Regrets

My Heart regrets loosing  you my best friend . I wake up each day to realize  your not there . I wake from dreams of us still being friends of us having dreams of growing old together  and laughing about all the good times we had .  I regret  saying all the hurtful things I said  to you on the phone the last time we spoke . I was grieving  and when I grieve I tend to self sabotage  and push people away .  I realize  you were hurting to  and this didnt help . Waking up each day now that we are in a crisis  and you not having your best friend to talk to someone you can confide in like you used to scares the hell out of me because I remember  your panic attacks and how you used to call me and how I used to calm you down . I remember how you used to calm me down during thunderstorms . We both were each others rock and I destroyed  that .   I hope one day you can forgive me  because I'm still beating myself up inside loosing you as a friend us  the worst reget  of my life and if I have to go to my grave saying that I will .   You forever best friend Matthew .