+++++
Chapter Six
"I'm scared of fire,
You wonder why you make girls cry."
Straight for the Knife
Sia
My heart was pounding and my head felt overwhelmingly heavy. Harsh and bitter words were being exchanged outside the door that shielded me from the sickening reality I so desperately wished to avoid. My hands subconsciously grasped the thin, rough sheets that were draped over my shaking body. The material absorbed the heat from my feverish body as I fought to control the way my hands twitched nervously as the voices rose significantly.
Pressing my eyes shut, I struggled to remember how I got here—in this cold hospital room. While the realization swept over my being, I felt my body slowly shut down.
I slowly began feeling the pain and discomfort that had momentarily escaped me when I had first woken up. My scalp burned as I remembered the hand that had so carelessly yanked my hair, angling my neck perfectly for him to plunge the needle into my exposed vein.
I could feel my body collapse as the drug took effect, my knees buckling and my vision fading rapidly as strength of the drug nearly knocked me off my feet.
I was brought back to reality as the beeping machine caught my attention. I blocked out the voices outside of the room and watched the way the line peaked upwards and dropped downwards, signally me the obvious: after all of this, I was still alive.
A bitter laugh exited my lips as the thought crossed my mind.
I was alive, but I sure as hell didn't feel that way. In fact, I haven't felt alive in a long time.
Those burst of energy, where I would feel fearless as confidence surged through my being—that wasn't living. That was adrenaline.
I was dead emotionally and mentally, yet my heart still pumped and my organs still served their functions, keeping the shell alive while I withered away.
"I've fucking had it!"
His distinctly dark tone caused my body to seize. A chill swept through the room as my stomach knotted, my eyes now zeroing in on the door handle as it jerked slightly.
"For the last time, Mr. King, I cannot let you into that room!" The doctor's feeble attempts to stop Sebastian were pathetic to say the least; yet they seemed to work as the door handle returned to its usual position.
"And why the hell won't you?" He growled out, causing a lethal silence to follow his words as the doctor seemed to struggle to form an answer.
"I must check her over and consult her on these tests-" papers shuffled in the background as he held up what I could only assume were the papers he was referring to. "But I can't do that until she is awake, and judging from dosage of the drug she was given, I doubt that will be any time soon."
A series of curse words were his response, followed by the loud echoing of footsteps as Sebastian paced back and forth within the hallway.
I could hear other voices join in, my ears perking when I heard Danny's concerned tone rise above the rest.
"Why hasn't she woken up yet? It's been three hours. Do you think something is wrong? Do you think she's okay? How strong was the drug?"
My eyes moved to the clock perched on the wall, noticing that indeed it was nearly two o'clock in the morning.
"Mr. Summers," The doctor cut him off with a sigh, "I do understand your worry, but you must remember that we had to stabilize her first when she arrived, and that did take some time. As for the drug, we have yet to learn what was in it, but I can tell you this—the drug had been mixed with a few others. Whoever did this obviously planned to give you guys a scare."
Once again, a blare of profanities echoed from outside as his words clearly displeased the people gathered outside.
"I must warn you, the drugs effects seemed to have been strengthened by the traces of—"
"Watch what you say right now," Mason cut in, warning ringing in his tone.
"What the hell are you on about?" Sebastian snapped.
I could practically see him glaring harshly at Mason. My heart took off as realization dawned on me. The doctor was on the verge of revealing my past drug abuse, one that Sebastian was completely unaware about.
I felt panic settle, paralyzing me as I lay on the hospital bed. With my mind clouded in a flurry of thoughts, I shoved the covers off of my body, ignoring the pain that flared up at my hasty movements. Gritting my teeth, I yanked the IV from my arm and fling the clip secured to my finger, causing the rapid beeps to die out.
With silence now resonating throughout the room, I climbed out of the bed slowly, hisses leaving my lips as my feet came into contact with the freezing tiles of the hospital floor. Focusing on the door only a few feet away, I stumbled forwards until my hand securely wrapped around the cool metal handle.
"What the hell strengthened the drug?" Sebastian spat out, fury tracing each word.
"Mate—" Mason started.
"I want to know what the fuck strengthened that drug because god damn it she is still unconscious and I am sick and tired of—"
With the remaining strength left in myself, I pulled the door open, my eyes instantly fluttering shut at the bright hallway lights that greeted me.
"I'm awake," I croaked out, offering a slight smile as my eyes adjusted to the scene before me.
Off to the side stood a middle aged, bald headed man who looked stressed, confused, and relieved as he stared at me in surprise. Emily and Kate were huddled on the spare chairs by the wall across, their cheeks streaked with mascara as the tears continued to fall down.
Nate, Will, and Callum stood nearby them, their eyes wide as they stared at my disheveled form.
Danny was next to the doctor, while Mason stood by Sebastian, his hand wrapped around Sebastian's arm.
Hesitantly, I allowed to raise my eyes to meet Sebastian's, almost instantly regretting my action the second his dark eyes pierced my own. My body jolted violently, his effect consuming me within seconds.
"I'm awake." I repeated quietly, my face flushing when no one moved or said anything.
"Evie," Kate muttered, rushing towards me and wrapping her skinny arms around my neck, knocking the breath from my lungs as her body collided with mine. I stumbled backwards before Kate's body was ripped off my own and a hand roughly grasped my elbow, stabilizing my body.
Sebastian pushed Kate off to the side, where Mason wrapped a protective arm around her as he sent a glare Sebastian's way.
