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"How are we on a scale of one to ten?
Could you tell me what you see?
Do you wanna talk about it?
How does that make you feel?
Have you ever took a blade to your wrists?
Have you been skipping meals?
We're gonna try something new today
How does that make you feel?" -Bring Me the Horizon, Hospital for Souls
Now
"Can you tell me about Cameron Whitfield?"
"What about him?"
"Who was he?"
I stuck my plastic spoon into the mash potatoes, eyeing them warily. "Some boy who shot himself."
"That's not what you told Dr. Kennedy." Nina replied.
"You've been misled." I shoveled a small bit of the potatoes into my mouth and swallowed them down quickly before I stopped myself.
"Have I?" I could feel her piercing gaze.
"Yeah, actually I think I told Dr. Ken he was run over. To be honest I have a bunch of stories for Cam."
"Avery." I heard her patience thinning.
I looked my therapist in the eye. "You want to know who he was? He was my best friend... Then he died."
"I'm sorry for your loss."
"It was a long time ago."
Truth be told, it didn't feel like that long ago. The sting of Cameron's death still gnawed at me among other things. But this was the art of the going-on. The fervent struggle of something as small as taking a bite to eat. Cameron believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. With a shaking hand I fought to force the spoon to my mouth, wishing that I was the one dead- and not my best friend. It should have been me. It was almost me.