Another little short story for the latest SF Smackdown in the Pub. Based on the four pictures in the slideshow on the right...
Game Over
The alien craft dodged the plasma flash and altered course to head for the main space station, the last remaining Lazarus class fighter hot on its heels.
“Come on ye bastard, I’ve got ye noo.” His thumb hovered over the firing stud, waiting for the target on the screen in front of him to align. Engines pushed to the limit, he willed the craft to drift into his sights as he tried to avert the destruction of the spacestation that drew ever closer. “Ready, aim…”
Warning sirens blared, the computer display showing an incoming trail from behind him. “Ach shite…”
As the plasma struck his ship, Mac swore bitterly and small pieces of his fighter whistled off into the blackness. The last thing he saw before the screen went blank was the space station being blown apart…
GAME OVER.
Mac whacked the side of the ancient arcade game with one hand, and swore again as the screen flickered to the opening screen to offer him a new game.
“Ach, fook off ye jumped up calculator, ah don wanna play ye any more.” Stomping across the kitchen, he opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle.
“Mac, you do know you can’t drink that, don’t you?” The girl seated at the kitchen table looked up from her notepad as the fridge door closed, the distinct “fsst” sound of an opening beer hissing across the room.
“Ach, shite.” The robot threw the beer into the recycle unit in disgust and sat heavily in a chair causing it to creak alarmingly. “Ah keep forgettin’ ah’m no human any more.”
He muttered to himself for a few more minutes, stood up, leant against the wall and then powered off with a final disgruntled “fook”.
“Is he still trying to drink beer?” asked Taylor as he walked into the kitchen eying up the spilt beer and vacant looking robot.
“Yes. You’d think after three years he’d’ve given up, but I guess once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.”
“True. There’s definitely a level of cosmic irony in the dead spirit of a Scot being the ghost in the machine though.” He ran his hand through his mop of ginger hair, grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge and plonked one down in front of her, twisting off the top. “I take it he’s still trying to beat my high score on the game too?” She nodded and he grinned, taking a seat next to her at the table. “All quiet on the Western front?”
Maynala dipped her head, her long purple hair cascading over her forehead as she closed her single eye in concentration. After a few seconds she looked at him with a faint look of puzzlement. “I’m not sure, there’s something a little odd going on, the energy levels are spiking slightly, but I can’t tell where. Perhaps I’d better go and speak to Eric and see what he suggests.”
“How much longer has he got until he’s back with us again?”
“About three weeks I think, the last call out hit him hard and he always takes a while to regenerate. Nursey’s looking after him though, so he’ll be okay. I’ll go and see him now. Catch you in a bit.”
“Okay May, say hi to Eric for me.”
Maynala chugged her beer and swayed out of the kitchen, Taylor watching her swinging hips as she walked away from him.
“Ya dirty wee bastard. Ah saw ye.”
“That surely means that you were watching too Mac,” noted Taylor still watching the svelte but receding form of his Captain as she headed towards the cellars below their headquarters.
“Screw you, ya ginger tosser.”
“And may your next shite be a hedgehog Mac,” replied Taylor pleasantly.
“Ah cannae shite ya wee sod, as well ye ken.”
“It’s not my fault you’re a robot old son…”
Maynala smiled as she walked away, shaking her head as the voices behind her carried on their normal round of insults and banter. As she made her way down the stairs to the cellar, the Planet Express logo caught her eye as she stepped onto the stairs. Another of Eric’s ideas: hide in plain sight. Intergalactic couriers, but the last line of defence of the planet Earth too. She paused and rubbed her temples, something was definitely feeling a little odd today.
“Hello Nursey!” she said as she entered Eric’s regeneration room. The simple service robot nodded in greeting and carried on watering Eric’s egg sack. “How’s he getting on?”
The robot put down her watering can and pressed a button on her chest. There was a faint noise, and a print out appeared from a slot in the robot’s chin.
MASTER ERIC IS DOING WELL. APPROXIMATELY TWO WEEKS UNTIL REGENERATION IS COMPLETE. THE ARM HAS GROWN BACK FULLY BUT HE WILL NEED A FEW MORE WEEKS TO GROW BACK TO FULL HEIGHT. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH HIM TELEPATHICALLY NOW I’VE FED HIM HIS NUTRIENT SOLUTION.
“Grand, thanks Nursey.”
