Whispersong opened her eyes wearily. She was lying in the nursery. Sparrowtail, Echoheart, and Bumblefrost had suggested that she move into the nursery instead of sleeping back the warriors' den, especially after yesterday. Whispersong sighed. She felt out of place being back in the nursery; this time not as a kit, but the one having kits. But Whispersong wasn't complaining. Sleeping in the nursery meant she could get away from all the warriors, because most of them hated her now, or at least didn't want to be around her.
Whispersong's heart throbbed again as she remembered what Rustypelt had said to her yesterday: 'I couldn't care less about what happens to you! You're as good as dead to me! Dead!' Her stomach clenched painfully and her throat felt even dryer.
"Whispersong?"
Whispersong turned, misty-eyed, toward the small, quiet voice. It was Lilackit.
"Are you okay?" The tortoiseshell she-kit asked, light yellow eyes round with concern.
Whispersong sniffled. Did Lilackit even know what Rustypelt had said to her yesterday? Did she even know how much she'd been through? What she was going through now?
"I'm fine," she murmured shortly.
"I sort of like Bumblefrost, even though he was DayClan," Lilackit murmured thoughtfully, yellow eyes round with sadness. "The others were evil, but he's not so bad."
Whispersong tried to smile, but her jaw didn't seem to be working.
Lilackit blinked, then turned and left the den, leaving Whispersong alone. Whispersong squeezed her eyes shut tight as another wave of pain engulfed her, not physical pain from her kits, but emotional pain. Her father's words hurt more than any physical pain she'd ever experienced.
The den entrance rustled again, and Whispersong turned to see Echoheart peering inside. "How are you feeling?"
Whispersong tried to talk, but only a muffled noise came out, and her eyes misted again.
Echoheart looked pained at Whispersong's pain. Her deep blue eyes were round with sympathy, and her usually-sleek gray and tan tabby fur was matted. "They'll... they'll get better. You'll see."
"Yeah right," Whispersong choked.
Echoheart sighed. "Come on, let's get you something to eat."
Whispersong looked at her paws. "They won't let me."
"I'll let you."
Whispersong blinked, still hesitant.
"Come on," her sister urged quietly.
Whispersong nodded, then heaved herself weakly to her paws, her heavy heart weighing her down.
She stepped outside the nursery, blinking away the brightness. The clear blue sky shone above her, and a brisk leaf-bare breeze tugged at her fur. She shivered, then followed her sister carefully across the clearing.
Whispersong avoided every cat's eyes, not wanting to see their disappointment. She could tell every cat was staring at her, and self-consciously, she walked faster.
When they reached the fresh-kill pile after what seemed like forever, Whispersong secluded herself into the shadows, where her Clanmates were less likely to see her.
Echoheart dropped a finch at Whispersong's paws. "We can share this."
Whispersong nodded, words still not forming. She took a slow bite of her meal, hardly tasting it. She felt numb, and she didn't think she'd ever heal from the events of yesterday.
Whispersong nervously looked up and scanned the camp. Eaglefeather was talking to Sunfur, looked annoyed. The elders were shaking their heads in anger, while Cherrykit and Lilackit sat beside Needlepaw, Rosepaw, and Pinepaw, whispering amongst themselves.
I bet they're all talking about me, Whispersong thought sadly.
Echoheart passed the finch back to her, and Whispersong took another bite distractedly, watching her Clanmates with grief and regret. They didn't feel much like her Clanmates anymore. The only cats she truly felt she could trust were Echoheart, Bumblefrost, Star, and Sparrowtail. Yes, Echoheart and Sparrowtail had argued with her recently, but they'd never wavered in their loyalty; they had proved that yesterday by standing up for her when Rustypelt turned his back on her.
"I think Eveningstar is holding Lilackit's and Cherrykit's apprentice ceremony today," Echoheart meowed brightly, staring at the two she-kits in excitement.
Whispersong sighed. "Oh." She knew that Echoheart was going to mentor one of them; Whispersong was supposed to mentor the other, but now that she was having kits, she couldn't. Now she wouldn't get to experience being a mentor with her sister, like they had planned since they were little.
Echoheart looked at Whispersong with sympathy. "I bet you'll get another apprentice one day," she murmured uncomfortably.
"Huh," muttered Whispersong, not wanting to talk about it.
Echoheart blinked. "But think about it: you're having kits! You'll be contributing to the Clan not by mentoring an apprentice, but by giving the Clan the next generation of warriors! Yours and Bumblefrost's kits will be the strongest warriors of DawnClan, you'll see; like Sparrowtail said: it doesn't matter that they're half-Clan. It really doesn't."
