Alyssa
"It's gonna be fine, just trust me." Matty repeated, I looked at him with uncertain eyes. I wasn't the most shy person in the world but the idea of walking out of the bus with them and going into the venue when a bunch of fans were waiting patiently to meet them sent me into a slight panic attack. He was trying to make me feel better about the entire thing but it wasn't helping. I didn't want fans to see me and start talking about me online.
"You're used to this, I'm not." I reminded him. He pulled his sunglasses off his face and planted them on my eyes and pulled the hood up of the hoodie I was wearing, which is actually his.
"You don't need to worry so much, they're just people and they won't even care about you because the 4 of us will be standing there too." He sounded a little cocky but I got the point he was making.
"It's just making me nervous." I mumbled. He rolled his eyes and chuckled.
"If you don't come in now with us then you'll have to do it later on your own and I think that might be worse for you." He told me. "Just come on." I bit my lip and stared at him through the sunglasses.
"Fine." I whispered. "Let's just get it over with." He shot me a grin, grabbed my hand and before I could even prepare myself he opened the door of the bus and started to walk out. I followed behind him with Adam, George and Ross in tow.
"It's gonna be chill, don't worry." Adam said from behind me, I glanced back at him and gave him a weak smile. It meant a lot to me that he was trying to be as comforting as possible because inside I was a mess.
We walked towards the door which had a group of fans waiting nearby. "Matty." One girl shouted. His head snapped in the direction the voice was coming from. I was glad he didn't let go of my hand because I could feel so many eyes on me. "Can I get a picture?" The same girl asked. He smiled and nodded, talking away to fans. The guys all fanned out to get the group individually.
Eventually though Matty had to let go of my hand which left me feeling alone in this chaos but I understood why, he had to give his fans the attention they deserved for being so dedicated and queuing all day for the show.
I stood off to the side and watched the interactions, he was like a different person. Of course Matty is a charismatic person in general but this was another level, his laugh was infectious and so many of the fans just seemed to be in awe of him. The same with the rest of the lads, they just seemed to come alive when talking to their fans. The sunglasses he put on me begun to get in the way so I took them off and shoved them in my pocket.
I watched them all make their way through the crowd of people but there was one girl who was standing off to the side a little, she was alone. Matty begun to make his way to the door when I realised she didn't get to speak to him. "Matty." I said, his head snapped around to look at me.
"Yeah, love?" He asked me. I could feel more eyes in my direction. I nodded towards the girl nearby me and he got the hint. "Oh sorry." He mumbled, walking over to her. "I didn't see you there." I could see the girl turn a little red but she flashed me a look of appreciation and begun talking to him.
Once he was done he turned to me and smiled. "Matty is that your girlfriend?" Someone in the group of fans asked loudly. I could feel my insides die a little of embarrassment. He looked over and flashed the source of the voice a grin.
"That she is." He looked at me again and winked. A chorus of awes followed and I felt myself blush. "You wanna go inside now?" He asked me.
"Sure." I said softly. He grabbed my hand and led me towards the door, turning back one last time to wave goodbye to everyone. The rest of the lads followed us and we started to walk down towards the green room. "It wasn't that bad was it?"
"Not really, still a bit overwhelming." I said shyly. He just squeezed my hand and gave me a small reassuring smile.
We walked into the room and he led me over to one of the sofas. "We have to sound check in a few, do you wanna stay in here or come watch?" He asked me.
"I want to watch." I grinned at him. He gave me a nervous smile but nodded anyway. "Are you nervous?"
"A little." He said quietly so the rest of the guys didn't hear.
"Why?" I asked.
"You've never seen us perform before so it's a little nerve wracking for me." He shrugged. "I haven't really dated anyone who hasn't seen us live beforehand." He said.
"If you want I can just stare at Hann the whole time." I suggested with a smirk.
"Then you'll miss all my sexy moves." He said with a slight tone of offense. I rolled my eyes at him, he somehow always knew how to lighten the situation.
"He deserves the attention." I pouted. Adam walked over and sat down across from us.
"I sure do deserve it." He piped up.
"You'll get attention tonight, don't worry yourself there." Matty shot at him.
"But I want attention now." Adam whined. I shook my head at them, they bicker like an old married couple sometimes.
When it came time to soundcheck the guys went up onto the stage while I sat down on the floor in front of the stage with my legs crossed in front of me and my hands on the floor, leaning on them. The first song they sound checked was Love Me. I watched Matty nervously walk around the stage, singing a few parts of the song and just generally fucking about. He didn't really do a whole lot.
I couldn't keep my eyes off him though, he was interesting to watch while he sung. He put a lot into how he acted on stage and generally just made it entertaining even though his audience consisted of only me and few other crew members. It made me even more excited for the night though, the show would be great.