May closed her eye again and rested a hand on the egg in front of her. It was warm to the touch and rested on a platform of roots that connected to Eric’s mother tree. Soon the egg would hatch and Eric would stand back on his own three feet and be able to man the guns on ship. Until then though they’d have to wait until the guns and brains of the Express operation were fully healed.
Eric, can you hear me?
Good morning May. Yes, coming through loud and clear. How are the other two idiots?
Taylor sends his regards, Mac says you’re a lazy bastard.
A whisper of laughter drifted across her mind and she smiled in the wet oxygen rich atmosphere.
Are you okay May, you seem a little distracted.
I’m fine, but there’s something going on that I can’t work out. The energy lines seem a little skewed somehow.
Hmm. Well I’m afraid that only you are going to be able to sort that out dear, you’re the only Psi we have on the team. As a precaution though, I think you need to get the crew up to full strength. You’ll need a gunner. Once you’ve located one, go up into the black and have a poke around, see what you can find.
Okay, shall do. I guess we’ll have to resort to second best then Eric.
Thank you for the compliment fair lady but I had a feeling that this might happen. Have a chat with Nursey. She’s got the address of someone who’ll be useful. Come and see me when you get back in, it’s always nice to hear what you’ve been up to.
Yes chief, I will. Look after yourself.
Maynala bent down and gave the egg a brief kiss on the warm shell, turning to find Nursey standing mutely behind her with a fresh print out in her hand.
“Thanks Nursey.”
The bickering was still going on as she walked back to the kitchen.
“… and ye couldnae fly in a straight line even if ye were fallin’ oot a tree.”
“Well at least I can still have a beer.”
“Aye, an afta a couple I bet ye cannae e’en pish wiyoot using both hands to control yon joystick.”
Taylor collapsed in a giggling heap on his chair and mimed the last insult prompting a metallic chuckle from the robot.
“Nice to see you two in good humour. Come on, we’ve got an errand to run.”
She dropped the address on the table and Taylor picked it up, read it, and passed it on to the robot next to him. “The DJ?” he said raising an eyebrow.
“Ach shite. Not that fookin’ numpty.”
“He’s almost as good as Eric.”
“Aye, but his tastes in music are shite. Do we have tae?”
“Yes,” said May firmly. "We need a gunner." She rubbed her temples again. “We need to get up there and have a look; something really isn’t right at the moment.”
“Okay, okay. But if he starts wi tha dance shite on the ship’s speakers I’m gonnae stick his turntables somewhere dark and surprising…”
The club was dark, sweaty and bouncing. The trio entered the Snark together, Mac using his metallic bulk to clear a path through the insensible jumping throng that bounced to the beats. A multitude of different species swayed, slid, stomped and flew to the thudding roar of Skeg, the latest fusion of trance, jazz and funk. On a raised podium in the middle of the club stood a humanoid figure in heavy black armour, surrounded by turntables, speakers, and wiring. Two large conduits connected into his back and he stood, motionless, a massive gun hefted on one hip. One armoured hand lifted, and the lights dimmed, a myriad lasers darting around the room until they came to rest on Maynala. The beat slowed, the volume decreased and the dancers shuffled to a halt, staring at the feminine form of the one-eyed Psi picked out in laser light, the crowd moving away from her and opening a path to the dais. She smiled and bounced a couple of times on the balls of her feet, picking up the faint rhythm that still pulsed through the room. Taking a step back she flipped herself into a handstand, then flicked herself back onto her feet. Grinning now, she took a quick run and flipped onto her hands, her momentum whipping her heels over her head to land her back on her feet. She moved effortlessly, her acrobatics perfectly in time with the tempo that picked up in volume and speed as she flick-flacked her way across the dance floor. Tucking into a somersault, she lifted up into the air and landed perfectly on the edge of the mixing desk as the DJ cranked the volume back up to full power.
He bowed to her and proffered a hand, helping her into the virtually noiseless bubble of the dais, the music outside only audible through a small speaker on the mix desk.
“Nice entrance.”
“I aim to please.”
“I see you brought dumb and dumber with you.” The DJ waved his free hand toward Taylor and Mac who were still trying to get through the now crazed dancers.
“Now now Julian, there’s no need for that.”
The gun swung round to rest with the barrel pointing directly at her eye. “You call me that again and the conversation will be over. Do you understand?”
“Look down numbnuts.”
A plasma dagger rested against the armoured codpiece of his armour, fizzing slightly as it touched the metal.
“Touche, good lady. I see you haven’t lost your touch.”
“Have you lost yours DJ?”
