Chapter 22
Hindi ako mapakali habang pinapanuod ang unang quarter ng game. My eyes are narrow, I restricted myself to keep on glancing on Jackson's way, marami mang tao dito ay hindi ko makalimutang nandiyan pa rin siya, his pressence is powerful and it can make me shiver to death!
But as I promised to Leona, I tried to watch him and how he play. Since siya lang naman ang kilala ko sa court, sa kanya lang ako nakatingin. Pumalakpak ako nang marahan nang nakapag-shoot siya, pero hindi. Nanginginig pa rin ang nga kamay ko. Kinakabahan pa rin ako. And I am still triggered. Hindi ko matanggal ang kaba, pero sinubukan ko pa ring manuod, baka sakali'y mawala ang iniisip habang naaaliw sa laro.
Ayaw kong tumingin sa kabilang parte ng court, dahil alam kong nandoon siya, and if I still keep on looking that way, I might panic more and more.
At dahil hindi ko na kaya ang sobrang lakas ng kalabog ng puso ko, kinalabit ko si Shaney dahil siya naman ang katabi ko.
"I-I have to go home." Utal na bulong ko sa kanya.
"Why? Ang ganda na ng laro." Shaney asked, tumingin siya sa akin gamit ang nanunuring mata, ngunit sa huli'y tumango na lamang siya at bumunting hininga.
"Okay, okay. Take care." Aniya pa.
"Thank you."
Ngumiti ako sa kanya at mabilis na tumayo, carrying my cellphone and my shoulder bag, I walked past each block upwards like I am running already. I have to get away from here, I need to.
Maging ang mga namamawis kong kamay ay nanlalamig, giniginaw at nagtatayuan ang mga balahibo na para bang nakakita ako ng multo. Mabilis ang lakad ko hanggang sa nakarating na ako sa hallway palabas sa gymnasium. Hinihingal ako at hindi ko at mabilis na nagpunas ng kaunting butil ng pawis, dala ng nakakapagod na pagtakbo pataas sa hagdanan paalis sa gymnasium.
Madilim na rito, at wala ng katao-tao, malamang dahil mainit ang laro ngayon sa loob. I feel sorry for Leona for ditching him, maybe I'll just apologize to him later. But otherwise, I felt relieved a little, because Jackson is nowhere in my vission now.
I was about to continue walking when a male figure suddenly went our from one of the entrance from the gymnasium.
Palaisipan sa akin kung paano niya ako nakita at nasundan agad dito, ngunit hindi na iyon gumulo sa isip ko dahil ang naiisip ko na lamang ngayon ay purong takot at kaba.
Nakapamulsa ito at marahang humahakbang palapit sa akin, hindi ko maaninag ang kanyang mukha dahil sa kawalan ng presensya ng ilaw, tanging ang kanyang suot ang basehan ko upang masabi na si Jackson ito.
A flashback came to me, four years ago...inside his room, the same thing happened. He was slowly walking near me while uttering such lustrous words.
I felt triggered in every step that he is making, kaya nama'y nag-umpisa na rin akong humakbang paatras.
I am just ao stupid for not running away the moment I came out from the gym, dapat pala ay nagtuloy-tuloy na ako. Ngunit huli na dahil naabutan niya na ako, what a stupid decision I made.
"Please, huwag kang lalapit." Pakiusap ko sa kanya habang patuloy na umaatras.
Hindi siya natinag at tila'y mas naging agresibo siyang lumapit, ngunit wala kang makikitang ekspresyon ng kanyang mukha. He looks mysterious, lalo na't nakahoody siya ng kulay itim, some girls are crazy over him, because he looks cool. But for me...he is a devil, a jerk, a rapist.
"You didn't like the flowers that I sent to you?" Nagtaas siya ng kilay.
His voice is like a lion's roar, that would make you shake in fear. Too powerful for me to bare, and I am too afraid to even hear another sentence from him.
Umiling ako at nanlaki ang matang nakatingin sa kanya, I just can't avoid looking at him more...I just can't! I want to watch his every little moves, afraid that I might caught off guard and he'll so it over again and I shouldn't let that happen.
"What do you want me to send, then?" Lumambot ang kanyang ekspresyon and his voice became soft, but I am so horrified by it still.
A familiar decieving expression, which I would never fall into again. His sweet words are all part of his dark trap.
