CHAPTER THREE
PENELOPE
"AND WHO could that man be?" said my mother right after I set foot inside our house (I hadn't even closed the door yet). She was trying and failing to hide the giggles in her voice. She must have seen Ame. She was so invested in my love life like any other mother was.
"Nothing," I said, depositing the umbrella in a basket waiting by the door. "A friend."
I wanted to keep it short and simple, because my mother tended to make issues out of almost everything. But then I realized there was no perfect time, but today, to introduce him. "No, actually, he's Ame, and he helped me that night at the park. You remember? The one that I mentioned to you?"
"Ah, right!" said my mother with a glint of recognition in her eyes. "Your knight in shining armor!"
I chuckled. "That's a fancy way to say it. But, really, he's just a friend."
My mother nodded, visibly not contented but settled with my words. "At least my daughter is friends with such a handsome man like him. What do you think?"
"What?" I asked, because I seriously didn't get her.
"How do you find him, Penelope?" she said, almost frustratingly.
"Gorgeous," I said unconsciously. Color flamed high on my cheeks as I heard myself. I cleared my throat, and repeated it, this time matter-of-factly, and not like I was gushing over him, "He was gorgeous. But so what?"
At that, my mother smiled and looked overly contented. She nodded and guided me to my seat. I frowned when I saw the chair across mine was still vacant, no sign that it had been recently occupied. I worried too much that my tongue wasn't able to taste much of the food. But I was able to convince myself it was good by the looks.
"Don't worry," said my mother suddenly, "he'll be fine."
"It's okay," I replied, "it's not like I'm not used to this."
I took another spoonful of rice, hoping the negative thoughts would go along as I swallowed. I lied. I was still not used to this. Every time something like this happened, I couldn't help myself but worry. My mother worried as much as I was, but she had a better way of handling it. Out on the surface, she looked fine. Underneath, though, peeled her eyes off of its defensive layers, she was weak. She was an old version of me, just calloused with experience.
My mother rested her hands, which were still clutching the silver utensils, over the table, at either side of her plate.
"Think you can convince him to go to the hospital?" she whispered, as though my father could still hear her over the rain outside. I doubted we were audible, but I still answered in the same quiet manner, "I'll try."
"So, how was school?" she went on with our usual conversation.
"We played badminton," I said so excitedly I almost failed to recognize myself. But then the excitement to tell her everything died down almost immediately when I remembered I didn't win.
"And . . . ," she paused, her eyebrows were pulled together to meet in the middle, genuinely curious, "did you enjoy it?"
"Of course," I replied, "I didn't win though."
"That doesn't matter," she said wisely.
I knew my father would decline, but as I finished my plate, I was sure I would do my best to convince him. My mother, as it seemed, didn't go in their room so much today, maybe just to check on my father and feed him, but that was it. She didn't clean around, because I still saw the empty medicine mat from earlier. My father didn't want a lot of movements around him, but I couldn't stand the mess. I did my best to clean everything silently though.
My father didn't move an inch throughout my cleaning, so I guessed I did a fantastic job. On the other hand, it could also mean that his fever was that high he was stripped of his senses. Panicked, I shook the lump of blankets on the bed. It stirred. And groaned. Then a head slowly came into view as my father pushed the blankets away. It revealed a face so pale and battered. There were purple blotches under his eyes and his skin was dry. I fought the urge to wince at the sight of him.
"How are you doing?" I asked.
"Fine," he answered. Coughs were released as he struggled to sit upright. The coughing developed into a constant thing over the course of the day. It was heaving, chest-rattling coughs that sound like they should only be coming out of the bronchitis wing in the hospital.
"You don't look fine." I assisted him upright. I cringed when my fingers brushed the damp sheets underneath. His back was also damp with sweat. "You shouldn't have gone there, you know, at the park."
My words lingered in the air thickly for a moment, and then he said in between coughs, "I was worried."
"I'm grateful." The words struggled to find their way out of my mouth. "I'm grateful you care so much for me, but next time it happens again, just think of yourself. I'm fine."
"I can't do that." He coughed again, pressing a hand to his chest with a sour face. "We can't do that. No parents can do that."