Without looking away from her, the dark figure lowered his gun to the horizontal, fired out through the noise cancelling field and took the fist off a customer who was just about to punch a gangly looking triped. The screams from the hairy orange troublemaker faded as the field re-established, and he raised an eyebrow.
“It would appear not.” May glanced over at Taylor and Mac. Taylor was grinning broadly, and had just swiped a drink off a bartender; Mac had switched off his auditory circuits and was standing impassively, staring at the DJ. “We need a gunner.”
“Where’s the egg?”
“Eric is regenerating. He got hit in the last fight we got involved in and has retreated to his mother tree.”
“Okay. I’m in, but on one condition.”
“Name it.”
“I get to listen to what I want, and you keep the robot away from me.”
“Done.”
Maynala’s bleeper went off as she shook hands with the DJ and she tapped her ear.
“Bitch. I may have switched off ma ears, but I can still lipread. Fookin’ shite music. It’s doin’ ma fookin’ heid in.”
“Shut up Mac, and keep a lid on it. May out.”
She raised her eyes to the roof and sighed as Mac turned his back on her.
“You good to go?”
“Yes Captain, I believe I am. My set has finished.” Holstering his rifle, he detached from the conduits and stepped down from the stage. As he did a small furry creature, looking a little like a cat but with eight eyes, stepped up into the booth and smoothly warped the DJ’s last track into an arrhythmic and discordant mess popular in the Charon Nebula.
“Gentlemen, nice to see you.” The DJ nodded at Taylor and Mac. “Right then, where are we headed?”
Taylor lifted the ship off from the spaceport and smoothly piloted it away from the Earth toward the outer planets. Mac had powered off, the DJ was familiarising himself with the upgraded weapons systems, and Maynala sat next to Taylor on the bridge.
As they left the upper atmosphere, an incoming message flashed on the screen and the ever reliable Nursey appeared on screen.
“Yes, Nursey? Is everything okay down there?”
There was a brief pause and then a slip of paper printed out from the robot’s mouth and was held up to the screen so that they could see.
ALL WELL HERE. BUT JUST HAD CALL FROM UN COMMAND. MARS COLONY UNDER ATTACK. PLEASE PROCEED AT SPEED. ERIC URGES CAUTION, AS ATTACKER APPEARS TO BE OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN.
“You heard the lady Taylor, set course please. Thanks Nursey!”
As the care bot faded from the screen Taylor laid in the course and increased the vessel’s speed. “So what next May?” he asked softly. “I’ve set a course to put us in orbit around Mars, but what’s the plan?”
“There isn’t one.”
“Wuh?”
“Eric told me to bring you guys out here and see what we could find, but the message from Nursey doesn’t really give us much to go on yet does it?”
“Okay. Perhaps you’d like to do a sensor sweep then Cap’n?”
“Alright Taylor, I know what I’m doing. Perhaps you’d like to nip back to the galley and make a cuppa? The computer can handle the flying for a minute or two.”
“Bloody hell fire, you may as well start calling me ‘Doris the tea lady’,” grumbled Taylor as he moved to the galley.
“If the cap fits…” Maynala said under her breath prompting a snort from the DJ who had just entered the cabin.
“Report.”
“I’ve checked your armoury, the shields and the weapons systems. All are operating within normal parameters although I’ve given the guns a little tweak to make them more responsive.”
“A tweak?”
“I adjusted the seat on the gun turret; Eric’s shorter than I am.”
“Fair enough.”
“Any sign of anything yet?”
“No, not really. There are some slightly odd readings out near Phobos though, so I think we should start there.”
A mug of tea appeared by her elbow and Taylor sat down, passing another mug to the DJ. “Did I hear Phobos?”
“Yes, Taylor. Please alter course accordingly.”
“Aye, aye Cap’n.”
“What in the name of hell is that?” Taylor’s jaw dropped open as they rounded the back of Diemos and the red planet hove into view.
“All stop, shields up,” commanded Maynala, and whacked a knuckle on Mac’s chest. “Mac, switch on, we need you.”
The robot’s eyes glowed a sullen dark orange and then he let out a metallic whistle as he saw the viewscreen.
“What the fookin’ hell is tha’ thing?”
A glowing cloud of blue energy sat above the main dome of the small Mars colony. As they looked closer the cloud appeared to shift, phasing in and out of existence, with some sections looking almost organic in structure, others more precise and engineered.
“What the hell is that thing?” said Taylor unconsciously echoing Mac. “Look, they’re evacuating!”