"Tell me baby." He whispered and huli na ang lahat nang mapagtanto kong I got the wrong way, because I felt the wall behind me, colder than I could ever imagine or ako lang ang ninenerbiyos?
I wanna shout at him and tell him to move away, and push him, but I went stone cold. Hindi ako makahinga dahil parang pinipiga ang dibdib ko sa sobrang lapit niya sa akin, naiiyak ako at hindi ko na alam ang gagawin.
"I-I don't like roses."
Sa dibami-dami ng gusto kong sabihin sa kanya, ay iyan lang ang lumabas sa bibig ko. Minura ko ang sarili ko sa isipan ko, stupid! Stupid, Neterini! Stupid!
"Is that it? What do you want, then?" He asked, napahinto siya nang nasa harap ko na siya.
He is now more visible to me, sa sobrang lapit ay napatulo na lamang ang luha ko. Ngunit hindi niya iyon pinansin.
Sobrang tangkad niya, maybe a little taller than Bradley, but slimmer.
And why would I still think about that?
"Tell me." He said, almost a whisper and reached for my face using his left hand while the other hand is still inside his pocket, he wiped the firsy droplet of tear on my right cheek. Ngunit nagtuloy-tuloy na iyon pagkatapos noon.
Nagulat ako kaya mabilis na tinabig ang kamay niya na hindi naman niya ikinagulat.
He wasn't shocked after all, like he is expecting me to respond like that. His expression remained still, and chilled.
Napayuko siya upang titigan ako, at 'saka ngumiti.
Damn you! May gana ka pang ngumiti! Demonyo ka talaga! Wala kang kasing-sama! I wanna shout at him, but my words were trapped and I've already cussed in my head a thousand times for being numb!
Tangina, gusto ko siyang sumbatan pero bakit hindi umaayon ang aking sarili?!
"You've grown so much," he said as if he is admiring me so much, hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko.
Samantalang ako ay hindi na makagalaw, hindi alam kung ano ang gagawin, naninigas sa kinatatayuan dahil nasa harapan ko siya—sobrang lapit.
Napalunok ako, at mas lalong namawis ang buong katawan, mas lalong humiki nang malakas, my shivering is very evident and I don't care anymore. Naubusan ako ng lakas just by looking at him—I didn't even looked at him straight in the eyes, what more if I did? All the screams in my head...all disappeared and I felt weak.
I am really weak, ever since then. And maybe that is why I cannot shout nor blame him.
"P-please, go away from me..."
And that was all I can remember.
The next thing I knew, I am now comfortably laying on a hospital bed. Which I can recall, the hospital where Mom—tita Sope works. It is because of the exclusive room, it's familiar, it's not my first time getting confined in here.
The orange sky amazed me though, dahil natatanaw ito sa glass wall.
Bumungad sa akin si Bradley, it was the opposite from what I've expected, bagaman gumaan ang loob ko nang makita ko siya. Affright left me and instead, napa-ayos ako ng higa, making him look at me. His hair is messy and he looks cool—which he is everyday.
His lips are pressed again together, making his jaw protrude more. Nakakamangha siyang panuorin kahit walang ginagawa, his eyes are fierce, but I looked away after realizing that I just met Jackson.
"How are you feeling?" He asked.
Not knowing what to say, I just nodded. "Did you...uh, took me here?"
He nodded, "I saw you with my brother, but I was too late you already blacked out." Paliwanag nito.
Sumakit ang lalamunan ko dahil nais ko na namang magpakawala ng luha.
"Thank you." I said half-heartedly because I want it to mean the other way around.
Or maybe I can say it twice, with a little sorry. I don't know. Naalala ko ang nangyari kahapon. As I've expected, I am urging myself to say sorry again.
"Everybody knows that my brother will come to that game," umpisa niya. "Who were you with?" Nagtaas ito ng kilay.
"I am with Shaney, Claire and Ellie." I honestly answered.
"And no one ever dared to tell you?" He soundes disappointed. It is not the first time I saw him disappointed, though.
Umiling ako, I heard him mutter a cuss.
"Well, Shaney might have insisted to not tell me since I once told her I am not interested with Jackson." Paliwanag ko.
His jaw tightened nang may mapagtanto, I also have a hint of what he is thinking. He didn't voice out any of that matter, instead he pressed his lips together again, trying to suppress his pissed awra.
He held my hand. "You're traumatized, Neterini. I think you need to undergo counceling." He softly said.
