I wrote this at 3 a.m. Fight me.
I stared at my ceiling. I pulled my blanket up to my nose, hoping to drive away the cold that I felt creeping up on me. It was a cold night; the heater was broken and it was still raining from this afternoon.
I really wish we didn't have to stand in the rain
I dove deeper under my covers and switched on my phone. I opened my comic app to hopefully find something boring enough to drive me to sleep. I scrolled through the 'Browse' page to look for a terrible title to read.
Soon enough I found one titled 'A Lonely Girl in a Big World'.
Seemed boring enough.
I loaded the first chapter. It started out pretty generically: parents dead, she sets off on a journey of self-discovery. The drawing wasn't too shabby so I kept reading.
Pretty sure there's gonna be a love interest in this one.
I swiped through the pages to read more. The dialogue became progressively more pathetic than the heroine actually was. It came to a point where I couldn't hold in my laughter anymore.
Maybe I should show this Tadashi.
Wait.
It completely slipped my mind that the funeral was just this afternoon.
I sighed and took a look at the time. 11.53 p.m. At least I still had time to sleep. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the sudden emptiness of what used to be our bedroom.
I woke up on the floor of a pitch dark room. Definitely a dream.
I stood up to walk around, arms extended in front of me. I wandered around aimlessly for what seemed like a few minutes when I tripped on something. There was a force that kept me from getting up.
I rolled onto my back and use all my might to prop up my back as much as I could. I could hear sudden screams and flickers of orange.
I blinked my eyes and tried to adjust them to the image before me. I heard a familiar voice cry out.
It was my own.
"Tadashi NO!" I heard my dream-self say.
"Someone's gotta help him," Tadashi said firmly before running in.
I saw my dream-self run towards the burning building, only to be blown back.
I didn't need to see this unfold again. The pain was too new to bear.
"You could've saved him," I heard another familiar voice say. I sharply turned my head to the back, to the source of the voice. There was nobody there.
"If only you'd done more, he wouldn't be dead," he said again.
Why were there so many me's in this dream?
"You're useless," he - or I? - snarled. "You couldn't even stop your brother. He would be alive if it weren't for you."
"No..." I replied to myself. "Don't say that..."
"You know it was entirely your fault. You're useless. And now your brother is dead because of you."
"Shut up!" I yelled at him, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.
"Hiro?" a soft voice broke the tension.
I turned my head to the source of the nostalgic voice. "Ta-Tadashi?"
There he was; his clothes were burnt, and half of his face was scarred an ugly pink.
His eyes were wide, but without a trace of emotion left. "Did you really do that?" he asked in a heart-wrenching tone. "Did you really leave me to die?"
"Tadashi, no... I tri-"
"You left me to burn didn't you?"
"No I- "
"Even after all those year I took care of you with Aunt Cass?" I could hear him getting angrier by the second. "You would just let me burn?"
"I tried, Tadashi, but you-"
"You know what?" he laughed in frustration. "I'm glad I left you." His words were like knives to every vital organ of my body. "You're ungrateful, and all you've done for me was make my life more difficult. Everything I do, you're ten times better without any effort."
"I-I didn't know..." I was choking on the tears. "I'm so sorry-"
"You make me sick," he spat. "I hate you, Hiro," he snarled while saying his name.
"Tadashi, no..."
I jolted upright from under my covers. I could feel the dried tears on my cheeks. My throat was sore and dry and I was still cold.
Stupid blanket.
"Hey," a familiar gentle voice cut through the sound of my sniffling. "Anything wrong, buddy?"
"N-no," I managed to choke out.
He sighed. "Nightmare?"
"Nightmare," I replied in a defeated tone.
"C'mere," he said. Without thinking, I dragged my feet over to his side of the room.
He moved over his blankets so I could lay down. His blankets were so much warmer.
I snuggled under the covers. "So," he started. "What happened?"
"Well," I tried not to think too much about it. "I dreamt that you died in a fire, and another you came up to me saying that you hated me, and it was my fault for letting you..." I couldn't complete my sentence.
He laughed at my distress. "Don't worry, bro. I'm still here," he enveloped me in a hug. "I'd never hate you. You're my baby brother, after all."
"Yeah, but. What if?" I tried not to break.
"Well," he trailed off, thinking of what to say next. "Technology would advance far enough for us to probably live forever; and then you'll always have me, and we'll never be alone!" he gave a short laugh.
"Yeah..." I was way too tired to explain how that would be impossible. I sighed.
And that's when I couldn't stop crying.
Tadashi gave me comforting pats on my head while I cried into his shirt. "It's ok to cry," he tried to soothe me. "Don't worry about my shirt; I have like three more anyway."
"I don't want to lose you," I mumbled into his shirt. My hands balled up into fists at his shirt. "The nightmare was just so real."
"I'd never say that, Hiro," he pulled me into a tighter hug, using his free hand to stroke my hair. "It's just a nightmare. I'm here. I'll always be. In the morning, I'll make those waffles you like so much!"
I tried to laugh, but it came out like a strangled cry. "I can't wait."
"You sound disappointed, Hiro."
"Well, it's because those waffles are pretty gross."
"Then why do you keep eating them?"
"'Cuz I didn't want to upset you."
I knew he was smiling. "That's why you're the best baby brother I could ask for."
There was a brief moment of silence between us. I was the first to break it. "What time is it?"
I felt Tadashi shift to look at the clock on his desk. When he readjusted his position, he answered, "4:13 a.m."
"Ah, I think I should try to sleep now," I murmured. "Hope I don't get any more of those nightmares..."
"Don't worry, I'll protect you from them," he said. "And tomorrow, I'll make you the best waffles you'll ever taste."
"Hah..." I laughed before dozing off into his shirt.
Tadashi was warm and made me feel safer. I smiled before going to sleep.
"I'll always be here, Hiro," he said warmly.
I fell into a dreamless sleep.
I never understood how Tadashi could sleep through the sunlight pouring through his window. I opened my eyes and tried to adjust to the light. I hadn't moved an inch from my position last night.
"Good morning, Tadashi," I said groggily while rubbing my eyes. When they finally adjusted, I fixated my gaze to where Tadashi was sleeping the night before.
It was empty.
I placed my hand at the place where he was sleeping. It was still warm, otherwise there was no sign that he was sleeping there. Not even wrinkles or indentations in the bed.
I was mildly puzzled when it hit me like a plane.
He was dead.
Why was his side of the bed still warm?
"Hiro!" Aunt Cass cut through my thoughts. "I've made breakfast!"
"Coming!" I shouted back. Maybe some food would help clear my thoughts.
I walked down the stairs lazily and to the dining room. "What're we having today?" I asked cheerfully, hoping to lighten the mood.
"Oh, I found a new recipe last night, and I wanted to try it out!" she said all too cheery. I knew she was trying to hide her grief, probably. "I hope you like it!"
I peered at the dining table to see what I was going to eat.
It was waffles.
My mind flashed back to the night before. The entire scene played I my head as I took one and drizzled Aunt Cass's homemade syrup on it. I took a bite and Aunt Cass immediately asked, "Is it good?"
I swallowed it, staring hard at my plate. "It's amazing."
As I finished the last bits of it, I heard a familiar voice ring at the back of my head.
"I told you I would."