"What do you think you're doing out of bed?" Sebastian growled quietly, his eyes darting over my face, his expression hard.
My lips parted as I struggled to form an answer, my eyes moving to the floor as embarrassment took over.
"If you don't mind, I'm going to have to ask Evelyn a few questions right now." The doctor interjected, his eyes moving in between Sebastian and me. "The sooner I can do this, the sooner you all can leave."
"Well then bloody get on with it, will you?" Sebastian snapped, his eyes refusing to leave mine as he spoke to the doctor.
With a tight stomach, I turned to face the doctor, moving backwards into the room as he motioned me back. I held my breath while he followed me inside, gesturing me to return to the bed as I did so. Climbing into the bed, I felt the breath leave my lungs once more as both Danny and Sebastian entered the room, shutting the door behind them.
"What are you doing?" I questioned, my tone wavering as I stared at them in panic.
"Ev, you're my sister," Danny stated, "I'm going to be here with you."
Sebastian stepped forward, his eyes boring into my own. Without a word he grabbed a nearby chair and with an unsatisfactory screech, he pulled it next to my bed and sat down roughly, his eyes slowly leaving mine to meet the doctor's questioning look.
"I'm Sebastian King." He gave a stiff shrug, "And if I have to wait any longer I'm going to fucking shoot you."
As morbid and harsh as his words were, I couldn't help but feel a small smile rise upon my lips. Leave it to Sebastian to allow his impatience to control him and threaten the doctor's life.
The doctor pressed his lips tightly together, his eyes moving to meet my own as he asked for my silent approval. Unfortunately, it didn't matter whether I wanted them in my room or not, for I knew fighting them on their decision would only further anger and annoy the both of them.
"Alright then," the doctor said with uncertainty. "My name is Doctor Henry," he finally introduced himself, "and I just have a few questions for you."
I nodded my head, urging him to continue.
"According to the tests we ran on you when you first came to the hospital," his words were hesitant, and I found myself bracing for the worst. "the drugs that were injected into you were strengthened because of the remaining traces of oxycodone in your system. They reacted badly, which caused your heart to momentarily stop beating—"
"My heart stopped beating?"
"Oxycodone?"
My eyes met Danny's confused ones, and I felt my chest tighten painfully as I turned back to Doctor Henry.
"Yes," he said, his eyes conveying regret as he continued to speak. "Evelyn, have you been abusing drugs?"
My throat was dry and I felt my hands become clammy as Danny stared at me in shock while Sebastian continued to stare forwards, his form stiff.
"Actually, I shouldn't be asking that. In regards to the test results, you have been abusing drugs. It seems as though your immune system is now far weaker than it ever should be, as this drug abuse dates back nearly a year ago."
For as long as I could remember, Danny had always been the rational one. I was the impulsive one, and Danny was the smart, logical, thoughtful one. He never acted too quickly, and always managed to keep his cool for the most part. Yet all it took was Doctor Henry's words to cause Danny's calm exterior to drop instantly.
I flinched as Danny slammed his hands onto the wall, an animalistic noise rising from deep within his throat. My hands shook as he turned to stare at him, a murderous look gracing his eyes.
"How could you?" He bellowed, his hands forming fists by his side as he stalked forwards. "After everything mum went to you decided to fucking follow in her footsteps?"
My lips trembled as my eyes began to burn from the build up of tears that threatened to fall.
"Mr. Summers—" Doctory Henry tried.
"You bloody idiot!" Danny snarled. "How could you be so careless? You know what drugs can do to a person! Do you really care that little for your life?"
He was moving closer, his fists practically shaking as his face reddened with each harsh yell that left his lips. He looked lethal at that point, not the least bit rational.
"Do you want to die? Huh?" His words were like knives, causing me to gasp out and whimper as he neared my vulnerable form. "You're the only fucking family I have left."
Danny threw my one last final look of disgust before he exited the room, slamming the door unbearably forcefully.
Doctor Henry shifted uncomfortably, "I—"
"We will be leaving now."
It was the first time Sebastian chose to speak since his threat to Doctor Henry's life upon his entrance into the room. His voice was cold and empty, yet it rang with finality.
My body lurched into action as he made his way out of the room, leaving me to follow him in a pathetic manner.
I felt a wave of shame wash over me as Danny turned to stare at me, an icy glare coating his eyes.
While the tension was nearly suffocating, everyone else was forced to watch in confusion as Danny murdered me with his eyes and Sebastian stand there expressionlessly.
"Are we going back to the house then?" Danny spoke up, his tone harsh.
Sebastian only responded with a slight nod before Danny spoke again.
"And we're taking her back with us?"
Kate's brows furrowed in both shock and bewilderment. "Of course we are. Why the hell wouldn't we take Evie home, she's your sister for god's sake."
Danny snorted, before taking a menacing step towards me. "She's nothing to me. She just some pathetic drugged up burden."
And with those harsh words of hatred, Danny turned on his heel and walked away, snapping at the others to follow him as he exited the hospital.
My feet remained glued to the floor as I fought the urge to cry. Danny's words had cut me deep, yet they had been entirely true. I guess that was the worst part of it all though—
Knowing that's all I was: a drugged up burden.
"Sebastian," I forced out, making my body turn to his.
He turned his head down so that he could look me in the eyes.
"I don't want to hear it. Let's go."
As we walked out of the hospital, a calendar caught my eyes, and I felt my heart slam into my chest as the bolded date was imprinted into my mind.
Today was December thirteenth—
The anniversary of my parent's death.
