Chapter 18
Two days later, Jared finally called, ready to talk to me, his voice apologetic and soothing over the phone. I hung up and drove Micah's car to his apartment. I walked through the door and noticed that his usually not too messy apartment was completely trashed, beer cans and empty bags littering the floor. There were dishes overflowing in the sink, mold growing on them. There were dirty clothes piled on every surface of the room.
Jared was a gaunt, emaciated version of himself. His skin had actually gone a bit gray since I'd seen him last. He looked like he was a bit glad to see me, but a profound grief had overtaken him in the previous couple of weeks. His color improved a few shades as I agreed to sit instead of standing by the doorway where I'd leaned against the doorjamb as he cleared enough clean space for me.
“I'm glad you came. I didn't seriously think you would after our last talk. I'm sorry,” Jared spoke quickly, but with a tenderness that I'd never known him capable of. He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath before he looked at me, the pout of his bottom lip making him look like a lost little boy. His large, reflective hazel eyes with that disheveled mess of black hair hanging to his shoulders just screamed for you to take him home.
“I didn't think that you'd want to see me after everything. I have something that I need to tell you.” I started, but he held up a hand to silence me.
“I have something I need to tell you.” Jared began, he took another deep breath, then began, “When I accused you, I just saw the pictures and took them out of context. I didn't really study anything, I just lost it. Then I didn't believe you when you told me that you hadn't slept with them, and I should have taken your word for it. I-”
“Stop right there,” I said, needing to be upfront and honest about it. I took a ragged breath as I continued, “Before you go putting me on some pedestal, you need to hear this. Then you can decide whether or not to forgive me.
“When you accused me of sleeping with Colin and Chris, I hadn't. But they came here for the storm, and things have changed since we spoke last. And before you ask, yes, I love them both, but I love you, too. That's why I'm telling you now.
“They mutually decided to deal with me having an emotional and physical relationship with both of them, and truthfully, it's just what works for me. I can still love you, too. I just can't live without either of them. I've discovered that much about myself, and that I can't change any of it. So, do you still forgive me, or should I go?”
Jared sat there for a long moment, absorbing everything I said, a calculating expression on his face. After a long while, he asked, “So if I just sit back and accept that you're just going to be with those two in all the same ways that you're with me, no matter what, and I keep myself from going psycho jealous, I get to keep you?”
“Right,” I agreed, and he nodded, scratching that off his mental checklist. Then he asked what he must have considered the important question.
“And if I don't accept it, or I do go psycho jealous, I lose you for good? Do I have it pretty well summed up?”
“Yeah, that pretty much covers it,” I said, nodding in agreement. He sat there for a long moment, mulling over his options. He then looked me in the eye and said, “I love you too much to give up and quit now, so I guess I'll just deal, too.”
As he hugged me I actually felt just how thin he'd gotten, and I vowed to never let him be that unhappy again. I kissed him softly and pulled him with me into the tiny, windowless bathroom. He began to compliantly strip when I began to run bathwater for him. It actually seemed to surprise him when I stripped down with him.
When he finally let me get dressed again after a long bath and a rather intense bout of making up, I took him out to dinner and we spent the night on a long date, just enjoying the evening together. And I let him introduce me to everyone that we met as his girlfriend without a word to the contrary.
The following three weeks were a hectic mess of post-storm cleanup, catching up on work and schoolwork that we had all missed. I didn't see much of anyone during that time, not even Micah and Bryan.
I was at the supermarket one day during this period, when I was standing in the checkout line. I let a stray eye wander over the tabloid covers, more than a bit shocked to see Colin’s face on the cover of every one of them. I began to read the captions to myself, shocked by each one just a bit more than the last.
“Hollywood Action Hunk Seaver Backs out of Latest Movie Project!”, “Colin Seaver Quits! An inside look at why the actor is retiring from show-biz before his thirtieth birthday.”, “Actor turned Oil Tycoon: Colin Seaver inherits estranged, (and recently deceased!), father's fortune and gives up on scandalized acting career.”, “Colin Seaver running off with Mystery Gal: Quits Acting for Her!”
I couldn't believe what I was reading, and wondered for a moment if Colin really had disappeared. I called him as soon as I was outside of the store, nervous and sick with worry for him. I was so relieved when he answered on the second ring.
“Hey, babe. What's up?” Colin asked.
