JUEVES
10:03 PM
Reid Harlow
Dahlia is ignoring me.
I know I shouldn't care, or bother to add her to my list of priorities when I have other shit I need to be dealing with. I had homework—which racks up exponentially with each passing day—I had to keep my distance away from the family, and I had to start figuring out my plans for the future. For the after.
But I can't fucking think about any of that. I can't even finish an English assignment that would usually take me only an hour to dominate. I was stuck writing the same three words that I crumpled up the paper and threw it in the trash. It was fucking with my head.
She was fucking with my head.
I can't stop thinking back to the time where she was crying. When she was so weak that her legs no longer supported her weight, when she dropped to her knees in complete anguish. She was bawling, and sobbing, and in so much fucking pain that I felt my chest restricted with each cry she releases.
It hurts because I've been in that position before.
It's easier to list a couple of names off the system, of who cried and wailed and screamed in agony due to their experiences. It's easier to say that these are the fucked-up kids, because what else did you expect from some orphans abandoned and taken away from their homes?
But Dahlia wasn't a foster kid.
She wasn't living with strangers or being recycled into homes where she had to greet and meet new people every couple of months. She didn't have a social worker tailing after her and asking about her health, or how the shift has taken a toll on her mental state. She was a daughter, to a family, and she was loved.
Until she wasn't.
And it fucking kills me to see that coming from someone as kind and gentle as she is. I knew what the world had in store for me and I braced myself for each impact—but Dahlia didn't deserve any of that.
So, it's exhausting trying to figure out what's going on behind the scenes. Especially since she's been ignoring me, and especially since she hasn't been going to the bench. I used to think I could pinpoint who exactly is Dahlia Gray, but with the reveal of recent events, I might not be so sure.
I lean back against the chair, dropping the pencil in a sigh of defeat. The homework assignment for Calloway was just going to have to wait until I can clear my head. Until I could figure out my next plan of action.
I hear laughter coming from the first floor and I'm reminded of the fact that the family is crowded around the living room, watching some movie. It wasn't a Saturday, nor a Friday, but it was a spontaneous decision made because they wanted family time.
I obviously didn't attend.
I shoot up from my seat, frustration rolling through my system as I run a hand through my hair. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to ask. I know Dahlia has friends and she would meet up with them in the mornings—but it's a slim chance that they know her situation.
She kept saying it was so stupid.
It wasn't.
I found myself pacing back and forth. I don't like being left out of the loop, I don't like knowing something's wrong but can't help to fix it. It's worst if it's abuse, I fucking hate abuse out of everything.
But most of all, I don't like feeling afraid for her.
I barely know her father, but from what she describes him to be—he sounds like an asshole. A genuine asshole.
I know I'm classified as an asshole myself—and I bear that title with pride—but I'm different from her father. I hate the thought of being boxed in as the same category as him, but I'm swearing to myself that I'm different. I have to be.
Because I would never hurt a girl.
Because I would never laugh at her pain.
Because I would never make her feel stupid for having emotions.
"God," I groan, dropping both my hands by my side. I release a heavy sigh. "What the fuck is going on with me today?"
I need to stop thinking about her. I need to get my shit together and do the things that benefit me. That helps me. Dahlia is nowhere near my agenda.
But, fuck, do I want to know if she's doing okay.
She has to have a plan for everything. She's smart enough to, right? If she's ignoring me, after spilling the story about her father, it has to mean there's something going on. The only problem is if it's good or bad.
I wish I could talk to someone about her.
Maybe that could drive her out of my mind.
I ponder on the thought for a second, thinking of a person I could come to in a time of need. I don't exactly have a long list of aliases and associates.
Then, it dawns on me.
I'm out of the door, and I'm descending down the stairs, making a turn at the foyer and reaching the living room in a matter of seconds. The entire family is here, saved for Claudia, and suddenly, I feel like I'm intruding into something I shouldn't be a part of.
Presley is resting against one end of the couch, stretching his legs over cushions and sacrificing pillows to the floor. Sebastian and Nini are taking the other end, right in front of the television screen. Nico is playing with some Legos in the corner of the room, close enough to catch a couple glimpses of the movie and Ariah is coloring at the coffee table. Everyone in their specific order.
"Harlow!" Ariah immediately greets, her brown eyes meeting mine through the clear of her glasses. She throws her arms in the air, "you joined us!"
Everyone follows Ariah's gaze, and soon enough, the entire family has shifted away from the tv screen and stares at me. Nini graces a smile at my appearance, Sebastian mimics her. Presley's looking slightly impressed over in his corner.
But I'm not here for them, or a goddamn movie night.
"I want to talk to Presley," I said, shifting awkwardly in the foyer. The entire family changes their sights and moves them toward Presley, sitting at the end of the couch. He, himself, also looks confused.
"Um," Presley drops his legs off the cushions, raising himself in a steady stand. "Alright."
Without another word, I head in the direction of the kitchen, far enough from the family to prevent possibly eavesdropping on our conversation. I don't want them to think I'm talking about Dahlia when all I'm doing is being concerned.
Maybe a little too concerned.
