December 26th:
Maddie's POV:
Today is a big day, I'm currently at a magazine shoot to be on the cover. This is probably one of the biggest things I've had to do in my career, this far. Then later today I have to design clothing so I can meet the deadline.
Surprisingly, after yesterday. I'm fine, and I'm not just saying that. I'm genuinely okay, I feel like I'm learning how to not let anything get to me. I feel like that can help me, but I also feel like that could also hurt me.
Via Instagram:
Liked by: billieeilish, itskenziebitch, and 7,367,112 others.
madisonvoyage: we shooting something BIG today!
billieeilish: fire as hell
itskenziebitch: a bad bitch you might say?
I turned off my phone, we have done so many looks and we have taken so many pictures. I assume Billie's gonna get back to my house before me, because all she had was an interview.
I'm actually excited about this shoot, and that used to be rare. I used to hate everything, but now I'm actually excited about some of the opportunities I'm getting now.
I've been here for probably about 4 hours, and we're almost done. This isn't going to be released for a fat minute, but at least I can say that I did it. I didn't tell Kenzie about my 'breakdown' I just didn't feel like it was necessary to bring up, especially when I'm doing really well in my career.
I'm really fucking tired though, I didn't really sleep last night because I know Billie's worried about me. I know she's scared that my happiness is just going to vanish, which it might. But I refuse to let it go, that's why I'm doing all of this. I fucking hate most of it, but I know it makes Billie happy when I try with my career I guess.
We were finally wrapping up, I was really happy with the way the pictures turned out.
Kenzie: "Holden was wondering if you wanted to shoot after New Years or before?"
Maddie: "I'll look at my schedule, what's going on with you two?"
Kenzie: "Fine, little flirting every now and then."
Maddie: "Do you like him?"
Kenzie: "I've known the kid like three days. He's nice, he's sweet, and he has a nice sense of humor. But like I said, I haven't known him long enough to catch feelings."
Maddie: "You're gonna catch feelings."
Kenzie: "I don't want to though."
Maddie: "What do you mean?"
Kenzie: "He's a nice guy, if he wasn't on your team. Best believe, but in case something happens between us. I don't want it to affect your team."
Maddie: "Even if you guys did start dating, I feel like it would impact my team. You know what I'm saying? Like if you guys date, then it would be like better energy. I'm not forcing you to do anything but, if you do wanna date him, I would support that shit hella."
Kenzie: "I'm glad that I have your word or whatever, but I'm not going to force the relationship. If it happens it happens, it's as simple as that."
Maddie: "Holden's dumb as hell if he doesn't try to make a move on you."
Kenzie: "I know."
I rolled my eyes.
Kenzie: "You ready to go?"
Maddie: "Yeah, let me call Billie."
Calling Babygirl❤️:
Billie: "Hi shorty! How was your shoot?"
Maddie: "It was fun, I can't wait for it to come out. I'm about to leave, do you need anything?"
Billie: "I need a hug!" She whined.
Maddie: "I'm on my way babygirl."
Billie: "But you're downtown! It'll take you like 45 minutes to get here!"
Maddie: "Hug Milo."
Billie: "You're really jealous of your own dog."
Maddie: "Your dog."
Billie: "You named it after me."
Maddie: "Okay you win." I laughed.
Billie: "I know, I love you."
Maddie: "I love you too."
Call Ended.
Babygirl❤️:
drive safe
i will
Read at 5:24P.M.
I smiled at the text message and waited for Kenzie to walk to my car, we got to my car and we were on the way back to my house.
Kenzie: "We should get food."
Maddie: "What do you want?"
Kenzie: "Sweetgreen?"
Maddie: "Okay."
I started heading towards Sweetgreen, I was going to get Billie's usual too because like I was already here. It didn't take us long to get there, and it didn't take us long to get back to my house.
I opened the garage and carried the bag inside, I also had a big ass bag from my shoot. I opened the door and Milo was at my feet, I set the bag and the keys down and I picked her up.
Maddie: "Now you wanna give me attention."
I see Billie's head pop up off the couch.
Billie: "Shorty!"
She rushed over to me and engulfed me into a tight hug.
Maddie: "I missed you too, I got you Sweetgreen too."
Billie: "You're too precious."
She took the bag from me and walked to the kitchen, I walked up to glam room and set the bag down. I really need to clean in here, but that's a task for another day.
I walked downstairs and Kenzie and Billie were talking about my shoot, I sat down at the island next to Billie. She handed me my salad, and we all started eating.
