'On step at a time' Seungwan thought as she look at how Joohyun talk animatedly of what she did today on her first job as a full timer and Seungwan can't be more happy to see that sparkle eyes out again because the last time she saw this eyes was at Joohyun's engagment night. That was 4 years ago since she married Joohyun. Things do really getting better. Seungwan's company land on big project that made their company daebak and getting bigger so is Seungwan's income and life became better. So, she renovates the house. Upgrade it from one bedroom to 3 bedrooms with one study room. It's a 2 story house which is made Seungwan's landscape more beautiful and lovely. They have a garage too for their new suv. It's not fancy but enough for both of them. She would pick Joohyun from time to time or they can go to watch movie or go for picnic. As for their closeness...
"What did I said, you, Joohyun is holy talented!" Seungwan tease cause she earn a playful slap from Joohyun.
"Aw Wan-ah, don't tease me. I am still shaking until right now, see?" Joohyun grab Seungwan's hand and hold it. Seungwan look down at their hand and wonder how on earth Joohyun's hand can be fit perfectly on hers. She use her thumb to stroke the back of Joohyun's hand before she look up just to realize Joohyun's looking at her and they are so close to each other. It weekend and they decided to have a little fancy dinner at the downtown restaurant that serves delicious food and wine. Seungwan rise her unoccupied hand and fix the older's bangs gently until her palms stop at Joohyun's side cheek, linger longer at there as she appreciate her family, her friend, her wife, Son Joohyun.
"Joohyun?" both quickly broke away their intense gaze and look at the interlude.
"Hi J." Joohyun quickly stood up and giving a kiss toward the guy on the cheek.
"It's surprise to see you here." The man that Seungwan note as a hunk smile sweetly at Joohyun.
"Right I am having dinner with- ah where is my manner. Seungwan this is J, my co- Worker and J, this is Seungwan." Seungwan actually feel hurt that Joohyun didn't introduce her as her wife but she shrugs it away. Joohyun is also getting popular lately because her awesome job and sparing Seungwan's nose under a spot light is already bless to the older. Seungwan didn't like the spotlight like while Joohyun really enjoy it very well. Well she is the head designer on her team for nothing.
"Hi J, nice to meet you. I hope Joohyun didn't get you too much headache." Seungwan joke as they both shake hands. J laugh, please that Seungwan is so cool.
"Yes. Yes, I think I need to put more dosage on my aspirin." J joke back cause Joohyun whine and slap both of her bullies arm.
"oops I better go. Sorry Seungwan but I don't want her to break my handsome face. You will die as holy martyr." J bid them good bye and walk away.
"Your friend is funny." Seungwan state casually before she drink her wine. She look at Joohyun as she hum in agreement but there is something in her eyes that Seungwan might know but she don't want to think about it.
X
Seungwan always know that Joohyun is a smart person. She knew what is the best for her. She knew when she has to stop and when she has to step in to solve the problem. But still it didn't calm Seungwan down when the clock is showing 2 in the morning where she sat down at their living room, waiting for Joohyun. She tried to reach her by phone but it was no use since it went straight to voice mail. But her worries soon wash away when she hear the front door open.
"Oh Seungwan." Like deer got caught in the spotlight. Joohyun stood at the front door with Seungwan's intense gaze on her.
"Joohyun do you know how worry I was? Where have you been? It's 2 in the morning and I can't even reach you." Seungwan said worriedly. Joohyun bites here lips, looking guilty.
"I am sorry Seungwan there is another project this week and my team decided before we went to comatose for this project, we should loosen up a bit before having that tight schedule a-and my phone went dead." Seungwan know that was a lie. Joohyun was lying to her since last month. And now she is lying again. She already check on Joohyun by calling her office but none of her co worker mention this small party her wife mention just now. This town is not that big, it's easy to spot someone twice in a day. Tonight was supposed to be their 5th anniversary. Is Joohyun who insist that they should celebrate it as what Joohyun call 'Alpha Team', because they are having good job for maintain this relationship, this force up relationship.
