Lisa POV
We reached home near lunch time and I escorted us back to my house, keeping a protective eye on Hanbin. Many eyes watched him enter, interested to see what the new human would bring to the pack. Coming in with me certainly didn't win him any points in popularity. Even those who actually liked me were afraid to admit to it. It would make their life difficult. Once home I set to work on clearing up my book room so that Hanbin would have a place of his own to sleep for the night. I left Hanbin and Jennie to themselves, feeling strangely alone again, worried that I was on the verge of losing my wife. Worried, but at the same time maybe a little happy for her. She would be better off with her family, I reminded myself. I certainly wouldn't be better off without her, though.
Jennie POV
I helped Hanbin settle into the guest bedroom, hoping Lisa didn't resent the shuffling around of his books. Han and I talked about a lot before bed, most of it was private since Lalisa did her own things. I figured she was still upset about the Seer, and knew we'd have to address that soon. I told Hanbin about the babies, and he had a few more shocked things to gape about there. I did blush when he came around to the fact that Lisa had a penis like a dog, and Han laugh-giggled about it, which was at least better than the disgusted response I'd been expecting. "So, you're happy here? With Lisa? If you're not, I can take you back and ..." Han said, taking my hands in his. "I'm happy with Lisa, mostly." I frowned. "Things are a little rough right now but I'm going to talk with her before bed and we'll get better." When Hanbin just waited, I told him about the Seer and our trip there.
Hanbin was frowning sympathetically when I'd finished. "I'm sorry that happened. You know, many, many men in our society aren't faithful. They have mistresses, and visit whores." "And if I'd married Kai, I wouldn't have cared. I only care because I love Lisa, that makes all the difference." I told Han, who laughed. "You? You told me you'd never loved anyone, and never would! You said it was silly!" Hanbin said, and laughed again, but then saw I was serious and gave me a hug. "Alright Nini, I'm sorry." "I didn't realize I didn't want her to have children with anyone else until ... I mean I still don't know if I want her children right now, really, but it's happening and I want to be the only one to have her children. And it took me so long to get over enjoying sex with her, to tell myself it was alright, and then I feel like just when I get past that, I have to accept her making love to someone else." I was crying again, all over Hanbin, who rubbed my back soothingly and rocked me a little. It was nice to have someone not involved in the mess to talk to and comfort me.
"To be fair, I hardly think she made love to her. Fucked her, yes. But it doesn't sound like she wanted to, either. You said it had to be done." Han said. "Yes, to save you from your stupid quest to come get me!" I snapped, hitting him lightly, though I knew he'd know by my tone I didn't really mean it. "And find out what will happen down each of our possible future paths. Though I've been thinking about others. If he doesn't want to fight HyunSuk, I'll either kill myself or try to do it myself. I'm considering trying to do it myself anyway, just something different, something that'll give us more hope we haven't heard about. I don't know." I sighed. "I don't know how to fight, I'd have to shoot him with an arrow, and I'm not even great with a bow." "Why don't you try to work things out with Lisa first, make sure you two will be alright huh? And then figure out the future. What's the point of making long term plans if you're not going to make it to them?" He asked, rubbing my arm.
I sighed. "We'll be fine. I love her. I mean, so long as her own guilt doesn't eat her up. She feels pretty bad about it I think." I shrugged. "Honestly, I'd probably forgive her wanting to take another wife, or something much more severe. It's hard to be angry and upset about it when she seems to be hurting so much too. I just want to comfort her." "You have turned into quite the gentle hearted lady Nini, I think Hell has done you well." Han said, smiling at me and flicking his thumb over my chin. "Go make good with your wolf then. I promise not to peek in curiosity. Tonight." I punched his shoulder hard and blushed deeply. But I only mumbled his name agitatedly in warning before I left him for the night. I stopped off in the kitchen. I was eating more often now, when I wasn't queasy. I ate a little, but lost my appetite thinking of what Lisa and I would talk about. Then I went into our bedroom, looking for her.
