I stand in front of Tsunade proudly. My eyes are filled with love and joy. But her gaze, it is not same. Yes, she still holds that motherly love, I missed so much. But instead of happiness, they are filled with grief. Sadness. Madness.
"What's wrong Tsunade-sama?" I ask with raised eyebrows. She does not say anything, instead takes her place by the desk. Her gaze is lingering on me, before she finally averts them and stares at the paperwork in front of her.
"Nothing." She sighs finally. "I have taught you everything that I know Sakura." I nod, already knowing it. She more likely helped me to revise them. I have learnt them in my previous life. "You are even storing your chakra for the mark." I nod once again, not knowing what else is there to say. "Sakura, sit." I obey and take a seat in front of her. "Ne, Sakura-chan... What is your dream?" I look up at her confused.
"Ne, Sakura-chan... What is your dream?" Tsunade-sama asks me in low, murmuring tone. Her eyes are casted down, sadness filling them.
"I... I want to become the strongest shinobi in the whole world." I admit, nabbing my lower lip. "I want to be strong enough to be acknowledged." I continue talking. "I want to be someone, people can trust."
She does not say anything, but nods. She looks down at the glass of Sake, but she does not drink it. Instead, she puts it aside, her focus only on me.
"Don't you want to have...family?" She asks me quietly. "Don't you want to have a loving husband and children to go home to...?" Her voice cracks by the end.
"I..." I breath in and out. My answer already forming in my head. "I don't." I look down, scared of how she may look at me. "I wanted it, long ago." I admit, rubbing my face. "I wanted to have a family with... Sasuke. But then... He left. He left me." I whisper with tears pooling in my eyes. "He tried to kill me, rejected me... I decided that I wanted to move on. But it was easier said than done." I chuckle humorlessly at this. "Then... Gaara appeared." I start in a low voice, small smile tugging my lips. Tsunade looks up at me with pained eyes. "And the war started... When we got close, even during the relationship, he knew that I could never be his entirely." I add with another cold, heart-broken chuckle. "And then Sasuke returned." I cough, trying to hold in the sobs. "And he died..." I add with a sigh. "I don't want to risk my heart being broken, Tsunade-sama. I don't want to return home, go on missions knowing that there might be someone, that would care about me. I want to go all in. I want to give myself to the village and its people entirely."
"My d-dream?" I ask with stutter and sigh as she nods. "I want to be stronger." I look down at my hands. "I... I want to be someone, people can lean on." I continue talking with small smile tugging my lips. "I want to be strong enough to protect village and my precious people." I start playing with my fingers.
"But aren't you already strong enough?" Tsunade asks me skeptically. I can feel worry in her tone. I can see it in her eyes.
"One can never be strong enough, Tsunade-sama." I smile at her gently. "I want to be someone to protect everyone, it means that I have to get stronger. No matter what."
"But... don't you wish to settle down? To have family?" She asks me carefully. I can see tears forming in her eyes. She wanted all these. To have a family, children. Yet, the man she loved died in the war and she lost that one person, that meant everything for her.
"No." I shaky my head and look down. "I mean yes." I mumble and bite my lower lip. "Of course, I want to have family." I whisper. "But I can't have one." I shake my head. "I can't let myself go on missions, while worrying about people, who would wait for me at home." I mumble and swallow the bile in my throat.
"So, you are ready to sacrifice everything for your village?" Tsunade tilts her head.
Sacrifice everything?
"No." I shake my head. Amused smile appears on her lips. "I can't sacrifice my precious people for the village. I... I love this place, because it gave me home. And home are people." I whisper and smile at her once again. "I will never be able to harm my precious people for this place. Yes, if it comes to it, I will defend it from them... But I will never hurt them."
She nods. Amused. Liking all the answers I have given her. I have gone through this several times. First one was when she chose my for ANBU, then when I was chosen as ANBU Captain and finally during the war, when she was crying her heart out. Just after Gaara had died.
"Sakura." She starts and approaches me with a small smile on her lips. Small sad smile. She puts her hand on my shoulder. "From today on, you are official member of ANBU Corps." I nod, smile appearing on my face.
***
"I am proud of you, Sakura." Kakashi smiles at me as his eyes linger on the ANBU mark on my arm. I smile at him. "But... Why did you choose Rabbit?" He asks me curiously.
"Well." I chuckle and rub my head, nervously. "It is something, I, Naruto and Sasuke promised one another." I grin at curious sensei. "Well, at some point we promised that all of us would join ANBU." He nods, motioning for me to continue talking. "I would have chosen Rabbit. Naruto would be Fox and Sasuke would be Cat." I smile at the memory.
