BSL(Harry). Speech and BSL(Zayn).
Zayn and Harry get into the car, with Zayn signalling to Harry to wear his seatbelt.
Harry stubbornly obliges and turns himself to face the window.
Right now, he just wants to stare out and distract his thoughts till he gets home.
He groans in slight pain as his cheek touches the car seat. A hand touches his knee and he flinches in anger.
Harry steadies himself and turns to see Zayn staring at him with concerned eyes.
A frown forms on Harry's face, not ready for a conversation with Zayn but it is inevitable at this point.
"Are you okay?" Zayn speaks and signs.
"What do you think?" Harry is disgusted.
"Don't take it out on me, I'll start the car now," Zayn sighs.
"Do whatever you want," Harry replies.
"I'll also play some music for myself," Zayn adds.
"Am I supposed to care about that?" Harry scoffs. "Oh mind the volume, I guess?"
Zayn stops himself from replying and starts the car.
There is no point dragging this argument with Harry because he knows it's bound to escalate and dig up what they're both not ready to discuss.
The music starts playing on a low volume as Harry focuses on the window and feels a pang in his chest as he thinks about texting Blue to let her know he's on his way home.
The stubbornness kicks in and he resists doing it. By now Blue should probably be moving on with her life and day anyway.
He doesn't believe she really wanted him to text her anyway. Isn't that what people say to be polite?
The drive is going to be a long one because it's already rush hour and the traffic is going to be building up.
Zayn sighs as he drives into a slowly building traffic and turns to see Harry staring out in his own silent world.
Something about this hurts him. This isn't how it used to be. It was never like this.
Zayn and Harry have been friends for almost all their lives.
Zayn was the friendly one and it shocked him but he was drawn to the wide eyed blonde kid in the park who refused to interact with the other kids around him.
In no time, the friendship blossomed into a tight bond with Zayn learning British sign language to communicate with his friend and Harry finally opening up to people.
It hasn't been easy. It was never easy but they maintained a solid friendship.
Gradually, they welcomed other friends into their circle and Harry saw himself becoming the social butterfly he never thought he was.
It has been two decades of friendship but right now they can't say where they stand.
It's funny how they've gone almost a year without speaking to each other but Zayn is the first person Harry can reach out to in an emergency.
It's funny how angry Zayn is but didn't bat an eye before rushing to help him.
"We can't continue like this," Zayn says to himself.
Harry yawns a little as he rests his head against the glass and sits up, feeling a dull ache in his back.
He regrets sitting like that and he slouches on the seat.
Harry feels Zayn staring at him from the corner of his eyes and rolls his eyes.
Shouldn't he be listening to whatever music he's listening to? Has the music started anyway? Why is there traffic? Why isn't he home now?
Should he text Blue? Does she hate him for being stupidly immature? Yeah, she probably does and she should.
Harry turns to Zayn.
"Why are you staring at me like that?" he asks.
"Are we going to continue like this?" Zayn asks in response.
"Like what?" Harry shrugs.
"Am I going to drop you home and we return to acting like we don't know each other?" Zayn clarifies, speaking and signing.
"Wait, isn't that what you've always been doing?" Harry gets sarcastic.
"Right, you're still choosing to die on that hill," Zayn chuckles.
"The truth has never been your thing anyway,"
"Harry, you're angry."
Harry widens his eyes in pure amusement.
"No shit, Zayn," he mouths as he signs.
"I guess we're doing this."
Zayn slowly drives out of the street and enters another street before finding a safe place to pull over.
Harry frowns in confusion, wondering why he's making a detour and his friend turns to him, ready to table the pent up anger, frustration and pain.
Maybe a hint of betrayal and loss in the mix. Harry rapidly taps the dashboard.
"What are you doing?" Harry asks.
"We need to talk," Zayn replies.
"No, we have nothing to talk about," Harry frowns.
"I'm making you talk to me," Zayn insists.
"I'd like to see you try."
Harry looks away. It's always been a silly habit of his to look away from conversations because if he can't see you signing, he has no idea what you're talking about.