"I guess," Whispersong sighed, though she personally didn't agree with her sister. It did matter that her kits would be half-Clan, not to Whispersong and Bumblefrost, but to the rest of DawnClan and to the other Clans as well. Her kits would carry the weight of their parents' mistake for their entire lives... Whispersong sighed and shook the thought away. Maybe she'd talk to Bumblefrost about it; maybe he'd understand. She glanced around the camp, then blinked in confusion. Where was Bumblefrost? "Do you know where Bumblefrost is?" Whispersong asked Echoheart.
Echoheart looked around the camp. "No. I haven't seen him all morning."
"You haven't?"
Echoheart shook her head. "He's probably out in the forest, taking a walk to get his mind off of yesterday."
Whispersong nodded, worry building inside her. What if he ran into trouble?
"Look, there's Eveningstar, probably to call the Clan meeting," Echoheart meowed eagerly. Whispersong looked up and saw the sleek gray-flecked fur of the Clan leader reflecting in the sunlight as he sat atop the High-stone, breath billowing from his mouth in the cold.
"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath the High-stone for a Clan meeting!" he yowled.
Whispersong didn't want to gather beneath the High-stone. She'd be too close to all her Clanmates, and her parents, who still hated her.
"Come on," Echoheart pleaded, seeing Whispersong's look. "You can sit in the back!"
Whispersong shook her head. "I'll stay here; I can hear just fine."
"Okay," Echoheart sighed, padding away. She sat beside Clovertail, Hailstorm, Rayclaw, and Yellowflower, looking up at Eveningstar.
Whispersong watched as Cherrykit and Lilackit squirmed beside each other while Bronzepelt and Sagetail tried to groom them. The two young she-cats bounced away from their parents, toward their older brother.
"I'm nervous," Lilackit meowed.
Rayclaw laughed. "Don't be."
"Yes, you'll be getting your apprentice names!" Clovertail purred beside him.
"I'm not nervous!" Cherrykit exclaimed, puffing out her red fur. She quickly licked it back down, green eyes glowing.
Every cat was now gathered around the High-stone, except Bumblefrost, who was still nowhere to be seen. Eveningstar raised his voice again. "As you all know, two of our kits have reached their sixth moon, and it's time they were apprenticed. Cherrykit, Lilackit, come up here."
Cherrykit sprang up and pranced to the base of the High-stone, Lilackit close behind. The two leapt swiftly up on top of the lichen-covered boulder, one after the other.
Eveningstar turned to face Cherrykit. Cherrykit sat even taller, her red pelt glowing in the sunlight. "Cherrykit, from this day forth," Eveningstar meowed, "until you receive your warrior name, you shall be known as Cherrypaw. And your mentor will be Echoheart."
Echoheart squirmed in excitement, and, as Whispersong watched with jealousy and longing, she jumped up onto the High-stone beside her new apprentice.
"You received exceptional training from Bronzepelt," Eveningstar meowed to Echoheart, "and I expect you to pass all you learned to your new apprentice." Echoheart lifted her chin in pride, then bent over and rested her muzzle on Cherrypaw's head. Cherrypaw licked her new mentor's shoulder eagerly, nearly bouncing into Echoheart in her eagerness.
Eveningstar now turned to Lilackit. "Lilackit, from this day forth, until you receive your warrior name, you shall be known as Lilacpaw. Your mentor will be Sunfur."
Lilacpaw beamed. The deputy leapt up beside Eveningstar, her orange-brown fur sleek.
"You had received excellent training from Fogtail, and I expect you to pass on all you know to your new apprentice," Eveningstar finished.
Sunfur dipped her head, then turned and rested her muzzle on Lilacpaw's head.
The two new apprentices turned away from Eveningstar and faced the Clan again, their parents and older brother leading the chant.
"Lilacpaw! Cherrypaw!"
Whispersong joined in quietly, not even looking at the two new apprentices. She was watching Echoheart, chest puffed out as she sat behind her apprentice. Her sister was a mentor now, and Whispersong was just a nursery queen.
Whispersong dragged herself back to the nursery with a heavy heart as Cherrypaw and Lilacpaw clambered down the High-stone to meet their Clanmates, who were congratulating them.
Like they once congratulated me... Whispersong thought hopelessly.
She glanced over her shoulder just before she entered the den, eyes misting as she stared at the warm faces of her Clanmates as they looked at the two new apprentices. Would they ever look at her that way again, like they supported her, trusted her, and were proud of her? Was she ever going to be the same in their eyes again?
Whispersong turned away as a cold tear slid down her cheek, and her heart ached painfully. She didn't think so.
* * *
It was way past moonhigh, and Whispersong lay in her nest, wide awake, the near-full moon shining amongst the stars.
It had been a quarter-moon since Cherrypaw and Lilacpaw had been apprenticed, and Whispersong had hardly left the nursery. Bumblefrost visited her occasionally, but most of the time he was out of the camp, to get away from DawnClan, Whispersong supposed. She wished she could do the same, but she was confined to camp.
