Author's note: I wrote and rewrote Chapter 11's ending many times, so not sure which version you have read. It won't hurt to revisit it if you care. Also, chapter 12 is really two chapters in one, so settle down, pull up the throw, maybe grab popcorn or tea before you start :)
Her stomach grumbled and he suggested that they order take out. She freed herself from the hug and sat up. "You should grab something for yourself." Pointing to the clock she said, "It's too late for me. I could use some tea. Don't mind fruit either."
Lacking the motivation to cook dinner, he mentioned that he would skip dinner too. Getting to his feet, he left for the kitchen to put together a snack plate.
Se Ri lurched out of bed and hurried to the bathroom. Pouting, she finger-combed her rouge curls, in an attempt to tame them, when his allusion to her as a siren came to mind. Her fingers stilled as she took in her image in the mirror and the beginnings of an impish smile tugged at her lips. Casting a glance to check if he'd returned, she worked on the tangles and bunched up her hair to tie into a bun. She twisted her neck from one side to another, tucking away the wisps of hair that fell over her neck.
"Is that a test for me or for you?" she heard him from behind and jumped at his sudden presence.
From the mirror's reflection, she caught him leaning against the door, with his hands folded, while his eyes stayed fixed over the shoulder where her shirt had slid down to reveal her nape.
"I don't know what you are talking about," she said dropping her gaze, and pumped moisturizer to smooth over her hands, all the while curbing a smile that pushed against her lips.
"I thought you said you needed some time." His eyebrows shot up at her with an inquiry, while he drew a mocking smile.
"You weren't listening." She titled her head to one side. "I said I needed more time." She caught his eyes again in the mirror.
"Is there a difference?" His face scrunched with confusion.
"Absolutely!" She nodded smiling.
"Well," his lips twisted with a smirk. "Let me just tell you that I'm not playing this game." He straightened and stepped towards her.
Her mouth formed a small pout in disappointment.
"You see winning is about losing in this game," he said leaning in with his hands propped against the countertop on her either side, caging her body. "If it's easier to lose without playing, then why play at all?" His voice dropped to a teasing whisper, his breath warm against her ears.
Their vicinity brought a burning awareness to the parts of her that could almost brush against him if he moved a dash closer. She didn't look away admiring the ways of the assured man poised in the background, basking in his bold defiance to not indulge her, and yet, deceptively play along. His coiffed swept-back hair made him look tad bit older than the soldier she'd met two years ago. She found herself contemplating if it was the self-assurance that came with age, or if his newfound freedom to pursue her that exonerated him from the guilt he'd mentioned in his messages, to unapologetically tantalize her.
"Too bad!" She managed a scoff. "Nae namja (my man) isn't into delayed gratification." Her voice shook caught in the vortex of the desire she saw in his eyes and yet strained to come across unaffected.
He raised a challenging brow at her. "Who said you can't have your cake..." As he inches near, she felt his exhale rake a heat over the curve of her neck. "And eat it too?" he ended and she heard his voice reach her from a distance, as her mind faltered to register anything but the impelling touch of his lips on her nape.
Instinctively, she took in a deep breath and her eyes closed, while she nervously resisted the jolt from the warmth that pooled inside. Her feet stumbled, even as she sensed him step back, the start of the realization that he'd given her a taste of what she intended to test him for, tickling her bones.
About to lose her step, her hands raised to grapple for support and rounded over the drawer handle. As she fell back on him, the drawer jerked open from the pull and its contents came into view, the thud of metal against wood, catching her attention.
Just like that, the humor of the moment disappeared as her smile faded. "A gun?" she mumbled, pressing a hand to her mouth and flipped her head to catch his face crinkle with concern.
*****
"Is this what you want me to say yes to, Ri Jyeong Hyuk'sshi?" Her voice broke from the dark mass of anxiety that shook her.
With his back to the wall, he was silent for a while; his eyes closed unable to face her. "I wanted a day without having to explain myself," he let out, the hidden exasperation showing in his voice. "Moreover, I didn't want to ruin your birthday, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore."
Shaking his head, he strode out of the bathroom and went to sit by the couch. His thoughtfulness failed to appeal to her when she didn't know the price it came with.
"I suppose there are many more of those things in the other rooms as well?" She followed him out. He nodded vaguely.
Slumping into the far end of the couch from where he sat and turned in his direction. "Did you have to make this choice when it involved living in fear?"