Presley follows shortly after, and stops right before me. He's dressed in a beige turtleneck and cream slacks. He stuffs both hands into his pockets, giving me a once-over before cocking a brow at me.
"Something wrong?" Presley asks, trying to foreign indifference but I can tell a hint of concern behind his words. He can't do it like me. "Cause you're looking more pissed off than usual."
"You know the girl that I brought home, right?"
"Dahlia." He nods, watching my expression. "What about her?"
"Did you have the chance to talk to her before she left that Sunday? Have you talked to her ever since that day?"
"Claudia told me she snuck out that morning," Presley said, glancing at the kitchen door. He heard a sound. "She said she tried to talk Dahlia into staying a little longer, for breakfast or something but it didn't work. The most she could do was give Dahlia her phone number."
That made me feel a little bit better. "Did Dahlia call her yet?"
Presley shakes his head, watching my expression. "Not that I know of. And I haven't talked to her since that day either. Have you?"
"No," I groan, running a hand through my hair. This is pointless. "I tried to talk to her in class but all she does is just ignore me. We're doing this project this week in physics and she's been with her partner all week."
"How does she look? Is she acting different?"
"To me, yeah," I declare, rubbing my jaw. "But to everyone else, she's acting pretty much the same. She smiles and laughs and is doing everything normally. Hell, if I didn't see her that night, I would've never believed that she's having trouble at home."
"That was..." Presley trails off, sighing. "That was something."
"It was fucking intense was what it was," I snap, frustration rolling off my tongue. This time, I didn't mean to snap at him. I soften. "Sorry...I'm just..."
"It's fine," Presley waves a dismissive hand. "But yeah. I understand. I just can't believe that happened at her house."
"Me neither," I say. "Do you think that was the first time or has it been multiple occasions?"
I hope to God it was the former.
"I don't know," Presley shrugs, honest. "It could've been just a first-time trigger for her, but you'd have to ask Claudia. She might have better answers for you."
I grimace at the thought of talking to Claudia. "We don't mix well."
"I know," Presley said easily, "but if you want answers about your girlfriend, you'd have to ask the person who's studying human behavior. You can't ask the history major."
I glare. "She's not my girlfriend."
"Whatever she is to you," Presley corrects, reading the expression on my face. "You have to ask her. Or ask Dahlia at this point. But if she's acting different to you, or ignoring you, you have to give her space. You can't suffocate her."
I close my mouth, reeling in every advice Presley is giving. It's honest advice, but for some reason, I could feel a double meaning behind his words. Something that extends further than Dahlia.
"I hope she gets the internship," Presley sighs, dropping both his arms by his side. I stop.
"What internship?"
Presley cocks a brow at me. Confused. "The SAINT internship. The applicants should be receiving their acceptances pretty soon now, and if she manages to get the internship, she could get free housing. She could move out of her house. I just hope she gets that."
And it dawns on me.
The reason why she was listening to Presley so intently during his speech, why she ran up to him afterwards, and why she was so anxious about opening her emails. She was waiting, she wanted that internship. She got it.
I need to see her.
"I have to go," I declare, turning my heel to head out of the kitchen. I can hear Presley protesting behind me, asking where I was going, but I was already heading to the foyer at that point. The entire family still remained situated at the couch, watching the movie, being perfect.
"Harlow," a soft voice calls, and I turn to see it was Ariah sitting near the stairs. She gets up, walks over to me. "Are you leaving again?"
I nod, watching as her lips pull into a frown and her shoulders slouch in disappointment. "Oh," Ariah said quietly, playing the bracelet on her wrist. It looks like a friendship bracelet. "You don't want to join us?"
I look away from Ariah, seeing how Sebastian and Nini continue to sit at the same point, cuddling against each other as the movie seems to be coming to a finish. Nico has since dropped his Legos and stares at the screen, blank amusement on his face.
It genuinely seems like a nice time.
"Not tonight," I said softly, turning back to Ariah. I felt guilty about declining her offer, especially since some part of me actually wants to join in. It was quiet. There was no screaming match or something I had to participate in. All I had to do was watch a movie with a group of people.
A family.
My chest tightens as I see her eyes gloss, and I can't help but place a hand on her shoulder. I crouch down. "Next time, alright? I'll come down next time. I just have to be somewhere right now."
Ariah looks at me—for a really long time—before she gathers the courage to nod. She nods and she nods heavily. She takes my words and she smiles, trying to frame herself as being okay with the situation.
I offer her a small smile, and straighten back up. I slip on my shoes and leave out the front door. Down the concrete. To the park.
And I don't even know if she's here today.
Or if she's even going to show up.
But all I want to do is try.
I don't know where she lives, I don't have her number. I don't know anything about her other than some of her schedule. We weren't friends.
We weren't anything.
Yet, it didn't matter in that moment. In the moment where I sat down and took her favorite bench once again; in the moment where I stuffed my hands into my pockets, waiting for her.
I didn't even have my cigarettes—ran out—and the lighter haunts me with it's cool metal pressing against my palm. I didn't even care about a smoke.
It didn't matter.
I just wanted to see if she's okay.
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AVA'S NOTES
i changed the chapter names. i didn't like the other ones that much and decided to change it. do you guys like it?
please vote and comment!!