The population composed mainly of scientists and engineers were streaming out of the airlocks in whatever transport they could find, or were running as best they could in spacesuits. As they watched, a stream of energy pulsed toward the dome, shields glowing under the impact, and Maynala began firing off orders.
“DJ: man the guns, warning shot across the bow of that thing. Mac: status of Mars colony shields. Taylor: get us in close and prepare to put us between the dome and that thing.”
“Yes Cap’n.”
“Colony shields at 10%”
“Moving now Cap’n.”
“10%? Taylor, put us between the dome and the thing. Mac, boost shields to maximum.”
A heavy dance beat struck up from the gun turret and Mac swore, unable to turn off his hearing in case he missed a command.
Maynala watched as an energy bolt flashed in front of the energy field, there was no reaction. She closed her eye and concentrated, pulsing out a mental message.
We mean you no harm, please stop your attack on the colony.
The result was instant. The energy field broke of the attack on the colony and enveloped them.
System reboot complete. Status: shite.
The dull orange glow of Mac’s eyes lit the darkened room and he swore. Maynala and Taylor were out cold and slumped over the consoles, their breath visible in the cool air. The only sound was dance music echoing from gun turret. Mac swore again and stomped away from the ship’s control room. He slapped the ‘off’ button on the DJ’s music pad and then dropped it to the floor, grinding it under a metallic heel.
“Oops.” He muttered and checked the gunner’s life signs, shoving him none too gently into a more comfortable position in the seat.
“Computer: status.” There was no answer and he moved back to the bridge and ripped off a panel on the wall. A small red light blinked at him and he grunted in satisfaction, then pushed the manual override. After a few seconds, a few lights flicked back on and the life support started to bring the bridge to a more temperate level.
Taylor groaned and lifted his head from his arms. “Oh shite, my head,” he muttered.
“Well, I’ve finally found a benefit to bein’ a possessed robot. No hangover. Ye alright?”
“I’m alive, that’ll have to do.” Taylor tapped at the console for a few moments and re-established the ships control and shields as Mac poked Maynala in the ribs.
“Get off Mum, I’m having a lie-in…”
“I hope ye mum wasnae this ugly lass,” said Mac and poked her again.
Her eye snapped open and she grimaced placing a hand to her temple. “Ouch. Status?”
“Ah think we got zapped.”
Taylor nodded in agreement with Mac, and then elaborated. “EM pulse of some sort Cap’n. All systems went down. Thankfully Mac rebooted in time to re-establish life support or we’d be on ice right now. You okay?”
Maynala rubbed her head again and then sat bolt upright. “The thing read my mind. It’s on the way to Earth. More energy, more food. We have to do something.”
“Engines are just coming back on line now, but some of the other systems are damaged.”
“Right, get us home, quickly. Can we catch it?”
“I think so.” Taylor tapped in the coordinates and the ship leapt into motion, curving gracefully past Diemos and heading toward Earth.
The DJ walked onto the bridge. “What’s going on?”
“We’re chasing the entity, it’s heading toward Earth. Check weapons and get ready.”
“Yes ma’am.”
He reached into a pocket in his trousers and pulled out a spare music pad from a pocket. “Good job I had this, my other one got broken during the attack.”
A bass beat followed him from the room as he went to check the weapons systems and Mac swore again.
“For fook’s sake, shite music. How many of the things do ah have to break? Er… I mean. Anyone fancy a cuppa?”
Without waiting for an answer Mac left the bridge hurriedly, somehow managing to look guilty despite having a metal face.
Maynala raised her eye heavenwards and looked at Taylor who grinned. “ETA at Earth Tay?”
“About an hour. I think we’ll get there at about the same time. I’m tracking the EM field of the ‘whatever it is’. Do you think it’s some sort of creature?”
“Yes, I think so. And it’s hungry. We haven’t got time for the ‘but it’s alive’ thing Taylor. We have to eliminate it. Do we have any EM torpedoes left?”
Mac soundlessly placed a cup of tea next to her elbow and listened in.
“We have a couple. I’ll get the DJ to check ‘em out.”
“He’s already done it,” said Mac. “Their guidance systems are shot.”
“Hell and damnation,” swore Maynala. “Right gentlemen, we have an hour to think of an option…”
“… aye, and ye ken as well as I dae, tha’ it’s the only option. Nae arguments.” Mac finishing playing around with the insides of the EM torpedoes and straightened up. “They’re active. Ye need to get clear now lass. Ah’ll see ye in the bar in the next life. Ah’m fed up wi’ bein’ a metal twat.”
