Leah's funeral the next day was brief and quiet, without fanfare. I stood with Madeleine and a few other palace workers as they lowered her casket into the ground. Kate was too grief-stricken to leave her room.
I didn't get to see her one last time. Opal whispered to me that she had been tortured, with strangely delicate designs cut into her skin. I could only imagine one of my uncles calm and serene as he reduced practical, dignified Leah to tears.
The morning after, I left a very different note in my father's old office. What do you want from me?
The reply was there less than two hours later. Come to this place at 11:25 p.m. There will be no guards.
I went through the motions of the day as usual, but I steered far away from Hazel and Reyna. Piper was the only person to whom I spoke, letting her do the talking whenever someone approached us.
Piper sighed as we sat together in a corner of the Women's Room. "There's so much tension."
"You're telling me."
"No, I meant between the girls, believe it or not." Piper gestured at the small groups of Selected around the room. "Ever since Leo eliminated the last batch. Don't you feel it? I just wish we could be friends. But it's like we're all wary of each other."
I glanced around the room. "I can't say that I noticed."
"Of course you didn't." Piper crossed her legs. "At least we're doing something about it tonight. You're not sitting idly anymore."
"I suppose," I said doubtfully, watching Lou Ellen and Echo laughing together.
Piper punched my arm. "Calypso. Get your act together. You have to have some semblance of strength tonight. Now is the time to practice."
"The more broken I look, the more they'll think they convinced me to join their side," I countered.
Piper hesitated. "You can't let them break you for real, though."
"My friend just died, and I'm supposed to be tough?"
"Isn't that what Leo's been doing?" Piper said softly.
I rubbed my neck. "You know what? I hate you when you're right about stuff. I actually hate you right now."
Piper's lips quirked into a smile. "Good. Hate me, hate them, hate whoever you need to in order to get the job done."
A maid curtseyed in front of us. "A message, m'lady."
I barely refrained from snatching the letter away from her. "Thank you." Ripping it open, I scanned the loopy script with hope. "Leo wants to see me."
"Excellent." Piper squeezed my hand. "Remember what I said. Give him a chance, Callie. He's different from the boys who've hurt you."
I didn't look at her as I hurried out the door. Piper was right about many things -- too many things for my taste.
The note had said to find him in Bunker 9, and I made my way down the servants' stairs to it. Rapping on the door, I straightened my yellow dress and tried to breathe normally.
The door swung open, and there stood Leo in all his scrawniness, dirty and not wearing a suit for the first time in days. "Hey there, Sunshine."
I couldn't stop a smile from crossing my face. "Hey, Repair Boy. Long time no see."
"Yeah, well, I've been busy." He beckoned me inside, closing the door with a wham. "Lots of papers to tend."
"And yet you're here, of all places, no doubt running your country productively."
"A guy needs a break every once in a while."
He grinned, and I noticed how much older and sadder his eyes looked. That humorous twinkle had disappeared. It seemed an eternity ago that I'd first seen him and thought him silly, goofy, supremely unroyal. Now, I missed those parts of him.
I cleared my throat. "Yes. Well. You wanted to see me?"
"Yeah." Leo pulled out a rickety chair for me and jumped up on a worktable, sending several screws to the ground. "I have no idea what I'm doing."
"We established that a long time ago."
"No, I mean, about this Selection stuff." Leo fiddled with a
tool belt. "The papers are making a huge deal about all the bad stuff that's been happening -- you probably haven't seen it. The Report has barely featured anything but reassurances and platitudes to calm everything down. I'm wondering if I should just focus on making everything right and cancel the Selection."
I paused, trying to look at the situation sensibly. "Well, what do you want to do?"
"I want to do what's best for my co -- "
"No, not the script answer. What do you, personally, want to do?" I rested my chin on my hand.
Leo hesitated. "I want to keep it going," he answered finally. "I want a partner. Someone who'll run the country beside me, because I sure can't do it alone."
"Then find that," I said, with more conviction than I felt. "Figure out a way to find the girl who will do that for you. It doesn't have to take long."
"How?" he asked, fiddling with a nail.
"Have discussions with us about legal matters? Hold debates? Wait, no, don't do that. I don't want to have to debate." I pulled my knees up to my chest.
He laughed that stupid, high-pitched giggle that made my stomach leap for no reason. "That's a good idea. Lemme see if I can come up with anything non-controversial enough to be debated on national TV without issues."
"If it's not controversial, then we'll have nothing to debate," I pointed out.
"Dang it, Calypso, stop blowing holes in my plans."
"You do a pretty fine job of that yourself."
"I've heard that one before." Leo swung his legs. "Seriously. I don't know how to find whoever's best for me."
"Why are you asking me? I'm not exactly impartial." I kicked his leg back away from me.
"Oh ho ho, you're not?" Leo winked. "So you do like me. I knew it all along."
"That isn't -- I don't -- that's not what I meant!"
"Alrighty, Lady Grouch, whatever you sa-ay," Leo sang.
I picked up the closest thing I could find, a cat-paw, and flung it at him. He ducked. "Ooh, quite the temper! She can dish it out, but she can't take it."
I reached for a hammer. "Just you wait, Prince Combustion."
Laughing, he twirled a screwdriver around his finger. "Let's not throw hammers, or you might never be allowed to come down here again."
"On behalf of that, you've escaped certain death this time." I tapped the hammer suggestively.
"No doubt," Leo agreed. "How are you doing, though? I heard what happened to your maid."
I swallowed, suddenly guilty for acting like everything was normal. I'd lost two friends in the past few weeks, and I wasn't even mourning them properly. "I'm okay."
