Chapter XII: Seek for Closure
A mesmerizing smile came across his face, forming crinkles at the corners of his eyes. His ice blue eyes gazed deeply into mine, slowly melting me to become a puddle. I held my breath as I saw him near me, but as he opened his mouth to speak, a female voice interrupted the moment. Damn it.
“Attention ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts and prepare for landing. Thank you.” My eyes flung open, and was blinded by the bright lights.
My heart sunk and I slouched in my seat. It was all a dream. The gorgeous doctor hypnotizing me even in my sleep began to worry me, but then again I didn’t mind one bit. At least he was something worth dreaming about, not like some creepy demon or worse.
“Elle, you alright over there?” Sierra asked me, flipping through the last pages of the sky mall magazine.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I muttered. Internally I was crushed but I wasn’t going to let my frustration get the best of me.
The plane landed around sunset at Orlando International Airport. It was Thanksgiving, and my parents had obliged me to fly down and spend it with them. They even paid for my plane ticket to make sure I would attended. Although I doubted my mother agreed, I had a feeling that the one behind all the pressure was my father.
Sierra on the other hand, was invited to spend the holiday with Ken, but felt like she wasn’t ready to meet his whole family. That had bummed Ken out, but they made a deal to spend Christmas together instead. My question was, where was I going for Christmas?
Tasha, Sierra’s sister, was waiting for us at the airport. She and I shared a couple of conversations, but she was very timid and rarely spoke. The funny thing was that she and Sierra didn’t look much alike, yet they had many characteristics in common, like their intelligence and shyness.
I set my heavy suitcase next to me and fumbled with the key to fit correctly into the keyhole. I hated ringing the doorbell, and my father had probably heard me having trouble opening the door and went ahead and helped me. To my surprise, it was my mother standing in the doorway.
“Elline.” She breathed. I wasn’t sure if her face was full of regret or disappointment.
“Mother.” I said curtly.
“It’s nice to see you here.” She seethed.
“What’s wrong with the locks? My key didn’t work.” I frowned.
“Your father thought it was best to change them since Adam had a key of his own.” Her face turned sour at mentioning his name.
“Ah, I see. No one cared to tell me this before?” I snapped.
“I assumed your father had written about it in an email.” Her hand gripped the doorknob tightly.
“Aren’t you going to let me in?” I quipped impatiently.
“Yes, sorry.” Her serious glare broke and looked down to the floor.
“It’s amazing how I’m now a complete stranger in my own home.” I mumbled under my breath as I picked up my suitcase and strutted past her.
My father was in the living room with his faced buried behind the newspaper. He lowered the paper to eye level and noticed my presence. He jumped to his feet, throwing the newspaper to the side and gave me a tight hug.
“Ellie, I’m thrilled to see you here.” He kissed the top of my head and hugged me closer.
“It’s nice to be here, dad.” That wasn’t exactly the truth but I tried to sound as believable as possible.
My parents, or more like my father were treating me like a spoiled teenager. They were always hogging over me, checking on what I was doing and if I was alright. They constantly interrupted my concentration on reading some reports that were sent to me last minute and needed to be filed in the system before midnight.
That night, I was able to finish early and treated myself to a cup of coffee. My father was at the kitchen table finishing the daily crossword puzzle, when he set his glasses and pen down.
“Ellie, what do you say we go to the movies? Just you and me?” He gave me a warm smile.
“Sounds good. Let me grab my coat.” I smiled back and bolted for the stairs.
As I grabbed a coat from the top shelf in my parents’ closet, a cloud of dust arose when something hard fell to the floor. I dusted the coat and picked up the heavy box. It read, ‘Elline’. It meant that the box had items that were mine. I had never recognized the box, so I carried it back to my room and sat on my bed to open it.
There in the box were many unwrapped presents from my non-existent wedding. There were a dozen of left over invitations and several bubble bottles that were supposed to be for the end of the ceremony and for the kids at the reception. Even my shoes and my garter were in there. But it wasn’t until I came across the box of the supposed rings when reality hit me like a freight train.