Once the sound check was over he climbed off the stage and ran over to me, holding his hand out. I took it and he pulled me to my feet, grinning as he did. "How did I do?" He winked.
"I'm absolutely blown away, you were right with those sexy moves." I shot back, he chuckled and pulled me into his arms more.
"I know I could see you get so excited from the stage." He grinned at me.
"Yeah if you look where I was just sitting there's a massive puddle, you got me so wet." I said sarcastically.
"Save it for later." He winked and kissed me slowly.
"Fuck sake Matty, you're gonna eat her alive." George said from the stage. Matty pulled back and gave George the finger.
"You're just jealous." Matty sung to his mate. George rolled his eyes and shook his head at Matty then walked off.
Jamie walked into the venue floor and saw us in each other's arms. "Well I heard the rumours but I wasn't sure it was actually true." He said walking over towards us.
"I guess you can see for yourself." Matty replied, wrapping one of his arms around my shoulders.
"Just be careful you two, I know you're adults and can make your own choices but we all have a job to do at the end of the day." Jamie nodded to us.
"Is this our approval?" Matty shot back with a grin.
"Of course I approve, just be careful is all I'm saying." Jamie shrugged. "I fucking knew something was going on here." He chuckled, shaking his head.
"Can you blame me? Look at her, she's perfect." Matty beamed, looking at me. I rolled my eyes and looked at Jamie.
"Is there anything you need me to do?" I asked.
"Yeah, come with me and I'll show you a few things." Jamie nodded for me to go with him, Matty quickly kissed my cheek and then I walked off with Jamie.
-
It took me a few hours to go over some things with Jamie, he'd told me before we left for the tour that he wanted me to learn about being an assistant tour manger, which honestly shocked me. It wasn't exactly something I ever thought about when I took on this job but if he thinks I'm capable of it then why not? It would be a stressful job but I'd get paid a little more on top of my current salary and I'm already on good terms with the lads so it makes life easier.
After I was done I decided to go back to the bus and thankfully there were no fans hanging around so I could slip out easily without being noticed.
I had to decide what I was going to wear to the show, I know it's not really a big deal but it was my first show seeing them and I wanted to look nice. The bus was empty thankfully so it meant I could have a breather to myself.
It was hard to pick a nice outfit when I didn't really bring a whole lot of clothes anyway. I finally settled on black high waisted jeans with a few rips at the knees and a sheer black long sleeved top with a nice black bralette underneath. My hair was naturally falling in waves today so I just left it alone. I pulled on my black vans. The make-up I chose was simple, eyeliner and some mascara. I sometimes wished I was into make-up more but I just never seemed to find the time.
When I was done it was almost time for the guys to go on stage. Matty text me asking where I was so I told him I'd be in there in a couple of minutes. I grabbed my phone and my pass, clipping it to my jeans and exited the bus. The cold November air nipped at my exposed skin and I shivered a little as I walked over to the door.
"Hey, you're Matty's girlfriend aren't you?" A voice called out. I looked around and noticed a girl in her teens standing at the wall near the back door.
"Yeah, I guess I am." I said, wrapping my arms around my stomach to conserve some heat.
"You're so pretty." She started to walk towards me. "It's Alyssa yeah?" I nodded.
"Thank you." I said, feeling myself blush a little.
"It's no problem, don't worry I'm not gonna be weird or anything." She chuckled, pulling out a packet of cigarettes. She pulled one out and offered me one. I shrugged and decided to take it, maybe if I speak to someone who seems level headed it would ease my nerves of fans making assumptions about me.
"Thanks." I said softly, she passed me a lighter. I handed it back after I lit my fag up and took a long drag.
"You're all over Twitter right now, is that not mental?" She asked.
"A little, I try not to look though. It's a bit intimidating." I sighed, blowing more smoke out.
"Don't worry about it too much, some fans are too much to handle so the good ones tend to ignore it." She shrugged. "You seem too nice to get caught up in drama."
"I try to steer clear of it. I have a job to do at the end of the day." I sighed.
"What do you do?" She asked curiously.
"I work for Dirty Hit, kinda helping the guys promote the new album." I told her, she nodded and smiled.
"Is it good?" She asked. "I've been listening to them since the EP's."
"Yeah, it's a good album. I think everyone will love it." I smiled. "How come you're out here?"
"I was meant to be buying a ticket off a friend but that fell through. I figured that I could buy one off someone outside the venue but I've had no luck." She said with a look of disappointment flashing across her features. "It's fine though, I'm just gonna go home." I felt bad for her, coming out here and not even getting to see the show.
"Hold on." I said, putting the fag in my mouth and pulling out my phone. I quickly hit Matty's number. He picked up after a few rings.
