My stomach hurts.
This chapter is only a little less than 2300 words long, but with the way the chapter ends, I needed to split it up. I'm sorry. It didn't feel right to keep going, and the next chapter will be longer and will be up tomorrow, I swear.
There is going to be an author's note at the bottom that I'd like y'all to pay special attention to. If you care, I'd appreciate feedback, if not, don't, it's cool lol.
--
I tried to keep my mind off of Saturday's meeting as best I could. I have given Brooke a proper tour of Oak Bend, and I have even taken her to Soda Pop and Clint's. People gave us weird looks while we sat and ate at both places, obviously already knowing who I am, and by extension, knowing who Brooke is and what was going down (thanks, Dad), but Brooke didn't seem to notice the gossiping whispers so I didn't mention it.
I'd also been working my ass off the past couple days, trying to keep up with my cases and faxing documents where they needed to go. Thank God that Martha's has a fax machine, or I would have probably cried. Yesterday, I was on the phone for practically the whole day with Nick trying to help him understand that I'm on a vacation. And I use that term very, very loosely.
It's been four days since we've been here, and today is finally the night she meets my whole family. And yes, Josie too. It's Carrie Ann's daughter's birthday party tonight, and everyone was going to be there with their kids as well. I honestly think Brooke was more excited to meet the children than she was their parents, not that I could fault her for it.
I'm also secretly hoping that Beau and James aren't going to be there, or it's going to be a very long and stressful night.
We had bought Lizzie's presents before we left on Friday, a light blue beanbag with navy hearts on it and a butterfly garden, with pre-approval from Carrie Ann. Brooke had made it her mission to come up with the ideas for them, and I only paid for them.
Brooke was finishing the final touches on wrapping the presents, and I clipped Johnny's leash on his collar.
"Are you ready to go?" she asked me, gathering the presents in her arms.
I hid my shock at her question—I'd been the one asking that while we were down here—and nodded.
"Feeling good?"
"Yeah. Travis will be there, and we really hit it off on Saturday. I figure if something goes bad, I can just stick with you and him for the day."
I shrug and bob my head in agreement, glad she's taking charge instead of shrinking into her shell.
Fifteen minutes later, and I'm putting the car in park on the street, two cars down from Josie's truck.
I definitely didn't look for James's stupid Ram, and I most certainly wasn't satisfied when I didn't see it. Definitely not.
I grab Johnny's leash and the bean bag box from Brooke while she takes the smaller butterfly garden in.
"You're going to be fine," I reassure.
"Rodger that," she affirms, and I smile at her. We walk up to the door, and I can hear the kids screaming before I can see them. "I still can't believe you guys just walk into each other's houses like that," she mutters as we walk through the door.
Everybody's already all here, and I can hear Disney songs pumping through speakers and kids screaming over the loud music. There's so much energy in this house that it makes it hard for anybody to really notice us at first while we're in the foyer, but I make immediate eye contact with SueEllen and her eyes widen. I go to step towards her and to greet my friends, but she shakes her head and hops off the couch, dodging hyper kids as she makes her way over to me.
I immediately pull her into a hug, beaming. "I missed you," I tell her, giving her a light squeeze.
"I missed you, too, dumbass," she confesses, returning my squeeze.
We release each other, but I keep my hands on her waist and hold her at my arm's length, studying her torso.
"Wow, SueEllen, you've got two babies in there," I exhale in disbelief. I meet her eyes, and she's gleaming. "You're just glowing. Pregnancy is a good look on you."
"Yeah, these two are surprisingly easier to deal with than Alan. They're kickers, well, the girl is, like Alan was, but the boy is very quiet and polite with me," she laughs. "I'll let you know if they start kicking, and you can meet them."
I nod, remembering when I felt my baby kick for the first time.
I shove the memory down before I get messy and nod.
"Any name ideas?"
She scoff and rolls her eyes. "Ask Tommy. He's so uptight about them that I'm letting him pick them out. 'But what if his personality doesn't match the name's meaning, SueEllen?' 'No, SueEllen, they can't be named Thing One and Thing Two. That's cheating.' I thought I was the one who was supposed to be anal during the pregnancy." Instead of dropping her voice an octave to impersonate his baritone vocals, she pitches it up so she sounds like a whiny girl instead of a fully grown man, which makes me burst into a fit of laughter.
A giggle coming from next to me reminds me that Brooke is here, too.
"Oh, SueEllen, I'd like to introduce you to Brooke, my fiancee."
SueEllen looks from me to Brooke, her eyebrows raising like she didn't even realize that Brooke was standing there, but she recovers and her lips quirk up in a welcoming, close-mouthed smile. She sticks her hand out for Brooke to shake, which she does.
"It's great to finally meet you, Brooke," SueEllen welcomes, and then adds in a bubbly tone, "And put a face to the name. With the way Colt talks about you, I feel like I've known you all my life."
Brooke smiles right back at her and returns the compliment. "I could say the same for you. Colt just lights up when he talks about his family, and I'm glad to finally meet the ones that grew up with him."
"Damn, Colt. You got yourself a smooth-talker. You keep talking, honey, and I'll just keep listening," SueEllen laughs, and Brooke smiles awkwardly. "If you don't mind, I have to steal your man for a quick second. I'll return him in one piece, I promise."
I haven't even been here for five minutes and I'm already in the doghouse.
