Above is some small-town aesthetic. I'm supposed to be sleeping before I go in for the night shift, but I couldn't stop thinking about what I wanted to do with this chapter.
Happy reading!
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I really, really, really didn't think that this would be happening today. I really, really, really hoped it wouldn't. Life has a way of fucking you over though, so I really shouldn't be all that fucking surprised, should I?
Let's backtrack, shall we? I think that'd help a bit.
After I shared my story about my mother and I, Brooke had sworn "to never be so selfish again," and even though it didn't mean anything to me because she wasn't even selfish in the first place, but I digress.
We had left the car after she gathered her composure. She got Johnny and went inside to check in while I got our bags. I hate making more than two trips, but with the way Brooke packs, I had to come back for at least a third time, but I waited to make my second and third trip until we got to our room.
I went in the B-and-B to see Brooke chatting away with the older man behind the desk. Her eyes were much brighter than from when we were in the car, and I was grateful for it. I love her all the time, but it makes me feel better when she's on the happier side of life.
I got her attention discreetly, and she excused herself from the gentleman and had bounced over to me.
"Oh my gosh, he was so nice! And his accent was so cute!" she gushed, and I couldn't help feeling like I was in the presence of an eight-year-old. It's cute how excited she gets when she's introduced to something new. My heart lifted when I realized we had moved on and had hopefully forgotten about the conversation that had taken place beforehand, and my lips quirked up in a smile.
"That's the south for ya," I mused.
"Our room is on the second floor. C'mon, pack mule. Leggo," she had directed, waving me along with a swing of her arm, and I followed like a puppy behind her. I brought the other bags up, making that stupid third trip, and closed the door behind me.
"Let's get unpacked and then get something to eat," I suggested. My nerves always strengthened my hunger, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I eat my feelings. We had just checked in, and of course, Johnny was an instant hit among the few people there.
"That sounds good. What's around here?"
There was no way I was taking her to Clint's because I didn't know SueEllen's work schedule and I wasn't taking any chances with accidental run-ins.
"There's a 50's-themed diner right down the street, and their food is phenomenal. There's also a McDonald's and another sit-down joint around the corner as equally amazing." Johnny had already made himself at home on the bed, so I was careful to avoid him as I tossed one of her suitcases and one of mine on the queen bed, unzipping mine so I could unpack.
"You pick. You know the food better than I do." She unzips the top of the bag, pushing it off with more force than she needed. "I'm down for anything."
"How about the small diner around the corner," I decide, hanging up some clothes.
"Sounds like a plan, Stan."
I laugh at her and shove some pants in the dresser.
We had left Johnny at the kennel so he could play with the other dogs while we were gone, and we drove to the diner, Dine Rite.
"You're right," she moans through a mouth full of burger, "this is delicious. Damn."
I hum in agreement.
We talked and also went over the plan for tomorrow.
"We're just meeting my dad at the house, where I grew up. You'll love it."
"I believe you," she agreed, and I couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth.
Though my mouth dropped a little, I was glad she agreed with me about my father liking her and vice versa instead of getting insecure about not being liked.
"Good. We were supposed to meet him at about 3-ish, but I called and he said to come over earlier, so we'll head over at 12 and knock it out easily."
She nodded with a mouth full of food.
"So..." she trailed, chewing her food. She swallowed and put down her burger. "SueEllen and Tommy have Alan."
"Yep."
"Wes and Carrie—no, June, have Whitney, and two other boys. Umm... oh god," she muttered.
"It's okay, Brooke. They'll all introduce themselves anyway. This isn't a test or anything; you didn't have to study." I attempted to joke, but she dismissed it.
"No, it's just polite."
I popped a fry in my mouth and just went with it.
"June and Wes's kids are Whitney, Carson, and E.G., Elliot Grayson," I answered for her, and she slumped back in the seat.
"Right. I knew that. Carrie Ann's with Bobby and they've got Lizzie."
"Good job," I praised. "Not that you need to know, but Tommy's a carpenter, Wes and Bobby are truck drivers, SueEllen is a part-time waitress, June owns a bookstore with her mother, and Carrie Ann works at a beauty parlor."