"Everything okay? We go on in 20 and I haven't seen you about in a bit." He said down the phone.
"Can you come outside quickly?" I asked.
"Yeah, sure." He mumbled. I could hear some shuffling and a door closed. I ended the call and smiled at the girl.
"What's your name?" I asked her.
"Annabelle." She said. The door opened and Matty walked out.
"What's wrong?" He asked with a flash of worry taking over his features.
"Well I've been talking to Annabelle, lovely girl but she was supposed to be buying a ticket off a friend and it didn't work out." I explained to him, he looked at Annabelle and smiled.
"Have you been out here waiting?" He asked her, she looked at him in shock. She clearly couldn't believe he was out here talking to her.
"I waited around to see if anyone was selling a ticket or something but have had no luck." She said softly, taking another drag of her fag. "All my mates are inside as well but it's fine I'm just gonna head home I think."
"She's been a fan for a long time I believe, like 2012 or something." I said with a smirk. He looked at me and his grin grew wider.
"Nah, you're not going anywhere." He said. He opened the door wider, indicating we both come in with him. I finished off my fag quickly but Annabelle just stood there in shock. "Hurry, I need to get on stage soon." He flashed her a grin. She looked at me in disbelief.
I followed Matty inside and Annabelle looked so shocked, following behind us. Matty grabbed my hand and smirked at me. We walked towards the green room and he slipped inside for a second and then came back out with one of the security guards. "Can you take Annabelle out into the crowd please?" He asked. The guard nodded and motioned for her to follow him. Matty stopped for a second and then looked at Annabelle again. "Do you want a quick picture or something?"
"I don't wanna hold you back anymore." She said sheepishly.
"Nah, make it a quick one." He smiled at her.
"Only if Alyssa can be in it." She smiled at me. I nodded and she pulled out her phone and took a photo. I could see the happiness in her eyes when she did. It filled me with some form of relief to have helped someone else get to see the show, just like Matty got me into the Bring Me The Horizon show a few months back.
"Thank you so much, both of you." She beamed at us. Matty gave her a hug and she pulled me in for one too. "Thank you, have a good night." She whispered to me when she hugged me.
"You too." I replied into the hug. She pulled back and then walked off into the hallway with security. I turned to Matty and he had a grin on his face. "What?" I asked.
"You're just incredible." His grin grew wider. "You probably made her night."
"I just felt bad for her, especially since she's been a fan for a long time." I said softly, holding myself back from grinning at him like a fool.
"It's a good trait in you, I like it." He placed his hands on my waist and pulled me in closer to him.
"Just doing my bit I guess." I shrugged then wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Well I'm happy to help out if you think it's the right thing to do." He mumbled, leaning his forehead against mine.
"You've got a show to put on." I reminded him.
"Oh yeah, so I do." He said, I could feel his breath on my lips. He smelled of wine and smoke. The door swung open and the guys started to pile out of the room, laughing at whatever they'd been talking about.
"Oi, get a room." Ross chuckled at us. We looked at him and laughed.
"Not till the shows over though." George chimed in. They passed us and begun walking down the hall.
"You look amazing by the way." Matty said to me. I looked at him and smiled.
"You're looking not too bad yourself." I told him. He was clad in a long black shirt that was only buttoned halfway up his chest, ripped up skinny jeans and black docs. He looked too good.
"Come on, let's go." He grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hallway towards the stage. I felt the nerves building up, more so for them. It was the first show they'd done in almost a year.
When we got to the side of the stage the guys all huddled up and talked for a few as their intro begun to play. I watched them in awe, they were so excited. Matty grabbed a bottle of wine and took a massive gulp, holding it in his hand as they all walked out onto the stage. The crowd roared and the music begun.
The one thing I did notice about Matty on stage is he has a whole different level of confidence. I know him as this cocky lad that could whip out the flirting at any point but has the softest demeanor imaginable. On stage though it's like he's a different person, prancing around with the knowledge that he had the crowd under his complete control.
It was breath taking to say the least. I almost couldn't believe he was the same man who sat with me through my darkest moments and held me like there was no more pain left in the world. He radiated confidence and eccentricity that I couldn't even put into words. The whole band were just on fire.
I couldn't help but laugh at George though, the faces he pulled when playing drums was something else altogether. Ross was composed and played bass like he was the only person in the room, you can tell just from looking at the smiles he produced every now and again that he was in his happy place. Adam shred on the guitar, looking so serious as he did. Matty would play around with him from time to time, earning himself glares from Hann but they usually were followed by him bursting into laughter and shaking his head.
The crowd were always so loud though, screaming the words to the songs that they knew. It really helped me see how much the music meant to these people. A sense of belonging in the room, making it feel like a home.
