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With a deep sigh, I walked down the street with a grocery list in hand. It was the middle of the week—a Wednesday—and ideally, this was not how I was planning to spend my day. I was planning on maybe going for a run in the mountains to test my endurance, maybe attempt some more lightning jutsu's I've been looking into... but noooo. My old man just happened to forget to go grocery shopping last week. So, who was stuck doing that? Me. Thought I was supposed to be the delinquent teenager?!
I scratched the side of my face with a grimace at the thought.
I guess I kind of already had that phase of my adolescence, huh?
I didn't exactly wanna go on my own. I was bound to get bored. So, I was going to bug Ryuu to come with me. For these types of things that actually needed an ounce of responsibility, I usually would choose Katsu over my hyperactive friend. But since he was still out of the village for the chunin exams, it wasn't like he was lounging around ready to help me.
Sighing, I stuffed my hand into the pocket of red windbreaker I'd stolen from Katsu's closet not to long ago. Underneath I just wore a black long sleeve, mock neck shirt and a pair of red cargo pants. On top of the black long sleeve shirt was my white chunin flack jacket of course—wasn't planning on leaving anywhere without that thing.
Coming into Ryuu's front yard, I weaved around the small fountain in the front and the colorful flowers planted along the cobblestone pathway, before I climbed the stairs to their deck. Their deck was pretty bare, besides the little low rise kid table covered in old, dried paint from the countless art projects the girls had done.
Turning toward the traditional shoji door, I rapped my knuckles on the wooden frame and waited patiently.
After just a few moments of waiting, the door was tugged open. Only—I didn't see anyone there.
I blinked, before suddenly looking down and making eye contact with Kamaeta, am emotionless expression on her face. She brushed her black hair from her face, golden eyes looking up at me expectantly. "Kohana-nee? I don't remember Aniki saying anything about you dropping by."
I shrugged. "He didn't. I was going to bother him about getting groceries with me. He around?"
She nodded, stepping aside for me to come in. I did that, taking off my shoes and placing them by the other few lined up by the door. I furrowed my brows, eyeing an extra pair of navy blue ones, along with a very... odd pair of red ones with some sort of heel on the bottom.
I opened my mouth and looked over at the middle sibling of the triplets, ready to ask about the extra shoes, but she'd already disappeared down the hall before I could get a word in.
I made a face, staring at the wall.
Damn kid.
Having been here too many times to count, and knowing the house like the back of my hand, I walked down the hall and took a turn, coming into the living room.
"Yo, Ryuu, my old man stuck me with dumbass grocery duty again and I don't wanna go—"
I stopped in my tracks, eyes widening at the sight of Ryuu sitting on the couch, photo album in his lap and... Naruto's?!
"Holy shit, Naruto-kun?!" I gaped at the sight of the blonde uzumaki, who had gotten a bit of a wardrobe change. On his forehead was a black konoha headband, and he wore a simple orange and black jumpsuit, though the orange in the outfit was a lot more minimal compared to his last one.
He blinked at the sight of me, before smiling and pushing the photo album off his lap and into Ryuu's. Coming over, he pulled me into a tight hug, laughing. "Kohana-chan! It's so good to see you!"
Pulling away from the hug, my mouth formed an 'o' shape, realizing that the little shrimp had gotten taller. In fact, we stood at the same height now. It was especially weird, as I had a good few inches on him before.
He placed his hands on his hips, grinning at me. "Hey, we're the same height now too!"
I nodded my head slowly. "Yeah uh—guess we are. Wondered if you were ever gonna grow."
Ryuu waved to me from the couch. "I didn't know you were popping by today! We were gonna swing by your place later to see ya, but you coming here makes things a bit easier. Why'd you come over anyway?"
I gave the list in my hand a little wave. "Old man put me on grocery duty. Didn't want to do it myself, so I thought I'd drag you along."
I came over, bending over and peering at the photo album in his lap. "I guess that can wait though. What're you looking at anyway?"
Naruto plopped back down onto the couch, leaning into Ryuu to get a good look at the pictures again. Without looking back up, he answered for his cousin. "He was showin' me pictures of his kaa-san, 'ttebayo. He has other Uzumaki stuff too in a chest in the back of their room. We were gonna take a peak at that. Learn more about my clan, yanno?"
