I STOOD IN FRONT OF THE BATHROOM MIRROR LOOKING at my reflection, I couldn't help but wonder what this Gia looked like.
Did she have better hair than me? Beautiful eyes? Bigger boobs, that always can catch a man's attention. Surely this Gia was gorgeous if Sawyer was hung up on her for that long after a breakup.
My reflection frowned back at me with small pale pink lips, my ocean blue eyes looked at me as if judging myself, my chocolate brown hair hung damp between my shoulders as I held my towel tightly around myself. My cheekbones made my face look older, while my facial features showed maturity.
I'm a fool. This Gia was probably prettier and worthy of a guy like Sawyer.
I let out a frustrated sigh and let the towel fall to the ground before putting my clothes on, I pulled on a gray cami tank and a pair of blue jean shorts, I opened the door and looked out at Sawyer who was sitting on his hotel bed looking through the TV channels.
"Do you have a hairdryer?"
He looked up from the TV and stood up from the bed, he walked over to the dresser and grabbed it. He walked my way and handed it to me with a lopsided smile "For you, my lady" he said, sliding an arm around me.
I gave him a smile of my own "Why thank you, kind sir" I played along as I plugged in the hairdryer and he rubbed circles into my back.
"Is there anything else I can help you with? Do you need to change clothes again?"
I smacked his chest with my hand and smirked "No. You may go" I shooed him away, he kissed my cheek and walked out of the bathroom leaving me staring after him with a shake of my head.
Maybe I'm just giving myself a hard time. If Dinah is right, and usually she is, Sawyer likes me. But is liking enough to evolve into the boyfriend/girlfriend mode of a relationship?
"Chill, Lily" I mumbled to myself as I turned on the hairdryer and started to blow my hair dry.
After what seemed like two hours of hair dying, I turned it off and grabbed my hairbrush off of the counter. I walked out of the bathroom and to where Sawyer laid sprawled out on his bed wearing blue jean biker shorts and a gray tank top. He looked up at me and smirked patting the bed beside him.
"Come on."
I shook my head as I brushed my hair "I got to spend some time with Dinah before we leave Florida, you know. And after two nights of spending time with you in your hotel room, I feel like I am ignoring her" I told him, he rolled his eyes and snorted a laugh.
"Elizabeth. We both know that she has not missed you one damn bit." Okay, maybe that was right but originally Dinah and I had made plans to do some things together. And maybe I felt a little bad.
But as Sawyer looked at me with a know-it-all grin, I knew as well as he did that Dinah was enjoying the nightlife of bars while I was here with him, plus there was no telling at the men she has had in our hotel room ... gross.
I groaned and sat on the edge of the bed, I hit his arm with my hairbrush "I hate you" I joked making him laugh as he sat up straight and put his head on my shoulder looked at me with a pouty face.
"Naw, you adore me."
That made me laugh as he put his finger to my bottom lip and stared at me, he moved his hand down around my waist and brought me backward onto the bed with him, his arms around me in a stronghold as my hand went on his chest and the other one around his neck. I played with his hair and smiled as he looked at me.
It had been two nights since Artie had come and spoken to him, two nights since the competition and even though it was fun, I couldn't help but wonder if getting a record deal means the things we had said two days ago were gonna change.
God, he was probably the most ... handsome guy, I have ever seen. He had a way of stealing hearts, and he was nice but still cocky. He was going to make a damn good singer.
Singer.
I curled my hand up in his tank top and looked up at him "Sawyer?" I spoke then hesitated, he raised his eyebrows and looked down at me.
"Yeah?"
I closed my eyes and put my head on his chest "You are having to leave Monday, arent you?" I asked, my voice as low as a whisper. His breathing continued under my hand but I felt him stiffen under my hand as well.
He licked dry lips "Maybe. I don't know for sure," he said, clearing the silence in the room. I took a breath and cuddled into his side. He placed a kiss on the top of my head "I don't have to. I can always reschedule it."
"No. I couldn't ask you to do that, I ... that would be too selfish" I told him, sitting up and looking at the TV. He sat up beside me with a hand behind my back and his other hanging off his knee as he stared at me.