I was just so happy in the moment, watching them do what they love.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, indicating a notification. I opened it up and saw I was tagged in a photo on Twitter.
Thank you so much to @alyssatalks and @Truman_black for getting me into the show tonight. You two are amazing, best night of my life.
I felt my heart flutter looking at the photo, it was cute. Matty looked so happy but Annabelle looked even happier.
-
Matty
The nerves that had been building up all day seemed to dissipate the second I walked out onto the stage. I don't know how to describe it but seeing the faces of so many people singing along to the songs we were playing, made me feel like I was home. The atmosphere in the room could cure me of the blues I was feeling on the lead up to the tour. It was worth the wait.
It reminded me that I was born to do this, to make music with these guys.
Every now and again I would glance over at Alyssa, she had the biggest grin on her face as she watched us. I couldn't stop myself sometimes though, I just wanted to see her reaction. It was almost as though I craved her approval. I did notice her singing along at some songs which made me wonder, did she listen to our music without me knowing?
I finished off the bottle of wine that I'd taken on stage with me, although I didn't feel the need to do anything more than drink at this point I just felt I needed some safety blanket. The crowd can be overwhelming at times and I can play the part they need me to be for the songs. It just helped a little to drink.
When the set ended I could feel the adrenaline coursing through me. It was like being high without the drugs, which for me isn't always a good thing. It's sometimes what leads me to over do it with drugs in general. I just hope that with Alyssa here I can avoid that.
I ran over to her and kissed her straight away. She laughed and pulled back. "You're so sweaty." She giggled.
"You go and do a performance like that and tell me you don't sweat buckets." I chuckled.
"I can think of other ways to get sweaty." She grinned at me, a hint of mischief in her eyes. It was so hard for me to resist her right now, given that we were standing at the side of the stage with loads of people around us.
"Remind me of those ways later tonight." I shot her a cheeky grin.
"I'm sure you won't forget." She shot back. God why did she have to be so seductive right now? I was too drunk and filled with adrenaline to stop myself.
"Did I live up to your expectations?" I asked her, she wrapped her arms around my neck and smirked.
"Even better than I could've imagined." I felt her run her hand through my hair, which was a risky move because it was probably laced with sweat.
"Well I need to shower, unless you want to join me." I offered, she chuckled and shook her head.
"I'm good for now." She had a suggestive look on her face.
"Making me wait even longer, that's evil." I pouted at her.
"I'm sure it'll be worth it." I couldn't help but lean in and kiss her, it took her by surprise but she melted into the kiss, returning it.
-
The guys all decided to go out for a few drinks but I didn't feel like it and I didn't want to tempt fate so I suggested to Alyssa that we go back to the bus. We lay in our bunk, tangled in each others bodies. I felt her place soft kisses up and down my jawline and neck. "What's the best thing about performing?" She asked me between kisses.
"When I can hear the crowd singing over the music." I said quietly. "It's mental because we've been a band for so long and in the past few years everything just blew up so quickly. I never thought that some of the songs we wrote in our teens would become the soundtrack to a lot of people's lives."
"I think that's really beautiful." She whispered. I looked down at her and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.
"I think you're really beautiful." I replied, she nuzzled her face into my neck blushing. "Why do you always do that when I tell you you're beautiful?"
"I just don't agree, plus someone like you calling me beautiful is just insane to me." She mumbled against my neck, her lips felt like shocks of electricity.
"But you are." I replied.
"Stop." She said dragging out the o.
"I can't." I told her. She looked at me again with a pout. "I'm never going to stop telling you, so get used to it now."
"You're impossible." She whined.
"Get used to that too." I winked at her. She leaned up on her elbow and stared down at me.
"If you two are shagging in there, please give us a warning." George's voice boomed from outside the bunk. I could kick him right now for ruining the moment.
"Don't worry George, we already fucked in your bunk." I shot back. He ripped the curtain back, Alyssa fumbled to cover herself completely with the blanket.
"I swear to God, if you did I'll rip that mop of curls off your head Healy." George said with a serious tone to his voice.
"And Alyssa gets away with it?" I asked.
"Well I'd rather her sex sweat than your spunk on my sheets." He whined. Alyssa laughed loudly, looking at me.
"Wouldn't be the first time mate." I winked at him.
"You're disgusting Healy, you really are." George shook his head and walked away.
"You love it George!" I screamed back at him. Alyssa closed the curtain again and looked at me, a grin on her face.
"Good thing we already shagged then." She giggled, I pulled her into my arms again and kissed her head.
"Gotta pick our times wisely on tour." I told her.
Before I knew it Alyssa had fallen asleep in my arms. I listened to her steady breathing and it calmed me. If she wasn't here I'd probably be high and in some club regretting everything I was doing.
She was the glue holding me together right now, I just couldn't ever let her know that.