September 04th 1940
I never thought that my life could change in like four seconds.
Im living the life of a normal teenager. Okay, maybe Im not normal at all but I used to be. Well, I was born in very hard times. The Second World War is there just to show Its bigness and Its power to destroy humans. Im living In London and I heard actually pretty much about him. If Id say his name It would have big consequences. This city has never been as quiet as It is now. I live in London as I said and London is popular in my eyes. But London didnt get Tourists this year. All of them were Germans and a half were Jews . The other half is dead.
My father is sitting in his armchair right now. Hes reading old newspapers because the new ones are too expensive and too full of bad news. He looks as if hell get shot in a few seconds. Thats his pokerface since all year.
My mother died in January 1939. She was the only one bringing light and hope into this awful family. I miss her. I miss her more than words can say.
Youll never get out of this house alone., my father always said. I can only see 10% of what others see. Im not allowed to take any step without my family because any step could be my last one.
I enjoyed going to school. It was fine because I had something to do. I havent seen anything but I had some friends. They can be counted on the fingers of one hand or rather on three fingers but thats also fine. My father always said that it could be dangerous for me to make friends. I dont really know why. Well, maybe he was afraid that I could get bullied after a time and he was right. He obviously trusts nobody and maybe thats good to get through life. Thats why I was never mad at him. He is like the only person that I can really talk to. Sure Id like to have some friends who I can talk to when I have problems. But Its not that bad now.
Evelin, where are you? my father shouts. In the kitchen, father. I answer. He comes through the door. How do you feel, darling? As good as the situation is. And how is the situation? Fine. This little talk is like the only thing that you can hear in this house on one day. Maybe in one week. Hes going outside and I decide to go to my room.
Actually, the situation is kind of sad. Its like everything I say ends with an sad or bored person or a argumentation. Give me one reason to live. I think Im not really important to people. I dont even exist for them because they dont exist for me. I take my diary. Its better to let all my feelings out on paper than on people. My father doesnt read it because hes just not interested. When I look very closely on the paper I can see what Im writing. It must look really weird but It helps.
Dear Diary,
Im scared of telling people how I really feel. I feel like everything will never be the same. Like the world will go under. But anyways, on the and of this black hole I see a little light. Maybe some day something nice will happen. Maybe we will all be saved one day.
Your Evelin.
I put my diary under my bed. Maybe I should try another start to play the piano. It reminds me of living my normal life. I cant read piano notes so I dont need them to play. Mother always said: Darling, you have to learn with notes. But I didnt learn with notes. Its too difficult for me because I cant see them. Thats why Its like a feeling to play piano. I was always very good at it. My mother said it was my special talent. She loved when I played but now shes gone. No one else likes my special talent and no one likes to hear it but I keep playing for her. Maybe she can still hear me.
Dinner!, my father shouts. Wait. What? Since when is he doing dinner and since when is any happy noise in this house? Im nervous. Im going downstairs slowly and carefully.
Suddenly, I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around. My brothers face is full of happiness like it always is. I mean, Im actually nearly blind but I feel happiness around my family and around people I love. Hello Evelin, Is everything okay? You look like youve seen a ghost. Do you smell that? Mum cooked something for us and- Stop! I scream. Mum? I smell nothing. I smell coldness. Im shaking Everything is moving so fast.
I scream.
Louder than I ever did.
My Head is burning, my eyes are burning. Everything burns.
Evelin, wake up! You dreamed. My dad is sitting next to my bed. He holds my hand and hes smiling. Dad, my eyes are hurting. Everything hurts! I sound like a little kid who tries to get his toy back. Come on get up. Its six PM. Hes leaving.
I stand up slowly. Well, I feel bad but thats not new. Evelin, come on you have to make dinner and look where you going. My grandmother is standing in the room and I didnt notice. That isnt funny. I can only see your outline, as you know grandmother. Maybe Its better like that, I think. But I dont say It. Anyways, come with me.
Why is Max not allowed to make dinner? Im nearly blind, respect that. Shes laughing now. What is so funny? Max is a boy as you know. He has to go outside to fight for our country one day. When the Germans come. He doesnt got time to cook.
Life is unfair. Suddenly I feel a hand on my dress. My grandmother attracts me to the kitchen. I have to cook potato soup today. The first challenge is to find all the things I need. After half an hour I have everything together.
Now I can start cooking. It takes me one full hour to cook the soup. After that I ask I Brother If he can get the table ready. That would be too dangerous for me. Finally my family comes and were ready to eat dinner. I hate eating dinner with my Family. No ones speaking and If we talk we talk about the world war. Better said, they talk about the world war.
But suddenly my brothers asking: So, how do you feel? I heard you dreamed bad. Actually very good. My headache is gone and in that way I feel well. Fine, thats good. The second smile I see today. Actually, all smiles I see are coming from Max.
After dinner I wash the dishes. Come on, Evelin, you must be very tired. Go to sleep now. Ill do the Dishes. My grandmother says. Is she really offers me that? I think she really does. Crazy day. I really have to go to sleep now.
Fine, good Night grandmother and thank you for doing that. She smiles at me. The third smile today! Im leaving the room. Good Night Evelin. My Father says. Good Night Father. I answer. Im going upstairs to my Room. Sleep is kind of underrated for me. Thats not very good for my health. It is like it is anyway. I slept not really much since my mother died. Thats why my circles are looking bad every day. I feel like the Germans will come soon to attack our land.
Ive written seven diarys in my life. All of them are full with stories that I always wanted to tell my family but never could. For example, one day I went to a field next to my house. I played there with my friends and everything was great. But then some older boys came and they frightened us. We ran away and hide in a little garden house. I was eight years old and it was a very big adventure for me. But no one wanted to hear it. Well, my mother wanted but she was very busy. So she couldnt hear to me. Thats why I write diarys. My diary always wants to hear my stories which I have to tell.
My mother was a very busy woman. She had to do very much in our house. Grandmother is living here since she died. My grandmothers name is Marina and actually, she is a very pessimistic woman. She has strict rules and if anybody wants to break them then It would have consequences. Shes the mother of my father. The parents of my Mother died five years ago but they didnt visit us often. So I didnt really had a big connection to them.
They were the opposite of my mother. Very quiet and always in a bad mood. As my father is. I inherited that from him. My brother is more like her. Hes the most optimistic Human in this world, after my mother is.
He still has much friends and he is often getting letters from them. He also had an love affair but then she went to Germany to get a job there. She said she would be better paid there. We never heard of her again since then. Thats been three years ago. All of Max friends went to Germany. But some of them are still writing letters to us. They say Germany is so good! Its like a paradise to us. Come, visit us with your family, Max! It would be good for you to take a journey to Germany! I dont really trust them. Maybe they are under arrest and the policemen told them to write letters like that to friends.
All of the tourists this year went to Germany because friends wrote letters like this to them. Im getting tired of thinking. Maybe I should just sleep now.