"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which one to do, is a lot more painful.
-
PAULO COHELO"
Five days.
Five days had passed since that weekend when Manik dropped Nandini off, five days since that conversation, and yet Nandini couldn't forget that moment for once. It had stayed with her, refusing to give her a minute of peace. He hadn't even looked at her in the eye, but she could not shake that feeling of discomfort it had caused her. It was like someone has seen right through her, and she felt naked with her emotions, but was helpless around that feeling.
What had unsettled her more was Manik's poker face that he had started to use around much more than before. She understood where it stemmed from- Dr. Malik's comment from that evening. Nandini shared the Tuesday OPD with him and he had treated her exactly how he treated other students- PGs and residents- the constant calculated smile, the on point answers and the appreciation as and when required.
Shweta had stopped and even commented about the same to Nandini before the evening rounds.
"I guess Manik Sir has become comfortable around you too mam, it didn't feel like awkward at all today", Shweta had smiled and concluded after the day's events and Nandini had to force a smile even when that comment had burnt her inside.
Because she knew, if anything, they were much more uncomfortable around each other now, and she understood well how smartly Manik had dealt with the situation and pushed her further away from his inner circle, the circle she hadn't even had access yet either.
But if Manik was a genius of a psychiatrist, Nandini too was a bit smart for her experience. In all this mess, she couldn't help but wonder exactly why was Manik so affected by her, or her opinions of him? She was sure he was judged by more than half the people in this medical institution, even if they were from other departments, and she was sure he didn't go maintaining an arm distance from everybody.
Then again, she only had questions, no answers, like so many other things.
Walking into the hospital after her afternoon break, Nandini sighed. It was Friday that day, which meant today was her last day working under Dr. Manik for next two months. She was supposed to work under Dr. Simran from Monday and Meera would replace her in this unit. The OPD today had gone in the very similar way as Tuesday and while she wasn't spared an extra glance than required, she could not deny she did learn a few things that were completely unknown to her.
If nothing, Dr. Malhotra was excellent at his job, he had an eye for detail and his observation skill were par excellence. It was probably one of the reasons why he was such a good psychiatrist.
Making faces to herself, she walked into the ward and started rounding, making sure all the patients admitted today were tended to and given a probable diagnosis. Shweta and another resident walked her through them, and she continued to double check the medicines, the dosage and then ask every patient a few questions.
It was the last admission in the ward, a twenty seven year male, complaining about how someone was set out to kill him and use his blood for some kind of evil magic. Nandini looked at him and softly tried holding his hand for checking the pulse. He jerked her hand away, hard and she almost hit the other bed nearby but Shweta held her on time.
"Stay away form me, I can kill to protect myself, Understood you witch?", the patient screamed at the top of his voice and scooted further away from everyone to the corner of the bed.
Nandini took a good look at him, and felt her heart clench. These were the kind of patients she felt the most for, because nobody would believe them and consider them human. Being 'crazy' meant no value of their feelings or emotions, no one to comfort or console either.
"Mam I really think we should either sedate him or restrain him", one of the JR's adviced, but Nandini shook her head.
"He won't let you come close even for an injection right now, restraining is a lot more difficult especially when he is more agitated right now", she explained, "let him calm down a little".
Everyone nodded, she was right technically. But in her mind, she was thinking something else. She could guess this was a schizophrenia case, more or less, but she was hoping to use medicine and counselling for treatment than forced measures.
The afternoon soon fell into evening and all of them were having tea when the first year came rushing in, informing them of Dr. Manik's arrival. Unlike other doctors, that news didn't create haywire or didn't make them run out for the rounds. They knew Manik would scold them more if they left their tea unfinished and acted like boot lickers, which mostly is a necessity during residency.
Manik walked inside the on call room and everyone stood up. He nodded, and Shweta offered him a cup of tea. Nandini was quietly sipping hers, without looking at him, but a smile threatened to escape her lips when she realised he had recognised her tea, for the sugar was again, apt.
"Ahh! Great tea, Dr. Murthy!", Manik raised the cup and the residents giggled at his expressions, while Nandini only nodded, sulking inwardly. Apart from that day in the car, he never called her Nandini, very rarely he did address her as Dr. Nandini once or twice, but it was mostly Dr. Murthy for him.
"So, case updates?", Manik's question brought her out of her thoughts and she began to listen as the third year began reciting him case details of the seven admissions done that day.
He listened with apt attention, and walked out, the residents following him as he began rounding each patient one by one. He talked to them in a way they understood and more or less got something or the other out of the history itself that either confirmed their diagnosis or cancelled it.
"You guys need to work on your history part, pysch works on patient's history more than anything", he instructed the lot, and they nodded dutifully.
When they reached the last patient, one of the residents asked Nandini if they should try restraining him now. Manik raised an eyebrow at that. Nandini knew there was no escape.