"It's okay, you are now home is the matter. Just text me or something next time okay? Now go to wash and sleep. We have a long day tomorrow." So Joohyun went and gave a hug to Seungwan. Joohyun smell different and she know too well who those perfume belongs to. And that night for the first time she cried for herself for falling for the wrong person.
X
"Wan-ah wait!" Seungwan can hear Joohyun shouting and chasing her from behind. Her heart stung. "Seungwan! I can explain." Joohyun finally catches up with Seungwan by blocking her path toward her SUV.
"Explain what Joohyun? That you bring a guy to my house to make out? You are not respecting me!" This is the first time Joohyun heard Seungwan mad at her. Her sweet and caring Seungwan even shout at her.
"Seungwan we both drunk-"
"If you drunk just go to hotel instead my house!" Seungwan shout cause Joohyun cower and took a step back a bit. Seungwan breathing hard and look away. She can't deal with this right now. Not when she is hurting and hot head.
"Seungwan I am sorry, we didn't mean-" The guy stood beside Joohyun. It took him seconds before he realize what is happening.
"Stay away J. This is family matter and you have no right to step in. now fuck off before I call the police for you trespassing my house." Seungwan said while gritting her teeth. She never swear or so mad like this before. She knows it's not J's fault. It's not Joohyun's fault too. She knows that. She know Joohyun is dating and she know that Joohyun is kind of having serious thing with J. It can't be denied when J and Joohyun working together at the same department. But at least Joohyun shouldn't rub it in front of Seungwan's face by showing intimate skin ship at her house. It was like Joohyun is slapping her with harsh reality that Joohyun can't be hers.
"Seungwan! No J stay." Joohyun said as she took a hold of J hand cause Seungwan chuckle. 'I'll never be in love my ass.'
"I am such a fool." Seungwan step back a bit, mumbleing and balled her fist.
"Seungwan." Joohyun look at Seungwan. She seems, different. She never saw Seungwan like this. Shaking and look hurt.
"Joohyun, I don't mind if you were in relationship with him or whoever you want." Seungwan pause, tried hard to control herself from breaking down.
"I am just disappointed that you always lie to me. All this time, all you have to do is telling me and I will still fucking supporting you even if we were legally married." Tears were pooling at the edge of her eyes but Seungwan have her dignity. She had it enough.
"I thought all this years, you already open up to me. I thought it was okay to follow your father's willed because I believe my feelings for you will worn out one day. But how wrong I was." Seungwan smile as she took off the ring that stays on her finger for years.
"I fall to deep already Joohyun without me even knowing it and I am really sorry for myself." A tear escape from Seungwan's eyes. It can't be help. She lost it.
"I don't want this Joohyun. I swear I don't intent to fall for you but I did and I hate it!" Seungwan confess before her throwing her ring at their yard.
"Now please move away so I can save my last dignity." With that, Seungwan walk away not before bumping at Joohyun who immediately fall down on the ground after she heard all Seungwan's confession. She can hear the SUV drove away at the cold night. She can hear J ask her if she was alright. Even J himself was shock that Joohyun was actually a married woman.
"The ring." Joohyun mumbles before she crawls and starts to look for Seungwan's ring in the dark. It's midnight by the way.
"Joohyun please stop. You won't find anything in the dark. We will look for it tomorrow." J tried to pull Joohyun up. There is no way they will find it. But the latter just shook his hand off and continue to crawl.
"NO J I have to find it." Joohyun said as she keep looking.
"Joohyun-"
"Please, Please J, she is all I have." Joohyun cried but quickly wipe her tears and keep looking for the ring like a mad woman. J can only shake his head but finally agree helping his girlfriend. It was dawn before finally J felt something round and cold under his finger tips. He found it. And Seungwan didn't lie when she said Joohyun and her were married because that small bold name that can be clearly seen behind the ring was Joohyun's name. He look at Joohyun who is still crawling and search for the ring while whipping her tears. She has been crying all night long silently.