+++++
Death is consistent.
Death is loyal.
Death will never abandon you.
You can always rely on death to come whisk you off into an endless, dark abyss in which escape is impossible.
Family—it's a funny thing when you think about it. People consider family to be those closest to them, especially when your biological family isn't stable enough to care for you. Having a family that revolved around a gang forced all normal family aspects to be shoved out the door in a thoughtless attempt to maintain the gang as a priority.
Growing up, I was never surrounded by anyone else other than my biological family. No one else was closer to me than my family, and when Death grasped them by their necks and dragged them away from me, I was left alone. I had no family other than Danny, and even from the start it was clear that I was too problematic for my brother.
Danny, the rational adult, was forced to control his impulsive, reckless sister who wouldn't think twice about her life or the lives around her.
The worst part was the pity. The pity people felt for my brother when he had to not only take over the gang, but also take over me.
Gut wrenching guilt then drowned me as I realized the predicament my very being had placed my brother in.
I suppose that after all of that, it was no wonder that my brother though of me as nothing but a burden. A weight that was dumped onto him after our parent's died. In the back of my mind, I couldn't help but question why he never decided to off me. As a leader of a gang it wouldn't have been hard for him to do it.
Feeling depressed and basking in an overwhelming amount of self-pity, I sat on my bed alone in my room, my hands shaking as I sat in silence. I felt an urge to scream out, to knock the mirror off the wall and watch as it shattered onto the wooden floor. I was desperate, desperate to escape the painful silence that surrounded me.
My brother, my only family left, hated me. He hated me and the worst part was I absolutely deserved every bit of his painful detestation that was directed towards me.
Ever since I was younger, I've done things I couldn't explain. I acted without reason; in fact, most of the things I did was without reason. I was an absolute mess most of the time and as I sat on my bed in the dull darkness of my room, I realized that not much has changed.
I was still a mess more than ever. I am thoughtless and careless and I rarely consider how my actions will affect those around me.
I took drugs for myself.
I took drugs to numb myself.
I didn't think for one second that anyone would be affected by my drug abuse.
"Evie," the door swung open and Mason's commanding voice echoed around the room. "You need to come downstairs."
I lifted my head from my hands, my eyes blinking rapidly as they adjusted to the bright light that flowed in from the hallway.
"Damn it Evie!" Mason snapped when I didn't immediately move, "Right now!"
Biting my lip nervously, I climbed off of my bed and trailed after Mason, my hands nervously shaking as I followed him down the hallway.
My eyes remained focused on the stairs as I descended down them, silently praying that my legs wouldn't give out.
I felt weak, not only mentally but also physically. It was like all the energy had been drained from my body, leaving my empty. And right now, as I stood in the entryway of the living room with everyone's eyes on me, I felt vulnerable.
My eyes flashed to the clock on the wall, wincing when I realized it was already eight in the morning. It seemed shocking that I had actually sat on my bed for over five hours, not doing anything except feeling bad for myself.
The tension was suffocating. I forced myself not to flinch under the severe stares of those in the room; however, when my eyes met Danny's, it took everything from myself to not wince and turn away from the lethal look in his eyes.
"Drugs?" Nate asked, "Really?"
Panic flared up instantly, and I pursed my lips tightly, unwilling to give any form of response.
"We're not discussing that at this moment." Sebastian emerged from behind me, entering the room with a series of files in his hands. He barely even cast me a glance as he walked by me, his sudden action causing a brisk breeze of cold air to wash over me.
Shivering slightly, my eyes met Kate's. She offered me a small, reassuring smile. While the action itself wasn't much, it provided me the comfort that I so desperately needed.
"I had a few men look in on what happened last night," Sebastian announced, "and sure enough, all the trails lead back to Nick—Nick Harmon, to be exact. The same Nick that had been trailing Evie while she was in America."
"He was one step ahead of us." Callum announced, his expression grim.
"Exactly." Confirmed Sebastian, his gaze moving to me. "Before his worker drugged you, did he say anything?"
Danny snorted loudly, capturing everyone's attention. "You seriously asking her? Really Sebastian?"
Silence answered Danny, who stood up abruptly, glaring at me angrily. "I think we should all know by now that she hasn't got much to offer unless she's prostituting her body or fucking up something for the gang."
My jaw dropped and the tears didn't hesitate to fall from my eyes. A choking noise rose from the back of my throat and I took a step backwards.
"Back off," Mason said sternly, giving my brother a stiff glare.
"You're defending her?" Danny snarled, advancing towards Mason.
"You're right, I shouldn't be." Mason said, "She's your fucking sister, you shouldn't be attacking her like this."
Danny didn't respond immediately, until a harsh look of realization crossed his features.
"You knew?" He spat out a bitter laugh, "You knew."
"What the—" Callum started. Soon enough, all the guys were yelling at each other, some even going as far as to turn on Kate and demand an explanation. And in the midst of it all, Sebastian stood there in the back, leaning against the table with the files in his hand.
He made no move to do or say anything, and while that hurt like a fucking bitch, it also pissed me off to no end.
"Stop it!" I yelled out, and for the first time in a while, my voice was strong and unwavering. "This is bloody madness!"
"Oh yeah?" Danny asked, "It's all your fault."
His words cut me deep, especially due to the malice that lay deep within them. But I couldn't give him the satisfaction of hurting me. I couldn't continue to let him be the irrational one anymore.