Matalim ko siyang tinignan. "I am not going to undergo counceling and you are not seriously pushing me to do that." Iritado kong sinabi.
I saw him sighed like he expected me to act this way. "I just want you to get better soon." He sincerely said. "You are clearly still under the nightmare my brother gave you, and because of that, you cannot live your life happily and normally just how it should be." Paliwanag niya.
"I-I can manage to be happy." Pilit kong sinabi.
Counceling is exaggerated, and I am afraid of people asking me of what happened and the whole story behind it!
"But not wholy," he fired back.
When I saw Jackson, I was frightened to death. I was shaking in fear that what happened four years ago will happen again, and it triggers me so much. He even touched me! At ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang matinding pangingilabot! Damn this, I doubt I could still get over that anytime soon.
"I don't need counceling." Mataman kong sinabi.
Nakita kong nag-iwas siya ng tingin, he may be harsh and demanding, and short-tempered, but he managed to stay calm after all. Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang ganito.
"Your Mom is so worried, she wanted to come here so bad but she can't knowing your tita Sope is here and it might ruin all of your plans." Aniya, iniiba ang usapan.
I almost forgot about it, dapat pala'y hindi na ako pumasok kanina. I got myself in so much trouble, so much for wanting to draw Claire's attention.
"What are you planning?" Biglang sumeryoso ang kanyang mukha, at nakatingin lamang sa mga kamay namin.
Pinaglaruan niya ito habang naghihintay sa isasagot ko, we both know what is this. It's about Jackson.
"Are you planning on telling your Mom?" He added, maintaining the same stunt.
Mabilis akong umiling. "It'll only complicate things." Maingat kong isinagot.
"Okay, I understand." Pagsang-ayon niya sa akin na parang ngayon lang nangyari. Tumingin siya sa akin, "Just let me do whatever I can to make you feel better, okay?"
The other side of him. I barely knew his other side, but I kept on longing for it.
"I-I'm sorry.." Tumingin ako sa kanya, he's waiting for me to continue. "For last time...I was just afraid. And I didn't think it was the right thing to do." Utal kong paliwanag sa kanya.
"You're right. It is okay to doubt about my feelings for you, I understand." Mabilis niyang sinabi na parang simpleng bagay lamang iyon gayong iba ang pinaparamdam ng pangungusap niya sa akin.
Para itong isang magandang musika...nakakakalma.
"I'm sorry you have to read my conversation with Ellie. I talked to her about it." Aniya.
Wanting to hear more, "What did she say? Kanino raw galing?"
"I also confronted the one she knew it from. Don't worry." Aniya, obviously shifting my focus.
"Who?" Ulit ko.
He sighed. "I don't want to stay in between anyone of you so I won't tell, that person will talk to you soon. When you get out of here." He explained. "For now, what do you want to eat?"
Umiling ako. "Gusto ko nang umalis dito." Mabilis kong sinabi at tumayo sa kama.
"Are you sure you're already feeling better?" He asked.
"Yes, I am now." Ang sinabi ko kaya nama'y wala siyang nagawa at tumawag na lamang ng nurse—pinipindot ang kulay green na button katapat ng kama ko.
Pagkatapos kong isuot muli ang dati kong damit ay lumabas ako ng banyo at naabutan kong hindi na mag-isa si Bradley doon, kun'di kasama niya na si tita Sope.
Tumikhim ako at nakaramdam muli ng kakaibang presyon na namumuo sa aking kaloob-looban, kinakabahan na may halong galit.
Nagulat na lamang ako nang sinunggaban niya ako ng isang mahigpit na yakap, and in my head, I just scoffed. All this just for an act?
Mabilis akong lumebel sa yakap namin, na parang sabik din akong makita siya. Nang humiwalay siya ay mabilis na sinakop ng paad niya ang aking mukha.
Bradley looked at me with pure amusement plastered in his face habang nakapangalumbaba sa kama.
"How have you been? Tinatawagan kita, tinetext! Wala kangainasagot, tapos malalaman-laman kong nandito ka na naman sa hospital?" She exaggeratedly said.
I sighed, "I was busy with school, Mom. Naaaliw ako kapapanuod sa Sport's Fest namin, and besides, malapit na ang exams! I havw to study." Palusot ko sa kanya.
"But you should at least text? I am worried to death! So as your dad!" She again, hysterically said.
"I will next time, Mom." Mabilis kong sagot.
I miss my true mother, and tita Sope's pressence makes me uncomfortable.