"Thank you."
"Don't thank me. You're going to be okay. They're not going to bite you for not knowing every little detail about them, I promise."
"I know, I know. Let's just get the check and go."
"Brooke," I had started after calling our waiter over to give him my card, "you're the one who bought these tickets. You're the one who wanted to come down here. Don't get all shy on me now, okay?"
She nods but doesn't meet my stare.
I didn't know why she was acting like that. I had never seen her so insecure or seem so small, and it makes me sad to see her thinking she's not worthy of my family's acceptance because of the mistakes that I made, mistakes I'm trying to fix.
It's not right.
I had planned on showing her a good time tomorrow, and I was going to show her that she doesn't need anyone's approval but her own.
But when does the universe ever actually try to help a bastard out?
We had gone back to the bed and breakfast, bellies full and ready to go to bed. I picked Johnny up from the kennel while she went to our room so that he could sleep with us. It was close to nine by the time we got back, and when we got into bed, she held me close, and I let her.
The next morning, we woke up around seven, right around where we normally wake up, and I woke up determined to erase her worries. I had even called my dad to let him know that Brooke was super nervous, and he promised to help her ease up a bit.
"She knows she doesn't have to worry, right?" he asked, "We're not going to bite her."
"That's what I said," I muse, ruffling Johnny's fur between his ears. "She just really wants your approval. I think she's just intimidated."
"By just us or... "
"Yeah," I say, catching his drift.
"Josie's not like that. Besides, she really likes this guy she's with. Really lights up like she used to."
I bit my lip to refrain from telling him I didn't want to hear it as my heart panged, but she deserves to be like that. She deserves happiness, and I know I can't give that to her anymore.
I cleared my throat and prayed that my voice comes out less shaky than I had felt.
"I'm glad." It didn't, but he hadn't commented, which was a victory in and of itself.
"Listen, y'all are coming up at 12, right?"
"Yep, why?"
"I was planning on visiting your mother today. I don't want to go later, and I'm not rushing you guys, either. I'll be home, I promise."
"Okay. Tell her I'll be up tomorrow for me, okay?"
"No problem. I'll see you later. I love you, kid."
"I love you too, Dad."
And then we hung up. I got dressed, well, I put a shirt on and went downstairs with Johnny on my heels. He went right over to the group of ladies because he knew that they'd give him some of their biscuits and gravy, and I went over to Brooke, who was sipping on her coffee.
I planted a kiss on top of her head, breathed in the scent of her shampoo, and then I sat down next to her.
"I have to ask the couple who run this establishment where they got their mattresses from, because that was some of the best sleep I'd gotten in a long time," she said, taking another sip of her coffee. She handed the cup over to me, and I took a drink out of it.
"That coffee's good. That hit the spot."
"Hazelnut cream, just like we like it," she boasted.
I pulled my chair over to hers and studied her. She didn't show any signs of worry so far, and I prayed she wouldn't after I asked her about it.
"Do you feel better than last night?"
She set the mug down and locked her brown, determined eyes on my blues.
"Yes, I do. I was being downright silly, and I feel bad for thinking that lowly of them before I even met them I didn't even give them a chance before I assumed the worst of them."
I smiled at her, proud of her response.
"Good. They're good people, Brooke."
"I know. I should've known that just by the way you talk about them. I was just worried because of that. They mean so much to you, and I want them to like me. But like you said, the only approval I need is my own, and I know that whatever happens, I will have done the best I can and you will have known," she explained.
Honestly, after she said it like that, I totally understood why she was so nervous. I probably would have felt the same way, should the roles be reversed.
I smiled at her warmly in reply and grabbed her hand, rubbing the knuckles with my thumb.
"I love you."
"And I love you."
After that conversation, we sat around the little breakfast table and talked about nothing. We got dressed, leaving Johnny in the care of the elderly ladies downstairs knowing he'd come back up when he wanted to, and then it was time to go. We left at 11 because it would take us 15 minutes to get to Oak Bend from where we were at, and I wanted to show her around the town a little bit.
Brooke hadn't complained about the country stations this time, and I smirked internally.