Lisa was laying in bed with a book, her eyes fixed on the pages until she heard me enter, and then she put it away, her body shifting and churning as she turned back into her smaller form. She couldn't read like that, so she generally kept to her full werewolf form. I still hadn't seen her hybrid form. Apparently she wasn't particularly comfortable with it. "Jen," she smiled when sh saw me, though I could see the troubled look in her eyes. "Is your brother settling in alright?" "Yes, thank you for letting him stay with us." I said, climbing into the bed with her. I sat in the bed though, close to her, and I pat her head trying to encourage her to come close and relax. "Come here hun." I said, trying not to think about how close she'd been with someone else the night before.
She crept across the bed and laid down at my side, putting her head in my lap. She looked exhausted, but then we had been up for almost two days straight, and she'd spent most of the previous night running. "Is . . . are you going to return to your lands with him when he goes back?" She gave a small, involuntary whimper at the end of this question. "I'd understand if you wanted to. I haven't exactly been a good wife to you." "No, I'm staying here with you. That Hanbin came for me doesn't mean anyone else would accept me, and more importantly, I love you." I said, and tilted my head downward to look her in the eyes. "I want to be with you." I scratched behind her ears and let out a big sigh.
Then I laid back in the bed. I swallowed hard as I stared up at the ceiling. "You didn't knot her, right? You weren't ... busy long enough for that." I blinked back tears anyway at the thought. "No," she growled quickly. "It wasn't a passionate experience in anyway. She was completely dry, and it took most of my time just to get things working enough to finish. As soon as I was done I left. The experience was far more upsetting that it was pleasurable. I can't say there was no physical enjoyment. My body had to feel good to function, but the distress of doing it was enough to make it one of the least enjoyable experiences of my life." I put an arm over my eyes, trying to keep my tears under control. Of course I didn't want to hear she'd enjoyed herself at all, but I knew to have done things properly she had to have. It wasn't like for a woman where such a thing could be forced with little to no pleasure for her.
My other hand I kept on her head, sometimes petting, sometimes just wiggling my fingers in her fur. "I know." I said, uncomfortable. A part of me told me I should demand she make love to me, but another part wasn't sure I wanted that anytime soon. I wasn't in the mood so much as feeling possessive, jealous. "How are you feeling?" I finally asked, knowing she had to have her own feelings to wrestle with. I also didn't want to bring up my jealousy over her having her baby, not when I wasn't sure I was completely alright with having the pups she'd already put within me. It felt selfish to say I didn't want her pups, but that I didn't want anyone else to have her pups either. She nuzzled me.
"Terrible. No matter how I look at it, I chose to betray you today. Our relationship was new and wild, and I've damaged that. I hope it will get better, but I don't know if it will, and that scares me. In addition to the family I'm going to have with you, I will now have a daughter that I am no parent at all to. That upsets me. Children are important to me. Even though I have no feelings for the Seer, I am distressed that there will be a child I don't care for or protect. The only thing I learned today that I can take with me going forward, is that I must challenge HyunSuk sometimes between now and just after our children are born or I will lose everything that means anything to me." Her head had sunk back into my lap. "I am distressed." I nodded and drew her up my body so her face was high up on my belly.
"There are still these pups you can love, care for, and protect." I said softly, trying to be soothing though I knew there was a lot I simply couldn't make better. "Our pups." I said, at least owning them for the first time. I wished I could tell her I was happy to have them, that I wanted them. I wanted to want them, anyway, but I didn't feel anything for them yet. I felt bad that all her children were unwanted in one way or another. "As for HyunSuk, well, lets talk about him later when we've rested alright?" I asked. "I want to have us in a better place, if we can manage that." I sat up suddenly and pulled off the green dress I was wearing. It was the largest one Lisa had originally gotten me.
I laid back down and rolled to the side facing her. "Can you see the bump a little? I noticed it the day before yesterday." I said, and then suddenly felt a little awkward being naked, which was silly. I blushed a little, but ran my fingers over my stomach. I felt a glimmer of something, pride maybe? That was just silly, I hadn't done anything to be proud of here. Something anyway. Lisa ran her nose over my belly, then nuzzled against it, and when she looked at me there was a happy sparkle in her eyes. "I know they weren't conceived under the best conditions, but I am excited to see them . . . to hold them." She moved her face back up to mine and nuzzled against me, licking my neck and chin. "These babies I am proud of. I love their mother, and I am excited to raise them with you." She nipped playfully at my neck and growled a little, which I guessed was her wolfish imitation of a sweet and loving kiss. I huffed a short, amused laugh. "Good." I pressed my nose lightly to her. "And I love you too. I'm glad you're not so distressed you can't see and be excited about these other things, these good things in your life. I think that's probably a good sign."