"Yes Danny, it is all my fault," I snapped, throwing my hands up in the air. "And you can hate me as much as you want but you know what, that won't change the fact that you're stuck with me. I'm a burden? Well guess what, you fucking need me, okay? I have helped you through so much so yes, hate me as much as you want, but I'm not going anywhere."
"Except you did. For ten months you were gone, without a single trace as to where you had disappeared to."
Guilt—he is trying to use your guilt against you.
"I'm back now."
"I wish you weren't."
"Sorry to disappoint but I'm the only family you have left," I growled out, glaring back at Danny.
"Funny because at the rate you're going, you might not be along for much longer."
I watched silently as he turned away and exited the room, flinging open the front door violently.
"Oh and Danny?" I called out last minute, catching his attention. "Send my best to mum and dad, will you?"
My only response was the mere slam of the door leaving the house with a mere slam of the door to signal his departure.
"How can you be so fucking heartless?" Will asked, rising to his feet. His eyes blazing with fury as he glared at me. "How could you say that to him. Especially today of all days."
I remained unresponsive, forcing myself to be as cold and expressionless as possible despite the growing guilt in the pit of my stomach.
"I'm going to go follow him," Will muttered, "Unlike you, Evie, I think of others and I can recognize how much pain you've put your brother in."
Will quickly exited the room, leaving us all in a suffocating silence. Shifting uncomfortably, I turned to face those remaining in the room, a twist in my gut as I noted the loss of people in the room was an effect of my doing.
"Do you have anyone else you wish to piss off or can I finally get this meeting started?" Sebastian's voice was empty, lacking even the smallest sliver of emotion.
I refused to respond with words, only giving him a slight nod, indicating he should get on with it.
"We have managed to track down the whereabouts of Nick Harmon," Sebastian announced, "But at this point and time, we are not going to fully act on it because he seems to know more about us than we have anticipated."
"But why don't you just send in a sniper or something? Get rid of him once and for all, since you do know where he is and all." Sebastian tensed, his darks eyes moving downwards to Kate who was perched on a nearby couch.
"As I recall, you have absolutely no part in this gang."
I felt myself instantly become defensive as hurt flashed through Kate's eyes, before a look of defiance quickly emerged.
Shrugging casually and brushing off his comment as though it had no effect on her, Kate was quick to defend herself. "I was just pointing out what seems to be the obvious solution to your problems. By no means do I wish to become involved with this gang, more than I already am now."
She sat back slightly, her eyes holding onto Sebastian's threatening stare as if she were challenging him.
"Like I was saying before," Sebastian started off again, "We are going to try to lay low for the time being. I want to know more about Nick before we act too early. I don't like being caught off guard and I refuse to let that happen again."
Mason nodded in agreement before chiming in. "So what's the plan for tonight then? Should we just stay here and out of sight?"
Sebastian shrugged in response, "I suppose so, I guess we haven't got much of a choice—"
"I think that's a bad idea."
It took me a few moments to register that I had been the one to speak out, and interrupt Sebastian. My eyes widened a fraction of an inch before I hurriedly attempted to explain my abrupt answer.
"What I meant was, I don't think that avoiding going out is going to help us. In fact, I think it will only prove that we were shaken by what happened, and that will give him the upper hand. By letting him know he is getting under our skin, we are letting him win."
Kate and Emily both nodded, signaling their agreement with my theory.
"So what do you propose?" Callum questioned. "Do you really think we should just all go out tonight as if nothing even happened only a few hours ago?"
I hesitated before nodding slowly. "I know that seems stupid and rash, but it's still our best option. Once he sees that the little stunt he pulled didn't affect us, he will have to try to plan something else, which will buy us some time. Oh and seeing us out tonight will also piss him off."
Mason snorted at the last bit, "And we all know that's what you're best at: pissing people off."
I threw him a sly smirk, "It's my specialty."
"Alright," Sebastian finally spoke up. "We'll go out tonight, but we are going to have to keep our eyes peeled in case anything suspicious happens."
"Nate, mind passing that along to Will and Danny?" Sebastian asked, although it was more of a command rather than a question.
"Of course," Nate said, his boyish grin lighting up his features.
"Okay, everyone can leave, this meeting is now over." Sebastian announced, "Except Evie. I need you to come with me to my office. I have something to discuss with you."
I tensed as worry seized my body as I was forced to follow Sebastian through the dimly lit hallway and into his office. My eyes flickered around the room, almost cautiously before Sebastian gestured me to take a seat in the chair in front of his desk.
He sat down, folding his hands on to hard wooden surface of his desk. I watched him closely, noting how he lacked any hint of emotion on his features.
The fact that he hadn't acted out yet really worried me; in fact, he hadn't had much of a reaction at all. His indifference towards me was worrying. Usually, by this time, he would be yelling at me, even maybe on the verge of hitting me.
"What is it?" I asked, my voice coming out as a hushed whisper.
He stared at me blankly for a few moments before shifting in his chair. "Due to what's happened over the past twenty-four hours, I've decided to remove you from your position in the gang."
My jaw went slack, and I felt my eyes bug out in pure shock.
"What?"
"I no longer what you working as the baiter for the Kings. I've decided to let Emily take over your position as well as the jobs from here on out."
I felt gutted.
Ever since I was fifteen, when I first started working, this was all I knew. I baited in men and I never once failed to complete a job. I did everything and anything for my gang.
"Did Emily know about this?" I asked, my tone accusing and bitter.
Sebastian raised his brow at my tone, and some foreign emotion flickered through his eyes.
"Don't start right now with me Evie," Sebastian warned, his eyes narrowing with me.
