I don't care
Aaron's P. O. V.
She hasn't shown up at all today. Her desk was empty in all of the classes we share and I haven't seen her around the halls either.
At first I thought it's because of how drunk she got last night, that she's having a bad hangover, but that would only explain her being late, not absent. Even though Vic doesn't have the role-model student lifestyle she's pretty set on her schedule. I imagine it would be difficult to balance work and school and still have time to hang out if that wasn't the case.
Her door was shut and locked this morning and I thought I shouldn't wake her up so I didn't even knock to check on her but now I regret it. It doesn't look like she's coming at all and that's rare.
I'm starting to feel worried so I decide to ask someone who knows her better than I do in hopes she's given them some sort of explanation. I walk around the school's outdoor area and find the remote spot where some of the students smoke. I spot her friend among the crowd and make my way over ignoring the stares I'm getting from him and the rest of his surrounding people.
"Where is she?" I ask him, a bit more bluntly than I originally intended. He stares at me blankly while keeping up his smoking and seemingly thinking, probably of what to say to me. He doesn't look surprised but he does look cautious.
"Home." He finally says confirming what I thought to be true.
"Is she okay?" I ask him and immediately earn a disbelieving look on his part as well as a scoff from one of her other friends who's name I don't even know but their face is familiar. Tommy glares at me for a short while in which time I stare back at him blankly waiting for him to finally reply to me. He eventually sighs and gives me an answer.
"No. Her dad died five years ago today. She needs some alone time." He explains briefly and straight to the point. It's clear he doesn't intend to give me any more information of any kind or say more than necessary, obviously because he doesn't like me yet also, as it seems, he's protecting her from me.
I'm partly shaken by his answer yet it's no surprise that the matter would have such severity. There isn't much that would have such effect on Vic as far as I know, even Jenny is near the bottom of that list. I feel her friends stare at me and gossip about my intrusion to their spot as I process the data Tommy gave me. I nod my head and step backwards preparing to leave.
"Alright. Thanks." I say and walk away as quickly as I came. I don't have to turn my head to know he is watching me. He has come up to me before and confronted me about the way a treated Vic, violently and more than once. It makes me as glad for her as it makes me jealous yet today felt different.
I've been wanting to talk to her for some time now but I'm not even sure I should anymore. Although I hate how we left things and I hate that she hates me I know there's a very small chance we'll ever be okay after everything, but at least I want to know I tried for us to be.
I don't think today is a good day to talk to her either. She has enough on her plate as it is, she doesn't need to be confronted with someone she's been so actively avoiding. I'm starting to think there will never be a good day.
°°°
Vic's P.O.V.
I put out what's left of my cigarette and throw myself back down on my back staring blankly at the ceiling as I've been doing for most of today. I don't have a lot of energy left, I barely had any when I called in sick for work this morning.
There's an enormous weight on my chest and a constant lump in my throat all day long and I didn't make it any better when a went through dad's stuff I've kept, or when I started letting myself remember what life was like before he was gone. I've cried so much today my eyes are dehydrated and burning.
All I could do to numb myself was smoke. I rolled a big one in the morning that helped with my crying. I rolled another one midday that helped me ignore my headache and calm my thinking. I rolled another one a while ago that helped me numb myself completely. My head is extremely heavy at this point and my limbs are sinking into my mattress further and further. Or at least it feels like it.
I look out the window realising it's after sundown. Aaron is home, I heard him get in his room a few hours ago and I'm guessing he's still in there.
Why does he get to come into my life like this and add to the weight on my head? Why are his presence and his behaviour generating so many questions that I can't answer by myself? And why the hell am I feeling this way about him? A while ago he had a very simple role in my life, now he's more complicated than ever. It was so much easier when I hated him. Now I can't, even though I want to.
I keep hiding and suppressing my feelings for him that he tricked me into having. If he hadn't acted like my friend and been nice to me, even for this little period of time, I wouldn't have had this confusion inside me. There's no point in denying any of it now, I am way past this stage.
What harm would it do if I gave in, just a little? If there's any moment in my life that I need something to feel good it's today. I don't think I even care anymore. I should do what I want to do. I'm so tired of putting any energy into pushing back the will.
I push myself up with more effort than usual and drag myself across the room and open the door to the bathroom. If I were to stop and look myself in the mirror all fucked up maybe I'd turn back around but I have no such intention. I cross the bathroom and open the door to his room and step inside.
I shut the door behind me with my back when I see him lying on my mother's double bed, his torso bare and his boxers visible from his grey sweatpants. He stands up once he sees me puting his phone aside that he was until then using.
"Vic." He speaks seemingly surprised to see me standing there.
I approach him slowly given my state. I'm so fucking high it's difficult for me to fully understand that I am in fact there.
"I'm sorry about everyhting I-" he speaks but hes cut off by me once my lips crush onto his. He's taken aback by my actions but he doesn't pull away, insted he responds and leans in deepening our kiss. His hands snake on my cheeks and mingle with my hair as he holds my face close to his.
I feel him over his sweats which instantly causes him to cease our moment and push me slightly away to better look at me.
"What are you doing?" He speaks startled, or rather unexpecting of this turn of events.
"I need this." I say unsure of why or how I am even able to speak at this point.
"You're high." He points out only now realising it himself, looking into my bloodshot hooded eyes, yet I only shrug.
"So?" I say bluntly and he shakes his head.