"I found it." J said cause Joohyun stood up and run clumsily and took the ring from her boyfriend. She gave it a light brush to clean the ring from the dirt before she hold it tight, close to her chest.
"Seungwan. I am sorry. I am sorry." Tears start to pour again from Joohyun's eyes. There is nothing J can do but give a comforting hug for her.
X
Chanyeol stretch and took a deep breath. Oh what a good morning to start. But soon his morning were ruined by a corpse at his yard.
"What the funk!" Chanyeol jump and hold his heart. He was hiding behind his curtain and took a peek at the corpse that now is moving a bit because of the noise he made.
"Gosh don't tell me I'm over sleep because this day is apocalypse day." He mumble before he took a peek again and gasp.
"Seungwan!"
X
"I knew it! She is cheating behind you!" Chanyeol is fuming, pacing back and forth with his flamboyant baby blue gown with purple trousers underneath. Seungwan at the other hand already changing to more comfy pair of cloth that her best friend provide, oversize t-shirt and golden trousers. In the past, it had her and Chanyeol fight for the color choosing, but now, even if Chanyeol gave Seungwan pink metallic pajama, Seungwan will wore it without making a fuse. That's how Chanyeol know how fucked up this problem is.
"And how dare she bring that bas**rd to your house! Ah, this witch!" He finally stop pacing around and sat down beside Seungwan who hugging her knee tight.
"Chanyeol-ah." Seungwan whisper. She knew she just making a fuss that shouldn't happen. If Joohyun finally fine someone she love, Seungwan will be happy to support her even if it wasn't her. She already knew that from the start. She knew that they will never be together but in her little heart, her innocent lovely heart, she still hope her and Joohyun will happen. Someday. Oneday.
"Yes Wan-ah?"
"It's hurt. Please make it stop." In instant Seungwan got herself buried on Chanyeol's board shoulder as she cried hard. She never knew that broken heart will be this hurt. Of all people, she is choosing Joohyun as her first love.
"Oh Seungwan. There, there."
X
"What are you doing here?" Chanyeol cross his bulky arms and glare at Joohyun who look down at her feet and play with her hand. It's been 3days since that incident and Seungwan never went back home.
"I-I am looking for- "
"Just go Joohyun, what are you looking for is not here."
"But I saw her car-"
"You are not welcome here." Chanyeol cut her again and gave her his deadly's glare but she didn't waver a bit.
"Chanyeol Please." Joohyun look up with pleading eyes.
"Joohyun, please, please I beg you. Let her go. She had enough. What more do you want?" Chanyeol lower his guard by uncrossing his arms and look at Joohyun like he is having enough. He really did like Joohyun for being a good friend. Not just Him but Seungwan too. For these years, Joohyun is a sweet girl from neighborhood that everybody likes.
"Chanyeol I swear I didn't know she has feelings for me."
"Are you fucking idiot? Even dog knows she loves you. The least you could do is not lying to her. You hurt her Joohyun. You lie to her. Seungwan really despite someone who is a liar, trust me. I know. And you disrespect her by bringing your playmate at her house. How dense you are? If I were Seungwan, I already rip your hair out from your head. Kicking you out and call the police to get that guy for trespassing my place. I will even files divorce paper in hours. Or maybe Seungwan should divorce with you for long time ago but no. That's Seungwan for you. She never gets the love she wants since she is an orphan like me. She mature faster from her actual age. Because of that, as she grow up, she become selfless. She put everybody's happiness before her. She doesn't want people to felt out of love like she does. That idiot. She just an idiot who fell in love with wrong person. So please go. You ruin your chance already." Chanyeol finish and slam the front door in front of Joohyun.
"Chanyeol, Please I have to see her." Behind the door Joohyun keep banging her fist, not even giving up. Jo Chanyeol can only sigh in frustration and scratch his head. He turned around and met Seungwan who is standing at the end of the stairs looking trouble.
