“Okay... I’ll tell you what really happened. How I got these scars...” Perrie breathed out shakily and the grip around my small hands became almost painful, but I let her have her way. If this was what she needed I would give it to her. “Well, we weren’t really making things in Jonnie’s room new. But the part about the vase is true,” she laughed bitterly and with her other hand she wiped her eyes. “Mum and Jonnie had an argument about god knows so he decided to throw a vase at her. Mum grabbed me by my arm and pulled me in front of her so the vase...” She breathed out again and I brushed my thumb across her cheek.
“Pez, you don’t need to tell me, really,” I smiled sadly at her. She raised her head ever so slightly so she could look at me and a small smile crept upon her face. Although her eyes were puffy and her makeup smudged this smile was genuine and caused my heart to skip a beat.
“I want to...” She murmured and breathed out again, trying to calm herself. “It’s just really hard.” She looked away again, as if she couldn’t look me in the eyes whilst talking about it. She seemed to be ashamed of it and I felt anger building up inside me. Perrie’s mum didn’t leave a good impression on when I first met her but I had never thought she would use her one and only daughter, her own child, to protect herself. If I was a mother I would rather protect my children.
“It wasn’t too bad though,” she said and I gasped. “Not too bad?!” I asked in shock and anger. “This is very bad!”
“Shush!” Perrie looked at me pleadingly and I didn’t care if we would miss sports now. “Please, I don’t want anyone to hear us... Please, Jade...”
I nodded and stroke her cheek again, trying to comfort her a bit. It was hard for me to see Perrie like this but at the same time I admired her for not talking about this ever. She was the strongest person I had ever seen and this was one of the reasons I loved her for – her flawless body and face and her amazing laughter, those perfect lips and legs, those petite hands and everything else that made Perrie Perrie were just plus-points.
“On the weekend my parents and Jonnie drove somewhere when I was at school, leaving a note that they would be home the next day after midday. They are doing this quite a lot so I knew it already and I always use these days to have sleepovers. Mostly my parents don’t recognize it when I invited the girls over but yesterday they somehow found out... Don’t ask me why.” She breathed out again and more tears formed in her eye. I wanted her to stop but before I could even open my mouth she was talking again, “And they... thought they had to punish me. Mum’s favourite punishment is cigarettes.” Again she laughed bitterly. I flinched as an image struck my mind – Perrie’s mum pressing her fag onto Perrie’s stomach, not minding the screams that escaped the girl’s mouth and again I felt like I had to throw up. “Dad has this belts he hardly wears, and he mostly uses them for occasions like this because they hurt more than the ones he wears more often. When Jonnie... was around fifteen he had made a party when our parents where gone and I remember he wasn't able to rest on his back for a week...”
“Perrie...” I sighed as she didn't say anything for a few minutes. I squeezed her hand and she winced a bit so I immediately let go off her. “Sorry...” I muttered and she smiled a little. “I... I really don't know what to say... You deserve so much better... Why did you never tell anyone? Someone could've helped you...”
“I like the life I have in school... I don't want to give it up for something I hate... Please, Jade, you told me you wouldn’t tell anyone, please,” she whimpered and I felt my heart breaking into a million pieces. I felt so useless, so... I had no words for it, I was overwhelmed, but in a bad way. I was so extremely sorry for her!
“I won’t Perrie, I promise,” I whispered and pulled her into a hug to calm her down. Her sobs were filling the air and the tears streamed down both our faces as I tried to comfort her – which wasn’t really easy since I could’ve needed comfort too.
Suddenly she pushed me away. “Why did I tell you?” She asked and shook her. I could see guilt in her eyes and saw she was regretting it. “I... it’s my fault that you’re crying now! I am such a bad friend!”
“Wait- what?” Now I was confused. I had thought she regretted telling me because she now thought she couldn’t trust me enough... but all she cared about were my tears? “Perrie...”
“No,” she said, taking a deep breath and wiping her eyes before she showed me one of those fake smiles again. “I am not allowed to make you cry, you are always there for me...” She grabbed a shirt and quickly pulled it down her body, covering her chest. She then stripped down her skirt and tights before she put on a pair of sweats. “What are you waiting for?” She asked and chuckled but I could see through her masc. “We’re already late, Thompson is surely angry. We shouldn’t make her even angrier or she’s gonna make us stuff we really don’t wanna do...”