When we entered the Oak Bend city limits, Brooke gasped and leaned forward in her seat.
"Wow, when you said small town, I didn't realize how small you meant."
"We're not in Boston anymore, Toto," I laughed.
"Awe, it's so cute and picturesque!" she squealed excitedly and bounced around.
"Yep. That's Mill's Grocery." I point to the store, and she seems kind of taken aback from it.
"It looks... "
"Yeah, that's my fault."
"What?"
"Don't worry, I'm sure Travis will tell you all about it," I chuckle. Oh, the mental beatdown I'm about to take when he starts telling her embarrassing stories. "On second thought, let's just turn around."
"Nope," she teases, "I'm going to beg for all of your silly stories." She winks at me, and I roll my eyes playfully at her.
"Yay me."
"That's the post office, where Mary Jo works... There's the bank... ooh! There's Cherry On Top, the best damn bakery around. Their strudels are to die for... That's Harding and Lynch, June's bookstore... She's A Lady Beauty, Carrie Ann's salon..." I show her all of the shops and businesses on North Main, and she pays attention to every single word
We turned down my father's street, Harding Avenue, and pulled into the eighth house on the left a little earlier than expected. My fault, of course, I mean what else is new. It's a small town, of course it wouldn't take a whole 45 minutes to go drive down North Main.
And so I missed the black Ram 1500 parked on the opposite street.
"Here we are," I told her. I unbuckled my seatbelt, and she followed suit. "This is where I was raised."
"It's beautiful," she whispered, and I nodded.
It's a simple two-story with blue siding and white trim. Of course, it's got a front porch swing and coffee table.
"It's home. Doesn't have to be beautiful." I tore my gaze from the front of the house to look at Brooke. "You ready?"
"Yep," she affirmed, and I squeezed her hand before getting out of the car to open her door for her. We walked right up to the door, hand in hand, and opened the screen door.
"You're not going to knock?"
I scoffed. "Nope. That's not how things go down here."
We strolled right in the house, passing the living room to where I heard voices.
"Who's that?" she asked.
"Don't know yet," I answered.
It was too late when I realized exactly who it was, though I could not, for the damn life of me, figure out what the fuck he was doing in my house.
For the first time in about a decade, I was face to face with James Howard.
And now you're all caught up. Congrats.
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A/N I was going to stop here. I really, really was lmao, but I would have flipped shit if I was in your shoes, so I decided to go on XD
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The first thing I did was unconsciously look for Josie.
She wasn't here, so why was James? Why would he be at my father's house without Josie?
And there they are, just casually standing in the kitchen—Dad leaning against the sink and James leaning his elbows on the island—and shooting the breeze.
"Hey, Dad, what's going on?" I ask him casually, trying not to let on how pissed I am. Brooke's hand squeezes mine, and I squeeze her hand back.
And now they notice me.
"Oh, hey Cole! I was expecting you a little later." He glances at the clock on the oven to see it's only 11: 46.
"Yeah, we left earlier so I could drive Brooke around town. I didn't know you were having company," I say, shooting a pointed look at James, "or else we would have come later."
"Don't worry about it. I was just leaving anyway," James pipes in, and I have never wanted to wring his neck so badly in my life, and we go way back.
He tips his baseball cap at my father and at Brooke.
"Was nice seeing you again, Cole, and nice meeting you, Brooke. Everyone's super excited to meet you," he addresses, and I step in front of Brooke slightly so he can't look at her.
"Yeah, pleasure was all mine," I shoot icily, making sure that I'm letting him know that this is my house and he's not welcome. He shuffles passed Brooke and me, and I watch him walk out the door.
I don't relax until I hear the start of his engine and see the black Ram drive away through the open windows. I ignore Brooke's curious stares and wondering eyes. I don't want to get into this with her standing right there, especially when she just got over her insecurities, but I can't help it.
I turn back to my father with an eyebrow raised in 'what the fuck was that' sass, but as expected, he pays me no mind.
"You must be Brooke," he says kindly. "I've heard so much about you, I feel like I know you already." His eyes land on me. "She's prettier than you described."
I don't need to turn around to know that she's blushing. I step so I'm to the side of her instead of guarding her, refusing to let up on my glare.