At the slightest glimpse of anger within him, I felt compelled to urge more emotion from him.
"What? Is she better than me or something?" the volume of my voice had risen significantly. "Why the hell are you doing this Sebastian? You know I'm good at what I do! I'm better than Emily! You fucking know that! Why the hell are you giving my god damn position away to her?"
I jumped violently as he slammed his hands down onto his desk, causing a deafening noise to resonate throughout the room.
"I've had enough of this," he hissed out. "I'm giving Emily the position because right now she is the most reliable one to do the job."
I stared at him silently, unable to form a response.
"I don't have to worry about her being high on the job."
His last line cut me. I felt pain seep through my being as my eyes began to well up.
"Sebastian-" I tried.
He raised his hand, effectively silencing me.
"My decision is final. You, Evie Summers, are no longer part of the Kings."
+++++
Have you ever felt murderous?
Absolutely lethal?
You know the feeling. When anger shakes you to the core and all you can focus on is the hatred and fury that is being pumped through your veins.
That feeling, while unbelievably strong, has a tendency to burn out quickly. Once it has, you're left numb. You're drained, you're exhausted, and you've lost the minimal energy that allows you to feel much of anything.
I was numb right now.
I've been numb before.
But at this moment, everything felt different. Normally when I was numb, I still felt the slightest bit of anger residing within myself. Except now, I was actually empty. I had lost everything. I lost my parents, I'd lost my brother because I pushed him away, and now I had lost my gang—the one thing I thought would always be there for me.
"He took away my position," I stated, watching my brother carefully. "He's given it to Emily."
Silence.
"He said it's because of the drugs."
No response.
"I've got nothing now."
His icy eyes met mine.
"And whose fault is that?"
Hurt.
I moved out of the room, ignoring the stares from those who were scattered throughout the house. I trudged up the stairs, a heavy pain filling my chest as I fought to control myself.
I entered my room, softly shutting the door behind myself. I stood there for what seemed to be hours. It was as if I was having an out of body experience. I was unable to move, unable to speak, unable to function.
I felt unstable.
I felt depressed.
I wasn't myself.
I lost my gang.
Walking into my bathroom, I stared blankly in the mirror. Without giving it a second thought, I lifted my brush from the counter and hurled in towards the mirror.
I flinched at the harsh shattering sound, watching as the mirror crashed down into the sink and the surrounding area. I bit my lip as small shards hit the floor and sliced my feet, leaving small cuts on my delicate pale skin.
Surprisingly enough, a small part of the mirror remained intact, allowing my to stare into my blank eyes. They were wide with shock, as though I had surprised myself with my own action. My lips quivered and my gaze dropped into the sink, where my eyes focused on a particularly large jagged piece of the broken mirror.
"You destroy everything you touch."
My voice sounded foreign to my own ears.
With a shaking hand, I reached out for the broken piece, cautiously picking it up from the remains of the mirror.
Almost robotically, my opposite arm reached out, as though it was offering its exposed skin.
The skin on my wrist was pulled tight. The dark green blue vein was prominent underneath my pale skin. It was pulsing rapidly, as though it was taunting me to do it—to slice my skin open and allow the pent up misery to flow from my body.
After everything, all that I've been through, this was it. This was how the infamous Evelyn Summers was going to go. One deep, painful slash of the wrist and then she would be gone.
How the hell had I gotten to this point?
I suppose it was the result of my insanity. I felt as though everything had been taken from me. I felt empty and I felt hurt.
I had nothing and I had no one.
But death—
Death is reliable.
Death is consistent.
Death is loyal.
Death will never abandon you.
With gritted teeth I lifted the jagged piece to my skin. The pressure was light, as though it was mocking me.
"I desperately want to die." I muttered out, swaying on my feet. "I desperately want to die."
And then I slit my wrist.
+++++
I woke with a start.
My forehead was sweaty and my entire body was shaking slightly. My throat felt tight and dry.
"Here," my body lurched, "Drink this."
I stared at Danny in utter shock, my eyes dropping to stare at the glass of water that he held out to me.
Instantly everything came back to me, and I sat abruptly, holding up my wrists in horror. My skin was unbroken. There wasn't a single trace of a laceration, or even a scratch for that matter.
Without a word to Danny, I left my bed quickly, muttering incoherently under my breath as I entered my bathroom. My lips parted in shock as I stared at the mirror that was perfectly intact, much like the skin on my wrist.
"How?" I questioned out loud. My hands moved to touch the mirror, tracing around the cool surface in hopes of finding even the smallest crack; yet there was nothing. The mirror itself was as good as new.
"Evie, please sit down," Danny said cautiously, reaching out grab me. I allowed his hands to wrap around my arms, gently tugging me away from the mirror and back into my room.
"Danny," I cried out, "Danny, I slit my wrist."
"What?" Danny snapped, turning my around quickly and lifting up my wrists for examination. "Evie, what the hell?"
I shook my head, feeling feverish. "Danny I did. I broke the mirror and I slit my wrist."
A pained expression took over his features as he gently sat me down on the side of my bed.
"You passed out on the stairs and you hit your head very hard." Danny explained to me. "Sebastian said you left his room very upset, and he was going to follow after you when he heard you collapse on the stairs."
I felt around my head, wincing as my hand came in contact with a lump on the back.
"I haven't been feeling well," I admitted.
Danny nodded. "Is it because of the drugs?"
"No!" I burst out, "No. They don't make me feel like this. They've never made me feel like this."