Whispersong sighed and stared outside the den, reminiscing about the time before they'd left for the mountains; before, when she was loved and supported by all of her Clanmates, when she and her sister could spend all day out in the forest together, when she and Bumblefrost were just young, playful apprentices; before, when she had felt at home. Now she felt outcasted, alone, unloved, unwanted.
Whispersong sighed inwardly, closing her eyes.
"Mother?"
Whispersong blinked her eyes back open as one of Meadowheart's kits spoke, and she turned her head. They were actually getting big quickly, even though they were born nearly a moon ago.
"Yes?" Meadowheart yawned, eyes heavy with sleep.
"Is... she okay?" the tiny light brown tom-kit murmured, and Whispersong knew he was referring to her.
Meadowheart sighed, and Whispersong pretended to be asleep. "Yes, Cricketkit, I think so." There was a pause. "Pollenkit! Get back here!" Meadowheart hissed.
"I'm making sure she's not dead!" The tiny black tom-kit murmured.
"She's not," Meadowheart snapped.
"Is she in the Clan?" Cricketkit whispered.
"Yes, she's in our Clan," Meadowheart sighed. "But she's changed. She used to be so much more lively, more loyal, and less... impulsive... before you were born. If you had known her then, you'd have loved her. She was so kind, and determined to help her Clan. The old Whispersong would have never stooped as low as she has... having a DayClan cat's kits..." Meadowheart added, muttering to herself as if she couldn't believe it.
Whispersong's heart ached sadly. Had she really changed that much?
The other two kits, Pansykit and Acornkit, were silent, and Whispersong could tell they were staring at her.
"Let's get back to bed," Meadowheart whispered. Whispersong heard scuttling as Meadowheart's four kits lied down beside her, and, after a little bit, the den quieted down again as they all fell back asleep.
Whispersong lay awake much longer, her mind wandering to the past. When sleep finally overtook her, the den was engulfed in the light rosy glow of dawn.
The camp began to stir, but Whispersong slept on. Through the dark, gray shadows, the large shape of a cat slunk through the bushes and left the camp. No cat knew where the cat was going, nor did they care.
But they should have cared.
* * *
"Hey."
Whispersong turned groggily as Bumblefrost entered the nursery. Meadowheart and her kits were no longer in the den; it was just Whispersong, alone, again.
"Where've you been?" Whispersong murmured, yawning.
"Out in the forest." Bumblefrost shrugged.
"Hunting?" Whispersong could smell prey on him.
"No."
Whispersong blinked. "Oh."
"I'm not allowed on hunting patrols remember?" Bumblefrost muttered stiffly.
"Yeah, I know," Whispersong narrowed her eyes, sitting up, "then why do you smell like fresh-kill? Did you eat?"
Bumblefrost continued to stare outside the den. "No. I don't take fresh-kill from their stupid pile. I hunt for myself, and myself only," he muttered.
Whispersong blinked in confusion; Bumblefrost wasn't acting normal. "But you just said you didn't go hunting."
"I... did yesterday," Bumblefrost muttered.
"Oh."
There was a pause. Whispersong stared at Bumblefrost, who still had his eyes fixed on something outside the den, and she tried to read his expression.
Whispersong sighed. "Well, if you haven't hunted or eaten since yesterday, you must be hungry, so why don't we get a piece of fresh-kill and share it? If you brought it here we could share—"
"I told you, I don't take fresh-kill from their fox-dunged fresh-kill pile. I refuse to be dependent on your mouse-brained Clanmates. I get my own prey."
Whispersong narrowed her eyes, puzzled at Bumblefrost's behavior. "How about this one time? Please, Bumblefrost. I haven't eaten with you in ages, but... I don't want to leave the den; I don't want to remind them of what I did. If y—"
"Well, now you know how I felt," Bumblefrost growled, still staring outside the den. "You just need to face up to them and get the prey you want. You act like having out kits is a burden, a mistake! How will you treat the kits once they're born? You can't let your dumb, stuck-up Clanmates order you around. What's done is done and they can't do anything about it, so you better stop feeling sorry for yourself and just accept it!"
Whispersong flinched, and her eyes misted; it was like Rustypelt all over again. "Look who's talking!" Whispersong snapped. "All you've done the in past quarter-moon is leave the camp and avoid the Clan, and avoid me! And now you're getting angry at me; you've never been angry with me!" Tears raked down her cheeks. "What's gotten into you?"
There was a silence, then Bumblefrost sighed deeply. All his anger faded and was replaced with, was that guilt? "I don't know," Bumblefrost murmured. "I'm just worried."
"Me too!" Whispersong muttered stiffly. "But that doesn't explain why you've acted different lately. Tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing. I'm... I'm just stressed right now. It'll work itself out."
"I hope so." Whispersong grunted, eyeing Bumblefrost next to her. There was definitely something he wasn't telling her.