"Mmm, yeah, no, you're not." Leo hopped off his table. "I know what you're thinking. I felt so guilty trying to go back to life as I knew it with Mom gone, but...we have to. We have duties. And they wouldn't have wanted us to be miserable."
"I know." I stared at the floor.
Leo knelt next to my chair. "Hey. Look at me. You got me through her death; I'm gonna get you through whatever happens."
"Thanks," I mumbled.
"Well, duh. It's only right." Leo hesitantly took my hand. "You've helped me a lot these past few weeks. Just you being there -- well, genuinely don't think I could have gotten through it without you. You don't know how much it means."
"Leo, it's been an honor to get to know you." I grasped his fingers tightly. "I don't think I could have made it through this without you either."
"So what does that mean?" he asked softly.
I dropped my gaze. "I'm not sure."
"If we both help each other, and encourage each other, then...doesn't that mean something?" Leo let go of my hand and paced, his fingers messing with a few nails. "Where do we go from there?"
"I don't know." Panic began to rise in my chest, and I smothered it as best I could, keeping my breaths steady.
"Calypso..." Leo ran a hand over his hair. "I really like you," he said bluntly. "I want to keep you here. Have you thought over being -- well, being queen one day? I know you said you couldn't, but if anything's changed--"
"Please stop." I had both hands over my face now, trying to repress my thoughts.
Leo didn't respond, and I peeked through my hands in time to catch the hurt on his face before he turned away. "No -- that's not what I meant. I just -- I can't do this."
"Got it." Leo headed for the door.
I leaped up and grabbed Leo's arm as he turned the door handle, jerking him towards me. "That's not what I meant!"
"How am I supposed to know what you mean, then?" Leo shouted back.
I shoved him away, plastering my back to the door. "Don't."
"Then tell me what you mean!"
I opened my mouth, then closed it, leaning against the door. "I...I could be your wife," I said finally. "But...not the queen."
Leo stepped back, staring at me. "You could?"
I ducked my head and nodded.
"But not the queen." Leo blew out a breath. "So what now?"
A cold pit sank in my stomach. "Now you eliminate me and pick someone else, because you wanted a queen, not a wife."
"I can't do that."
"Can't, or won't?"
Leo met my eyes. "Believe me, Calypso, when I say can't, I mean it literally."
I felt my face get hot. Don't think about it. Don't. Not now.
"So what," Leo continued, "would have to change, for you to be willing to be queen?"
I thought over my life. I considered what would happen if I managed to get rid of Hyperion and Krios and all the rest, and married Leo. We could be free -- content.
But another relation would appear, and pressure me into giving them their desires, and Leo would never be safe. He could never be, with his wife at his side as a spy.
I slowly shook my head. "I can't be queen."
"Ever?" Leo watched my face carefully.
I looked down, willing the useless longing away. How could I be his wife when I loved him so dearly?
Love. It was the first time I had truly thought it since Percy. Did I love Leo? Surely not, if I could still reject him for his own good. If I loved him, I would not be able to be away from him without tearing myself to pieces.
So I did not love him after all. But then why did refusing him hurt so badly?
And then I knew. Piper had told me, only yesterday, what she thought love was. Wanting the best for someone, and choosing to provide it, she had said. I could reject him because it was the best possible outcome for him.
I did love him. And so, I could never be with him.
Leo could not see my realization of the truth, but he could see my answer before I could say anything. "I see."
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"Me too." Leo rearranged the screws on the table, swallowing hard. "Would you leave me alone for a while?"
I turned and fled, racing down the hallways to my room, tears burning just behind my eyes. I shut my door and slid down to the carpet, pressed against the dresser.
I sat there, still as a statue, alone with consequences of my decisions. Every other girl here was free: free to laugh, to love, to be open and honest. But I was bound by chains of the past, held back from the candor and joy I had never known.
Stupidly I'd thought maybe Leo could free me. My hopes had subconsciously risen, and now they were dashed once more.
Just like Odysseus, and Drake. Just like Percy.
I could see now that I had never loved Odysseus. I had been a foolish, reckless, barely fifteen-year-old girl who knew nothing about love. He'd complimented me, visited me in my solitude, and I had happily given him everything he'd asked for. When he kissed me, I walked on clouds for days.
And then he stopped kissing me, and holding my hands, and telling me jokes. It wasn't long before he stopped visiting me altogether. Then I found out that he was marrying his fiance, Penelope. He'd been engaged to her for years.
Drake had been similar. He'd found me only a few months after Odysseus has left me crushed, and he brought me gifts and food. He had never been witty and clever like Odysseus, but I in my sorrow had clung to him too easily. Soon enough he was gone too, with a girl named Elizabeth. I had been a toy, easily won and then bothersome.
After that, I swore never to trust a boy again. Then Percy had come along two years later, and I had actually believed he could make a difference in my life.
He'd left me, and forgotten all about our time together.
Leo had done none of those things. He'd been nothing but kind and dedicated to me, despite the fact that I was competing with thirty-four other girls.
Everything I had ever wanted, and I was throwing it away?
Yes. For Leo, I will.
Suddenly, I couldn't wait for night to fall. I knew exactly what I was going to say to my uncles, despite how they might threaten me.
It no longer mattered.
~
~~~
~
A/N:
Jeez Louise.
I wanted to get this one exactly right, which is why you haven't seen me in weeks. Fun times.
I hope you all know how happy you make me when you say you enjoy my words. I have always wanted to share the stories in my head with someone else to bring them pleasure, and this has given me that. Thank you all.