"Joe just leave, go! Take your shit a leave. This isn't your home anymore and I am done putting up with you." I scream, growing red in the face as Joe, my insolent soon to be ex boyfriend, sits on my sofa watching my TV in my flat. He stares blankly ahead, seemingly not hearing my desperate pleas for him to leave.
Joe and I have been together for almost two years, after meeting through a work colleague. He had been such a dreamboat at the start, taking me on lovely dates and remembering the small things I'd mentioned. Then we moved in together, and things went downhill. He's lazy, stubborn, stuck in a dead end job which means I'm paying all of our bills and yet he still has the time and money to go to the pub nearly every night? I've had enough. Today was the final straw. Joe started a screaming match because he noticed I'd bought some new clothes and was questioning how I had the money. On any other day, I might lie and say it was birthday money, or donated clothes from my sister. But today, today I felt that little bit stronger.
"Joe I am done. I am done acting like your mother. I cook, I clean, and you live here rent free, treat my wage as if it's your own and then have the nerve to question how I choose to spend my money? No more. Get. The. Fuck. Out." Rage pours through me as he continues to ignore me, but the flare in his nostrils lets me know my words are taking effect. Tears begin to fall down my cheeks in the frustration, because the truth is, in this moment I'm not even sad. Disappointed in myself, maybe, that I have let myself be walked all over for almost two years. What a waste.
Without a word, Joe pushes himself off the sofa and stalks into our, my, bedroom. I give myself a moment to sit an calm myself down, remembering just twenty four hours ago when this happened and I'd chased him into the bedroom throwing apologies at him and eventually letting him fuck me, eyes wide open, imagine it's happening to someone else sex. How had I let myself get to this point? I suppress a sob and put my head into my hands, letting the tears fall.
Twenty minutes later, Joe walks out of our bedroom, two suitcases in toe and that same blank expression. "I'm going to stay with Luke for a while" He says, looking straight towards the door. A single tear cascades down his cheek and I almost feel guilty for a second. "I'm sorry Joe, but I can't do this anymore".
He sighs and turns, walking towards me. My heart sinks, not knowing where this is going and preparing for the worst as his hand raises. I flinch as he rests his palm on my shoulder and pulls me in for a hug. We both let out a small sob as we rest in each other's arms for the last time. "I'm sorry too, Jess".
. . . . . . . . .
6 weeks later
Its crazy how much can change within six weeks. Looking at myself in the mirror now, I barely recognise myself. My brown, wavy hair that once cascaded down my back like something out of a princess story is now wrapped in a greasy bun on top of my head. My eyes are red and hang low on my face, my mouth sewn shut and voice hoarse. My body has taken the break up the worst though, piling on the pounds. I guess that's what happens when your daily exercise is the journey from your bed to your fridge to work to bed again. That's what my life has been for six whole weeks. Sleep, work and sometimes eat.
A bang at the door drags me away from my self-loathing. I know immediately it's my best friend and co-worker Larny on her daily attempt to drag me out of the house. It hasn't worked as of yet, but I envy her for trying. Lord knows I don't have it in me to try. I make my way through what can only be described as a cesspit of a flat and open the front door.
"Jesus Jess, it stinks in here, is that you?" Larny says the minute the door opens, barging her way in through to the front room. "Really babe, have a bit of pride look at the state of it in here!" She continues. This is very typical Larny, honest to a fault, but I wouldn't have her any other way. I take in her appearance, long blonde hair falling around her shoulders; a black bodycon skirt with a white silk shirt tucked in and black stilettos. She looked ready to kill. I decided to ignore her previous comments and tell her this; "You look incredible Larny, where are you off to tonight?" I asked, it was a Friday night after all, and Larny was not one to miss out on a party. We met at a house party 3 years ago, when I first moved to London, and been inseparable ever since. "Well," she says, stopping her judgemental scan of the flat long enough to give me a look that I know all too well, "There's a very small gathering tonight at Polly's flat and I think we should go show our faces" She finished with tight lips that tell me she doesn't want to argue on this. I let out a sigh and plop myself on the sofa. "Jess please, darling. You can't spend the rest of your life sleeping, going to work, eating and listening to Harry Styles on repeat!" Ah, she was right. I'd been sleeping, working, sometimes eating and mainly listening to Harry Styles. He'd released his first debut album about a week after me and Joe had split and I've had it on replay ever since. What can I say? Once a directioner, always a directioner.
"Jess, come on babe it's been six weeks. You've hardly left the house once! Work aren't happy you haven't come back yet, they said they were happy to let you work from home for a while but this is taking the piss," She says, to which I snap my head up from the floor, open mouthed. "What? Why didn't you say something! You know I can't afford to lose this job!" I reply, exasperated. "I know babe, that's why I think we should tidy up this flat, get you showered and take you out for the evening! Just a few close friends, nothing too exciting and it'll get you ready to come back to work". Her new revelation about our boss not being too pleased with my current situation is making me contemplate her request. "Okay" I hear myself say, before it really registers in my brain. Clearly, Larny is just as shocked as I am as her mouth drops. "Wha-huh? Seriously?" She questions. I let out a sigh and reply, "Yeah I guess, I left Joe because he was holding me back, and now there's no excuses to go and live my life. Come on, help me tidy". And with that, she rises to her feet and engulfs me in a hug, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, "I'm so proud of you" she says and we stay there for a minute. "Now go get in the shower you smelly bitch".