I don't want to seem selfish, but I know that after this vacation he will have a record deal and girls will be all over him soon enough. I couldn't live with myself if I held him back from his dreams.
He ran a hand through his hair "I don't want this to seem like goodbye, Lily. I want to have more time with you" he said, his eyes looking at me as I stared forward at the TV, he frowned as he closed his eyes "I enjoy being with you, I feel like I can be myself."
"That's how I feel too. But I am not about to keep you from living your dream just so I can have you" I told him and turned to face him "I wish I could. But we ... this is reality, this is a once in a lifetime chance for you. And ... I need to go back to college and finish so I can live my dream also."
His eyes looked me over as he put his hands to my cheek and made me look at him, his eyes showed sadness while his face showed knowing.
"I know. Lily, you are an amazing woman. I know you will make some man out there an excellent girlfriend" he said, the worst part of all this, I felt like my heart was breaking again, I shouldn't have let myself get caught up with Sawyer. I knew it wasn't meant to be.
I am a fool.
I closed my eyes and looked down "I don't think there is a man out there for me. Not after the heartbreaks, I put myself through" I said in seriousness as I pull away from him and stand up.
Sawyer looked concerned as he looked at me. "I don't want to hurt you," he said as he stood up, I grabbed my bag I had brought to his room and placed my things in it before going to the bathroom and grabbing my toothbrush.
"I know." Stay calm, Lily.
All the emotions running through me and the thoughts in my head had me going crazy, I want a relationship between him and me, I wanted it badly, but it wouldn't hold. Long-distance relationships hardly ever work.
He stopped me from grabbing my toothbrush with a hand on mine, I looked up at him to see him hesitating. I closed my eyes as I grabbed my toothbrush, I moved to get out of the bathroom and he blocked my exit.
"Tell me that you feel nothing between us and I will let you go." His voice was begging me to say something else, I looked up into his eyes with my heart in my throat. Could I tell him that? Would it be for the best?
"Sawyer-" he leaned down and press his lips roughly into mine stopping me from saying anything, my hand reached up to his neck while my other went to his chest as he wrapped his arms around me, our lips moved in sync together as he lifted me off of my feet and sat me on the sink.
I kept my arms wrapped around him as he moved his mouth from mine and kissed down from my cheek to my shoulder, I leaned my head down on his head and closed my eyes as his mouth moved down my shoulder, to my arm, and back up.
I didn't want to leave this, I didn't want to leave him. My heart was telling me to stay with him while my brain was telling me to be smart and let him go. Was love this complicated? Why was it complicated? Shouldn't we get to love the person we want without having a complication?
A gasp left my mouth but it wasn't from Sawyer's kisses. It was from my train of thought since when did love enter my mind? Even when I was with Will it never entered my head.
Was I in love with Sawyer Montgomery?
Sawyer pulled away from kissing my neck and looked at me in concern from my facial expression "What's wrong?" He asked, moving his hand through my hair. I just stared at him as he looked at me so caring.
"I-I-" I stuttered as he frowned at me, I gulped and closed my eyes "I can't say that I don't have feelings for you, Sawyer. I know though that I have to let you go" I told him as I got down off of the sink and moved away from him, I walked into the room and put my toothbrush in the bag.
He walked out of the bathroom looking confused "Why? You say you have feelings for me, yet you have to let me go? Elizabeth, that doesn't make sense" he told me as I zipped up my bag and slid on my flipflops.
I walked to the door and he grabbed me by the arm "Please. Tell me why" he said, his voice repeating over and over in my head as I stood with my hand on the handle of the door, I looked back at him with sad eyes and a frown.
"Because I have fallen in love with you, Montgomery. And even if I do love you, there is no way we can make this work in a long-distance relationship." Please say you feel the same. Stop me from leaving right now.
He stared at me in shock as I pulled my arm away and opened the door, I stopped for a moment as I looked back at him, then I stepped out in the hall and closed the door behind me.
I walked down the hall, looking back every couple of seconds hoping to find him running after me and telling me the same thing I had him.
But, he wasn't seen as I walked back to my room, hoping Dinah didn't have someone sleeping over.
(Question of the day: What is your favorite summer read?)