"I am worried about the future, guilty about what I've done, but I still love you, and I still want to have a family with you. As long as I have that hope to hold onto, then I have something. I can be excited for that." She draped her tail across my belly. "Has the idea of carrying my babies gotten any easier on you? I know it has never been ideal for you . . . not part of your plans." "Yes, easier." I gave her an apologetic smile. "I want to want them. I'm not angry they're in there anymore, I feel, ambivalent about it. At the moment. I hope I grow to love them, and be excited. I get excited thinking how excited you'll be when I have news about them." I said with a small laugh. "I like that I have something to tell you about that makes you happy." "Well, love can't be forced. It's either there or it isn't. I guess we'll see how your feelings develop as the pregnancy goes on." She said softly, and I could tell she was just a little sad I couldn't take the same joy in the process she did. "I'm sorry." I said, equally quiet and feeling guilty, ashamed. What was wrong with me that I didn't even love my own unborn children? Lisa seemed to love them already, the idea of them anyway.
"You don't have to be sorry. This was forced on you. You didn't get to choose any of it, so it's understandable that you'd have trouble feeling connected to the little ones. I would even understand if you actively disliked them, though I'd hope it wouldn't come to that." She answered quietly. "I don't dislike them." I said quickly, forcefully. "I'm even glad they're there sometimes, not always, it's true." I rolled a bit in agitation. "I love you I really want to love our babies. Some people just don't until they see the actual babies, maybe that'll be it. I'll love them when they're here." I hoped it were true, I hoped I'd find a way to love them before that, for lisa's sake at least. I sighed and rolled again onto my back. "Whether you love them or not, I'll still care for you. I can raise them on my own. Solar will help too, I'm sure. I was prepared to be a single mother, and I won't have to do that." She nuzzled my side with her nose. "Don't let it get to you. Not everyone wants to be a mother. That doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't change anything about us. If things were ideal, we would have discussed it before getting you pregnant. That is on my shoulders."
"You have enough on your shoulder already." I told her with a soft smile. "And even if I don't love them, I love you. I'll still care for them, help raise and protect them. But I think I'll love them. There's no reason to think I won't, I'm just worried about it, like everyone who's about to be a parent for the first time." I curled up around her, and then pulled a blanket up over myself. It was chilly without my dress on. I nuzzled her neck. "We should get some sleep." "Yes, we probably should." She agreed, and then she licked my cheek and nuzzled in close, her fur pressed tight against my naked body. "Sleep well, love." I held her tightly, both wanting to fall asleep and not wanting to. I had nothing to lose her to, he and the Seer didn't care for each other, but somehow I still felt like I might wake up and find I'd lost her.
It felt like we were still on shaky ground, though it felt better than earlier when there'd been mostly silence between us. I told myself I was just tired, that I couldn't help but also worry about what the Seer had said of our future and it was effecting everything else. Exhaustion won out, and it didn't even take long. The next morning I slept late even though we'd gone to bed early. That was probably to be expected since we'd been up for so long. Lisa was already gone for the day. She had to join the hunting party. She'd missed it the day before, and I didn't doubt she'd be run hard for that. That left me the day to myself, or at least the morning. It really depended on how far Lisa and the others went on the hunt. I hoped they didn't get her hurt today. I got up and made a little breakfast for Hanbin and I. He emerged during the process, looking a touch stiff, a side effect of his injuries and exertions finally getting a chance to rest.
"Morning." He said, and looked over what I was doing as he sat in one of the fur covered chairs. "Cooking? I'm not sure I trust you quite enough to eat that Nini." I shot him a glare. "Fine, guess you're not eating then." He grinned and winked at me, letting me know he was just joking. "I'm expecting someone this morning. She's a good friend, and will probably have some clothing and things for you if I ask. I hope. She'll be curious about you anyway. Her name is Solar." I told him. Hanbin nodded and took the food I offered him. "I don't know how long I should stay, things look tough here. I just mean I don't want to make them harder for you and Lalisa, and you're feeding and clothing me ...Maybe I could hunt something down for you guys or the pack." He frowned thoughtfully.