Zayn fights a smile and annoyingly pats his arm.
"Stop it," Harry warns.
"Let's talk like adults," he suggests.
"Now? Is this the right time?" Harry frowns.
"There's no better time," Zayn replies.
"I have nothing to say," Harry shrugs.
"Well, I do," Zayn starts. "Why did you shut me out for over a year?"
This is a funny question to Harry and he cannot help but chuckle in amusement.
He wonders for a second if Zayn is trying to flip the script and play victim but he calms himself down.
A lot of things end up getting lost in translation, as hearing people claim.
There's a feeling of discomfort in his chest as the dark memories start flashing and he steadies himself before exhaling.
He calms himself down and glares at Zayn.
"Where were you when I needed you the most?" Harry asks.
"What do you mean? You shut me out," Zayn answers.
"Did you even try?" Harry frowns.
"I called, I texted, I showed up at the house but you were done with all of us," Zayn says.
"Did you ever wonder why?" Harry stares at him.
"I am not going to be doing all the wondering and thinking for you! You refuse to communicate and somehow expect people to read your mind?" Zayn exhales.
"How on brand to not take responsibility," Harry smiles.
"How on brand to shift blame," Zayn shrugs.
To Zayn's surprise, Harry nods in agreement and they sit in silence for a few minutes.
The pain from his cheek starts again and he realises he strained his face a little too much. He shakes his jaw a bit and touches his face, irritated by the pain.
Harry sighs knowing a good part of his pain is self inflicted. He cannot help but blame the world once in a while.
Loneliness has always been second nature so whenever people seemed to want to walk away, he just decided to stop begging them.
A part of him knows begging does nothing but he so wishes it didn't have to always be like that.
Why do people leave? It hurts enough that he navigates the world very differently from the rest of them.
A lone tear hangs on the corner of his left eye and he doesn't bother fighting it as it slips down his face.
Zayn gulps as he watches this and feels hurt. It is rare watching Harry openly show his emotions.
He feels a lot but he fights showing it because he doesn't want anyone getting too close only to leave again.
"You left," Harry starts.
"You pushed me to," Zayn defends.
"I was hurting and you still left," Harry continues.
"Harry, I swear I had no idea what was happening, I tried to ask." Zayn's voice breaks as he speaks and signs.
"You only asked when it was too late,"
Harry drops his hands with a sigh. He gulps as his fingers slowly tug at his hoodie and he slowly lifts it up.
The t-shirt underneath follows suit and he lifts it to reveal a faded stitch scar on the left side of his tummy.
Zayn frowns on seeing this and brings his fingers to touch it but Harry instantly flinches at his touch. It is still too soon to get that comfortable.
Harry relaxes as he shows him the scar and he tenderly points at it.
"Did she do this?" Zayn manages to ask.
"And a few other things," Harry answers after dropping his hoodie.
Zayn feels sick and his head reels on this brand new information.
Everyone knew of Harry's past relationship and how toxic it was.
Nobody could say much because Harry believed he deserved a crumb of love so he was willing to take whatever came his way.
It was a horrible thing to happen to him and it shut him out from the world. Harry was young, naive and easily influenced.
It was hard to help him out of that hellhole of a relationship but learning of physical abuse is taking Zayn to new levels of anger he didn't know existed.
"What the fuck Harry?" Zayn slaps a hand on his steering wheel.
"What? It's almost two years later," he says with a sad smile.
"Exactly! You didn't tell me this for almost two years," Zayn is nearly yelling and he knows it's pointless.
"Are you raising your voice? You look like it," Harry chuckles.
"Don't do this. Don't deflect," Zayn warns.
Harry rolls his eyes and shrugs.
"I didn't tell you because you were not there."
"Your abuser made you push all of us away, do you understand that?" Zayn calms down.
"I understood that during therapy," Harry confesses.
"And you still want to blame me?" Zayn is amused.
"It's easier," Harry smiles.
"Fuck you mate," Zayn chuckles.
Zayn lightly punches his arm and Harry keeps his smile.