"Maybe I don't have to watch my back." He sounded sullen and reclined his head back, closing his eyes. "I don't know yet. And if it makes a difference, I didn't have a choice."
"This won't do." She declared annoyed and seized his phone on the coffee table. "I'm calling Ju Mok. Perhaps he could be a little less cryptic."
"It doesn't work like that." He grabbed the phone back from her clasp. "I send him a message and he will call me whenever he can get on a secure connection," he explained with a tinge of frustration lacing his tone.
Her eyes narrowed and she drew in a sharp breath when he wouldn't offer much in the way of an explanation. After a second she got up to leave the couch when she felt his hand over her wrist.
"Give me the benefit of doubt, will you?" He tipped his head back to look up at her. "I will tell you all there is to know and then you can judge if I made the right call," he said gently tugging her arm and gestured her to take a seat next to him with his eyes.
Acceding to his ask, she settled next to him and folded her feet.
He bent over the armrest to retrieve a throw from a nearby basket and covered her bare legs. Handing the cup of tea she'd asked for, "Here drink this and clam down," he said, sounding pleased with her effort to listen to him.
Pursing her lips, she practiced nonchalance to not fall for his courtly manners.
"I told you I had a Hyung, remember?" he began wistfully. "He died in an accident, while on duty. But before he joined the military, he played the piano too." He pulled out his phone and retrieved a video. "This was us." He showed her a clip of him and his brother playing a Four hands piece on the piano.
Unable to hold back her eagerness, leaving the cup on the table, she adjusted to move her legs to one side and rested against him. Her eyes traveled back and forth between him and the video. "You both look alike," she announced with a mild surprise. "I know," he responded with a laugh, entertained by her reaction to what she knew must be an old fact to his ears.
The duo was adept despite their youthful age in the home video, and she felt particularly drawn to the sprightly younger one who animatedly played to show off to the older sibling.
"Abonim's position demanded that at least one of us serve in the forces and Hyung willingly gave up the piano when others considered that I had above average skills." With a rueful smile, he extended his arm behind her and watched the clip for a wink. "At that point in my life, it was the most anyone had done for me, not counting my parents."
"I'm sorry about your Hyung," she placed a hand over his chest, sincere in her avowal, realizing she'd never expressed her condolence. He nodded placing an acknowledging kiss on her forehead.
"Hyung's accident had too many unanswered questions and at that time I didn't know Cho Choel Gang was behind it." He sighed. "The man was the hub of many illegal activities: drug trafficking, grave robbing, sheltering international criminals, anything to earn foreign currency and Hyung had collected evidence of the crimes to indict him. So Cho Choel Gang got Hyung killed and covered it up as an accident."
Unawares, she bunched his shirt at the mention of his loss and his thumb brushed her hand until she eased her clutch.
"Obviously, when it came to his attention that I was pursuing the trail of other similar accidents, I became his target." He continued without the trace of hurt that was present in his voice while he spoke of his brother. "With me in his cross-wires, you just happened to get caught in it."
She nestled her head onto his shoulder. "I handed him the much-needed arsenal to bury not just me, but Abonim too when he got whiff of me sheltering you. With that, he joined hands with others who were behind Abonim's position."
His hand smoothed her hair of its own accord. "After you left, Manbok Dongmu came clear of his involvement in my brother's accident. Remember the watch that you gifted me for Christmas?" he met her gaze and she smiled caught in nostalgia.
"It was the watch I had gifted Hyung with the prize money I had won from a contest." Her mouth rounded in disbelief at that revelation. "Who would have thought?" she exclaimed, with a hand over her mouth.
"It turns out, Manbok had taken it to the pawnshop after the accident, from where you bought it for me. Life indeed came full circle eh?" He scoffed. "Hyung hid an SD card inside the watch which brought to light some incriminating evidence that helped me take Cho Choel Gang to trial. Of course, you know what transpired after Cho Choel Gang escaped while en route to prison."
Closing her eyes, she buried her face in the crook of his shoulder, waiting for the onslaught of memories from the time he spent in Seoul. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her.
"What none of us knew then, was that Cho Choel Gang was working with the Military general who wanted to bring you back to Pyongyang to implicate all of us." He exhaled aloud. "There was no going back after I crossed the DMZ. There had been many eyes on us after all. With the pictures that Cho Choel Gang sent over to the Military general, his death couldn't be the end of it all."
