She wasn't the kind of girl who was into the overly hot guys that you'd want to drop an ice cream and watch it melt and roll down their beautiful toned abs. No. She wanted a guy who cried. A guy who was petty and she could watch break down. Those lanky swimmer types. The ones that most people called gay, she called pretty.
She called beautiful.
With feminine hair that they didn't know what to do with. Sickly, at least more sickly than her thoughts. She looked up from her drawing book, looking around, she was what people called "cute" she had puffed out cheeks that as they said made her look like a chipmunk when she was angry.
She was used to it.
The stares and the whispers. She felt irritated, wanted her hoodie to hide more of her body. She wanted to use a niqab. It was funny cause she wasn't even extremely beautiful. She was just cute and like her aura. She blamed it on that.
She was anti social.
Not anyone would figure it out. She hid it well. She couldn't express herself without her heart pounding, her lips quivering, her temperature rising and her feeling like she wanted to run and hide.
She was everyone.
So many people that some people started saying they didn't know her anymore but its not like they ever did. She was slipping but she won't give herself such release so soon.
She was slipping.
Falling again and wanting to crack but she found it pointless.
She was insane.
She wanted to light a match and watch it burn to her fingers. She wanted drugs. She would stare and think of ways to kill who ever pissed her off. She thought about the most broken people.
She was sadistic.
Those people your parents probably told you were possessed and that they needed help.
She thought of herself as an asset.
She had two kinda guys. The pretty boy's and the psychotic kind. The ones that would put a chocker around her neck and call her his. The one that would grab her and growl mine. The one that might hit her hard on the wall and-
She didn't mind.
Being owned. She was smart. In situations where she heard people fight she'd shake her head "Why not just follow the rules? Stupid humans"
She was divided.
She could give off two impressions or more at the same time with valid points and valid contradictions for everyone. She knew her sanity and insanity. She was pure of heart but had a twisted mind.
She had OCD.
She always over thought things. Thinking it till she felt a headache. She was driving herself to insanity and even when people were looking at her drawings and admiring it, they weren't seeing the meaning.
She was contradicted.
Wanting to take the lead and protect.
Wanting to be the one protected.
Wanting to be the one people are being protected from.
She had common sense.
She won't let the last one show in public. Never. She'd think it, but her thoughts had to be thought over and over again. She could get stuck in a loop but no one needed to know that. She was cute. She was mature she was psychotic, she was all that at the same time.
She had beauty and hell but the darkness always over took the light. Eventually.