"His mother sells chicken eggs, and he was just dropping off a few dozen." He nods his head to the three egg cartons on the counter next to him. "You're embarrassing yourself in front of our guest. Stop it."
Brooke giggles at his words. She's not used to hearing people scold me often, if at all besides Amanda, and obviously, she gets a kick out of it.
I roll my eyes at him and address his first words.
"Yeah, she's beautiful."
She squeezes my hand, and I look down at her to see her beaming.
"Are you guys hungry? I've got stuff to make sandwiches," Dad offers, and I nod.
"I'm starving."
A few minutes pass while I help Dad get the stuff out to make sandwiches, and he'll often point out what I'm doing wrong. I know he's doing it to make Brooke feel like she's at home, and what's a home without bickering?
She's decided to perch herself on one of the island chairs and watch us make the food.
"How was your flight?" he asks. The question is aimed at either of us, but he watches Brooke while he asks it.
"Good, good. I fell asleep during it."
"Yeah, I don't do flights. I need to be knocked out for them."
"No shit," I mutter, remembering the time where we had to fly out to California when I was smaller, and he had made a scene the whole time. Mom ended up giving him a shit ton of melatonin and Benedryl. He slept like a baby for the rest of the flight.
"Hey, Cole, why don't you keep your mouth shut," he says, pointing the butter knife at me.
"Sure, Pop. And by the way, it's Colt." I glance at Brooke encouraging me to go on. "Mom gave me that name, and I'll be damned if I don't keep it." I close the sandwich together and hand the plate to Brooke.
"Hallelujah! Bout time you saw it the way the rest of us did."
"Pardon my father, Brooke. He's off his meds."
"Hey! Colt Michael, you asshat. Take that back."
"Not until you take some Benedryl," I smirk, reminding him of that particular flight.
"Why I outta..." he grumbles, slathering on some mustard before closing his sandwich and taking a bite roughly, effectively cutting himself off.
I clap his shoulder and beam at Brooke, who's in stitches.
"Still feel left out?"
"No," she breathes through her giggles.
"Good."
When her laughter dies down and Dad quits his moaning, he starts the conversation back again.
"So Colt tells me you're going to be a pediatrician." Brooke nods, wiping her lip with a napkin and swallowing. "How's that going?"
"Mmm," she hums in confirmation, and then speaks. "I'm in my last year of med school, and I honestly love it. I love being around kids and being the one to help them."
"Takes a certain breed of people to be able to do what you're going to. I know you'll succeed."
She glows at his compliment. "Thank you, Mr. Roberts."
"And Brooke?"
"Yes?"
"Travis suits me fine."
Brooke glances at me, making sure he's not fibbing. I nod at her, my mouth full of food.
"Okay," she agrees quietly.
"So, Colt, huh? What the hell were you thinking?" he laughs.
I deadpan at him and knock my fists together twice at him, like Ross and Monica from 'Friends' do.
"Oh no, Colt is, well, he's definitely something else. A few months ago I was asking myself the same question, to be quite honest with you Travis. But here we are anyway."
At her last statement, Dad simmers down and leans forward, curious.
"I've known him since he came to Boston, and we were friends for years. My brother, Nathan, is younger than me by a few years, and he was invited to a frat party. He's never been very confident, and he asked Colt to go with him as well as myself. You know, moral support and whatnot. Colt asked me out on a date that night. Actually, our one year will be coming up soon, next week."
With everything that's been going on, I totally forgot about that.
Whoops.
Dad looks over to me expectantly, probably knowing exactly where my head's at. He smirks at me when he realizes he was right, and then continues his conversation with Brooke.
"So you've got a brother. Any other siblings?"
Brooke fidgets in her seat. Her family is a sore subject for her, but she recovers quickly.
"Yes. Just a sister, Cara, and then my parents, Daniel and Cassandra."
I know Dad knows she's uncomfortable, so he switches gears and they talk about other things, like her favorite music, "Not country, that's for sure," which earns a hearty laugh from Travis, and all the way to what she thinks of Oak Bend so far. She keeps her answer the same about the size of it.