Danny nodded again, as though he truly understood me. "Okay, it's okay Evie."
"But it's not!" I cried out. "I'm not okay! I'm seeing things! I'm losing my mind!"
"You're not going crazy," Mason voice sounded as he entered the room. "The hospital just called. You had traces of DMT in your bloodstream. DMT is a hallucinogen that can cause you to panic and become paranoid."
His voice was soft, as though he were speaking to a scared animal. "You're okay, Evie, you just need some rest."
I nodded my head slowly, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
Mason just nodded slightly, and exited the room without another word. After Danny helped me into the bed, he pulled up a chair and sat off to the side, watching me carefully as I tried to relax.
"I think I'm depressed."
Danny remained silent, using his eyes to urge me to continue.
"I'm sad. I'm sad all the time and it scares me."
My speech was slurred and my vision was growing hazy. Exhaustion was taking over and I found myself teetering on the verge of sleep.
"I'm going to stop, Danny. I swear." I blurted out. "I don't want to lose you too."
I felt a comforting hand grab onto my own.
"You won't lose me. I'm always going to be here for you." Danny's voice was soft and comforting. "You're my sister Ev, I'll always love you."
At the sound of his words, I allowed myself to slip into the darkness, my body crashing into a wave of unconsciousness.
As I fell asleep, a consoling thought crossed my mind.
As much as I desperately wanted to die, I also desperately wanted to live.
+++++
It had been two days since I returned from the hospital. I felt mentally stable for the most part, and over the past few days I've finally been able to catch up on the sleep I've been deprived of.
"You look great," Kate observed, smiling as I danced around my room, Ed Sheeran's voice echoing throughout my room.
"Don't fuck with my love," I sang out, "that heart is so cold!"
"Ed Sheeran? Really?" She asked moving over to my bed where my laptop lay open.
I froze instantly, throwing her a harsh glare.
"Don't you dare try to insult him," I snapped. "He is the best thing that's ever happened to this world."
I closed my laptop quickly, effectively silencing the heavenly music that echoed from its speakers.
"I remembered to take my anxiety medication today." I stated, causing Kate to nod in understanding. "I must have forgotten to in the last week or so, which explains why I've been so unstable."
"You really can't forget it." Kate said quietly, "Maybe you should tell Sebastian about it. Then he could help you remember and it might even lead him into giving you back your position."
My smile wavered, and I forced a fake one back onto my lips. "Or, you could just help remind me like any good friend would do."
Kate only nodding, realizing that I was in no mood to talk about Sebastian.
While I had improved physically and mentally over the last couple of days, nothing could possibly ease the pain of having Sebastian completely ice me out. Ever since the hospital, he hasn't said anything more than a few words to me. He barely looked at me anymore, and ever single second of it was like a stab to my heart.
"Excited to go out tonight?" Kate offered, hoping to change the subject.
I dropped the fake smile, and only shrugged. "I guess so. It will be weird going to the club and not having a job to carry out."
"But at least now you can relax and have fun," Kate attempted. It was clear that she was running out of ideas of how to cheer me up, and I couldn't help but feel slightly guilty for making it so hard for her.
"You're right," I said, a genuine smile crossing my lips. "I'm going to go out and have fun and I won't have to worry about anything because for once, I won't be working."
Kate's face lit up and she nodded quickly. "That's the spirit."
"Okay," I said, "Now you're going to have to help me pick out something good to wear because you know what, I want to look hot. If Sebastian wants to ignore me that's fine, I'm just going to get the attention from someone else."
Kate's encouraging nods slowed to a stop, "Ev, I'm not so sure about that."
I shook off her words, "Let me have fun."
"There's nothing wrong with having a little fun." We looked up to see Mason enter the room, a smile gracing his lips as he caught eyes with Kate.
I pretended to gag at them, causing the both of them to laugh at my childish behavior.
"Just came in to let you all know that we will be leaving in around two hours or so." He announced, "Oh and Evie, try not to cause any drama tonight, okay?"
I shrugged and smirked. "I can't make any promises."
Mason only laughed and shook his head. "Remember, we still need to be on the look out for anything or anyone suspicious."
I stiffened slightly, before nodding my head in agreement. "Aye, aye captain."
After Mason exited the room, I went through my closet pulling out anything that I could possibly find. While I was determined to not cause the drama everyone assumed I would, I did want to piss off Sebastian. I was sick of him ignoring me and at this point, I was desperate for any kind of reaction from him. I would even be happy if he was yelling at me, because then at least he would be acknowledging my presence.
Kate had left my room after an hour or so, after she filled me in on what was happening around the house.
According to her, Emily had a job tonight, one in which would involve us taking out one of Nick Harmon's men. In a weird sense, I was grateful that I wasn't working tonight. I don't think I could handle the thought of dealing with another one of Nick Harmon's men, or even Nick himself.
While they'd been planning this out for days, we were still meant to remain cautious and on the look out, in case Nick was able to counter our attack.
For this reason, I was meant to stay in the VIP section of the club, in case anyone recognized me and tried to target me again.
"Alright everyone, ten more minutes then we leave!" Callum's voice echoed from downstairs.
I wiped off any excessive makeup left on my face before adjusting my dress, making sure everything was perfect before I left the room. I made sure to pick a dress with sleeves, one that would cover my back and hide the bruises and scars that tainted my skin.
Moving outside of my room, I took a deep breath before walking down the stairs, letting my signature smirk form as everyone's head turned upon my entrance. Emily, Callum, and Nate all smirked, while Kate and Mason shared worried looks. Danny rolled his eyes at me, but didn't seem annoyed for the most part.