He coughed so hard whenever he spoke, so I chose to end the conversation. "All right," I said. "Don't sleep yet. I will call Mom to help you get in a new set of clothes."
Before I left, I handed him a glass of water.
IT WAS late at night, and I was still up. After some tossing and turning in my bed, trying every sleeping position there was and found nothing worked, I decided to just get up. I looked at my mobile that was lying next to my head, pressing a few buttons until my conversation with Fritz was open.
Fritz texted me a while back, saying sorry (which was unnecessary) for leaving first. The guard's words and Fritz's message added up that she really had been picked up by her father. I hadn't seen her father yet, but he must be a thing of beauty too, like Fritz. He must be energetic and friendly, too. I didn't dare imagine how her mother would look like, because even just the thought of it already made me envious.
Sunshine rubbed himself against my legs, demanding attention. I scrubbed his underjaw for a while before I started on the paperwork that had been collecting dust since yesterday.
I would've actually done it yesterday, but we went to the the park and there was this sudden rain that effectively kept my mind off them. I usually pride myself on getting my work done in record time, and the fact I forgot about them just meant I was so bothered. It didn't take much time, and I finished them right away, of course with plugs in my ears. I set the volume so high it almost blasted my ears off. I thought there was ringing in my ears when I finally removed the plugs, but it was fine.
All was done, and yet I was still up and about. Sunshine curled up on my lap, and I was forced to stay put in my chair. Because he would hiss every time he sensed movement. But he didn't complain when my hand unconsciously went down to pet him from time to time. He wouldn't admit it, but he loved the touches.
Pedre seemed to influence me to go and check out some videos about aliens. Because, for once, I refused to believe in logic. The rain was so sudden that something supernatural must be behind it - not to mention the river.
A string of videos popped up on my laptop's screen, most of them were uploaded by a channel called HISTORY. The thumbnails showed a grotesque four-limb creature (apparently they believed aliens looked like that). The more I browsed through the entire selection, the more I believed they were not the ones behind it. The videos mentioned they could control minds, do telepathy and telekinesis, and ultimately, live among humans, but they didn't specifically mentioned they were capable of controlling the weather. Perhaps they could, but they weren't that powerful to control it for too long. Most of their powers heavily relied on their ship, but I didn't see a UFO that night at the park. I only saw orange lanterns scattered in the sky, and after that was chaos, light objects flying around.
Truth be told, I would prefer to believe it was aliens instead of mythological creatures like gods and goddesses. That was old. But my hands instinctively typed the words "goddess of rain" on the search box. Halfway through it, I reconsidered the act. The longer I stalled myself, the more the cursor seemed to mock me to just continue. So I did, with a sigh.
"Anitun Tabu," I mumbled. It was a girl in a blue, flowy dress. Her eyes were white and she looked blind.
The search result said:
Anitun Tabu is known as the fickle-minded goddess of wind and rain in Tagalog mythology. She's one of the two children of Dumangan (the sky-god of good harvest) and Idianale (the goddess of labor, good deeds, and animal husbandry), along with her brother Dumakulem, guardian of the mountains.
Another search result said:
Anitun Tabu is also called Anitun Tauo in Zambales. It is said that she had a very high position among the gods but she was demoted.
I wondered why she got demoted so I clicked on the article, and it was a rabbit hole I shouldn't have let myself fall into.
Anitun Tabu was arrogant.
The thrill of knowing everything almost drove me crazy. The stories were so good I couldn't stop reading one after another. Suddenly I hated Pedre for not believing in them, but then I remembered I didn't too. It was just tonight that I started thinking that, maybe, they really existed.
At least I wasn't the one whose grandparents owned a temple for the goddess Anitun Tabu. It was funny because I didn't know, until tonight, that it was meant for her. Pedre's grandparents often performed a ritual to thank her, but people here usually just laughed at them. Specially, youngsters. "I hated my grandparents for many reasons," Pedre told us one time. For one thing, they wouldn't stop believing in Anitun Tabu even though he said, quite brutally, she wasn't real (for all I knew he just didn't want them to become a laughingstock any longer). For another (and this was quite tragic), his grandparents weren't very fond of gays - of someone like him.
Who was I kidding? Gods and goddesses didn't exist. If they were - if Anitun Tabu was real - that night wouldn't have happened. She wouldn't have let us on our own that night.