I shook my head slightly before I changed into my sports stuff and as I turned around I saw Perrie looking at me with flushed cheeks. “Are you okay?” I asked gently and she nodded with a smile; this time it was genuine again. Her sudden mood changes confused me a little.
“I am perfectly fine,” she smiled and grabbed my hand to go out with me. By her touch my heart started racing and my breath hitched. I could feel my cheeks turning bright red and she smiled at me. “You don’t need to feel awkward towards me now,” she sighed. “I am still the same and you don’t need to sympathize with me all the time. I am okay.”
“I know,” I smiled and we ran towards the gym. Of course Mrs Thompson was angry at us and let us do some sit-ups, jumping jacks, press-ups and let us run for about five minutes while the others were playing basketball. I mean, I was no big fan of basketball either but everything was better than the hell Perrie and I were going through – but at least I didn’t have to do it alone. Running next to Perrie, hearing her panting and seeing her chest rising and falling with an incredible speed made me feel something I had never felt before. I always shook my head when I found myself staring at her perfect body again but thankfully we were done soon and were allowed to play basketball with the others.
Sadly I wasn’t in Perrie’s team and also Jesy and Leigh-Anne were in the other team. I was with some other girls, some of their names being Tessa, Kim, Shannon and Brenna. They were all really nice but I hadn’t really talked to them before. I looked over to see the other team talking about their strategy but I also my blonde friend was looking over, smiling and waving at me. My cheeks heated up again and I quickly waved at her before turning back to my team.
“Okay, so, Leigh and Jesy are the best in basketball,” Shannon explained. She had long dark hair, which seemed almost black. Also her eyes were rather dark and she was one of those super skinny girls in school. “Perrie, Hannah and Sam aren’t that good so you better take care. Are you good in basketball?”
I shrugged awkwardly. I had always been picked last in sports but I wasn’t that bad, to be honest. Even though I didn’t like sports I was pretty good but no-one wanted me in their teams – I don’t think I need to explain why. “I... I don’t know,” I admitted. “I haven’t played for pretty long...”
“Okay, we’ll see,” Brenna smiled at me. “If you think you need to pass the ball always try to shoot it to Kim, she is one of our bests. But not if Leigh is in front of her, okay? That girl can jump...” She chuckled and I nodded understandingly.
Mrs Thompson whistled and I found myself on the field. The ball was in my hands and I was looking out for Kim. Sadly Leigh-Anne was in front of her so I shot it to Hannah who got hold of the orange ball and threw it into the basket.
We played for about forty minutes and then we were allowed to drink a bit. “You are good,” Perrie smiled breathlessly and I blushed a bit. “Thank you. You are not bad yourself,” I smiled and saw her blushing too.
Wait- was she blushing because of me?
But then she chuckled and the red spots on her cheeks faded away and now I wasn’t even sure anymore if she had blushed in first way. Maybe I had just imagined it because I wanted Perrie to like me back... Yeah, that must be true. She would never like me in this way.
I sighed deeply and she looked at me confused. “I just wanna go home,” I quickly lied and she grinned cheekily.
“Because of Liam, right?”
I blushed – I had totally forgotten about that! If Perrie hadn’t told me I would’ve went up to the bus and straight home... But of course she was misunderstanding my blushing and giggled. “Seems like you like him too!” She looked away from me and grabbed her water bottle.
My heart ached a bit at her happiness – she made it very obvious I was nothing more than a friend to her and I would never be.
***
Perrie’s POV
“Sorry, I am late; Liam is already waiting for me!” Jade said and looked out of the window. We stood at our lockers because I had forgotten something and she offered to come along.
“Just go,” I chuckled and she wrapped her arms around my body, sending those chills that I constantly felt around her, through my body. It was weird because I was really close to Jesy and Leigh-Anne aswell but something about her was different... I waved her a goodbye as she went towards the doors and up to Liam.
I watched them as he pulled her into a quick hug and even from here, inside the school, I could see her cheeks turning bright red. Something inside my chest hurt and quickly I turned around to get out my book. When I walked out of the school both were gone already and I ran my hand through my bright hair.
I spotted Jesy and Leigh at the bus station and walked over to them. “Hey, you’re not here by car today?” I asked the brunette and she shook her head with a sigh.
“It didn’t work... You look sad. Are you okay?”