Brooke looks to me questioningly, like she's asking for permission. I nod at her, letting her silently know it's okay.
"Okay," she agrees. "I'll find Travis. It was nice finally meeting you, SueEllen. I hope we get the chance to talk again tonight."
"I'm sure we will. Travis is in the kitchen right through that door," SueEllen confirms, and smiles at her sweetly. She waits until Brooke has her back turned and is walking away before she pulls me into an empty room scattered with coats of all sizes.
"Where's Josie? I want to be there with her when they meet, actually, I wanted to be there with her when she meets anybody," I tell her when she shuts the door behind us.
"Brooke will be fine. Travis is the only one in there at the moment because everyone else is trying to wrangle the kids for the dinner, and this isn't going to very long. Don't worry about that, and besides, Josie's getting ice."
I feel relieved when I hear her say Dad is by himself, but the uneasiness creeps back up when I hear the rest of her statement. "But her truck was here," I say, refusing to believe what she's implying simply because I'm a selfish bastard.
"Listen, Colt, that's what I want to talk to you about, and I wanted to do it before I missed the chance to." She sighs deeply and leans against the arm of a chair, crossing her arms. "Your visit can't be like last time."
Eyebrows furrowing and lips pursed, I say, "I'm not following. What are you talking about?"
She rolls her eyes and tightens her arms across her torso, probably just as uncomfortable as I am, and I find myself mirroring her stance, waiting for her to continue and preparing myself for the full extent of what she's going to say.
"Yes, you do. You and Josie can both pretend like you left on good terms but that couldn't be farther from the truth, and I know that deep down, you know it too. Josie didn't take your definite leave well. I'm going to spare you the details, but now she's getting better. Happier than I've seen her in a long time, and your stupid spat with James and your lack of decisiveness is not going to get in the way of that."
I feel like I've been hit by a metal bat to my stomach. My throat runs dry, and I don't know what to say or what to do. I swallow and roll my lips between my teeth, nodding shortly. I don't trust myself to respond.
A heads up would have been nice before she starting shooting her blows at me.
"You know you're like a brother to me, but you know Josie's always going to come first to me. James is going to be here. We're all going to be in the same house together, and you're not going to make fool out of yourself or anyone else, okay?"
I nod. I don't know what else to do. The damage is already done, regardless of her explanation, which I find myself understanding.
"You're not going to play games with her while you're here. You're here with your damned fiancee for Christ's sake, okay? I don't know... I don't know why you didn't fight for her, when you found out the truth about what you saw when you came home all those years ago or even when you did see her back then. I cannot for the life of me figure it out, and I've given up trying to, which is why I'm telling you all of this now. You didn't fight for her then, so don't be a dick now that she's with someone else."
I inhale sharply and look away from SueEllen, nodding. She's right. How could she not be? But I want to understand why this hurts to hear even though I know those things to be true. I am with Brooke. Josie is with James. Why would I even think to mess things up purposely?
Maybe it's because I'm subconsciously a walking wrecking ball.
"Yeah, I've got it," I tell her honestly. I look back at her and send her a tight-lipped smile.
Her face softens, and I watch tears pool in her hazel eyes. She walks over to me and takes my shoulders in both hands. "I'm so sorry," she whispers, voice shakey. She bites her bottom lip to keep the tremble in her chin from showing. Her eyes lock onto mine as she stares right through me. "I wish things would have turned out differently too, Colt. Believe me."
She squeezes my shoulders before letting go and walking toward the door, grasping the handle. "I'll tell the others you needed to get something out of your car if you need some time to yourself."
I shake my head. "I'm fine. I'm right behind you."
I stumble up to her, ready to face the party even though a part of my heart just died.
SueEllen turns the handle, but I'm not ready to face reality yet.
"SueEllen," I rush out, stopping her before the world hears my words.
She looks back at me expectantly.
"I don't... I don't deserve her. She deserves happiness, and even if I were to end it with Brooke, I can't take away her happiness by trying to get her back," I choke out. The next part physically pains me to say. "I've caused her too much pain, and... maybe James is... Jesus," I groan, frustrated with myself. My eyes seal shut for a moment, long enough for me to get my shit together before I open them to face reality. "I just want her to be happy, and if that's what she is with James, I can't take that away from her."
SueEllen doesn't skip a beat.
"Funny," she says, though no trace of humor is even hinted at in her voice, "That's what she said about you."
And with that, she yanks the door open and walks out.
--
So, how are we feeling about this? I've been waiting for SueEllen to call him out on his dumbass bullshit for a while now, and though it's not the physical confrontation that I know some of you wanted, words leave scars much deeper than broken bones ever will, regardless of how that stupid saying goes.
The big thing that I wanted you guys to get out of this A/N is that I'm seriously considering writing a sort of prequel. I've brought up in the past, but I didn't get much response on it. I've had to write some "chapters" for it already for the sort-of- flashback scenes or when there was a recall to a time before Josie and Colt divorced and whatnot, and since writing those parts, I've had the itch to write out a whole thing about how and why they fell in love in the first place. I just wanted to run it past you all and see if it's something you guys would be interested in or if I shouldn't even bother. Any feedback is greatly appreciated, so just let me know :)
As you all know by now, vote if you liked it and comment any thoughts or concerns or anything you want at all lol.
Til next time.
XX Blondie XX