I closed the tab with a trembling hand.
On my social media, thousands of posts about being stranded somewhere in a flooded area, overwhelmed me. The children enjoyed the first day of it, but prayed for it to stop the next day. Someone had drowned, an article wrote. Flu was widespread, the news said.
I played a video that had the most amount of reactions. The sound of whistling wind and raging water boomed from the speakers, and bounced inside my room. The flood was worse in low-lying areas. From the mountainous areas, the surface runoff moved to them so fast. Schools opened for the people as evacuation centers.
The cries of help on every post I'd seen, seemed to drain all my energy. I slapped the laptop lid close. I must have slept at some point, for I eventually re-awakened to a body that was stiff and sore.
The rain had weakened overnight. Well it couldn't go on forever, eventually it would stop. Later today, I was betting the sun would come out to grace us with warmth. I heard soft cracks when I stretched my limbs and rotated my neck, and I was immediately relieved of some pain. My legs on which Sunshine slept, felt numb. I needed to stomp it hard multiple times on the floor to get the feeling back.
Yawning, I went for the door when someone knocked. My mother's grin was the first thing I saw. It was teasing. But the duster dress was the one that really caught my attention. Then I noticed myself that it wasn't that cold anymore. I took this as a good sign.
"Ame's here," said my mother, giggling.
At first, the words didn't make sense to me. But, after some yawning, my brain had finally registered it. Ame was here.
"What is he doing here?" I said, confusion drawn on my face.
"He said you two have agreed to go to school together." My mother was definitely ecstatic of the thought. I was ready to pick up the pieces of her face in case it split into half because she smiled so widely.
I thought it would be best not to say anything about Ame not really being a student at our school. So, instead, I just nodded. "Tell him I'll just fix myself. Good morning, Mom."
ONE LAST glance in my reflection and I was ready to leave. I made sure to move quickly. I needed to get to the living room as fast as I could before my mother's constant talking bothered Ame. I could hear them from here. Based on the sound that Ame was producing, a hearty laugh, he seemed to genuinely enjoy the conversation. It put me at ease a little.
"Hey," Ame called when he saw me, getting to his feet. The surrounding skin around his eyes looked heavy with tiredness. They weren't that black, but I didn't definitely see that there yesterday. Like me, he must have experienced trouble sleeping.
My mother disappeared somewhere in the house.
"Hey," I regarded him back.
"Let's go?" he said. I didn't answer. Instead I beelined for the door. He quickly followed me, stopping me by the doorway to hand me my umbrella. I mumbled a thank you. Then he closed the door behind him softly.
My mother could still be listening to us (I could imagine her with her ears pressed against the door), so I didn't start a conversation yet.
"You seemed to get along with my mother so well," I said when we had advanced a good distance from the front porch.
"Ah," he said, smiling brightly, "she's cool."
He didn't look like he was lying.
"That's what you are saying now," I said, chuckling, "let's see if you could still say that, with the same amount of fondness, when you meet her again."
"I will see about that tomorrow," he said, with a wink. He slightly altered his direction to avoid a dirty puddle. That caused the space between us. Without our umbrellas, we would literally be walking skin to skin. But then he had to sidestep away again so I wouldn't wet him with my umbrella. That made me notice the gap, the huge gap, between our heights. The edge of my umbrella caved down a fraction higher from his shoulder, and that meant my actual height didn't even manage to reach his shoulder.
"You don't look well-rested," he commented, pointing to his own eyes, "you have bad eyebags."
That gave me the ticket to point out his eyebags, too.
"Yours don't look any better," I said, taking advantage of it to stare at his face. We stopped walking. He stared back at me, holding his umbrella lazily. "What did you do that you look like you haven't slept at all?"
"I slept a wink," he said, "I only slept a wink so I could make this walk possible."
I snorted, but did not reply.
"What can you say about the weather?" he asked. "At least the rain isn't that heavy now, right?"
I snorted again at that. "Can I guess that you prayed all night for the rain to stop so this walk would be possible?"
The ground looked so soft, and the patches of grass here and there were already yellowish from over-hydration. Some trees were already tilted. The concrete road looked like they were about to erode too with the time it was soaked in water.