In contrast to her usual self, she embraced silence, afraid that her statements would interrupt his flow of thought and instead opted to convey her participation with an occasional, "Umm..."
"Upon our hand-off," he started and picked her cup to take a sip of the now cold tea. "The Military General intercepted us on our way to Pyongyang. Abonim stepped in to save me and the others, which only exposed him more - as someone using his power to cover for his son.
It was only a matter of someone catching up to us. All we could do was wait for them to move their piece. But it also meant we had to be ready to play their game too."
Following a reprieve, he began again clearing his throat. "Information was key. I needed access to keep an eye on those who were in-turn watching us. I joined the CMC, as my uncle's aide. I positioned Ju Mok and Eun Dong in the cyber unit; Pyo Chi Soo and Gwang Beum were part of the ground intelligence team to be my eyes and ears."
When he didn't speak for a while, she lifted her head up to see him holding the bridge of his nose, as if lost in thought. "Ri Jyeong Hyuk'sshi..." she prompted, sounding anxious.
He stirred, with a brief shake of his head to allay her concerns. "With all those measures in place, I was tired of being vigilant," he sounded glum. "Tired of keeping tabs on people who would mention Abonim in any of their messages. When I saw no escape from that life, I didn't bear any optimism that we'll meet again," he said touching her arm. Her eyes were suddenly moist with tears, questioning the veracity of that moment they were facing each other.
"So though I knew you were writing to me, I couldn't dare make promises or give you hope and chose to refrain from writing back altogether."
With a catch showing in his voice, he rose to his feet and ambled towards the window.
"Omonim eventually got Abonim to realize that living in fear of losing was not living at all." He was quiet again for a bit. "Abonim decided to give up his position, but staying in the country was no longer an option either when anyone could use me, or my missteps, as leverage to get to him.
We slowly started to move our funds to a foreign account. The valuables and memorabilia were shipped out. We set up a safe house and an exit path to leave the country."
A pink flush stole into her cheeks, unable to process the embarrassment she felt from listening to the complexities he was dealing with while she'd written him petty complaints about not hearing from him.
"It turned out we were right to have anticipated a threat," he said tucking his hands into his pockets. "The son of the Military General, who was executed by Abonim, got me framed for an assassination attempt against the Chinese general I was working with for an international summit. For the initial investigation, I was held at a federal detention center in Macau." He was calm and matter of fact.
Just as she swiped at the tears that brimmed over, he pivoted to study her response. Though he eyed the riot of emotions on her face, he stayed put, determined to carry on with the recounting.
"My parents managed to get out of the country," he stated.
"Where are they now?" Sitting up, she rushed with her query.
"They are safe," he nodded to assure her. "I'm not comfortable with you knowing their whereabouts yet. Maybe in due time."
"What happened after you were taken to the detention center?"
"It was all Ju Mok and the team," he raised his hand in the general direction of the phone. "They found proof that I was being set-up over personal vengeance and mailed it to Chinese intelligence. Sadly, none of that mattered when there was a standing extradition request from NK to China."
He slowly began to pace. "Further, it was a stalemate when clearing my name of the assassination charges with the Chinese officials, also meant exposing to the state department that I had resources who were loyal to a fault - people who would betray their country to favor an individual. No one with as much access would live to see another day if they stepped foot into the regime again."
Burying her face into her hands, she cried failing to grasp the fight that Gwang Beum, Pyo Chi Soo, Eun Dong, and Ju Mok must have undertaken for his survival.
"There is no easy way to do this, Yoon Se Ri," she heard the urging in his voice that she steel herself. Momentarily, she was thankful that he didn't have any carping remarks when she'd asked for it to begin with.
As she stood wobbling, with her leg having gone numb, her knee bumped into the table. Plopping down onto the couch, she winced and the next instant, he was by her side.
"Where were you off to?" he asked and she pointed to the bed with a snivel pulling on her chest. Drawing her into his arms, he crossed the distance to the bed and lay her down and covered her with the quilt tousled by her feet.
"Gumavao'yo (Thank you) Ri Jyeong Hyuk'sshi," she replied choked up. "For staying alive and living through the things that don't even belong in nightmares."
Without a word, he held her gaze recognizing the agony she was under, which she knew paled in comparison to his own.
"How long were you in the detention center? she finally prodded to get to the end of it.