Laughing as I go, I walk back through to my bedroom and cringe at the state of it. There are cups and plates surrounding my double bed. The sheets are mismatched, with stains from ice cream and tears. Clothes are scattered across the wood flooring and boxes lined up against my wardrobe filled of memories I no longer wish to have. I hop over the mess into my bathroom, which isn't much better, and start running myself a hot bath. While the bath is running I manage to make the bathroom somewhat presentable and even take all my washing up from the bedroom to the sink. My body aches from the excursion, this being the most I have moved in a month. When I dip into the hot water, I feel my muscles relax and I take some time to enjoy this peace. I decide this is as good a time as any to go all and shave my whole body, although I'm not sure who for.
Half an hour later, I'm clean, hair washed and smelling a lot better. I brush my teeth and wrap a towel around my body, cringing when it doesn't cover as much as it used to. Must do something about this weight issue soon. I walk out to the front room to ask Larny what the dress code is for tonight, but what I was not expecting to see is an empty sink, a hovered floor, pillows in their correct position and candles lit. It was like that scene in PS I love you. "Larny, how the hell did you manage to do all this so quickly? Thank you so much!" I say, growing emotional. It took me six weeks to make the mess; I had imagined it would take me just as long to clear it all up. "Don't worry about it sugar tits, let's get you ready" she replies, leading me back into the bedroom. I notice the slight look of disgust on her face when she walks in, making me chuckle. "I know, it's awful, just give me five minutes and I'll sort it".
"No, its fine you just put on your makeup in the bathroom and let me sort this out. I'm determined. Go on," she says, when she notices me hesitating, "I want to do this, just go get ready and I'll find you a nice outfit too". With that, she pushes me back into the bathroom and hands me my makeup bag before shutting the door. I really don't think I could've got luckier with friends.
God, I'm not sure I even remember how to do my makeup anymore! Best start with some moisturiser, considering my eyes are about as dry as the Sahara. I decide on light makeup, since Larny said this would be an informal gathering, and go with a lightweight foundation, some bronzer, a nice glowy highlighter, mascara and a nude gloss. Casual, but definitely more 'land of the living' than I was twenty minutes ago. I decide to make use of the time Larny's given me and use a diffuser on my hair, defining the natural curls. For the first time in a very long time, I feel decent. Decent enough to leave the house and not look at the floor, anyway. I open the bathroom door and feel myself welling up again. "You are a miracle maker! I can see the floor! And all the clothes are gone! And the bed sheets, they're lovely are they mine? I didn't even know I had them and -" Something catches my eye that makes me halt my rambling. "They're gone, then?" I ask, my eyes stuck on the empty space in front of my wardrobe. She looks at me with a sad smile, "Do you mind? I just thought now is as good a time as any to get rid of them, and I knew you wouldn't be able to face doing it yourself". A tear leaves my eye, "Of course I don't mind silly. Thank you. I'm only emotional because it's scary. It's a whole two years worth of memories in the bin! But I'm glad the boxes are gone, this is a fresh start". I feel my lips quivering and make the decision not to cry anymore. "So, what am I wearing?" I ask, changing the conversation. Larny smiles brightly and leads me over to the wardrobe where she's picked out three different outfits. "I thought this was a casual evening!" I accuse her, eyeing the outfits in front of me. The first is a tight fitting, sleeveless red dress to be paired with black stilettos. This was a definite no, considering the extra pounds I've put on since last wearing this. The second dress is black with pearls, I wore this on mine and Joe's anniversary. This one is also a no. The last outfit definitely seems the least offending. She's chosen black skinny jeans, an old rolling stones tee I nicked off my brother that I'd ripped the sleeves off, and a black leather jacket with my black high heeled boots.
The outfit is exactly what I needed it to be. Not so much it'll draw any attention to me, but enough that I feel nice, a vast improvement on how I felt an hour ago. After putting in some silver hoops, I brave a look in the mirror. Now, I won't pretend I've become in a Victoria's Secret model through this quick change, but emotionally this has done me the world of good and we haven't even left the house yet. "Fuck me, that's more like it! Look at you sexy sally!" Larny says, hyping me up. I giggle and let a smile take over my face. The first real smile I've had in 6 weeks. "Come on babe, let's go get a drink in us" she says, grabbing me a handbag and throwing my phone in. "Okay, fuck, okay let's go", I reply, stealing one more glance in the mirror. This is my chance for a fresh start, might as well start it drunk!
———————————-
Hello lovelies! Thank you for reading!
My names Jess (lol) and I've been writing since I was about 6, I'm now 19! I'm obsessed with Harry styles and Wattpad in general so thought I'd give writing my own fan fiction a go! Let me know how I'm doing and I'll welcome any suggestions :)