He smiled wanly, and rubbed at his nape. "I didn't do that great, did I?"
"You didn't," I answered truthfully.
"I thought so too," he seconded, his shoulders slumped down.
"But I appreciate it," I said barely louder than a whisper, resuming the walk. He took two big steps so he could catch up to me. I couldn't look at him. I could feel him smiling at me. And I was flustered.
"You," he said. There was warmth in his voice that was hard to miss, as though he was highly elated. "What did you do last night?"
"I didn't do anything," I said. "Well, aside from making myself believe in gods and goddesses for a moment. I searched them up."
"You don't believe in them?"
"Is there any reason to believe in them?"
A car drove past us, so fast I wasn't able to react when it splattered a whole puddle to our direction. I waited for the blobs of water to stain my uniform. Ame's reflex was to move his hand up, as though to shield us. I thought it was pathetic, because his palm wouldn't be able to cover even him, much more us.
The water didn't reach us. It couldn't reach us. I wondered why, then I saw the particles slide down, like there was something invisible in front of us. And it was suddenly warm, like we were inside a capsule where the wind couldn't penetrate inside. When Ame put his hand down, I saw something like a thin sheet of smoke. It would have been easy to miss if it didn't catch on the sunlight. Then I realized the air had solidified to form a dome over us just now.
The sun, though barely, made an appearance on the horizon. It was still raining though, but much quieter and lighter that I couldn't even feel it against my umbrella.
"Do you have . . . I mean I know you have class, but can you ditch it just this once?" said Ame. He sounded breathless, like he just ran a marathon. "I want to show you something. Stay with me?"
I didn't want to, but my body seemed to have a decision of its own. He turned me around. I flinched at his touch. He used to be so warm, but today he was icy-cold. I didn't like it.
I liked what welcomed me in the other direction, though. An arc the color of spectrum was painted in the sky. I loved rainbows. For me, they signified the end of rain. We sat ourselves in a waiting shed, and from here I admired the rainbow that slowly fading away. I was too happy that I didn't notice Ame was having a hard time breathing. Or maybe because I didn't naturally care for others.
That time was the best I had so far since the rain began. But then, I needed to interrupt the serene moment to satisfy my curiosity.
"How did you do that?" I asked quietly.
"Do what?" he faked innocence.
"That." I knew he knew what I was talking about, "back there. That's amazing."
"I don't know what you are saying," he said evasively. His nose crinkled up. "I know I'm always amazing though."
The sun didn't stay for too long. It vanished almost immediately after the rainbow dematerialized. I was sad yet again, because the rain was back. Heavier. Like that on Monday, minus the deadly wind.
I froze when I realized there was added weight on my left shoulder. I hadn't realized Ame was sitting close enough for him to lean on me, and I was half-inclined to poke him so that he stopped and sat up straight again and we could forget it ever happened. But then I heard snores over the ghastly rain. He was so close to my ears, that even though he snored so softly, I could still hear it. It tickled my insides, and I decided right then it was my favourite sound.
I angled my head so I could see his face. When I first saw him, he looked perfect, but now with eyebags, he looked real. Flawed. More human. He didn't look out of reach anymore.
I reached out so I could massage the folds away from his brows, but I caught myself in time. He didn't look like he was sleeping, more like passed out from overexertion. I clasped my hands together on my legs, restraining the desire to touch his face.
I sat there as still as a rock, afraid to disturb his rest. My spinal cord felt like it was curling up, my muscles burning, but I went through it all, so I could watch him. However, I stopped immediately when I realized it was creepy. My first class must have been over. I planned to borrow notes from Fritz; her penmanship was decent enough to understand.
He mumbled something. My voice caught up in my throat.
"Of course," I finally able to get out. But I doubt he heard it. Because he was asleep, possibly in the middle of the sea in his dream. And because it was so quiet, and it sounded so strangled.
THROUGHOUT THE second class, I thought of what he'd said. Of what urged him to say it. Fritz somewhat helped me forget it with her constant talking. What completely pulled me out it, however, was Fritz's touches - or the lack of them. It was natural for Fritz to throw hugs every now and then, but today she kept her hands to herself. And once, when, accidentally, my fingers brushed against her, she flinched. I recalled I was like this with Ame, but mine was my response to the fast beating of my heart, to the spark I couldn't quite explain, but hers seemed the reflex to save herself. To shield herself.