It had been so long ago that it almost felt like a dream. All of the articles made me felt like they weren’t mine. I barely recognized anything. My memory had done a good job erasing many moments from that dreaded time. I barely remembered the design of our rings and much less the name of the man I married back in Las Vegas. I cared less at this point.
A large plastic bag at the bottom of the bag caught my attention. I angrily ripped the bag and several photographs went flying everywhere.
Many of them were from our early days, from our first few dates. Others were from family activities and adventures we had gone on. I kneeled down to pick up the remaining photographs from the floor and saw the photographs from his proposal and our engagement party. Hot tears streamed down my face as the memories came back to me.
“Why did it have to end this way?” I cried to myself as I flipped through the pictures, seeing how happy I looked with what seemed like the man of my dreams.
I had looked forward to being the Mrs. Keller for so long. We had talked endlessly about children, how we’d have three beautiful kids running around the park and calling them downstairs for dinner. We had even began house hunting a few months before the wedding. It was then when I wondered if he had already began seeing his mistress and went along with me to keep everything under wraps. That thought rippled hatred through me and brought out a new set of angry tears.
If the terms would’ve been different, if he hadn’t cheated on me and he was willing to deal with the messy marriage I had gotten in, I would’ve done everything in my power to get that marriage annulled immediately and get my real wedding in place. But, my mother and I were firm believers that things happened for a reason. Maybe the wedding in Las Vegas was my excuse to get out of a whole deal of pain and suffering. For now, it felt unclear but I knew someday I would understand.
“Ellie?” My father asked worried, probably because I never showed up from grabbing my coat. He must’ve seen the disaster around me and myself a complete train wreck.
He gently took me by my hands and helped me up. “I told your mother that box was going to be nothing but trouble if she put it there. I guess I was right.” He held me closer to him as I tried regaining my composure.
“I miss those days, dad.” I muffled in his shirt.
“I know Ellie, we do too. Things were different, and now it’s different too. It’s something we have to adapt to. Come on, let’s get this cleaned up before your mother sees you.”
My father and I stayed to watch a movie home instead. My eyes were beginning to feel droopy, but I could hear my mother scolding my father. She had noticed that I found the box and was upset about it. To my luck, my father defended me, claiming that it wasn’t on purpose that I happened to find it, and it was her fault for leaving it there. He told her that I went through the box and was devastated reviving the memories.
“We’ll have to burn the pictures and throw the rest of the items away. We have to get rid of all of it. All it is doing is bring bad mojo to this place.”
“Bad mojo?” My mother asked. “She’s the one who brought this mess with her after that dreadful bachelorette party.” She snorted.
“Madeleine, we’ve been over this. Let it go and forgive your daughter. Your relationship with her is on the rocks right now. How on earth is she not going to feel crushed if you barely let her in earlier when she arrived?”
My mother didn’t say a word.
“You and your ‘things happen for a reason’ philosophy is something you’re forgetting right now.
“This is different.” She fumed.
“No Madeleine, it’s not. She is your daughter. She made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Or did you forget about that too?” My father retorted.
“She was irresponsible.” She spat back.
“You seem to be on Adam’s side on this. You never once blame him, all you do is make sure your daughter gets all the fault. That’s pretty shameful Madeleine.”
“Don’t you dare tell me what’s shameful and what is not! I am not defending Adam but nor will I defend my careless daughter.” I could hear her teeth grit together.
“You and your prodigal future son-in-law. I mean, now ex son-in-law. I always had a bad feeling about him. He actually lasted a lot longer than I expected.” My father seethed and got up from the couch. “I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight.”
I pretended to be asleep but I was in awe by the way my parents had just argued in front of me. Ever since I could remember, I never saw my parents bicker near me. Hearing that harsh conversation, sent shivers all through my body from the shock.