"I'm excited to finally see where Colt grew up and who he grew up with."
"I'm sorry it's winter. We're a lot more fun in the summer and early fall. Mainly because of our annual festival and football season."
"Yes, Colt told me about that. He said he also played football and was a quarterback."
"Yeah, you should have seen him. The field was his home, and boy was he good. Sure, he liked baseball, too, but football, that was his niche, what he was just good at. Which reminds me, did you tell her about what Tommy and Bobby did to you?" He grins knowingly at me, and I groan.
"No, and I'm not going to," I ground out, hoping he backs off.
"Good, because now I can." And he dives into my sophomore year. Bobby and Tommy decided to just take my clothes while I was showering and run. I followed them out to the football field, where some sort of ceremony was taking place. I ended up on the front page of the newspaper in my birthday suit. It really wasn't that funny. "And I still have the newspaper clipping," Dad guffaws, clutching his stomach.
"That's just creepy," I mutter.
I sulk on my chair while my father and fiancee continue to split their sides in laughter, waiting for them to shut up.
We ended up staying for dinner, and my father and Brooke clicked and got on real well with each other.
We were now parting to go back to the bed and breakfast to chill out, standing on the porch, and it's close to eight at night. We'd been here for eight hours, and I was really excited about how well their meeting went, even if there was the slight hiccup at the beginning.
"Y'all staying at Martha's?" he asks.
"Yeah," I affirm through a yawn. I stretch my arms and wrap one of them around Brooke's shoulders.
"Tell her and Charlie I said hi, okay?"
"I will." I give him a hug and pat him on the back. I step aside so he can embrace Brooke, and he nods when they pull apart.
"You keep him in check, okay, Brooke? Don't let him give you any shit."
"Yessir. It was a pleasure meeting you."
"You too, little lady. It's past my bedtime, so goodnight folks. I love you, Colt," he hollers as I open the passenger door open for Brooke.
"Ditto!" I call back, rounding the car and getting the driver's side.
Brooke gushes about Travis on the drive back, and we go back and forth about it.
"Who was that man in the kitchen?"
I tense again, wishing that that's the question she has about him.
"James Howard."
Her eyes widen, and I remember that she knows who he is.
"Yeah."
I pull into the b-and-b and we get out. She grabs Johnny, and I wait for her by the stairs.
That night while I try to sleep, I find myself thinking about how quickly James was accepted in my dad's life. They were just standing there, shooting the breeze like no one's business. They wouldn't have even noticed me, us, had I not said anything. Was it really that easy to replace me when I left? And with fucking James Howard? Something isn't adding up here. I know he and Josie are a thing now, but that doesn't mean that my father has to act like he's his son.
I turn over roughly, now even more irritated by that meeting.
It's been two months, and now he's the next prophet of fucking Jesus Christ.
No, no, that's too far, Colt. Too far.
Remember, you did this. You. Not him, and certainly not Josie. You. And he's Josie's... he's Josie's... fuck. They're together now, so I have to be nice to him. I can't just freak out because I don't like him. That's not fair. I did this. I did this.
If he was just randomly at my father's house, who knows where else he's going to pop up. All of the mental visualizations in the world couldn't have prepared me for this.
Aand now I'm mentally visualizing them together. What they're like, what they do, where they go, how they act. I rip my pillow out from under my head and force it over my eyes, praying I'll stop seeing them.
I left her. I left her.
Now I'm paying the price for it. I know I don't deserve her. I know I don't get to deserve her anymore, but...
Fuck me.
This is going to be a long two weeks.
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Okay, folks. Now chapter 19 has come to an end. I didn't revise because I have to leave for work soon and I don't want you guys to wait 12 hours when it's ready now.
I literally loved the comments on the last chapter. Loved. Them. I had to really hold myself back from commenting on them, just like I'm refraining from spilling my thoughts about them, and where I agree and disagree. You'll figure it out as we continue.
Goodness, I just want to tell you guys so bad. I can't. I won't.
I sound like Colt XD
Again, leave your thoughts and theories in the comments. They make my life, seriously. And vote if you liked it.
Till next time!
XX Blondie XX