“Hey, I know that I shouldn't put any stock into the tabloids, but I just read a bunch of them that said you're quitting acting. What's going on?” I asked, my curiosity killing me now that my worries had evaporated.
“They finally got something right. I'm retiring, to put it nicely.” He said, a laugh buried in his tone.
“Retiring? Why?” I asked, worried that something was wrong.
“My dad was never good for much as a father, but he died last week, leaving my sisters and I his legacy and money. My dad was an oil heir and he gave us everything in death that he screwed us out of in life.
“Besides, I'm tired of tabloids being in my business all the time, anyway. This is the only way that we're gonna have something close to a normal life. Well, as normal as can be expected, given the situation.”
“There is nothing normal about our life. You're not doing this because of us, are you?” I asked, not wanting him to give up his career just to be in some twisted mockery of a relationship with me. He laughed and simply told me I was being paranoid.
“I'm doing this because I have to. I want to. I'm done being this, and it's time to move on, babe. Simple. Easy. Done.”
“Alright, if this is what you want. I’m also sorry about your dad, babe. You should have called me. When do you think I’ll see you again?” I asked, hating how the question sounded as it left my lips, but unable to stop myself from asking. I missed him so much I could taste it, and he made everything feel alright when he was around.
“It is what I want. And don’t be too sorry about the old man, I’m not, and my sisters care even less. I've still got a few loose ends to tie up, but I’ll be back for you soon. I love you, babe.” Colin said sweetly, and I melted. I missed him even more.
“I love you, too. Bye.” I said. I didn't want to, but I forced myself to hang up.
The following week, I decided to call Jared and see what he was up to. I spent the next three days at his house, romping around his bed with him. He made missing Colin and Chris bearable, and I genuinely enjoyed being with him when he was this happy. The last morning that I was there that week, I woke up at four AM, feeling a bit queasy.
I stumbled to the bathroom in the dark, feeling for the light as I closed the door. I barely managed to get to the toilet before I vomited, and when I'd finished, I had to lay there for a while, waiting to get my strength back. I must have fallen asleep there, because I woke up in that very spot a few hours later, vomiting again.
“Hey, doll. You gonna be alright?” Jared asked, rubbing his eyes and yawning as he opened the bathroom door. He looked worried, but I held up a hand to keep him from coming to me. His eyes went a bit wide with alarm once he was fully aware, and he came to kneel beside me, a clean towel in his hand.
“Go back to bed, this is embarrassing.” I said, stripping down to take a shower. He wouldn't leave me alone, so I began stepping around him as I prepared to clean myself up. He pulled off the boxers he was wearing, crawling into the shower with me. The water felt wonderfully hot as it splashed over me, and I didn't mind him being there quite as much.
The following morning, I woke up in my own bed to the exact same feeling as before. After I had emptied the entire contents of my stomach, I stumbled to the counter to brush my teeth, and had to double over from the wave of nausea that hit me when I smelled my toothpaste. I went back to bed after a while, and this pattern continued for another two weeks before I did anything about it.
“Micah, have you seen my pills?” I asked, tossing the contents of my room around in my half-hearted search for one of the little yellow packs floating around my room. Micah popped his head through my doorway, a bewildered expression on his face.
“What pills?” He asked.
“My birth control,” I said, rolling my eyes as I looked back at him. He shrugged at me.
“How would I know where they are? They're not mine! Wait, aren't you supposed to take those things every day?”
“Yeah,” I said, still rummaging through my dresser.
“Then why don't you know where they are? You're gonna end up getting knocked up if you don't watch it.” Micah joked, turning to walk out of the room.
Then it hit me, and I stood straight up, Micah's words triggering my mind to the recent illness, the sensitivity to smells, and the mild swelling I was beginning to notice. And then my bad habit of forgetting my pills.
“Micah! We have to go to the store, now!” I yelled, grabbing my shoes and purse. I told him my suspicions as we drove, and by the time we walked into the store, he was practically bouncing with excitement. I bought one of each of the pregnancy tests on the shelf, ignored the jokes that the cashier made, and ran back to the car, Micah close on my heels.
As soon as we got back to the apartment, Micah shoved me into the bathroom and then began explaining to Bryan on the other side of the door. I couldn't believe I'd been reduced to peeing on a stick. I screamed when two little pink lines appeared less than a minute later. Micah and Bryan yelled their congratulations through the door. I tested twice more that day and four times the next, yielding a positive result each time. I went to the doctor the following day, where a tube of my blood told me the exact same thing.