"The thought of leaving you here with your future so up in the air really doesn't appeal to me Nini." His frown and tone were uncharacteristically serious. I didn't want him to leave, but I didn't know what his presence meant in anything. The Seer hasn't mentioned him in our choices, maybe his being here would change things somehow. "We'll ask Solar what she thinks." I sat down with Han, eating and chatting with him about what the people from my old life were doing. I wasn't sure I should have cared, but I did. It was strange to hear about how life had continued without me, but I didn't feel particularly bad about it. Hanbin made all the stories hilarious, he was good at storytelling. After a short while there was a scratch at the door, and I opened it to let in Solar who padded in with her normal good-natured expression lighting her eyes.
She came in and sat down on a chair after giving Hanbin a thorough snuffing. "Well, this is certainly interesting. Is your entire family moving in?" She asked me after she'd settled. Hanbin laughed. "Oh gods Nini, could you imagine Jin moving here?" I couldn't help but laugh, our second oldest brother was not the type to enjoy such an adventure, neither was our eldest brother, but Bobby would have come in sword swinging gladly enough. "No Solar, and I don't know how long Han will be staying either." My expression darkened, and I wondered if it was alright to tell Solar what we'd heard from the Seer since it was forbidden to visit her. Lisa had said that I could always trust her though. "We went to the Seer, and she had a lot of unpleasant news for us." I said, coloring a little because I figured Solar would know there'd been a price to pay, and the memory of what that price had been still hurt. It hurt more when Lisa wasn't there for me to see and touch, claim as mine.
"The Seer? Lisa must have been terrible troubled to go see her. She blamed her for the death of her parents for a long time. I've spoken with her before, but it was a long, long time ago. She's a sad, lonely woman, but she believes in her purpose. When the Pack passed the law that none of us could visit her, I snuck off the first week to see her. The trip went much like others had, she knew I would be there before I entered the cave, but when I went to leave she begged me to come back." Solar gave a small whimper. "I couldn't, of course. It would have been dangerous to visit her again, and I think she knew that. Our pack owns the lands around her cave. She probably hadn't had a visitor since I was there when you arrived. It's a sad life, but I can't imagine she has much time left. When she passes, the suffering stops. Did she help you make a decision moving forward?" I didn't so much hate the Seer so much as what she and Lalisa had been made to do together.
Still, it wouldn't do me any favors to feel sorry for her. Everytime I heard about how much her life was unpleasant, I remembered that Lalisa's daughter was probably heading toward the same fate, and I didn't wish that on any child, particularly one that Lisa would care about. I wasn't sure there was anything to be done about that, we had a lot of other things to deal with first. "I suppose. She told us what the obvious choices would lead us towards, and there's only one option with a hope of having us all survive. Lalisa will have to challenge HyunSuk, unless we do something unexpected and probably stupid." Solar looked worried. "If challenging HyunSuk is your best option, then things must be dire. Have you considered just laying low and trying to live out your lives in peace? Maybe you could move once the little ones are strong enough. HyunSuk has gained a lot of support from the males who live to fight and take what they want, and they tend to be the strongest."
I shook my head. "She outlined those options for us too. HyunSuk will come for us when the pups are a month old. If we leave before he comes, the pups die anyway, and I don't fare much better myself. You know how Lisa feels about the babies, we're not willing to take a path that guarantees their death. Fighting HyunSuk has a lot of uncertainty around it, but it's the only one with a chance that we all live. Does that mean that those are our best options and anything else we might consider would end even worse?"
"I'm not certain, but I believe the Seer can only see down paths that you've considered. Until you put the paths in consideration, they don't exist for her to divine. Contemplating other paths is possible, but it trust you once more into uncertainty, and often times trying to diverge from a given path just ends you on the same fate. It's very difficult to understand what goes into bringing about a certain future." Solar shrugged. "That's the problem with the Seer. Sometimes knowledge of a thing is worse than going in blindly."