Something was wrong with her, but I didn't dare to ask. Fritz was a very vocal person, she would come to me if she really wanted to share it. Until then, I would patiently wait.
I listened to her stories that were more like a distraction for herself. She would find herself staring at nowhere in between her stories, and then she would ask me where she stopped, and I would tell her, but she would change the story anyway.
She didn't look much distracted came Sir Guvat's class. I was thankful because it was getting hard to see her like that. I was thankful because she was back to her usual self before I could shake her for answers.
Foresteo Guvat, a short man with mahogany hair, taught Biological Science, a subject that was already hard but made even harder because he was our professor. Strict like his cold, black eyes. Stiff like his wide, hooked nose. My classmates hated him - I only disliked him - because he had obvious favouritism for Fritz. He would repeat the part of the lesson where Fritz had difficulty understanding. I was under the impression that he would even repeat it from the top if Fritz asked him. He would only scowl at us even if we asked kindly.
With her beauty, Fritz could wrap any man, even him, around her finger.
He stood behind the podium, emphasizing the words that would be very foreign to me had I not read in advance. If I dropped a needle now, the sound of it as it hit the floor would be enough to startle us. That was how quiet we were. But it was out of fear, not respect, that we stayed like this. Disturbing his discussion would mean graded recitation for us; no one would dare him.
That was why we were left dumbfounded when the door opened carelessly, making it bumped loudly against the wall. The imbecile even had the gall to drag a chair against the floor. Maybe all of those wouldn't be that loud if we weren't this quiet. Unfortunately, we were this quiet.
Sir Guvat looked at the newcomer, but never said a word. He resumed the discussion like nothing happened. I didn't look around, but I knew my classmates were as curious and shocked as I was.
My brain was already overflowing with information, and I took that as a sign that the class would be over soon. Fritz told me it was only thirty minutes past since we started. I groaned mentally.
"You in the back," Sir Guvat called out. "The handsome guy right there. I've been wondering for a while. Who are you? I don't think you are a student in my class."
My ears perked up at the word handsome.
"Oh, hello, professor," said the newcomer, and it was undeniably Ame's voice. "I heard a rumor that your class is exceptional, so I'm sitting in. I hope you don't mind."
I looked at the back - we all did. My classmates seemed to agree with Sir Guvat that the guy was handsome, if their gaping jaws were anything to go by.
Ame and I shared glances. I knitted my brows at him. I hoped he got it that I was asking why he was here. He smiled at me so sweetly I could feel Anabellia and Jane burning holes in me out of jealousy. Sir Guvat caught the exchange, and he was also absolutely displeased.
"I do mind," deadpan Sir Guvat. "So get out."
"Oh, sorry, professor," said Ame, his voice embarrassed. "I'll just be at the library, then."
When the class was over, Sir Guvat asked me to meet him at his office. I told Fritz to go to the next class without me. I bet whatever it was that Sir Guvat wanted to discuss with me, was going to be long. If not long, then draining enough for me to want to ditch the next class. My parents wouldn't be pleased, but it couldn't be helped.
I knocked on the door twice. When I heard Sir Guvat inside, I turned the doorknob, my knuckles white from the tension. I told myself I had no reason to be worried. I didn't miss any of his given tasks. I had never been late.
"What is it you want to discuss with me, Sir?" I asked.
"I should tell you," said Sir Guvat, "inviting your boyfriend in my class isn't allowed."
"What?" I almost shouted.
"You heard me. Next time this happens again, I would not hesitate to fail you in my subject."
"That's unfair!" I said disbelievingly.
"It is more unfair to your classmates that, while they are studying hard to pass my subject, you are just there trying to be pretty for your boyfriend whom you invited without my permission."
"He's not my boyfriend! And I didn't invite no one." I turned my back on him, about to leave.
"What is he to you then? Because you two seemed quite close."
I looked over my shoulder at him. "We are not close, so if you may excuse me." I held the doorknob in my palm.
"Then it would be easy to cut him off your life, right?"
"What are you even talking about?" I grimaced at him.
"You two can't be together," he said finally.
I left.