"For two days or so," he spoke sounding unsure. "And then I was moved to another decrepit holding cell that was likely outside Macau for eight months. I didn't know where it was located. Or why."
"Eight months?" she stammered slipping to register the timeline of the grim period in his life.
"Interestingly, neither did Ju Mok or the team know where I was or if I was alive at all. Though they managed to solve the puzzle of who or why I was set-up there was nothing more they could do. Apparently, they only came to know later that an extradition request would still have to be honored, even if the Chinese officials dropped their charges against me. As a last resort, they sent the same proof to Mr. Kim, the SK NIS official who handled our NK transfer, hoping he could help. Of course, when they didn't receive any acknowledgment from him, they believed it was the end of the road for me."
Even as his hand atop the quilt rubbed her knee, she bawled as the tender gesture was more a reminder of her unforgiving helplessness. "I don't know if I'll find a deed or a word that could heal even a sliver of the scars you carry."
"I'm fine," he said appearing collected. Instead of placating her, the consolation lit up the latent fury that she harbored for the ready lie he ever proferred.
"I wish you hadn't said that Ri Jyeong Hyuk'sshi," she snapped. "I will take anything but those two words from you."
"Things did get better," he countered. "In a strange turn of events, the Chinese didn't hand me over to the NK officials, claiming that they wanted to pursue their end of the investigation. The team didn't hear any chatter about me."
"Then how are you here?" She asked not discerning how that could be good news.
"I wasn't privy to the happenings until Gu Seung Jun came to see me some four months ago." He tipped his chin toward her in assent noticing that her forehead creased with confusion. "I suppose there is some truth to your claim that it was destiny to cross paths with him. But my destiny more so than yours," he clarified in an attempt to collect a smile from her and failed. "He came to my rescue far too many times than I can ever thank him for."
"I don't understand..." her words trailed off incapable of piecing together Gu Seung Jun's part in his road to freedom. Or was he really free? she asked herself.
"Mr. Kim couldn't directly involve himself given the politics in play. But he did take Gu Seung Jun's unofficial help to use the dirt the NIS already had on some high-ranking Chinese officials. With that, they stalled the extradition first," he breathed a sigh of relief as if he was reliving the day. "Then, I'm told that it was a long series of negotiations involving a boatload of money to bribe their way to keep me in prison until they could find a permanent solution."
He fell back on the bed, the back of his hand placed slack over his forehead. The soles of her feet brushed the side of his torso and she lugged them towards her. "I wasn't aware of their efforts until month eight of being locked up," he spoke with his eyes closed. "There were no windows in the cell and I was beginning to lose count of time and perhaps, even my lucidness when the weight of living the same day in repetition was getting to me. It was then that Gu Seung Jun showed up and to me, that was nothing short of a miracle."
He was silent for a long painful moment and she drifted to his side. In a loss for words, lacing her fingers with his free hand, she patted him by his shoulder, while mute tears streamed down her cheek. Thrusting himself forward, he was upright, continuing to hold her hand.
"Gu Seung Jun told me that they had hit a wall," he said wiping her tears, his voice steady again. "That the Chinese officials wouldn't be able to hold off handing me over any longer," he said taking a deep breath. "As a last resort, I asked them to proceed with the only option I could think of then."
Her brows arched with a question, to which he stretched around her to open the bedside drawer and fetched his wallet. Removing the driver's license from it, he handed it to her.
Though it clearly had his picture, the name didn't read Ri Jyeong Hyuk. Rather it belonged to a David Lee.
"Gu Seung Jun had impressive connections and for the rest, he threw money to procure whatever was the need of the hour. He helped to fake my own death," he sounded distant as if he was still far from the reality in which he didn't exist.
"In the meantime, I also asked him to contact my old Dean - the one who left this place some time ago," he added to help her recall. "With the dean's help, I was able to seek asylum and get immigrant status. Now you know why Gu Seung Jun could reach me," he said, a note of firmness in his voice and she understood he was alluding to her initial censure. "If not for that man and of course the others too, I wouldn't be sitting next to you."
"I didn't mean to-" she started only to be cut off by him. "There was never any intention to keep you from the truth, but it is a hard one to face it all," he said tucking back a strand that had come loose from her bun.
"As for the others," he persisted to clarify. "To establish that the state department dropped inquiries to do with my death, I had to get loose-lipped and let Ju Mok and the team know that I was alive." Again, he spoke in a deliberate voice to drive the message home. "Otherwise, they had no idea I was still on the face of the earth. After my access to the offshore funds came through a month ago, I bought this place and a few other things, albeit only to begin a tentative life. I wanted to ascertain that no one was watching you before I could show myself to you."