Ryuu threw an arm around Naruto's shoulder, causing the blond to bark out a laugh. He tilted his head, pressing the side of his face against his newly found cousins, squishing their cheeks together. "Yeah! I'm gonna teach him Fuinjutsu too!"
I made a face. "Like... explosive tags? Maybe that's not such a good idea..."
The thought of Naruto running around willy nilly with a bunch of pieces of paper that blew up on command really didn't paint all that nice of a mental picture. More like Armageddon, really.
"Pfft—" Ryuu rolled his eyes, waving me off. "There's more to fuinjutsu than just explosive tags! You don't know the half of it."
Naruto poked his head around me, looking around for something, before leaning back with a confused look. He scratched the side of his head. "Say, where's your other teammate? Katsu-san, right?"
I folded my hands behind my head, leaning on my hip with a lazy expression. "He's outta' the village for the chunin exams. He's been gone for like what... a few weeks now? I don't know how these chunin exams are gonna go, so he could be back any day. Or maybe not till next month. Who knows."
Masumi came over, a tray full of tea and onigiri in her hands. She set it on the table and grinned at Naruto, not even holding back as she shoved the plate toward the blond. "You're so skinny. Eat up! Please! I'll make you anything else too. You want something else?"
Naruto blushed in embarrassment, scratching the back of his neck. He flashed a smile at the woman, shaking his head lightly. "You uh... really don't need to make me anything. Really!"
"Nonsense!" She smiled brightly, rubbing the top of Naruto's head, threading her fingers through his blond hair. "You're family now! Besides, Ryuu eats enough to choke a horse. Plus I got three little girls who eat more than enough. I'm used to cooking a lot!"
"Three little girls?" Asked Naruto, cocking his head to the side in confusion. "Your kids?"
Ryuu snorted, waving the idea off like it was the craziest thing in the world. "Nah! Oba-chan ain't married!"
Masumi gave him a smack on the back of the head. He whined, giving her a dirty look as he massaged the base of his skull. "Owie! That kind of hurt..."
Ignoring the whining boy, she looked back to Naruto, smiling warmly at him. "There has to be something you like! C'mon, try me! I'm sure I can whip it up for you in no time."
"I don't wanna be a bother..." he trailed off, scratching the side of his face. He looked off to the side, not meeting Masumi's eyes.
"Honey, I'm not asking you because I feel like I have to fix you something, I'm asking because I want to make you something." Masumi lowered herself into a squat before the boy so they were at eye level. A kind smile stretched across her lips, and she rested her hand on his knee. "Family does that sort of stuff for one another."
Naruto kept her gaze. There was something in his eyes, in his expression, that caused the breath in my throat to get caught. His eyes crinkled at the corners, a sad, but hopeful smile lifting at his lips. The corner of his eyes glossed over, but before any tears could come out, he wiped them away with the back of his sleeve. Sniffing, he gave her another smile and a nod of his head. "Thank you... I uh... I like ramen...?"
Not acknowledging his tears, knowing it would probably only embarrass the teen, she stood back up and gave him another smile. "Ramen, hm?"
Without another word, she walked around the couch and disappeared around the hall, heading into the kitchen.
Ryuu gave the blond a nudge in the ribs, cracking a smile. "Don't get all emotional on me now, pal! We have some uzumaki stuff to go look at!"
I scratched the back of my neck, looking off to the side in a spout of awkwardness.
Given I did sort of intrude on their day together, it wasn't surprising I felt like I wasn't supposed to be here. This was something between Ryuu and Naruto, and I was a piece of the puzzle that didn't really fit. Sure, the thought stung a little. It was the truth though. They were... family. I wasn't part of that family. Sometimes I felt like we were... Ryuu and I. Like brother and sister. The truth was when it came down to it, we weren't. Not by blood anyway.
Ryuu grinned up at me. "Yo, you wanna come along too?"
I stared at him for a moment. My words were caught in my throat, chest clenching at the two wide eyed gazes both the Uzumaki's were giving me. I tightened my grip around the grocery list, before giving a quick shake of my head, forcing a smile to my face. "Nah. I'll leave ya' to it. I've got some stupid ass groceries to get anyway."
"Alright, if you're sure." Ryuu said, giving me a pitiful look. Even so, he got to his feet and walked around the couch, tugging Naruto's sleeve along with him. The blond gave me a friendly wave of goodbye as he was dragged around the corner.
I waved back, the smile slowly sliding off my face as they disappeared.