It seemed unreal when I heard the heartbeat coming out of the little speaker in my doctor's coat pocket. Micah's face lit up when he heard it, and when we left, he was on the phone with my parents before I could even decide who to call first. I argued with him the whole way back to our apartment, and he laughed the entire way. I threatened to choke him if he spoke as I dialed Colin's number.
“Hello?”
“Colin, are you alone right now?” I asked, praying that Chris was nowhere near him.
“Yeah, why?” Colin asked, his voice suddenly worried.
“I know this wasn't part of the plan, but-”
“She's pregnant!”Micah screamed over my shoulder. He dodged as I swung on him, laughing as he ran back to the kitchen.
“That true?” Colin asked, bringing my attention back to the matter at hand. I felt my throat trying to close off as I struggled for the words.
“Yeah. I'm sorry.”
“Why? What part of 'all in' didn't you understand? This may be a bit ahead of schedule, but it is part of the plan.”
“What? Wait, what plan?” I asked, confused.
“My plan. Chris' plan. Long term kinda plan, babe. Don't worry, everything's all taken care of.”
“But it might be Jared's. What then?” I asked, dreading the answer. Colin sounded a bit exasperated when he spoke again.
“It's still your baby, right?”
“Yeah, but-”
“Ok then. We got this. I've got you covered, babe. That includes any children that come out of this. Don't worry about it.” Colin said casually, his tone implying that I should have already known all of this.
“Alright. I love you.”
“Love you, too. I’ve got some things still left to take care of, but I'll be flying there in about a week or so. I'll call you later, and you should call Chris now,” Colin said before he hung up.
I sat there for a moment, dumbfounded by the fact that Colin hadn't been angry. He'd actually sounded kind of happy about it!
I called Chris next and heard a very similar reaction to Colin. He told me he'd be flying in the next day, and that he'd also take care of everything. By the time I hung up with him, I was actually looking forward to calling Jared.
“Hello?” Jared answered his phone, and I could hear from the sound of guitars being tuned that he was at practice. I wondered if I shouldn't have just waited to tell him in person. His attitude was playful until I said what I had to say, and then he suddenly changed.
“Aren't you going to get that, I don't know, taken care of?” He asked, his voice taking on a serious quality that Jared rarely possessed.
“What? No! I'm having it. Why would you even ask me something like that?” I asked, my anger coming up from nothing.
“Because I never signed up for kids. That's one reason why I was cool with everything the way it was! Look, those two are going to take care of you, so you're good. I'm sorry it's gotta be like this, but I can't deal with a kid or a pregnant girlfriend.
“I've just got too much on the line right now. We're about to start a state-wide club tour, and we have a CD about to come out. I just can't have this crap going on around me right now. Look, it’s been fun, and I’ll miss you, so call me back when you're not pregnant anymore.”
I stared at the phone when the line went dead, unable to believe what I'd just heard. I was in complete shock, having never expected a reaction like that from Jared. Micah snatched the phone out of my hand, redialing the number as soon as he had it.
“Hello, Jared. I just called to let you know in the friendliest way possible that you are a complete idiot. You just blew the best thing to ever happen to you, so just be happy knowing that it's your fault. And just one more thing? Your band sucks.”
“Micah!” I rasped at him, shocked at what he'd said. He hung up with a shrug, giving me a wide eyed look.
“What? You don't deserve that! He's a jack-ass, and somebody needed to tell him as much. And if you think what I said is messed up, just wait until Chris and Colin hear about this,” Micah argued, dialing Chris' number after that.
He was right. Chris and Colin both went insane when Micah told them what had happened. Colin told him that he had to make a few calls, and by the following day, reports were surfacing on the radio that Jared's tour and CD had just been abruptly dropped, and no parties involved would be moving forward on either project. I knew Colin had something to do with it, but what could I really say?
The next day after that was when I picked Chris up from the airport, and he was still livid. He tried to get me to point out Jared's apartment, and even threatened to go from door to door looking for him. I finally managed to get him back home, where he stayed by my side for the next three weeks.
He got Colin on the phone when I argued about keeping my waitress job, and between Micah and Chris hen-pecking me to death, I managed to kick every bad habit I had inside of two months.