"When did you choose it?" Kakashi chuckles at me.
"During one of the missions." I shrug my shoulders. "I think it was right after Zabuza mission." Kakashi nods at the memory. "Though, I never thought that I would be joining ANBU alone, without them." I tap my chin and grin.
Kakashi does not say anything. But I know what he wants to say. He believes that I am still too young to be joining ANBU. And part of me does agree with him. I believed that I would have some more time before joining this division. Time to try to change future a bit.
"Congratulations, Sakura-san." I look up, just to see Hayate-san approaching me. I smile at the man in front of me.
"Hello, Hayate-san." I greet the man in front of me. HIs wound is still healing. Tsunade-sama put him off duty for the whole year. "How are you feeling?" I ask concerned. I still did not have nearly as much chakra as I have now, and despite the fact that I did everything correctly, I might have done something to him.
"I am well, thanks to certain pink haired Kunoichi." I grin at his remark, letting small blush taint my face. "I can't say that I am happy that you are put in ANBU..." He trails off. "But I am happy that you are acknowledged." I nod, understanding perfectly what he means.
"Hai, Hayate-san." I bow to him lightly. I am about to politely deject myself from the situation, when I feel someone putting their heavy hands on my shoulders. "Shisui-chan." I smile at the Uchiha. He leads me away from Hayate-san and smiles.
"You did good, Sakura-chan." His voice is sad. He ruffles my hair and kneels at my height. I am still visibly shorter than him. "You are amazing, Sakura-chan." He chuckles and smiles. "Now, we are going to be in the same squad!" He declares and starts dragging me towards the familiar looking boy.
My heart clenches as soon as my eyes land on him. Pale, dark eyes and hair. The scent of ink. Awkward, creepy smile plastered on his lips.
"His name is Sai." Shisui introduces me to him. "He is ex-ROOT member." Sai nods at Shisui. "She is Sakura!" Shisui states my name cheerfully.
"Hello, Ugly." Sai looks at me with another creepy smile. I chuckle at him.
Guess some things never change, huh?
Shisui sweat drops at Sai's remark and turns to me immediately. Explaining that Sai is only just learning about emotions and friendships. But I surprise him, by waving my hand in front of him and holding my hand up for Sai to shake.
"Hello, Sai-kun!" I grin at the boy in front of me. "My name is Haruno Sakura. I hope we can be friends!" Sai looks at me confused, hesitant before shaking my hands. But he smiles back to me.
"Brainless has been talking a lot about you, Ugly." Sai states bluntly, making me laugh at the nickname he has given to Shisui. Shisui starts shouting that he is not baka and is one of the most respectable ANBU in the whole village, but Sai only smiles at him, ignoring his ranting.
"And my name is Yamato." I turn around at the familiar tone and barely stop myself from jumping on the man and hugging him tightly.
"Sakura." I smile at him. "It's nice to meet you." I add with large smile as he nods. I look around. Ibiki is looking at me with mixture of proud and sadness. I walk towards him, hugging him tightly.
"What's up brat?" Ibiki chuckles down on me.
"Nothing much." I shrug my shoulders and grin. "Did I detect sadness in you, Ibiki-chan?" I wiggle my eyebrows, irritating the man in front of me. "Don't worry, you know that I can never leave T&I!" I exclaim loudly and happily. My remark seems to disturb some of the people present.
"It's not about T&I , brat." Ibiki chuckles and ruffles my hair. "Though, you have to come in there tomorrow at twelve, we have a ninja from cloud." I nod at him and smile. "I am just worried, Sakura." Ibiki continues with deep sigh.
"You don't have to worry about me, Ibiki-chan." I smile at the older man. He shakes his head and I continue talking. "You always knew that this day would come... It was matter of time, really." I shrug my shoulders. My arm still stings a bit from the seal. "And you have prepared me for it. You should not worry." I smile at the man.
"You are my daughter, Sakura-chan." Ibiki smirks down at me. "No matter what, I will still see you as that three years old brat, that irritated me till no end." He chuckles sadly. I look at him with tears pooling in my eyes as I hug him once again. "I... I am proud of you, Sakura-chan." Ibiki murmurs in my hair. "And I know that you are strong. And I want you to be careful." Ibiki chuckles as he plants soft kiss on my head. "You should always remember that there are people back home, you have to return to."