I left after that. Didn't even say goodbye to Masumi, but the thought to do so didn't really occur to me either. I got groceries by myself, picking through the different fruits and vegetables to the cheesy market music. It was kind of lonely—there weren't many times where I was alone anymore. Being alone wasn't a common thing for me. That really, was part of the past. For good reason too. Now that I was alone, it was hard to ignore the sinking feeling in my chest. Clenching every time I saw a mother with a child. A brother with a sister. A grandfather with a grandchild.
Bitterly eyeing the families and friends as I walked past after leaving the grocery store, I sipped on a soda I'd picked up, the straw sticking out of the corner of my mouth. The paper grocery bag rested in my other arm. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at a father holding his son on his shoulders, little fingers tangled into his fathers blond locks.
In a weird way, I wished I didn't really have the ability to see. Was that weird? It probably was. Didn't matter. I didn't wanna see all these stupid ass people happy with their stupid ass families. With their stupid ass smiles, and their stupid ass happy looks. It wasn't fair. It wasn't. They all got to be happy with the ones they loved. Surrounded by their mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters—why didn't I get that?!
I hissed, soda splattering on my face.
I looked down, glaring holes into the crushed soda cup, it crumpled over in my palm. Dark soda was splattered all over my shirt, droplets sliding down the sides of my face.
Stupid fucking fuck!
With an aggravated growl, I spun to the side and chucked the cup at a nearby building. It smashed into the stone wall, ice and soda sliding down the wall. The straw and lid laid together beside the mutilated cup. Heaving, I blinked at the mess I caused.
Slowly, I raised my hand to my forehead, grumbling under my breath.
I really needed to get a cap on my anger. This was fucking ridiculous.
I walked over and gathered the pieces of the cup before throwing them away properly. After that I went home, dumping the groceries on the counter without putting them away. There wasn't anything perishable in there anyway. If there was—it wasn't my job to fucking put them away anyway.
Slamming my door shut in my bedroom, and dropped onto my bed, letting out a deep sigh. The mattress bounced underneath me, my eyes fluttering closed at the soft cushion against my back.
Can't believe I never put anymore thought into my parents since I found out what truly happened. There was always some part of me that thought maybe they'd dumped me somewhere because they didn't want me. The thought that they didn't get rid of me by choice was... was never something that crossed my mind. Trust me—I was thrilled by that. Thrilled that my parents actually loved me. That they didn't hate my guts or whatever.
At the same time, it almost made it hurt worse.
They did want me. They really, truly did. Yet someone else came and prevented them from living their lives with me. With not only me, but my brother, who could very well be dead and I'd have no idea. Scratch that—I have no idea if he's alive or not. Sure there was part of me that hoped deeply that he was some where out there looking for me. Looking for the long lost part of his family. But life wasn't a fairytale. My life certainly was not a fairytale.
Rolling over, I grasped at the green blanket I'd received for Christmas. The one true thing that I had of my parents. That I know for sure came from them.
Pulling it closer, I ran my thumb over the soft material, touching the golden stitching along the edge. Gazing at the golden dragon in the center, I let out a deep sigh. The gaping hole in my chest seemed to deepen.
I squeezed my eyes shut, taking a deep breath.
Why couldn't I be happy? Did I do something to deserve this? To deserve not to be happy?
I pulled the blanket into my chest, pressing my face into the fabric.
I wonder what it would have been like if my parents were still alive. If I had grown up with them. What kind of person would I be? Probably a better one, that's for sure. What a person I'm developing into.
The next week Katsu came back. Apparently there was a big group of people that went to greet the squad when they came back, but I didn't go. I guess I didn't really feel up to it. Sure it was kind of an asshole move of me—one of my closest friends coming back from a life changing exam that could totally revamp his career as a shinobi. Still didn't go though. I just sat at home on my bed, staring at the ceiling and spinning a kunai around my finger.
It wasn't till later that night that I left home to get something to eat, that I ran into anyone. Well... more less of running into anyone. More along the lines that I happened to come across some people, and it really did not sit well with me.
Walking into the place I usually picked up our food from—a little restaurant in the downtime part of Kumogakure—I came to the counter, giving the woman behind the counter a polite nod.
"I'll have a double serving of yakitori. To go."
She gave me a smile. "We'll get that ready for you."
