Chapter 42 - Letting Myself Be Happy
"I think I'd rather go in your Jeep," Kelly said.
"Instead of a limo?" DJ was aghast. "The girl wants to rent you a limo for prom, and you'd rather go in her Jeep?"
"Is it about the money?" I asked Kelly.
"No, seriously, I'd rather go in your Jeep. Do you know how many good memories we've made in that vehicle?" Kelly asked.
A chorus of noises ranging from 'ugh!' to 'Hey now!' to 'You go girl,' rang out from the lunch table. Kelly blushed.
"Not like that! The very first morning after we met, you took me for a ride to get cinnamon rolls in it and I caught you staring at me. Remember?"
"I liked the way the sun made your hair look like a halo of fire," I reminisced.
"I was afraid I had a booger in my nose, or something like that. I tried on sunglasses when we got to the store so I could check myself in the mirror. Otherwise, I probably would have followed you around like a puppy."
"No way!" I laughed.
"You took me on our first date in it, we defined our relationship in it...ten of the sixteen for my birthday were in it," She waited with a smirk for the inevitable reactions.
"I'm trying to eat here," Kristy deadpanned after the groans subsided. "I don't need to picture your orgasm face."
"Seriously," Shogun leaned towards me, "can you give Peter some advice sometime? Just some basics, that's all I'm asking. Work it casually into a conversation."
I couldn't tell if she was serious, so I turned back to Kelly. "Okay, no limo. Do we try to match dresses, or just go with our own styles?"
* * *
I thought Prom would be a climax to my year, but it wasn't. It was a wonderful night, but instead of feeling like I was cresting a mountain, it felt more like I was already on top, and Prom was my chance to enjoy the view from the peak after a long climb.
At school, when the class meeting was held to organize voting for prom court, my name was floated as a shoe-in for Prom Queen. In a small town, it's easy to give everyone a chance on the dance courts, but somehow, mine had never come around. Probably because everyone tended to vote for couples, or at least people they could see as a couple. This time I was generating quite a buzz, though. Valedictorian, newly reconnected with many old friends, plus John and Mark were campaigning hard for me. Cindy, however, decided to insist that I should be able to go on the grand march with a girl, causing all sorts of discussion; Tradition versus keeping up with the times, gender normativity issues...you name it. Besides, it's not like there was another senior girl who wasn't straight. It wasn't until I pointed out that I really didn't care, and being on court meant one less dance with the girl I actually wanted to dance with, that the discussion ebbed. Being Prom Queen, Student Council President, etc., might be a big deal at a larger school, but in a town like ours, it really wasn't.
I loved Cindy for her new found defensiveness of me, and I felt a little guilty that I didn't have the drive to take a stand for the larger issues at play, but I didn't see what making a big deal out of the Preston Prom Court would do. In one year I had gotten my parents to fully accept my love life, helped Kelly come out to her dad and the community, gave a closeted Mey someone to talk to, watched my high school accept a girl/girl couple as unremarkable, and saw Kala become a valued, if temporary, member of the community despite being out as bi. Not bad for a year's growth in a small town. Someone else could worry about bucking Prom Court traditions. I just wanted to wear a pretty dress and dance with a beautiful girl.
The night of the dance, Kelly was looking amazing in a dark green two piece dress accented with black that complimented her hair perfectly. It showed off her tummy in a sexy, but not slutty, way. My dress was white, and elegant. In a way, it made me think of a wedding dress. I would never have admitted that to anyone, or that I had matching fantasies about what a wedding would be like some day. I knew even thinking about such things was silly at seventeen, but I couldn't help myself. I wondered if all girls had the same thoughts as they walked around in beautiful dresses in a decorated room (even if it was just our gymnasium), with love songs playing.
The night was perfect. Rizzy apparently got her first kiss, and begrudgingly let Falcon describe their status as "dating." Also, by the end of the dance Pixie and John were calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend.
Finally, when I inquired about two tear-streaked faces, I found out that Mey had come out to Kristy. She even told Kristy about her crush. Of course Kristy didn't return the feelings, as Mey already knew, but they felt closer than ever as friends. Yes, all in all, it was a wonderful night.
* * *
The months before and after prom were nothing short of glorious. Thinking back to those times, I can remember nothing but happiness. Motorcycle rides as the weather warmed, dates, friends and family, my band practicing late into the evening, sneaking moments to make love to my girlfriend...I had never been happier.
Kelly and I talked many times, very seriously and realistically, about what my going to college would mean. Never once did we doubt that we could make it work. We weren't puzzle pieces. We were stones that had been placed together in a wall, and had been worn and weathered to conform to each other, cemented by the mortar of shared experiences like real stones were fused by layers of moss and detritus over time.
One afternoon we lay on a blanket at Mill Falls. The creek was swollen with spring rains and the show was spectacular. As we watched the rainbows from the mist thrown up in the air, I marveled at how Kelly fit in my arms and in my heart. She drifted off after a while of laying in the unseasonably warm sunshine, and I stared at her perfect face as she slept. I let myself imagine a future where Kelly's father and grandparents got together with my family for holidays and cookouts whenever I was back, or even if I wasn't. Kelly would eventually call my parents 'mom' and 'dad,' and I would call Nurse Annie 'grandma.' It was a future where Kelly eventually followed me to college and we explored adulthood together.
When she stirred and realized she had fallen asleep, she looked at me, took a deep breath, and stretched. It was both sexy and adorable. Her face scrunched up like a sleepy child's, then broke into a yawn. Her breasts flattened with her stretch, making me want to caress them, but I resisted. She snuggled into me, and just holding her was filling me with more joy than I suspected a human could possibly deserve.
"I'm supposed to be helping you with your Valedictorian speech."
"This is better." She looked at me curiously and reached up to wipe a tear off of my cheek that I didn't realize was there.
"What were you thinking about?"
"I was just letting myself be happy."
She understood me well enough to know what was going on in my thoughts. There was no need to draw me out of my own head. She was the one person who could come inside with me. Kelly snuggled up against me again, putting her head on my shoulder and her arm across me, hand on my ribs.
I could hear her smile as she whispered, "My poet." I'm sure she just meant to cuddle for a few more minutes, but she fell back asleep as I played with her hair. I have no words to express how happy I was that the girl I loved felt so comfortable with me.