"He has a delusion, that someone here is set out to kill him. And he was threatening to harm me physically", Nandini answered his unasked question, fidgeting with her fingers. Manik noticed her getting nervous.
"And?", he prompted and she raised her eyes to look at him.
"I was thinking if we could treat him through counselling and medication, like we do for other patients. It's not necessarily important to restrain him right now", she stated, confident of her treatment regime but scared of Manik's decision. After all, his word would be the last one.
Manik stared at Nandini, a look she couldn't comprehend at all. She saw his slightly shake his head at the JR who had asked Nandini to reconsider her decision and then nodded at Nandini, giving a thumbs up to her course of treatment.
"But remember Dr. Murthy, this patient, is more of your responsibility, than anyone else here", he instructed her, his tone really serious and Nandini nodded, taking the responsibility she was given. She wasn't expecting Manik to agree with her, and she could see the surprised expressions of a lot of people around her, but she held her head high, and promised herself to fulfill the commitment.
Post rounds, Manik returned to his cabin and called Shweta in. Nandini sat in the on call room, and started reading through her schizophrenia text books once. Because it was normal for Manik to stay back late, on his ADs, nobody questioned about him staying back. Nandini tried to talk to the patient, Sumit, once more but he would not look at her, and strayed yelling, scaring others. She backed off and decided to call it a day, and went home.
Sometime later, Manik and others also went home, leaving behind the PGs who had night duty.
Nandini spent half the night wondering about the patient- how could she make him talk to her. She would make up scenarios in her head and toss and turn in bed until she fell asleep really late at night.
She spent the entire Saturday trying to talk to him, and convince him that she wasn't going to harm him. She asked the boy's mother a ton of questions, in her spite to understand the stemming of this delusion better and then she bought him sweets to ensure she was his friend. Shweta would keep coming every half an hour and stand behind Nandini and listen to their talks. She didn't interrupt Nandini, but even Nandini knew that Shewta too was skeptical about this.
The sunday morning went pretty much same. In the afternoon, Nandini decided to go home early and then return to try again in the evening. She was tired anyway, and Monday meant new schedule, new week and new teachings,just the thought of which tired her more.
When she went back around eight, she found the ward errily silent, and her patient was missing. She immediately walked towards the bed and found even the patient's file was missing. Agitated, she turned to go to the On call room and ask the PGs when she saw the crowd outside the nurse station.
One of the second year resident, Rashmi was weeping and Shweta was trying to console her. The first year was standing quietly around them, and the nurses looked haunted.
"What's going on?", Nandini's voice grabbed their attention and Rashmi averted her eyes, while Shweta tried to force a smile and greet her. Nandini didn't care about the formalities and asked again.
" And where is the last patient? Why isn't he on his bed? Where is the file?", she asked, and Shweta gulped.
"He was transferred to the restricted ward ten minutes ago", She answered meekly, and Nandini frowned.
"Why? Didn't Dr. Manik allow him to be kept here just yesterday night?", Nandini questioned again, and before she could say anything more, the head nurse answered for them.
"Dr. Manik shifted him, himself a few minutes ago".
All Nandini's anger was now shifted to Manik. She looked at the head nurse with angry eyes and then at all the residents. What kind of disrespect was this? He could have told her yesterday if he didn't agree to her, what was the need of a full blown humiliation?
She wondered if it was his ego or revenge. In both the cases she didn't find it hard to believe about the reports that the press had printed about his deed last year.
Fuming, she was about to leave when Shweta stopped her. Leaving Rashmi to the others, she requested Nandini to listen to her once.
"Sumit attached Rashmi Mam, he had almost choked her screaming about how she was the secret agent sent to kill him here. If Manik sir wasn't here, I don't know what would have happened. He even hurt him with the scissor we didn't know when had he stole from the nurse station, because we don't keep anything sharp loose. He also had a minor concussion from the hit Sumit forced him to take or he would have done more harm. I can't even explain mam, my heart was in my mouth, I felt like for a second he would kill Manik sir, that was the kind of fire in his eyes, despite the sedative Manik sir had asked me to give him without telling you, last night. If the ward boy hadn't called for help, and the attendents hadn't helped to pull him away and tie him, I don't know what scene would have wlecomed you here", Shweta's monologue stunned Nandini. She felt guilt and helplessness surging into her system and tears into her eyes.
She could not understand why would Manik go ahead with her treatment in front of her and ask Shweta to keep him mildly sedated at the other. She knew the only person who had the answers was Manik, and it kind of still infuriated her, his actions.
She turned on her heels and immediately went to Manik's chamber, and pushed the door open only to find it empty. She was then directed by the ward boy towards the Minor OT, that they had in their department.
When she entered baffled, two pairs of eyes looked up at her, stilling her in her place.