Watching her walk off, I let out a deep sigh, leaning with my backside against the counter. I ran my hand through my hair, lazily slouching as I looked around at the inside of the restaurant. Wasn't that many people here, surprisingly. Especially for a Saturday night. Most were probably at home with families—Friday's tended to be the time where things would be hella busy in Kumo. Don't think I ever saw an empty restaurant on a Friday. Especially at night.
Only a family or two was dining here. Nothing out of the ordinary—
I flinched, a cold chill running down my spine at the sight of Ryuu, Katsu, and Naruto eating together, laughing and smiling without a care in the world. Naruto was slurping up these noodles, while Ryuu was attempting to eat as much as the blond sitting next to him. Katsu was smiling at their antics but definitely wasn't taking part in anything.
Usually the scene would have caused me to feel pretty happy. Maybe I'd even wanna go over there and join them. But at the moment, I just felt kind of hurt. Betrayed even.
They were here without me? Hanging out, without me?
Was I... really that easy to replace?
I eyed Naruto bitterly, clenching my jaw at the sudden laugh he let out.
Why couldn't he go back to his own fucking village? I didn't mind him being around for a bit. He was a cool dude. Helped me out a lot. But stealing the friends I'd fought so hard to make... excluding me... fuck that really hurt.
"Here's your food, young lady."
I took the bag from the woman, handing her a rather large sum of money.
"Oh this is—" she blinked, looking at the large wad of cash in her hand.
"Keep the change." I said simply without batting an eye.
I glanced in the direction of the three boys once more. Wondering if anyone had even noticed me. Had even cared to notice. Don't know why I did expect that. There hadn't even been a fleeting glance in my direction.
I let out a frustrated puff of air and slammed the door open, walking down the dark street. Walking aimlessly, I ripped the bag of yakitori out and began chewing on the chicken. Similar to the way I had a few nights ago when I'd gotten pissed off too. Funny how stuff seemed to repeat itself. Chicken when angry. Friends finding people better than me. Being kicked to the side. Feeling like an outsider.
What was I to expect? I didn't even really belong here anyway. Wasn't even meant to grow up in the shit hole of a village. I was supposed to grow up with my mom, dad and my brother. Not... not... not here.
I let out a yell of aggravation, roundhouse kicking a random tin garbage can sitting next to a building. It clattered, falling over, trash spilling out everywhere.
I stared at it, not moving to pick anything up.
There wasn't anyone around me now. The quiet skittering of a mouse or a cat. I'd been walking for some time, and I'd even put my money on it and say I'd been gone for a good few hours now. It had to be pretty late. Midnight if not later.
Not giving any more fucks, I tossed the rest of my food at the strewn garbage, adding to the mess I'd made. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and walked away, trailing aimlessly once more.
Everything seemed to be going so good for a while. I was finally beginning to get along with people. With others. Patch some stuff up. I got a promotion. Learned more about my clan. Yet still... yet still it felt like I was missing something. There was something I needed to know, something I was longing for. The only problem, was that I didn't know what the hell that something was.
I tilted my head back, stopping in the middle of the street and taking a deep breath.
The cool night air blew through my hair, brushing against my cheeks. It was pleasant and refreshing. Nice to have something like that to keep me remotely grounded.
I went home not too long after that. Truly I didn't expect my old man to be home at all. Thought he'd be out on a mission or something. If not that, he'd be at Masumi-sans house.
What I absolutely did not expect, was to walk in the door and see him sitting on a chair right in front of it. He sat with his legs crossed over one another, lit cigarette clenched between his fingers. A small blue ash tray sat on the ground beside him, grey grounds coating the bottom.
I didn't even say anything to him, taking off my shoes and hanging up my coat. Walking around him, I moved to go to my bedroom, but his voice stopped me in my tracks.
"Where have you been?"
I made a face at the randomness of the question. Usually he didn't care if I was out late or not. Where the fuck was this coming from?
"Out."
"Out where."
"Doing my own thing."
There was a pause, before a deep sigh filled the room. I turned around, glaring daggers at the back of his bleach blond head. Smoke rose from in front of him, but he still didn't turn to face me.
"Answer the question fully. What were you doing."
I furrowed my brows, worry beginning to knot in my chest. Crossing my arms over my chest, I stood more defensively, not knowing where the hell this conversation was going to go.
"Getting food." I shrugged. "Why? You've never cared what I've done before."
There was a beat of silence. "I haven't cared. That was, until I heard reports of a group of four teenagers looting a boat with shipments very, very expensive Sake. Four. Odd, isn't it?"