Sebastian on the other hand, he narrowed his eyes at me angrily, causing my smirk to deepen.
"What the hell are you wearing?" He snapped. It was the first time he directed his words to me rather than just spit out some random order.
"What?" I asked, spinning around, "You don't like it?"
Callum shook his head at me, fighting to stifle his laughter as I continued to openly taunt Sebastian.
"How about we just go," Danny offered, sensing the fight that was about to break out.
Sebastian only clenched his jaw and exited the room, slamming the door quite hard. After a few moments of silence, we all left the house with an uncomfortable level of tension rising around us.
"I thought I told you no drama," Mason hissed in my ear as I climbed into the car.
I snorted and barked out a laugh. "Who are you to think I'd take orders from you?"
His eyebrows rose at the sound of my harsh tone, causing me to shake my head slightly and shrug.
"I haven't done anything wrong, okay? It's just a dress."
Granted, that dress also happened to have a daring plunge down the front, one that left little to imagine.
"Please just try not to anger him any further," Mason pleaded.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I muttered as the car slowed to a stop in front of the club. Before Mason could stop me, I hurriedly exited the car and made my way to the entrance of the club, before a strong arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me into a hard body.
"I don't think so," Sebastian breathed out, his mouth hovering over my ear as he leaned down. "You're staying with me."
I struggled slightly in his grasp, unwilling to cause a seen in front of all the people who were now watching us so closely. Sebastian only tightened his grasp and led me inside the club.
"What's with all the attention?" I spat out, throwing him a glare. "You seem to have been perfectly fine with ignoring me before."
The muscle in his jaw jumped, causing my stomach to lurch with excitement. His expression was dark, and I countered his hard glare with one of my own.
As the music deafened us, I allowed him to guide me up to the VIP room, where we would be able to overlook all those below us. Once inside, he removed his arm and pushed me off to the side.
"Oh is that it now?" I snapped. "You don't want anything to do with me but god forbid I find someone who does."
"So you admit you wore that dress for some guy's attention," Sebastian spat out, his eyes flashing.
While everyone else entered the room, Sebastian and I continued to stare each other down, glaring at the other angrily.
"So what?" I lashed out. "So what if I did? I can do whatever the hell I want to!"
"No you fucking can't!" Sebastian snarled, glaring at me violently.
"Oh really?" I asked, lowering my voice dramatically. "Because since I'm no longer part of this gang, it seems that you can no longer control me anymore. I'm absolutely free to do whatever I want to."
Sebastian opened his mouth, ready to fight back.
"Oh shut up," I hissed. "You and I both know I'm right. You can't control me anymore."
With that, I left the room, marching down the stairs and moving towards the bar ahead, knowing fully well it was only a matter of time before Sebastian caught up with me to yell at me some more.
"Hey, you look like you could use a drink."
I looked up, my eyes latching onto the one's of a young looking man who wore a friendly smile on his face. Despite the guarded wall I had up, I offered a sly smile back to the man before nodding my head.
"I suppose I do."
He grinned at my response. "Alright love, what's your poison."
With a flirtatious smirk back, I glanced back at the VIP room where Sebastian was sending me a lethal glare.
"Cranberry vodka, please."
"You got it."
+++++
(Third Person)
Evie threw Sebastian a harsh glare before storming out of the room. Everyone watched in uncomfortable silence as she made her way through the club, catching the eye of nearly every person she passed as she walked over to the bar, causing Sebastian to growl angrily.
Evie, never knowing when to stop, turned back to throw Sebastian a glance and she openly flirted with the man beside her.
"That's it," Sebastian spat out, leaving the room.
"I just don't fucking get it," Emily muttered after he left. "It seems like all they ever do is bicker back and forth and for the love of god one second they can't get enough of each other then the next, they hate each other will all of their being."
"That's basically the definition of their relationship," Callum said with a shrug.
"Well can they just get on with it admit that they love each other? Because it is so fucking obvious and their bi-polar relationship is only causing unbearable tension within the gang."
"Damn Emily," Kate muttered, "Seems like you've been keeping this pent up for far too long."
Emily only threw up her hands. "Oh come on guys! Don't pretend that you don't see this to! It's getting ridiculous, like how Sebastian gave me her position? Even high off her head Evie is still a better baiter than me."
There was a moment of silence before Danny spoke up.
"I see it, we all do." He admitted. "The problem with Evie and Sebastian is that they are too damn prideful to admit they love each other, and because of that they hate each other."
"Oh god," Mason exclaimed, his eyes focused on the scene below.
Sebastian had now reached Evie by the bar, and was now yelling at her and the man who she had been talking to. It was visible that he was pissed off, and everyone could only watch in trepidation as Evie argued back, sliding her body between Sebastian and the man's.
"They're going to kill each other," Kate muttered out, shaking her head slightly as Evie pushed Sebastian's chest.
"That may be so," Danny agreed, "But they'd kill for each other too."
+++++
"Come back with me right now," Sebastian growled out, his eyes black as night as he reached for my arms.
Glaring back at him, I shoved his chest hard, hoping to put some distance between us. He barely even reaction to the push, which caused me to grow angrier.
"Just leave me alone," I snapped. "I want to have fun."
Sebastian rolled his eyes before he latched onto my arm and tugged me forwards, causing my body to crash forwards into his.
"You're interrupting the job that needs to happen, okay? So stop being a fucking bitch and come with me upstairs so we can get this over with." While his words conveyed his anger, his tone was soft and urging.