Kenzie: "You have a meeting with YouTube on Saturday."
Maddie: "Why?"
Kenzie: "They wanna talk about your channel, and maybe a meet and greet."
Billie's face lit up.
Maddie: "What?"
Billie: "Have you ever done a meet and greet?"
Maddie: "Not like a planned one."
Billie: "So this is your first meet and greet?"
Maddie: "Sure."
Billie: "You're growing so quick."
Maddie: "You're telling me."
Kenzie: "Then there's another award you might get nominated for tomorrow."
Maddie: "What award?"
Kenzie: "The shorty awards."
Maddie: "I have to win that."
Billie laughed.
Claud's:
Hey babe, do you wanna meet tomorrow to look at the clothes we've designed?
yeah that's fine, come over at like 1:30?
That'll work, I love you.
i love you too.
Read at 7:13P.M.
Billie: "Are you happy with the clothes you've created with Claudia?"
Maddie: "Yeah, if I didn't work with her then I wouldn't have done it."
Billie: "You don't feel drained, you just don't feel creative?"
Maddie: "I've designed a clothing line before, two actually. That was the most stressful time of my life. I feel like I made it look easy, and I was never that stressed about it. But like looking back, that took up almost all my time."
Billie: "You didn't answer my question." She laughed.
I laughed back with her, "Well, to answer your question. I don't feel drained, I just don't want the pressure into designing a whole clothing line again. Because it'll feel like I'm starting over and I don't wanna start over."
Billie: "Well, the lines gonna be fire."
Maddie: "I know."
We finished eating, Kenzie checked her phone.
Kenzie: "I'mma head to the studio, I'll see you Saturday at 9."
Maddie: "Okay, I love you."
Kenzie: "I love you too. Bye Billie."
Billie: "Bye."
I waited to make sure she was out of the house before I spoke.
Maddie: "I talked to Kenzie about Holden."
Billie: "And?"
Maddie: "I told her that she has my approval, and she said that she's not going to force it. She said they flirt sometimes, she said that he's a nice guy and she would totally make a move on him if he wasn't on my team."
Billie: "So she's not going to do anything about him because he's on your team?"
Maddie: "I shoot with Holden next Tuesday, I'll talk to him, Kenzie's complicated when it comes to her own relationships."
Billie: "Why?"
Maddie: "When I met Kenzie, she was barely a stylist. She was more of a friend to me, and she was in this relationship at the time. He was so good for her, he was too good for her. I love Kenzie and all, I love her with everything in me. But sometimes she just- I don't know, I don't know how to explain it."
Billie: "Is Kenzie damaged?"
Maddie: "We're all fucking damaged bro, I don't think she's damaged I think she was hurt at a point. She loves affection and loves everything that happens at the end of the day, but he didn't understand what she did I guess. He worked for a business, like a sit down, 8 hour day kind of business. While Kenzie is like a social media person I guess, he didn't realize how busy she was going to be. But I feel like Holden will understand that she'll be busy during the day but at the end of the day she's there."
Billie: "That's kinda how we are."
Maddie: "I know, we'll both go do things during the day, and then we'll come back here, talk about our day. Then we go to sleep and then we repeat, and I feel like it works and it's healthy."
Billie: "I love what we do."
Maddie: "I do too, and it works, it's not like either of us is like crazy busy. So like we still have time, but even when I was crazy busy, we still made it work."
Billie gave me a soft smile, "Your prescription came today."
Maddie: "Of course it did, where is it?"
Billie: "It's on the table by the door."
Maddie: "Okay."
I walked over to the bag that it came in, and opened it. Just by what I can see, these pills are bigger than my will to live. But I'll think I'll manage. I walked back to the kitchen to get my drink, so I could take the pill and maybe it'll help me breathe.
After I took my pill, Billie and I started to clean up. At this point it was like 9, I'm tired as hell. I let Milo out, and waited before I let her back in.
Billie: "Are you tired?"
Maddie: "Yes."
Billie: "Are you going to shower tonight, or tomorrow morning?"
Maddie: "Tonight, so I can get over with. I assume you wanna join."
Billie: "I don't know what makes you say that."
Maddie: "No funny business."
Billie: "You always say that, and then you're the one that starts the 'funny business."
Maddie: "You got me there." I smiled at her.
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i wrote something today, man that shit was fire. not to eat my own ass or anything but😌
it's not bad... depending on your definition of bad😂
thanks ily
words: 1773.