but heavenly bliss. Everything was fine. I was in paradise. I couldn't hear, I couldn't see. I was just floating.
I was high.
//
short chapter but there's more coming! next chapter will be cute & i think u guys are really gonna like it :)