Quickly I put on a smile and yawned a little, which would always convince them. “I am just tired, basketball was really exhausting!”
They both chuckled and shook their heads at me. It wasn’t my fault that I just couldn’t be really athletic after being sore on every possible spot on my body. I held back a sigh and looked around. I would love to be with Jade right now... How could it be that I already missed her? I had been with her all day and she had just left.
I missed the warmth of her body when we were hugging or her little giggle after almost everything I said. My heart ached when I thought her sad face today, when her tears were streaming down her face and it was all my fault... I would never talk about it again because it just wasn’t fair. I didn’t really know what it was but I would rather die than being the reason for her tears ever again.
Of course had I seen people cry again, even Jesy after her last boyfriend had broken up with her because she was “too big”. I had slapped him across the face, in Jesy’s name and then she was okay again. But it wasn’t the same here. If Jesy would cry again I would be sad for her but surely not like I was about Jade.
Something made her different to my other friends.
“Hey, Pez.”
I turned around and got embraced into one of Zayn’s hugs. Those were the ones I would love the most, wouldn’t I know how Jade’s hugs felt like. “Hey, Zayn,” I smiled at him and he let go off me. He smiled down at me and then looked around, sighing. “I really hate waiting for the bus; all I want is to get home already. Liam is with Jade, right?”
“Yeh,” I said and again I felt my heart aching. “They’re studying together.”
“They are really cute together,” Zayn chuckled and looked at my face again, watching me. He must’ve seen something was wrong with me since I got closer with Jade. Seemed like he knew something about me I didn’t.
“Maybe,” I smiled at him. “Liam seems to like her a lot.”
“Yeh, think so too. What would you say if they would start going out together? Would you be jealous or happy for her?” He watched me intently and I started wondering what he wanted to hear from me.
“Happy, of course. As long as she is happy I’d be happy too.”
“Of course,” he chuckled and went towards the bus that had just arrived. We didn’t drive with the same so I had to stay a little more, waiting for the next one but now I was confused. What did Zayn mean? What did he see or know I didn't?
“Perrie?” Leigh-Anne asked and smiled at me. “I wanted to say goodbye. My mum got me.” She pointed at the car that was standing behind the bus. “See ya tomorrow, yeh?”
I nodded and hugged her tightly, trying to feel the same when I was hugging Jade. I really tried to, to feel anything that would remind me of her, but there wasn’t anything. Just a normal hug. “See ya,” I responded and watched her and the bus driving away. Now it was only me and a few other people and I sighed.
A warm breeze moved my hair a bit and I sighed again, wanting to hug her. I wanted to hold her hand, to bury my head into her hair even though she was smaller than me, to make her feel secure. She always seemed so vulnerable and I felt like I had to protect her all the time. I sighed again and thought about my and Zayn’s conversation.
And then an imagine flashed my mine – Jade holding Liam’s hand, their bodies close to each other. She would laugh about something he had said and they would both blush when they announced they were going out now. We would be happy for them but my heart ached, only thinking about it. I sighed again and felt tears welling up my eyes.
If I was already getting this emotional when I was just thinking about them dating how would it be when they would actually start going out?
Maybe Zayn was right... Maybe I would be jealous when they would get together. And now I also saw what he had seen, even though I would never tell Jade. I had known it, back in my mind since I met her.
At least the night we had the sleep over I should’ve noticed, the way I was attached to her all the time. In the morning, when I felt her pressed against me. I had automatically wrapped my arms around her, feeling her warmth and smelling her hair like it was the oxygen I needed to survive. I loved being that close to her and I remember that I had wanted to stay like this forever.
Sadly Leigh-Anne had woken her up then and I had to remove myself from her. I didn’t want her to know I liked her in this way. She already knew something others didn’t. And I surely didn’t want to ruin everything now.
She hadn’t judged me about something I couldn’t control – maybe she would hate me and tell everyone my secret.
What had I done?
~*~
A/N: I hope you liked this chapter and now you also know what Perrie thinks! :D
Please leave some comments, as always, I really, really appreciate them!
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This is what makes me writing on - if no-one would read this I probably would've stopped writing already, so... MASSIVE THANK YOU! :)
On the side is a acapella version of the girls' song DNA and it gives me goose bumps *-*
Okay, that's it for today and thank you once again!
I love you all!!
Marlene xx