"Nope. No. Don't even try to think about it. I won't let you meet her."Seungwan bite her lips as she willingly follows her friend who is pulling her inside the guess room. She lay down at the king size bed before she can feel her forehead getting cold from a wet towel.
"Your fever is still there and it's getting worst, please rest more duh." Chanyeol pout as he stroke her hair.
"You know what, maybe I should date you back there." Seungwan said as she bats her eyelash toward her best friend.
"well honey, you actually a good catch but I am as straight as baton." both laugh at Chanyeol's remark.
X
"Joohyun."
"Joohyun."
"Babe." Joohyun feel someone cares her hand cause her snap out from daydream and look at the interlude of her daydream.
"You spacing out again." J sigh but still give Joohyun a loving stare. Joohyun didn't even react to J. She shift her head and look down at her unoccupied hand, where Seungwan's ring snug between her finger, beside her own wedding ring. She never wear it since her wedding but somehow after this mess, she never intend to let it off from her finger anymore.
"J, I- " Joohyun pause. After that fateful night Joohyun told everything to J from where she knows Seungwan, her father's will and the marriage. She apologize to J for not saying anything before they were a thing because she herself not sure where their relationship would go.
"You love her don't you?" Joohyun quickly look up at J who still give understanding smile.
"I- I don't know." Joohyun sound uncertain. Well she is. She is confused as hell. Did she really love Seungwan? J is a good guy. He treats her well. He cares for her. He loves her. Joohyun remember she once told Seungwan that she will not fall in love again and that just made her realize how fool she was. Eating her own words.
"You are. You just don't realize it. It was there for a long time." Was it?
"You fall for her from the start but you are just too busy with yourself so you don't realize it. You feel comfortable toward her, to comfortable to use her as you like." J stop as he let his words sink into her before he continue.
"Joohyun, I love you and I still do. But the thing is, you don't love me back like you love Seungwan and I understand if you want us back to be friends." Joohyun snap her head toward J who smile understanding at her. That assuring smile.
"Now tell me start from her cooking skill." And Joohyun keep going on and on for that.
x
'God. I don't believe if you exist. I don't blame if you are actually not exist. Seungwan used to say if I were in trouble, all I have to do is take a deep breath, believe in myself and pray for you. I did what she told, the breathing and motivate myself but never pray for you. I once ask Santa to gave me a green wand but he gave me the purple wand instead. I was crying hard that day at the department store. And if Santa can't gain my wish when I was 3, could you? I know that Santa was fake when I was 13 but still, I can trust you now right? God. I miss Seungwan dearly. I miss her so much and it's hurt for me not to see her around let alone her own house. I should be shame for treating her badly for years. I swear to you God, I don't know. I really didn't know she has feelings for me. She hide it really well. All I know she was so gentle and not a pushy person. I like how she treat me, as a family and she respect me. She is the whole thing that i should grateful for being exsist in my life. I even thinking of matchmaking her with another hot hunk at my company. I don't know if I love her the way she loves me. So please I beg you please show me. If you really did exist, please let me understand my love for her God. I mean it. If I really love her, the same way she did, and if you make me to see her just even once, I will promise you that I will be hers, forever. I can trust you that you will make my wish come true right?'
Joohyun open her eyes and look at the cross that is hanging high inside the front building. She has to trust. She let Seungwan down by destroying Seungwan's trust to her. So with her head held high, she walk out from the church and walk back to her house. Right. Seungwan, with Chanyeol's help, he told Joohyun that this house will be hers after the divorce paper being sign by her. But of course she didn't sign that dumb paper so legally she is still Seungwan's wife so that's mean it still Seungwan's house. She just taking care of it. She kept it spotless so when Seungwan come back she can praise her for being a good wife who is taking a good care of their home. So when she arrive at home she found Seungwan packing her clothes but stop in the middle of it because she was caught red handed by Joohyun.