I knew my mother was clearly disappointed in me, and it wasn’t going to be easy to gain her trust back but I was glad my father had my back. Hearing that he didn’t like Adam like he appeared took me by surprise.
My mother got up soon afterwards, gave me a kiss on my forehead and threw a blanket over me. Despite the hurtful words I had just heard come out of her, she was still my mother and I knew deep down she still loved me. Her soft hands brushed my cheeks and ran through my hair, but must’ve quickly realized what she was doing and walked away.
The next morning was very awkward. First, it was the first Thanksgiving in four year that I wasn’t by Adam’s side. Every year, his mother, my mother, Cassie and I would make sure to prepare the food. He, his father and my father would sit around watching football and drink whisky. It was a nice occasion to spend time with our families and change the daily routine a bit.
Second, my parents barely looked at each other, but exchanged a few words in front of me, thinking that I didn’t hear anything at all. I offered to help my mother, but she refused and shushed me away. I wasn’t a big fan of football, so I left the house and headed to Sierra’s house to help her out and tell her about the strange night.
“She really said all of that?” Her blue eyes went wide at me as she set the knife down.
“I couldn’t believe it either. I wish I could’ve recorded it.” I chopped the carrots and slid them into the bowl.
“That’s harsh, Elle.” She gave me a sympathetic look.
“After you finish up here, do you think you can come over and help me burn the pictures? I want to do it before my parents do. I think it’ll be a good way to finally all of this some closure.”
“I’ll be there.” She smiled and continued chopping the vegetables.
I wasn’t much of help at Sierra’s either because she had several aunts over and her mother and Tasha had prepared most of the food the day before. I left right before her family was going to sit down and eat. She gave my hand a light squeeze and a neck choking hug at the door.
“You call me when you’re done.” She winked. I gave her a thumbs up and walked back to the car.
When I got back home, I could hear my mother’s laughter in the kitchen. The look on my father’s face was not pleasant. Instead, he gripped his whisky glass tightly and flipped through the channels.
The tall frame had its back towards me. My mother had her hand on his forearm, and held a pie in her other hand.
“Adam.” I said a bit too angrily. His frame went rigid and slowly turned to face me.
“It’s nice to see you again Elle.” His voice was low and soft. It was revolting to see and hear him.
“What are you doing here?” I gritted through my teeth.
“I was just uh, dropping off some pumpkin pie my mother made for all of you. She knows it’s your favorite and wanted me to bring you one.” He shifted nervously on his feet.
He had heavy bags under his eyes and had grown a slight stubble when he was always a clean shaven man. It seemed like he no longer went to the gym and hadn’t gotten a haircut in weeks. The past few months had certainly taken its toll on him.
“Tell your mother thank you.” I crossed my arms over chest. “If that is all, you can find your way out now.”
“Elline!” My mother hissed at me.
“No, Mrs. Knight, she’s right. I better get going.” He kissed her goodbye and walked past me, out of my mother’s sight. Her eyes were tight slits and if only looks could kill, I’d be six feet under the ground at the moment.
I turned to go upstairs when he took me by the arm. “Elle, can we talk?” He whispered. My eyes went wide at him at his sudden approach.
“I think you can remember clearly the way out.” I wriggle his grip off of me.
“Please? Just a few minutes?” He pleaded. I sighed heavily.
“Outside, now.” I pointed towards the door and began to walk. I didn’t even glance at my father, although I could feel his eyes on me.
Once outside and far from the house out of hearing range, I stopped and crossed my arms again. “What do you want?” I retorted.
“Elle, look at me. I’m a mess without you.” He gave me his puppy eyes. There was a time it worked on me, but not anymore.
“What? Your little whores can’t help you out?” I spat angrily.
“It’s not like that Elle, I’ve changed. Ever since you left, I’ve been doing my best to stay away from all of that, so when you returned, your parents would tell you how good I was doing and you’d take me back.” He stretched his arms out, trying to get me to fall into his arms and forgive him.