My chest clenched.
I'd been caught. Oh fuck—oh fuck.
"Okay, and what does that have to do with me?" I said smoothly, trying to play it off. "A bunch of punks were stealing stuff. What's new?"
"What's new, is that they were seen wearing green and yellow bandanas. The ones your little gang used to wear as some fashion statement."
I resisted the urge to cringe.
C'mon Kohana—you need to keep this up—don't let him get to you—
"I told you I don't want to be part of them any more. The stuff they do makes me sick." I frowned. "I don't want to ever go back to them. I'm a new person now. Changed and stuff. Don't you have any faith in me?"
There was a long sigh.
"I did."
He stuck his hand into his pocket, before raising his hand in the air. His back was still to me, but the green and yellow bandana dangling from his fingers was enough evidence that I'd done fucked up. Majorly fucked up.
He stood from his chair, walking over to the counter. Putting his cigarette out on the second tray there, he looked at me, bandana still dangling from his fingers.
"I found this in your laundry basket. Thought I'd do the laundry for once since you always complain about it..." he sighed, shaking his head. "Didn't think I'd find something like this in your room. The fact you even... Kami, Kohana. I thought you were better than this?"
I swallowed, thrown off by the utter disappointment in his face. How upset he looked. He looked entirely betrayed.
"I can explain—"
"No." He shook his head, crumpling the bandana and tossing it to the ground. "I don't wanna hear your excuses. There's no way to 'talk' your way out of this. I don't think you even understand the weight of your actions. Lucky for you I'm not going to report you since I care for you. But if someone else were to discover this... if someone else were to put together all the convenient pieces you laid out, there is no doubt in my mind that your title as chunin would be revoked, and you would be suspended from shinobi duties for a while."
I grit my teeth, infuriated by the way he was talking to me. Talking to me without even a simple explanation. Like I was some sort of fucking delinquent that did stuff without reason.
"You're not even going to let me explain myself?!"
He laughed exasperatedly, rubbing at the side of his face. "There's no way you can explain this, Kohana! You just blatantly lied to me multiple times. You even tried to guilt me into believing you hadn't taken part of these activities anymore. I don't even... I don't even know where to start with you."
I stared at him in shock, not even knowing where to begin myself. I was... hurt so deeply. He didn't even want to hear an explanation for why I did it. Why I chose to take part in this stuff. He thought I was just... throwing myself head over heels into it for whatever. Because I was... bored or some shit. And it stung. Deeply.
Slowly, I began to back up, before turning and sprinting into my room.
"Where the hell are you going?!"
Clenching my jaw, trying to hold back the tears that were really, really trying their best to slip out, I grabbed a duffel bag and began to throw clothes into it. Some shoes, my money, a couple of my extra weapons.
"What the hell are you doing now?!"
Kenji was shouting at me from the door, but I wasn't having any of it. Continuing to throw my things in my bag, tears blurring my vision as I did so. I tugged the zipper up and sealed it shut.
"I said, what are you doing?!"
I whipped around, throwing the strap of my bag over my shoulder. "Leaving."
"To where?!" He cried, throwing his hands up and following me as I walked to the front door.
I put on my shoes and shot him a sharp glare, swallowing hard.
"To where people won't treat me like I'm some sort of fucking criminal without even hearing what I have to say."
I didn't give him another chance to respond, body flickering away.
Shortly after, I found myself back in the red light district. Back behind the shard of aluminum concealing the gangs door.
I stepped inside, bag hung over my shoulder.
Korudo, the only one in the front room, who was busying himself with a book, looked up, blinking at the sight of my packed bag and reddened face.
"Kohana?"
I sniffed, raising the back of my sleeve to my mouth, and gave it a sharp shake.
He stood up and came over to me, taking my bag without asking another question.
"You can take my bed. I'll sleep on the couch. Just please be wary of my sheets and try not to untuck them. I know you're tidy anyway."
"Thank you." I murmured quietly.
He placed a hand on my shoulder. "As Itazura said before, we go too far back to need any thanks."
authors note:
so... some angst in this chapter huh?
sorry to break it to y'all but it doesn't
end for a while 😔👋 lemme know
what you thought!! please!!! i read fr
every single comment okay. and im
sorry I haven't been updating much. I've
had awful awful writers block lately
love ya!!
-kat