"S-Seungwan." Joohyun stood there speechless and looking at the woman she missed, stood there, in a flesh, still frozen. It's been months and for the first time they see each other again for so long. Joohyun look at Seungwan's future, her jaw line is finer and she looks healthy but skinnier that the last time she saw her.
"I-I am sorry for trespassing. I will just get my cloth and – and I – " The breath practically leaves Seungwan when she got her bone crushes hug from Joohyun who is griping her like a vice, not intending of letting her go in the mean time.
X
Now they are seating at the living room. Nothing has change really. The place still looks the same except for the couch.
"I am sorry for not informing you that I buy a new couch. It just that, it will remind me of something." Joohyun quickly blurt out when she know Seungwan notice her favorite couch is gone. Seungwan can only hum and make a small squeak that she didn't mind a bit.
"H-How have you been Joohyun?"Seungwan feel like she shouldn't have come at the first place because she didn't know that Joohyun will be back so quick. She already make sure that all she need was 15 minutes to snuck in and get her things that Chanyeol forget to get and leave in peace forever.
"I-I am good. Did you took care of yourself well? You, you getting thinner." Joohyun said, looking at her with concern. She really, really want to reach Seungwan's jawline and stroke it like the way she use to because she like the contour and she like it when Seungwan flush because of her teasing the younger but she hold back.
"I-I manage so far didn't I?" Seungwan gave an awkward laugh to ease the tension but to her luck, Joohyun didn't even laugh at her lame attempt.
"You send me a divorce file." Joohyun state cause Seungwan let herself stiff more.
"O-Oh that. I already sign it so there is not a problem right?" Seungwan notice Joohyun stood up and walk toward the study room before she went out again with a file in her hand.
"This one right?" Joohyun pull the document out from the file and show it to Seungwan. Seungwan can help but let her heart sank as she look at the bold latter at the front page. 'it's okay Seungwan-ah, I will be over soon and you will find yourself again' Seungwan said in her mind but the next action from Joohyun cause her eyes went wide. Joohyun is tearing the document in to pieces in front of Seungwan and throw it at her back. She didn't even care the mess she made because all her focus now is Seungwan.
"I pray to God this morning." She pause just to see Seungwan stare at her in disbelief. "I pray to God just to grand my wish to see you even just once and I didn't know he will grand this selfish wish this fast." Joohyun chuckle and wipe her tears that now flow freely.
"Seungwan, I don't know what to feel about your confession that day. Until today, I still didn't know how to deal about it. I am a straight woman who like guy, a man. And then you confess and my mind is spinning since that day." Joohyun sniffs and smile a bit.
"I am sorry." Seungwan utter but Joohyun shakes her head.
"But now you are here in flesh, it means something right?"
"Joohyun-" Joohyun grab Seungwan's hand and hold it tight.
"I want you to give me a chance. To gives us a chance once more."
"Joohyun."
"Please Seungwan. One chance is all I beg for you. Let us makes this work okay? Let me pay what I have been missing."Seungwan can see the determine in Joohyun's burning eyes. Seungwan look away and sigh.
"Joohyun you don't have too. I'm okay with us being friends and-" Seungwan never finish her word because Joohyun is now crushing her mouth to the younger and pour her all cause Seungwan slowly melt into that kisses. After sometime, Joohyun slowly pull away and look at Seungwan who is still closing her eyes, tries to savor everything that just happen now.
"I will learn to love you. They said I might fall for you already but I'm still so stupid to even realize it. I really didn't see it coming. I will learn to understand my love for you so I need your help for that." Joohyun press their foreheads as she stare at Seungwan's eyes that show uncertain feelings. She can tell that Seungwan is insecure and she didn't blame her for that.
"I need you Seungwan-ah. I need you." She lean in to gives couple pecks again as she started too addicted to this lips on hers.
"I won't blow it up this time. I promise."
FIN
Or not?