“Stay away? It’s something you never have to do to again, but not because of me, but anyone. You know how disappointed your parents and family must be? Your friends? Me? Did you ever think about the damage you’d cause? Did you ever think about what could’ve happened to us? I bet you didn’t have a single thought of me cross your mind while you were with those whores.” I waved him off and began to walk away. “I can’t deal with this right now.”
“Elline! Forgive me! I can promise to be a better man from now on!” He pleaded loudly.
“Adam, just stop! This is just pathetic! You think this is how you’re going to win me back, but it’s not. You never will get me back. Now please go.” I stomped angrily across the lawn and slammed the door shut behind me, not once glancing back at him.
My parents stood there in the living room, clearly having heard the conversation. My mother had a scowl on her face and my father full of disappointment mixed with sympathy.
Unsure of what to say, my mother stuffed her hands in her apron pocket. “Are you hungry?”
“No. I’m going upstairs.” I began to make my way up the stairs when my father called my name.
“Elline, at least let’s sit down and say what we’re thankful for.”
I stopped dead in my tracks and looked down at them. “I’m thankful I moved far away from all of this drama.” I bit my tongue at realizing the hurtful remark I just made, but I continued my way upstairs and ran to my mother’s closet.
The doorbell rang while I ransacked my mother’s closet in search of the box. I heard my parents sweetly greet Sierra and told them I was in my room. Her slow footsteps grew nearer and I still had no luck finding the box. Anger now began to pulse through my veins and I ran out of my parent’s room and faced Sierra. Her eyes grew at the sight of me.
“Goodness Elle, are you okay?” She asked, scared.
“Don’t touch me, Sie, I’m warning you. I’m going to snap any second now.” I huffed and grasped the balcony railing. “Mother!” I hollered at the top of my lungs. “Where the hell is my box?!” My chest heaved up and down from the rage.
“I got rid of it. I did you a favor.” She said calmly.
“Favor?” I retorted with fury. Within seconds I was downstairs facing my mother. Her serene and yet evil-like facial expression made me want to pounce on her. “Did I say or ask you to get rid of it?”
“It was the best thing to do.” She shrugged her shoulders innocently.
“I had other plans with it, and now you went ahead with your grand idea!” I pointed my finger at her.
“And what exactly did you plan to do with it? Take it with you and take Adam back?” She sneered.
My father had to hold me back so I wouldn’t strangle her. Sierra came downstairs immediately to help my father out.
“You…bitch!” I spat. Her eyes went wide from the shock.
“Elline Rose Knight! Do not talk to your mother like that!” My father reprimanded me and shook me fiercely from his anger.
“Let go of me!” I fidgeted in their grip. Sierra did as I asked but my father didn’t move a finger. “Alright, do you want to know what I was going to do? I was planning on burning everything, for closure! I was certainly not expecting Adam’s presence today so you better take those words back!” I shouted. My father shook me again.
“Adam was here?” Sierra asked, astonished. Three pairs of irritated eyes looked at her.
“Let me go. I’m flying back to Chicago tonight.” I writhed in my father’s grip and managed to break free. “Sierra, let go, you have to drop me off.”
Sierra wasn’t expecting my sudden demand. “Happy Thanksgiving.” I muttered as I snatched my suitcase under the stairs cupboard and my father’s car key from the key holder and darted out the door, Sierra on my tail.
“What the hell was that back there?” She gripped the steering wheel tightly.
“You saw. I don’t have to explain anything.” I mumbled.
“Okay, so tell me about Adam’s appearance.” My eyes turned into slits.
“The bastard was brave enough to come drop off a pumpkin pie for us. The he wanted to go outside and beg me to take him back. It was really pathetic.”
She didn’t say a word, making the whole ride to the airport a silent one. When we arrived, she gave me a concerned look.
“You don’t have to leave today.”
“I need to get away from this place as soon as I can.”
“Will you be okay tonight?” She asked worriedly.
“I’ll be fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I gave her a tight hug and walked through the glass doors.