"No, we are not doing this, not like this." He states and even though I can process very little of my surroundings I am kind of hurt by his rejection that makes me feel a weight on my chest for a moment.
"But this is what you do. What's wrong with me being another girl in the pile?" I pout already moving towards him once again. Without waiting for him to reply I drop down on my knees and pull his sweats and boxers down with me.
"Vic don't-" he protests yet he goes silent ceasing his objections once I take him in hand and run my tongue across his length starting from the bottom and ending on his tip, then taking him whole in my mouth. He grunts as I move around him a short while pushing my tongue against him with each stroke, his hand is then placed gently on my head until I eventually stand up removing my top and remaining bare naked from the waist up. He grabs my hands that are still holding my t-shirt, immobilising them, and forces me to make eye contact with him.
"Are you sure you really want this to happen?" He asks me in all seriousness looking straight into my eyes with an intense gaze.
"Yes." Is all I say maitaining a weak yet unyielding eye contact with him seeing him briefly process the situation. I even thought I saw some controversy in his thoughts for a moment there before he pulls me closer and kisses me deeply to which a immediately respond.
I push him to lie on his back on the bed and remove my shorts and panties as quickly as I can before climbing on top of him. He stares up at me as I take him in hand and lower myself around him hearing him curse under his breath and bite his lower lip as I start to move in a pace that makes me feel as good as I wished all this time. His hands find their way on my thighs that he grabs pulling me onto him. I pick up my pace, moaning slightly the process, and place my hands on the bed on the sides of his head finding the support to move with greater ease.
"Fuck." I mutter as I feel pleasure course through me and close my eyes centering all my attention to it. I feel him pull me onto him and stop my movements right before he rolls us over where I find myself on my back beneath him. I open my eyes to see him grab a condom from his nightstand and tear the package with his teeth before putting it on with quick movements.
He towers over me and locks his gaze at mine before he begins to move inside me licking his lower lip briefly when he picks up the pace. I shut my eyes once again as I start to feel the room slightly spinning and my head heavy. He buries his face in my neck kissing several spots on my skin while his arms hook beneath my knees and bring them at the height of my chest. My arms spread across his back occasonally scratching him as he thrusts harder inside me and moans against my neck.
"Fuck, Vic." He mutters nearly breathless right before he comes.
He takes a moment and lifts himself off me panting, then removing the condom and tossing it on the floor before coming right back to me kissing me. Almost immediately he starts lowering himself on my body getting further down, leaving a trail of wet kisses until he reaches the spot.
He gives me a quick glance before running his tongue over my clit making my breathing heavier instantly. His hands take ahold of my thighs as he continues to kiss and lick my area making me moan and pull his hair. My eyes roll back into my head as he finds just the right pace and my back arches instantly as he keeps up his movements until I come as well.
I'm left panting as he kisses the inner part on my thigh before bringing himself on my eye level gently kissing my lips. I kiss him back ignoring the burning sensation in my eyes. I'm crying. Shit.
The lump in my throat doesn't subside as I finally give into my emotions. This time it's about Aaron. I just gave in. I gave into him. He frowns as he realises what I'm doing and moves his head backwards to take a good look at my face.
"Are you crying?"he says and lifts himself off me giving me space.
I remain as I am and continue to sob uncontrolably. My tears have already blurred my already messed up vision and I am starting to feel them run down the sides of my cheeks.
"Fuck." He mutters and brings himself beside me.
I feel his arms wrap around me pulling me closer to him.
"What's wrong?" He asks with a calm voice and if I wasn't high as hell I could probably confidently say it was with genuine concern.
I can't help but slightly laugh feeling dumber than ever. How embarrassing that I am crying in front of him. Or at least it would be if I'd come to my senses, I'm sure of it.
"I'm sorry." I say as I wipe my tears slowly although more are streaming down already.
"What do y-"
"I wanted this for a long time. I know you don't give a shit and this probably meant nothing to you but I needed it." I speak not realising I am sharing too much. I really don't give a single fuck how he thinks of me anymore.
"Vic-"
"I just wish it didn't feel so shitty afterwards." I add not acknowledging that he has something to say.
His arms shift around me and tighten his embrace keeping me glued on his torso. The warmth of his body comforts me even though it's the very thing I feel exposed to.
"I care." He says after a short pause with a low but steady voice. I can't be sure I heard correctly, I hardly remember what I said a moment ago.
"Right." I sneer and wipe the last of my tears off my face. At least I've finally started to calm down. At this point it's pointless for me to keep talking, I am barely keeping myself awake as it is.
"I'm sorry. About everyhting." He says as I slide myself into a better position to face him.
"What is everyhting?" I ask unsure of what I even mean. I'm actually unsure of what he means let alone what I was supposed to ask.
"What I've done to you and how I treated you. I can't even remember what I was thinking. The truth is all I've been wanting for the past 3 years is to be where I am now with you." He says making eye contact yet I have the feeling he has trouble saying the words.
I can't take it seriously. I don't even know if he's being serious. I laugh weakly thinking I am definitely high enough to hear bullshit like this.
"You're funny." I say and lie my head on his chest picking up the sound of his heartbeat. It's putting me to sleep, no doubt. "I need water." I say as I hear him take a deep breath. I think he was about to say something.
"I'll get you some." He says and kisses me on the forehead before gently letting go of me and getting off the bed.
My eyes begin to close and my surroundings are now a big black blur. In a moment's notice I've forgotten all about the water.