After staring into his eyes for a few moments, I nodded my head and allowed him to guide me through the crowded dance floor.
As we entered the room, silence welcomed us along with a few awkward smiles. I rolled my eyes at everyone and plopped down onto the couch, examining my nails in a carefree manner.
"Okay Emily," Sebastian spoke after a few minutes went by. "Your target has just arrived."
This caught everyone's attention, and we all cast our eyes out into the crowd, trying to find the man Sebastian was referring to.
Sure enough, a man in a dark suit just entered the club, his eyes scanning around the club as though he were looking for someone.
"Everyone back away," Sebastian ordered as he allowed the curtain to fall down, effectively creating a wall in which those in the club could not see through.
"Are you ready for this?" Danny asked Emily, watching her closely.
She nodded quickly, although her face had paled drastically.
"It's go time." Sebastian announced.
Kate and I waited in silence while everyone else assumed their positions. Sebastian had left us with a gun in case, but for the most part, we were safe as could be up in the room, isolated from everyone else.
"I wonder how it's going," Kate said, sounding worried.
I shrugged and gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it, Kate. Six of the most dangerous men are outside right now making sure absolutely nothing goes wrong."
Kate nodded, visibly relaxing at the sound of my words.
"It only a matter of time this will all be over," I said, nudging her and grinning, "Nick Harmon and his gang will be over and done with, and we will never have to deal with them again."
"You're right—"
The sound a door breaking and collapsing onto the ground caused a scream to rise up from Kate. I whipped around, my eyes wide as he walked into the room. Below there was a series of shouts, gunshots, and screams.
Kate continued to scream and Nick made his way over to us, causing me to raise the gun in my hands and flip off the safety switch.
"Don't even think about it," Nick said, raising his own gun. "You shoot me and I shoot her."
"Not if I shoot you through your fucking head," I snarled.
This only caused him to laugh. "Are you sure about that Evie?" Because I don't think you will. I don't think you can."
Before I could react, Nick lunged forwards, his body slamming into mine as he tackled me to the floor. My gun fell from my hands and slid underneath the nearby couch, leaving me defenseless. Kate let out another scream as I struggled to break free from Nick.
"Run, Kate!" I screamed out, attempting to wrestle the gun from Nick's hands. "You need to get out of here!"
Kate nodded quickly and sprinted from the room, promising she'd bring help as she left.
I continued to fight Nick, working to rip the gun away from his hands.
"Now, now, Evelyn," he whispered, grinning at my frantic state. "No need to fight, I'm not going to shoot you."
Grasping my arm tightly, he stood up, tugging me roughly behind him. My body pitched forwards at the sudden movement, and I fell onto Nick, causing him to laugh manically.
"You seem to be back to your normal self even after what happened was it, two days ago?"
My eyes narrowed and a string of curse words left my lips.
"I understand the drugs given to you made you go a little," he whistled a strange tune, "crazy!"
I snarled at him, struggling to break away from his grasp. "You're fucking insane."
He smiled, "So are you."
He looked back, muttering some things under his breath before turning forwards.
"It seems our time has been cut short," he said with a sigh, "I'm afraid I must go for now. But let me tell you one thing before I go. It is not hard to go insane, it is not hard to lose your sanity at all. But you know what helps—what helps you lose you're absolute fucking mind?"
I refused to respond.
"Guilt." He spat out.
I stilled at his words, by body tensing up rigidly.
"You have a lot to be guilty for, right?" He asked, laughing. "There's something you still need to tell Sebastian, and if you don't soon, I will."
He released me suddenly and ran over to the door. "I'll be seeing you soon Evelyn, try not to miss me too much."
+++++
"I didn't mean for this to happen."
My voice was barely audible. Goose bumps covered my pale skin, causing me to wrap my arms tightly across me chest. For some reason the temperature seemed to be dropping rapidly causing me to shiver violently and whimper as the cold air bit my exposed skin.
"Evie what are you saying?" Sebastian asked, ashis eyes filled with worry. "We're all okay, no one was hurt."
"He was there," I cried out. "He was there with me."
Sebastian nodded, murmuring that he knew. He pulled me into a warm embrace, holding onto me as I began shaking.
My eyes were frantically darting about and my breaths had become slower and more painful. I starting gasping for breath as my vision started to waver, causing nausea to erupt over my body.
"Evie, you need to calm down," Sebastian repeated, attempting to sit me down at the edge of my bed.
"He knows," I muttered, "How the hell does he know?"
"Know what?" He asked, shaking me slightly, "Evie, please talk to me, you're worrying me."
I felt as though I was going to pass out at any given moment. My head felt light and my entre body was on fire.
"Sebastian!" I screamed out, standing up. "We never got the pill, okay, don't you remember?"
Sebastian looked utterly confused as I screamed at him, my eyes wide and frantic.
"Evie, what are you going on about?" He asked softly, attempting to calm me down.
I shook my head at him, tears filling my eyes.
"There's something you still need to tell Sebastian, and if you don't soon, I will."
"I didn't come back because I was some fucked up drug addict. Sebastian you need to know this." I blurted out, my entire body shaking.
I was going to lose consciousness, I knew it.
"I didn't come back because I didn't know how I was supposed to face you again."
"Evie," Sebastian cried out. "You're not making any sense!"
"I was pregnant."
Sebastian froze.
"I was pregnant and I didn't know it."
He didn't move a muscle.
"I killed our baby."
+++++