Justin still didn't come back to the room when the nurse and doctor came in and did the ultrasound. I didn't know what to do so I just went with it.
"Alright," the doctor said moving the ultrasound wand around my stomach, "I still hear a heart beat and he looks healthy. I don't know what else it could be. Have you been sleeping good?"
"Not really, at least in the past few days I haven't." I said. Why hadn't Justin come back? I felt so alone in this.
"Are you still in pain?"
"Just a little but its still there."
"Alright, we will give you some pain relievers that won't effect the baby and send you on your way." the doctor smiled and left the room.
I walked to the waiting room and saw Justin there with a blank expression on his face. His eyes were puffy and his cheeks were tear stained. He had definitely been crying. The sight of him made me cry. Not because I felt sorry for him but because I was so mad I didn't know what else to do. He saw and stood up.
"What was it? Is the baby okay?" he asked worried.
I just walked past him without saying a word. I was still crying and it probably freaked him out but I didn't care. I walked to the parking lot and got in the car. Not saying a word the whole ride home.
"Caitlin talk to me!" Justin said frustrated after we got home, "Is the baby okay?"
"What about me?! Do I not matter to you?!" I screamed at him.
"Cailin I'm sorry." he said. I knew he meant it but I was still mad at him. I walked past him again without saying a word and running up the stairs.
"Cailin what's going on?!" he screamed at me running up the stairs.
"Good news! The baby's fine and so am I! Thank you so much for being there to support us!" I said sarcastically and slammed our bedroom door in his face and locked it.
"Cailin open the door. Please." he said quietly.
"Go away. I can't deal with this right now." I said starting to feel nauseous as I sat in the bed crying.
"Baby girl I'm so sorry. Please just open the door."
At that time I knew I was about to throw up so I ran to the bathroom that was attached to our bedroom. I sat there in front of the toilet just puking what felt like everything I had ever eaten, when a hand began to rub my back. I knew it was Justin's. After I couldn't puke anymore I fell against the wall and started crying the hardest I ever cried. Justin scooted over to me and put me in his lap. I struggled but I was no match for his strong arms.
"Shh, baby its okay. Everything is going to be alright." he said as I just cried in his arms.
"You left me alone! I was so scared and in pain and you just left me in that room by myself and you never came back.!" I said between sobs.
"I'm so sorry baby. I shouldn't have done that. I was scared too. That's why I left. When I feel guilty or scared I like to be alone, but that was a mistake. I should have stayed with you. I'm so sorry baby girl." he said.
I just cried and cried. He made things better for me and then he just left me alone in that hospital room scared to death that my unborn child might have just died. I don't know what I would have done if I had a miscarriage. I probably would have tried to hurt myself because I know I'd feel guilty the rest if my life. But there in our bathroom floor Justin held me until I cried myself to sleep and I knew then that he knew he made mistake and he wouldn't make it again.