This is a difficult conversation to have but having it with his actual best friend makes it a little easier.
The road to proper reconciliation might be long but this is a start.
Zayn reaches to touch his hoodie and lifts it a little, he gets a proper look at the scar and winces.
Knowing his friend dealt with this alone bothers him and he suddenly feels the need to fight someone.
A million questions dance between them.
Harry wants to know every single thing Zayn has been up to. Both of them aren't on social media so there's probably a lot of catching up.
"It's ugly," Harry points at his scar.
"I'm sorry you went through this," Zayn says.
"It wasn't your fault," Harry shrugs.
"It wasn't yours either," Zayn clarifies.
"That's what therapy said," Harry smiles.
"Do you believe it though?" Zayn frowns.
"I'm learning to," Harry nods.
"Great. Let it stick and hold onto it," Zayn relaxes on his seat.
Harry lightly taps Zayn's knee to hold his attention.
"I should have reached out too," he admits.
"You know I tried. You know that, right?" Zayn asks.
"I know," Harry sighs.
"I could have tried harder. I had no idea it was this bad," Zayn looks at his friend.
"It's over now," Harry manages to smile, waving it off.
Harry feels a kind of relief after sharing this and he checks his phone to see messages from his mother worrying about his whereabouts.
He responds to her messages and returns his phone to his pocket.
Zayn sees his friend in a new light, he's a survivor and is probably still dealing with some form of PTSD with an abusive past.
Something about his little meeting with Blue crosses his mind and he wonders if she knows about this or has a hint about this.
Meeting Blue, he already knows it's too soon to ask about whatever relationship they have but he can tell she's not as toxic as the previous person.
The first impression was loud and enough to let him know she's a decent person.
"Does she know about this?" Zayn speaks and signs.
"Who?" Harry frowns.
"B-L-U-E," Zayn signs.
"Oh," Harry mouths and sinks a little into the seat.
"By the way, I won't attack you just yet for not using your voice with me," Zayn pokes him.
"Piss off!" Harry laughs a bit.
"But I'm serious, does she know?" Zayn smiles.
"We're just friends, I just met her," Harry replies.
"Oh! So you're no longer classmates? Now, you're friends?" Zayn is amused.
Harry sighs because he doesn't even know how to express whatever he's feeling about Blue at this moment.
He has feelings of attraction for her but he's terrified to trust himself right now. He has forgotten how easy relationships and friendships should be. He doesn't know if he's ready to risk getting stung all over again.
What if Blue doesn't understand his trauma? Does she have any of her own? He doesn't want them to have trauma bonding. This is all too much.
"I don't know what we are," Harry admits.
"Take your time," Zayn suggests.
"I don't want to feel that kind of pain again," Harry fights his emotions.
"It's all over now, the past is gone, okay?" Zayn tries to be positive.
"I've missed you," Harry smiles a little.
"Anne is probably done taking my calls and messages," Zayn laughs.
Harry frowns a bit.
"Hey, say it back!"
"Of course I've missed you, curly sue," Zayn teases.
Harry laughs at the old nickname before groaning in pain. He leans on the side of the door and frowns as the pain takes him back to memories.
He keeps his eyes on Zayn, wearing a soft smile to assure him that he's okay but Zayn can see he's struggling.
"Thanks for being a better person than I am," Harry says through his pain.
"Thanks for messaging me today. I will always have your back," Zayn assures him.
"Oh Zayn!" Harry mouths and silently laughs.
"I hate you," Zayn laughs.
"Can you start the car? I need to take painkillers and pass out for solid hours,"
"I'll just text Anne to let her know you're safe with me," Zayn gets his phone.
"My hero," Harry rolls his eyes.
"Blue is your hero. You should be texting her but what do I know?" Zayn suggests.
"You know nothing," Harry smiles.
As Zayn texts his mother, he adjusts on the seat and feels the dull dizziness that often accompanies pain hit him.
A good nap may take it all away. Maybe he'll wake up with a clearer head.
Harry gets out his phone and attempts to text Blue but the pain is a little too much before he switches off his phone.