There was no debate left in her. Inclining her head to one side, she nodded wanting to accept that he'd secluded himself keeping her best interests in mind.
"Pyo Chi Soo and Gwang Beum took care of the Military General's son, but there is no saying how many more would come out of the woodwork," his forehead crunched showcasing the tremble she felt in his clasp too. "Abonim's position as the Director-General also meant he was acquainted with many state and party secrets. If someone is still behind me or Abonim, and if they still had questions about my death or Abonim's disappearance and if they had the same access as me and persistent enough to dig into the details, it could potentially guide them to you. I know that it's a long shot, but I cannot risk putting you in danger."
The alarm in his voice rang clear for the first time. "If money could buy me a new life, then the same money could lead others from my past to this one too. Funnily, life had other plans as well. Your last note from yesterday was enough to pull me out of the shadows."
His hand curved over her neck, his thumb grazing the wetness on her cheek. "When I look back, I'm sure that it had to be something beyond luck that brought me here. But I cannot always count on it to be on my side. It's possible that I'm overcautious or even paranoid, however, I cannot afford regrets, Yoon Se Ri." Closing his eyes, as if in prayer, he ended, "Not with you."
Letting go of her, he drew in a sharp breath and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "Your quote from Pablo Neruda holds good for me: to live as those dark things between the shadow and the soul," he claimed, holding a brief sardonic smile. "I take it you already figured our relationship cannot make the papers. I cannot be photographed with you. I cannot share the limelight with you. For the time being, this is the only life I can have. Well, that is if all other factors around me remain constant," he declared with vehemence.
Arranging the quilt around her, he met her gaze with an earnestness that belied his anguish. "While still in this flux, I cannot promise you anything more than a home to come back to if and when you feel like it."
Taking a deep steadying breath, he was back on his feet again. "I will understand if I had misled you in any way or if this is not what you wished for," he spoke with a visible resignation, placing a hand on her cheek.
The deference in his words plucked a raw ire onto her face. Really? She huffed out her annoyance. Strangely, it reminded her of the past exchange at Gu Seung Jun's guest house when he didn't fight to hold onto her. Having lived a lifetime around men who wanted to control her and the decisions she made, Ri Jyeong Hyuk was one who ever honored the choices she made for herself. The dignity he conferred was novel for her. His words both inviting and yet unfettered left her disoriented, as to how she was to react to him. Tired to the bone, she couldn't tell if she should be miffed that he would question her affections that were just as absolute his; or pleased that he would never take her for granted and always allow her to choose.
Finally, once he readied to leave over her silence, she stalled him by curling her fingers over his. "Sleep here," she suggested. "This bed is big enough for you, me and Mr. David Lee, without it having to get awkward," she added with mock derision unable to let go of him, or the mild umbrage that tugged her insides over the little things concerning him that she was still undecided about.
Her gibe amused him. After switching off the lights, he took the opposite end from where she lay.
As she waited for sleep to find her, she was troubled by a desperate urge to turn around and hug him. For a while, she cried spilling silent tears onto the pillow. In reality, she held no anger or judgment that he shielded her from his woes, but the same reason bothered her that he would resort to doing so again if needed. There we no way for her to comprehend the hell he'd lived through. The reckoning felt impenetrable as if she wouldn't be able to reach him through the wall of pain he experienced. Beyond everything, she didn't know if her love could offer succor to someone who would endure such torment to be with her.
When the bleakness felt endless, a sob escaped her throat. In response, his weight shifted nigh and she felt his hand smooth over her upper arm in long comforting strokes.
"Sleep now Yoon Se Ri," he paused sounding weary. "You can continue being mad at me after you wake up."
He would be her undoing, she thought to herself giving in. Turning around, she sought refuge in his arms and sensed the relief that streamed through his body, as she tucked herself inside his hold.
"You can count on it," she breathed against his chest and felt his lips stretch into a smile over her forehead.
As the clock ticked away, the sleep that evaded her for long found her, once she was certain that he had yielded to slumber too, in the infinite surrender of their tangled beings.
*****
Author's note: Well, I hope all your questions were answered :) Thank you for persisting through the long chapter! As always vote up and write me a note if you liked the chapter.