“There’s no other way?” said Taylor.
“No, and he knows it.” The DJ saluted Mac and left the cargo bay, music following him along the corridor.
“Hell, ah wish he’d turn that shite off. Ah’m aboot tae commit noble suicide here, an’ he’s still listenin’ tae shite.” Mac sighed.
“It was a pleasure servin’ wi’ ye both. Pass ma regards on tae yon egg.”
Mac shooed them out of the cargo bay and carefully welded himself to the two torpedoes. Reaching inside the open panels on the tops of the weapons, he inserted a digit into each one and connected with the guidance systems.
“Open bay doors.”
“Opening now. See ya Mac.”
As the blackness of space invaded the bay, Mac pushed off with his feet and then fired the ion drives of the two torpedoes.
“Get the hell oot o’ here.”
“We’re going. See you on the other side Mac.”
“Aye, smoke me a kipper, ah’ll be back fae breakfast.”
“You heard the man Taylor, get us as far away from here as you can.”
“Yes ma’am.”
Maynala watched the display. A small dot tracked Mac’s progress as he accelerated toward the energy being that was now approaching Earth’s atmosphere. As Mac closed in, it abruptly changed direction and headed back toward them.
“Hell, it’s coming after us.”
“Push it Taylor, give it everything.”
“I am.”
“DJ, get ready to give us some covering fire.”
“What’s Mac doing? He’s right on it, surely he’ll…”
There was a blinding flash and the ships systems flickered. “Brace for impact!” shouted Maynala and she grabbed at her chair as the ship bucked and rode the EM pulse.
There was darkness.
“Taylor?”
“Here.”
“DJ?”
“Still here, but my music’s not working.”
“Shame,” muttered Maynala.
“Computer: report.”
With no response, she mirrored Mac’s actions of earlier and rebooted the machine waiting for the ship to come back to life.
Dance music roared through the ships speakers and then decreased in volume as the DJ walked onto the bridge, a grin on his face.
“Excellent. I managed to get my pad to link up with the ship’s speaker system.”
“Oh, come on,” said Taylor. “We’ve just lost Mac and you want to listen to music?”
“Music will make you feel better.”
“Not this sort of music.”
“Enough you two.” Taylor and the DJ stopped bickering and looked at the computer report Maynala was studying. “The creature has been destroyed, but we’re stranded here by the looks of it until we can get the ship’s systems fully online.”
The three of them jumped, as the ship’s speakers crackled.
“Entity detected in airlock,” reported the monotone of the computer.
“He’s mine this time,” said the DJ and hefted a weapon. “You two secure the bridge, I’ll do what I can.”
As the DJ moved to the airlock. Maynala and Taylor reached for their own weapons and tried desperately to reinstate the shields. The distant sound of the airlock opening and closing came to them and then there was silence.
“DJ, report.”
“Nothing here Cap’n, but the airlock door seems to be inoperative. I…” there was a hiss of static and the music and any further communication from the DJ ceased.
“Computer: report,” said Maynala into the silence. “Computer?”
“Thank fook for that,” came the monotone. “Bloody shite music.”
“Mac?”
“Aye. It seems I’m hangin’ around fae a bit.”
“You’re in the ship’s computer now?”
“Aye, the wee ghostie in the machine again. Ah’ve locked that numpty in the airlock so we don’t have tae listen tae that shite any more. Ye can tell ‘im when we get home.”
Maynala sighed. “No entity?”
“Nah, the wee beastie’s deid. Ah lost the robot, but this new home will do.”
“Oh good grief. Eric’s not going to like this.”
“The egg hasnae got the choice.”
“Oh dear. Taylor, set a course for home please.”
“Yes Cap’n.”
“Ah’m sorry Cap’m we havnae got the power in the engines. Ah cannae perform miracles ye ken.”
Taylor sniggered and then managed to control himself as Maynala glared at him.
“Any more Scottie impressions and I will jettison the computer core into the sun Mac. Do I make myself clear?”
“Aye Cap’n. Ah’m sorry I couldnae help maself.”
“Take us home Taylor. I think I need a beer.”
“Sounds like a good plan to me,” said Taylor.
“Aye, me too. I could murder a… ach shite. And noo I havnae even got hands!”
As the computer muttered away in muted Gaelic expletives, Maynala smiled. Things could be worse.
The End